I am so sick of grown women wasting my eyesight and time. Damm if you paranoid dont sign up for a datng app

[IntBrowser]

I been matching with a couple of people due to attraction and then I suggest taking to the phone after about a hour of chatting and hear "oh I am not ready to give out my number"

If someone is crazy then block them.    Why is that so damm hard?     All this paranoid crap.      When I am home I only want to hear your VOICE or see you next to me.     I am not going to have electronic communication all evening.     The same way if I meet someone in the street and you exchanges numbers not emails lol     Starting today, if she is hesitant to talk on the phone after an hour of chatting I am gone

[balletomane]

Why are you insisting on phone calls? Just ask them out on dates. An hour of chatting is enough to know if you'd like to see them in person, surely, and what would a phone call tell you that messaging can't? I feel awkward talking on the phone with people I don't know and if a man on a dating site suggested doing that I'd feel like it was a job interview.

[IntBrowser]

3 minutes ago, balletomane said:

Why are you insisting on phone calls? Just ask them out on dates. An hour of chatting is enough to know if you'd like to see them in person, surely, and what would a phone call tell you that messaging can't? I feel awkward talking on the phone with people I don't know and if a man on a dating site suggested doing that I'd feel like it was a job interview.

Because I dont set up dates through typing and want to make sure someone is real and not playing games.     Do you think I am going to go and meet someone based on electronic communication?    That's asking to be stood up and look like a fool

[Gaeta]

I have a male friend who's also very tired of these games. He's tired of texting to then be forgotten about. From now on after exchaging a few messages he asks to talk on the phone. 

Offer these women to call you and they can block their number. 

I personally have no paranoia and give my number without worry. In Canada we cannot be located with a mobile number, if they don't stop calling I block them. 

So, if you're in a country where all info are available just with a cellular number then offer them to call you and they can block their number. 

Edited February 14, 2022 by Gaeta

[balletomane]

How does speaking on the phone guarantee you won't be stood up?

Most people I know (including myself when I was using OLD) arrange dates through the app. I think adding extra hoops to jump through like phone calls just makes it more likely that you'll lose momentum. But to each their own.

 

[poppyfields]

Do the phone

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

I been matching with a couple of people due to attraction and then I suggest taking to the phone after about a hour of chatting and hear "oh I am not ready to give out my number"

@IntBrowserwhy not message a bit so they can get a certain "sense" of you and what you're about and thus feel more comfortable giving you their phone number?  There are A LOT of kooks out there, and folks can find out a whole lot about a person (at least in the U.S. I don't know where you live) from a phone number, even a mobile number.  Where they live, their job even their family!

What's the rush?

I am wondering if you read my recent thread. My "guy" and I messaged for about 3 weeks, after which I got a good sense of him, and felt comfortable giving him my phone number.

We talked on phone Friday evening and had a fantastic conversation and met last night, and had an even better time in person!

Please don't take offense but you sound rigid.  Learn to be more flexible and try to not impose such rigid standards as "if she is hesitant to talk on the phone after an hour of chatting I am gone."

How do you expect to connect with any woman with that type of attitude?

Just sayin...

 

 

[dramafreezone]

 

1 hour ago, balletomane said:

How does speaking on the phone guarantee you won't be stood up?

Most people I know (including myself when I was using OLD) arrange dates through the app. I think adding extra hoops to jump through like phone calls just makes it more likely that you'll lose momentum. But to each their own.

 

I'd say for me someone that gives me their phone number doesn't want to waste their time or mine, and is serious about making a date happen.  To me it suggests a stronger investment in the process.   I'll give an instance of why a phone number may be important, what if I'm running late for the first date?  What If she's running late?  Oh wait, we don't even have each other's number to communicate this very basic thing. 

I think this idea of not giving the phone number out may be a newer generation thing.  I have never run into this issue fortunately (maybe I look non-threatening?), so I guess I can't really speak from experience on how I would react but I think I would just move on. 

[Lotsgoingon]

There is nothing wrong with women not giving their phone numbers out. That's actually safe. 

I met all kinds of people based only on online exchanges. We agree to meet at X place at X time. And they showed up. I showed up. 

It's pretty good practice to withhold your personal # until after you meet someone and can confirm they are not serial killers. There are a lot of troubled guys out there (sorry to be so blunt about my own group). 

Set up a meetup with the person. And go meet them. Talking on the phone doesn't give you all that much information. It's sorta like texting, you might THINK it gives you a ton of information, but until you see a live person in front of you, you're likely imagining all kinds of things based on their voice. 

Bottom line: these women are following smart practice. You do know that sexual assault and harassment are huge dangers for women. You do know that, right? That's why even the first date needs to be at a public place with lots of other people around. And btw: this practice protects you as well. 

