My Date Ditched Me! What Can I do?

[chillii]

So it was true then , classic, sorry.

l think we can call this case closed haha.

[Alpacalia]

38 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Alpaca, off topic but what type of Yoga do you do?  You know I'm big on Yoga, don't you?  I teach classes now even,

Yoga saved my life! 

Yes, Yoga is great!

I love how you can be doing it forever and it still gets harder as you go.

Oh that's great that you teach. How long have you been doing it for?

I do Hatha, Vinyasa and occasionally Ashtanga which I find pretty hard.

I also just started PiYo classes.

28 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Are you still attracted to him though?  I imagine you were since you had two dates with him and seemed quite bummed about this whole situation, at first believing it was your fault for taking too long.

For me, I cannot be friends with a man I am attracted to (which involves more than simply finding him physically attractive) but if you can or if you're no longer attracted, and he's up for it which he may not be assuming HE is attracted to you, then he might make a good friend.

But there's quite a bit to overcome, but you could ask him.

I recall asking a man I dated briefly and broke up to be friends and his response was "no thanks, I have enough friends."  

So much for that!

Hmm.

Good question.

I'm not sure.

Attractive as I may be to someone, once I am hurt, a wall appears, and I find it hard to push through it. What ends up happening is I just recoil.

Nonetheless, I consider us to have only had one date, the second was a complete flop. My emotional investment usually isn't very high after just a couple dates. It has been that way for the most part.

The two of us aren't going to spend time together as if we were best buddies, merely acquaintances? From my perspective, it is likely that it will just fizzle out anyway. Men are not generally keen on just being friends. Like you mention.

Edited February 16, 2022 by Alpaca

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

How long have you been doing it for?

Since late last year when they opened a brand new studio two blocks from my home in Cali!

It's a very part time job, I basically fill in for the regular instructors.

But I may do it full time eventually, it pays really well!

I have so many pans in the fire right now though, frankly I don't know what I will end up doing!

 

[Alpacalia]

36 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Since late last year when they opened a brand new studio two blocks from my home in Cali!

It's a very part time job, I basically fill in for the regular instructors.

But I may do it full time eventually, it pays really well!

I have so many pans in the fire right now though, frankly I don't know what I will end up doing!

 

That's fantastic! What aspect of Yoga do you enjoy the most?

During the summer, there is a Yoga instructor who does Yoga in the park near me.

She's a certified Yoga instructor who used to teach in a studio, but after many studios closed due to the pandemic, she started her own side business doing Yoga in the park with the help of a town permit.

It started with just a few Yogis, but it quickly grew in popularity because so many people enjoyed it.

It's the cat's pyjamas when it's nice outside.

Except when a posse of crows tried to eat a baby bird that had fallen from the nest. I had no choice but to go over and shoo away those filthy poultry.

 

[Alpacalia]

10 hours ago, serial muse said:

(I'll add that while reading through the whole thread, before I got to the part about his explanation, I felt like you were being way too hard on yourself! Yes, your date's time is valuable and you could have just pushed by that woman and I guess in retrospect that would have been the thing to do. But hindsight is 20/20, and in the moment I'm sure that was SO WEIRD and someone is first propositioning and then crying at you and and ...well, I would have been seriously bewildered about how to best extract myself from all of that bizarreness too. Plus you weren't even gone that long.)

I think what you've got here is a hilarious bad date story to tell people in the future, but not really a match for the ages. 

Agree.

And THANK YOU.

[SingFish]

13 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Are you still attracted to him though?

I think this is a big one when someone has a medical condition, it takes time to adjust and accept. Also for me, I find I would be more attracted to someone who looks younger! Attraction's a weird thing I think.

[Beachead]

@Alpaca

That's going to be a story to remember.

I didn't read this whole thread but from what I did read, the problem has been solved.  You both understand it was a sequence of unfortunate events.   It's good you both were chill enough to be okay with it.

On 2/15/2022 at 12:29 PM, Alpaca said:

Thanks for the replies everyone!

So, it seems our date was simply a misfortune, to say the least.

He eventually returned my call this morning. I thought I wasn’t going to hear back from him at all since the date was this past weekend, and considering my part in everything, I was rather surprised.

I thought I was going to get chewed out but he said he felt terribly bad, but he should tell me something.

He said he never went to the restroom, but left because of heartburn and profuse, well, burping...

There is a medical condition (which I rather not post about), but his pain was unbearable, so he rushed out and left.

I would have never guessed.

He wants to make it up to me but I’m wondering, is that the real reason why he left?

Of course, I'm just glad he made it home safely. When nature calls, I guess you have to do what you have to do!!

Somehow, I don't think he'd choose to lie about gas.  

But trusting him is up to you.  You guys decide where you go from here.   If you like him, give it another try. 

- Beach

 

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, Beachead said:

@Alpaca

That's going to be a story to remember.

I didn't read this whole thread but from what I did read, the problem has been solved.  You both understand it was a sequence of unfortunate events.   It's good you both were chill enough to be okay with it.

Somehow, I don't think he'd choose to lie about gas.  

But trusting him is up to you.  You guys decide where you go from here.   If you like him, give it another try. 

- Beach

 

Thanks!

I know. 

But, it has been solved for the most part. Like you said.

I can't imagine fibbing about having gas. 

Especially for a man to say that to a woman, not exactly sexy to hear.

 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Thanks!

I know. 

But, it has been solved for the most part. Like you said. I can't imagine fibbing about having gas. Especially for a man to say that to a woman, not exactly sexy to hear.

Who knows? Maybe he has IBD. At any rate be kind friendly at yoga class but otherwise doesn't he seem ready willing or able to date right now. 

[Timshel]

On 2/16/2022 at 11:39 AM, Ami1uwant said:

Was your date her husband?

This seems the most logical explanation.

You both excuse yourselves to the loo and you are 'randomly' approached while exiting for a threesome. When the 'wife' starts crying and you make your way back to the table the 'husband' has disappeared.

No replies to your explanation for days and when you get one, it's farfetched. There is no reason to not respond for days. They may have thought you were on to them, but alas.

It's a straight line. Of course this all could be a calamity of events but usually the truth is simple.

[Alpacalia]

6 minutes ago, Timshel said:

This seems the most logical explanation.

You both excuse yourselves to the loo and you are 'randomly' approached while exiting for a threesome. When the 'wife' starts crying and you make your way back to the table the 'husband' has disappeared.

No replies to your explanation for days and when you get one, it's farfetched. There is no reason to not respond for days. They may have thought you were on to them, but alas.

It's a straight line. Of course this all could be a calamity of events but usually the truth is simple.

That would be horrible if that were the case.

It was only two days I think that he didn't call me back.

But still.

[Timshel]

13 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

That would be horrible if that were the case.

It was only two days I think that he didn't call me back.

But still.

I know. The pieces of the puzzle fit though. The good news is that online we could all be wrong.

Best.

[poppyfields]

22 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

It was only two days I think that he didn't call me back.

Alpaca, no decent man would have (1) left you there with the bill with no ride home, (2) waited two days to return your call.

As @serial musesaid earlier, he had the wherewithal to call you a few times while at the restaurant, which proves he did not have to rush out as he claimed.  It was a conscious decision to leave you there to pay the bill and fetch your own ride home and a very rude and disrespectful decision at that.

As if that weren't bad enough, he waited two whole days to return your call.   A decent man would have called you back or texted immediately and explained.

None of this is jiving and the more I think about what @Timshelposted, the more I think it might very possibly be true.

[Alpacalia]

38 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Alpaca, no decent man would have (1) left you there with the bill with no ride home, (2) waited two days to return your call.

As @serial musesaid earlier, he had the wherewithal to call you a few times while at the restaurant, which proves he did not have to rush out as he claimed.  It was a conscious decision to leave you there to pay the bill and fetch your own ride home and a very rude and disrespectful decision at that.

As if that weren't bad enough, he waited two whole days to return your call.   A decent man would have called you back or texted immediately and explained.

None of this is jiving and the more I think about what @Timshelposted, the more I think it might very possibly be true.

As I previously stated, he was in the midst of a medical problem.

At this point, it really doesn't matter.

[Alpacalia]

Sorry if that came across as abrupt; I just don't think the thing about him having a woman (that woman being his wife) approach me to propose a threesome is the most likely scenario.

Besides, I saw her at the table with her husband while I was looking for my date.