[basil67]

6 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I been matching with a couple of people due to attraction and then I suggest taking to the phone after about a hour of chatting and hear "oh I am not ready to give out my number"

If someone is crazy then block them.    Why is that so damm hard?     All this paranoid crap.      When I am home I only want to hear your VOICE or see you next to me.     I am not going to have electronic communication all evening.     The same way if I meet someone in the street and you exchanges numbers not emails lol     Starting today, if she is hesitant to talk on the phone after an hour of chatting I am gone

KIndly, I think you need a break from dating.  You sound fed up and exhausted and this is not a mindset which will garner success in dating.

[chillii]

When l saw eyesight in the topic l just had to look haha.

But on the numbers op , women have to be careful. An hr over the internet in one night is still only internet, you could be anything. Back in the day l tried online some women wanted to go straight away to the phone, but others preferred some back and forth a few nights first and fair enough , everyone's different. But yeah you do sound like you need a good break and relax.

Edited February 15, 2022 by chillii

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

KIndly, I think you need a break from dating.  You sound fed up and exhausted and this is not a mindset which will garner success in dating.

This. 

It's always a thread complaining about women and never really getting anywhere, OP. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

, if she is hesitant to talk on the phone after an hour of chatting I am gone

Why not curtail the chitchat and suggest meeting in person?

[mark clemson]

From everything I read here and on Reddit, there certainly seem to be dysfunctional people out there on dating apps, as well as sex workers and social media types "farming" leads. So, plenty of time wasting of one sort or another that you unfortunately must roll with/get past to find the better folks.

My thought would be to try to arrange a "coffee date" or if evenings are the only time available have a backup activity in case it falls through. That way it's not quite such a big deal + one incident of being "stood up" tells you all you need to know.

I think your view WRT not meeting in person may actually parallel the "not give my number" view of the women you mention. In both cases a certain level of trust/"intimacy" must be reached before you are comfortable meeting in person AND CONVERSELY before they are comfortable giving their number to you. It's not an easy situation, but the above suggestions are "workarounds" that may help somewhat.

Edited February 15, 2022 by mark clemson

[SumGuy]

19 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I been matching with a couple of people due to attraction and then I suggest taking to the phone after about a hour of chatting and hear "oh I am not ready to give out my number"

If someone is crazy then block them.    Why is that so damm hard?     All this paranoid crap.      When I am home I only want to hear your VOICE or see you next to me.     I am not going to have electronic communication all evening.     The same way if I meet someone in the street and you exchanges numbers not emails lol     Starting today, if she is hesitant to talk on the phone after an hour of chatting I am gone

Fair enough you do you and she'll do here.

Paranoid or cautious?  Guess it depends on how often she gets guys who get stalky or clingy or all bent out of shape if she says no.  It really only takes one bad expereince before people change how freely they give out such info.

If you think all you need to do is block and all is good you are not paying attention.  As have said here before, with your number I (just a person who is not even trained in this stuff) can likely find out (for free) where you live and have lived, it's almost guaranteed if know roughly where you have lived and/or first name and even better if know your age.  That's often enough to get your last name, from there (especially if have a photo) may well be able to find where you work and have worked.  All this for free, all this in less than an hour.  Unless of course if you are some hacker, or use pre-paid phones, etc. basically the kinds of precautions those involved in a criminal enterprise may take.

So heck yah I counsel my daughters not to give their number out readily, you may as well give them your address and where you work.

I wouldn't call it paranoid but smart and cautious.

I suspect one could use Zoom etc. to talk just as well with better privacy, and you get to seem them too.  Or better yet, just meet in person.

[JRabbit]

Not many like using the phone these days. You're probably not going to fair too well moving forward being so demanding about someone you don't even know.

[vla1120]

22 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

"oh I am not ready to give out my number"

If someone is crazy then block them. 

Because, if someone gives out their number, you can do a search on that phone number and find out their address and other personal information. So, no. I don't give out my phone number because if someone is crazy, blocking them may not be enough - especially if they know my home address.

[Ami1uwant]

22 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I been matching with a couple of people due to attraction and then I suggest taking to the phone after about a hour of chatting and hear "oh I am not ready to give out my number"

If someone is crazy then block them.    Why is that so damm hard?     All this paranoid crap.      When I am home I only want to hear your VOICE or see you next to me.     I am not going to have electronic communication all evening.     The same way if I meet someone in the street and you exchanges numbers not emails lol     Starting today, if she is hesitant to talk on the phone after an hour of chatting I am gone

 

you are doing nothing wrong.  It coukd be in your approach.

 

my process has been after communicating online for a bit. Then I mention about talking.  It coukd be on the phone or an online video chat.

 

then if conversation flows and the call is about 45 minutes or so I ask about meeting in person.

 

I think I usually do in arlingto communication is ask if they have experience meeting from online. People who have not tend to be like this.

[dramafreezone]

21 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

There is nothing wrong with women not giving their phone numbers out. That's actually safe. 

I met all kinds of people based only on online exchanges. We agree to meet at X place at X time. And they showed up. I showed up. 

It's pretty good practice to withhold your personal # until after you meet someone and can confirm they are not serial killers. There are a lot of troubled guys out there (sorry to be so blunt about my own group). 

 

Most "crazy" people that turn into stalkers are men that are in current or former relationships.  So if you want to avoid dangerous people, avoid dating the guys you actually like.

Quote

 

Women are most likely to be stalked by a current or former intimate partner during the relationship, after it ends, or at both points in time.

 

 

 

https://mainweb-v.musc.edu/vawprevention/research/stalking.shtml

So this idea that guys that turn into obsessed weirdos are mostly people you barely know isn't supported by fact.  For the most part it's the ones that women have decided are not "serial killers."

All of this suggests that we really don't have good enough judgment to determine who's crazy and who's not.  Might as well date freely, looking for the good in everyone as opposed to trying to avoid the worst possible outcome.

Edited February 16, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Tullyseptember]

I think some women would be put off by talking only for an hour.  It might put up a red flag because of past experiences. 

Either way, to talk or not talk doesn't mean a connection will happen.  I tried this once, talking on the phone after only messaging for about an hour and the conversation was really fun.  We both had so much to say and share. We met in person and I wasn't his type, I suppose physically!

 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Might as well date freely, looking for the good in everyone as opposed to trying to avoid the worst possible outcome.

That would be ideal, but that's not the world that many of us women were raised in. 

Whether or not facts support that comes after the instinct most of us have to protect ourselves first and err on the side of caution by not giving out our numbers to men we have never met. 

[balletomane]

8 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Most "crazy" people that turn into stalkers are men that are in current or former relationships.  So if you want to avoid dangerous people, avoid dating the guys you actually like.

https://mainweb-v.musc.edu/vawprevention/research/stalking.shtml

So this idea that guys that turn into obsessed weirdos are mostly people you barely know isn't supported by fact.  For the most part it's the ones that women have decided are not "serial killers."

All of this suggests that we really don't have good enough judgment to determine who's crazy and who's not.  Might as well date freely, looking for the good in everyone as opposed to trying to avoid the worst possible outcome.

This doesn't logically follow. It's like all those people who say, "More people die from a peanut allergy than from a shark attack." A lot more people eat peanuts than get in the water with sharks, so it's hardly comparing like with like. Arguably the reason why current/former partners are more likely to become stalkers is because they have the means to do it - they know where the woman lives, they know her routine. If women regularly handed out that info to strangers, which we don't, the stats might change.

[elaine567]

Could it be that the online chat you are having with these women is not good enough for them to consider giving you their number.  Maybe less about paranoia and more about lack of curiosity to get to know you better. If you are not piquing their interest  in the time you have alloted to them, then they will not want to give you their number. No-one wants the awkwardness of being on the phone with someone they do not feel a connection with. You need to be able to time it right.

Try to stop making up rigid  rules and try to think on your feet. Stop clock watching and instead assess the actual quality of the interaction before suggesting a phone call.

[chillii]

15 hours ago, JRabbit said:

Not many like using the phone these days. You're probably not going to fair too well moving forward being so demanding about someone you don't even know.

Is that right , why wouldn't they like using the phone l wonder , not even when they're ready l mean ?

Ahwell , it was no problem at all in my world we usually preferred it actually.

Edited February 16, 2022 by chillii

[ASG]

1 hour ago, chillii said:

Is that right , why wouldn't they like using the phone l wonder , not even when they're ready l mean ?

Ahwell , it was no problem at all in my world we usually preferred it actually.

I very rarely talk on the phone with anyone that isn't my family. 

 

I certainly would not want to talk on the phone with a stranger I'd been chatting to for AN HOUR. 

I don't necessarily have a problem giving out my number, but I'm 100% not having a phone call with a stranger. I'd rather meet in person. 

[katung44]

Depends on your individual definition of paranoid. Not all of us are on the same mental and emotional wavelengths. Sometimes you just have make allowances for some people's peculiar differences. One's meat maybe the next man's poison. But when you look at it from a common objective standpoint, it need not be so. All that might be needed is some open-minded appreciation of another person's view of issues without shooting them in the head outright. Try and stop for a moment and take a good hard second look at the other person's point of view and you might discover that they've not broken any laws of men or nature