It's just I rather not share what he told me word for word (with the exception of his "gassy burping" lol) because it feels like it's his personal health background, but I agree @poppyfieldshe handled it poorly.

I also could have been more considerate with getting back to my date after I went to the loo in retrospect.

Edited February 17, 2022 by Alpaca

[Timshel]

24 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Besides, I saw her at the table with her husband while I was looking for my date.

 

Well that throws my theory out the window.

Only a garden variety flake then, good luck Alpaca.

[Uruktopi]

Alpaca,

IMO, the conspirative alternative, though not an imposible one, don´t seem too probable.

Yes, it all draw an unfortunate set of events.

Even so, I would be as cautious about the man as you seem to be, at least as a date prospect.

In a lighthearted view that the years (about 30) allow, my first intent of dating after the end of my first marriage was also funny.

By then (said years ago) and by then recently (less than a year) I was trying to learn to be a "single father" of three girls having full care of them (their mother was no more available).

In the very begining of was supossed to become a romantic dinner I was called to rush home with my three girls all suddenly with varicella, fever and crying for daddy.

Oh well...the lady took it gently but never accepted anorther date with me.

 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Uruktopi said:

Alpaca,

IMO, the conspirative alternative, though not an imposible one, don´t seem too probable.

Yes, it all draw an unfortunate set of events.

Even so, I would be as cautious about the man as you seem to be, at least as a date prospect.

In a lighthearted view that the years (about 30) allow, my first intent of dating after the end of my first marriage was also funny.

By then (said years ago) and by then recently (less than a year) I was trying to learn to be a "single father" of three girls having full care of them (their mother was no more available).

In the very begining of was supossed to become a romantic dinner I was called to rush home with my three girls all suddenly with varicella, fever and crying for daddy.

Oh well...the lady took it gently but never accepted anorther date with me.

 

Thanks Uroktopi!

Sorry to hear about your romantic dinner.

But, you did the right thing.

Your children come first.

2 hours ago, Timshel said:

Well that throws my theory out the window.

Only a garden variety flake then, good luck Alpaca.

Ah, well, I appreciate it nonetheless.

[Ami1uwant]

22 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Alpaca, no decent man would have (1) left you there with the bill with no ride home, (2) waited two days to return your call.

As @serial musesaid earlier, he had the wherewithal to call you a few times while at the restaurant, which proves he did not have to rush out as he claimed.  It was a conscious decision to leave you there to pay the bill and fetch your own ride home and a very rude and disrespectful decision at that.

As if that weren't bad enough, he waited two whole days to return your call.   A decent man would have called you back or texted immediately and explained.

None of this is jiving and the more I think about what @Timshelposted, the more I think it might very possibly be true.

I brought it up…muse quoted me.

 

it smells like that.  It’s too unusual to not be so unless the place thry went to is a known swingers/ threesome hangout.

[Alpacalia]

3 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

I brought it up…muse quoted me.

 

it smells like that.  It’s too unusual to not be so unless the place thry went to is a known swingers/ threesome hangout.

No worries.

It appeared to be a pretty standard restaurant.

I wouldn't go there if I knew it was a swingers hotspot.

Still, I won't be going back there anytime soon.

 

 

[aloneagain63]

you can tell from the time on his texts how long you spent talking to this woman.  At least from the time he started texting.   We could assume he would wait 10? minutes after he made it back from his bar trip.

 

As far as being approached for a 3 some.   My ex sis in law couldn't go out dancing without couples coming on to her.  She was very much not interested but guys would send their dates, mates or whatever over to see if she was interested.   I hear women talk about it after being approached so it isn't that rare

[Alpacalia]

Thanks @aloneagain63. I probably should have done that (checked the time stamp).

Yeah, I guess that happens (people approaching for that sort of thing). 

He was a Yoga class the other day.

He asked if I would like to do something sometime, but I declined. Said if I change my mind, he will make sure to take me with him if he feels under the weather again. I was like, mmmm, is that right?

It's amusing, but I appreciate the fact that we're at least on friendly terms after our little snafu-ski.

[Lisa]

This thread has had musings about threesomes removed as they are off topic, and the thread has now been closed as the issue is resolved to @Alpaca's satisfaction