My Date Ditched Me! What Can I do?

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, FMW said:

I don't know what I think of his explanation.  Hmm.  

If it's true, why didn't he either leave you a voicemail message, or text you with an explanation instead of just calling a few times and hanging up when you didn't answer.  And then waiting for a few days before reaching out again, even after you left messages for him.  

Probably unfair of me, but I probably would just move along.  

That's what I'm thinking.

In his defense, I knew he had a medical condition before we went on our dates (I say "dates" loosely, lol) but I had no idea it was that severe to the point where that's why he had to leave right in the middle like that without at least a voicemail or text.

I asked why didn't you just call me the next day? And he said he was still feeling really unwell and was just embarrassed by the whole thing.

I do recall during one of our classes in Yoga him dashing out a couple times so it's certainly plausible.

He brought cute little flowers to our Yoga class today but didn't stay for the entire class because he said he still wasn't feeling 100%.

Everything else seems good so far. Only one engagement and a couple LTR's (like me) so we have that in common and he's told me about his last relationship and I don't really see any red flags there so that makes me feel a bit more at ease. I mean, if it had been the other way around and I had to dash out for a health emergency I would hope the guy would be a little understanding.

I'm a pretty good judge of character, my first two boyfriends were really good guys, my ex-fiance not so much, but that was only after we were together for a couple years that it went sideways. But even before that, he did SO much for me like in our first two weeks of dating I accidentally crashed his car on an ice patch (that he lent me while mine was in the shop for repairs) and he would leave for work early in the morning and night every day to take me to work until my car was fixed. I always try to remember those little things that mean the most.

Still, I'm not 100% certain I want to go out with this guy again. Not because I don't like him, I'm just a bit taken back by the turn of events.

Maybe I'll just continue to see him in class and maybe we can go for coffee afterwards but I'm not going to invest too much more just yet.

[NuevoYorko]

Now's your chance to best him with a flamboyant gastrointestinal excuse of your own.

[Alpacalia]

Just now, NuevoYorko said:

Now's your chance to best him with a flamboyant gastrointestinal excuse of your own.

No...I can't do that just yet...at least not for a few more months.  

[chillii]

8 hours ago, Haydn said:

Wow, the depth this thread has gone.  A quick trip to the bogs to relieve oneself.... Leads to

Being accosted by a woman.

Bloke leaves after 20 minutes. Due to being about to explode.

Although bravely tries to call.

Missed calls follow, although probably only heavy burping would have been heard.

The 'Is she right, or is he wrong' debate

There is a Hallmark movie here somewhere.

I reckon you should try again with him Alpaca.

 

 

 

Haaaa, just another thread on LS.

Although l'm disappointed he hasn't become the axe murdering narc psychopath yet myself.   Anyway if it comes about again give it one more try op of you like him enough, never know, although my partner being very superstitious would've just said no it;s not meant to be.

 

 

 

 

[Alpacalia]

16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Was this a first date? He may have thought you simply left. 

Sorry, WM2, I just noticed your comment.

For some reason, it was delayed. 

I was hoping you'd chime in because I tend to really like your advice 98.229% of the time.

Should I x-nay, in your opinion?

Edited February 16, 2022 by Alpaca

[Alpacalia]

34 minutes ago, chillii said:

 

Haaaa, just another thread on LS.

Although l'm disappointed he hasn't become the axe murdering narc psychopath yet myself.   Anyway if it comes about again give it one more try op of you like him enough, never know, although my partner being very superstitious would've just said no it;s not meant to be.

 

 

 

 

Thank you.

I'm not sure he would make for a very good axe murderer.

I would hear him a mile away! 

It's not so much a matter if I like him enough at this point, I'm just, feeling a bit deflated after the whole incident.

Maybe it really is best just to stick to a low-key date venue for the first few dates (and stick to bland foods).

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Sorry, WM2, I just noticed your comment.

For some reason, it was delayed. 

I was hoping you'd chime in because I tend to really like your advice 98.229% of the time.

Should I x-nay, in your opinion?

I would just stay friends. It got off to a bad start. It was rude to leave you there without a ride home and stick you with the bill. While waiting and trying to call you may have been frustrating, it seems like he left out of annoyance and used the medical issue to cover that. He couldn't tell the waiter or leave a note?

[Haydn]

6 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Thank you.

I'm not sure he would make for a very good axe murderer.

I would hear him a mile away! 

It's not so much a matter if I like him enough at this point, I'm just, feeling a bit deflated after the whole incident.

Maybe it really is best just to stick to a low-key date venue for the first few dates (and stick to bland foods).

Not as deflated as him....

Probably burped and farted his way home.

Take him for a curry a good vindaloo will clear him out.

But seriously though, poor bloke took a bit of a hammering from certain quarters here.

A lot of pedantic, fussy stuff. 

Dates are meant to be a laugh and sometimes things can go horribly but comically wrong.

You two would have a story to tell. 

'How did you two meet?'

'Oh Geoff, nearly died as he burped and choked on his Lobster, later leading to a rather amusing flatulence encore'

Good luck and thanks.

 

[chillii]

7 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Thank you.

I'm not sure he would make for a very good axe murderer.

I would hear him a mile away! 

It's not so much a matter if I like him enough at this point, I'm just, feeling a bit deflated after the whole incident.

Maybe it really is best just to stick to a low-key date venue for the first few dates (and stick to bland foods).

Noooooo , don't feel deflated , it happened how it happened just a bit of a thing , they happen, it doesn't matter now. Def try low key places though it's just way more suitable. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

[serial muse]

I gotta say - I'm not sure his explanation entirely makes sense to me.

On the plus side, you've observed him actually dashing out of yoga class. But on the negative side, he had to rush out of the restaurant so quickly that he stiffed you with the bill, but at the same time, had the werewithal to actually text/call you a bunch of times? But left no message? And then, if he really felt it was on him, he couldn't even text/leave a VM a bit later saying sorry? Meh.

This feels a bit like backtracking to me - like maybe he left in a huff thinking you'd ditched, and then decided after getting your VM that he'd made a mistake and came up with this explanation.

I don't know, of course...it's all speculation. But sounds like maybe a lot of unnecessary drama.

(I'll add that while reading through the whole thread, before I got to the part about his explanation, I felt like you were being way too hard on yourself! Yes, your date's time is valuable and you could have just pushed by that woman and I guess in retrospect that would have been the thing to do. But hindsight is 20/20, and in the moment I'm sure that was SO WEIRD and someone is first propositioning and then crying at you and and ...well, I would have been seriously bewildered about how to best extract myself from all of that bizarreness too. Plus you weren't even gone that long.)

I think what you've got here is a hilarious bad date story to tell people in the future, but not really a match for the ages. 

Edited February 16, 2022 by serial muse

[Ami1uwant]

On 2/14/2022 at 8:16 AM, Alpaca said:

Need some help navigating this...

On my date the other night, I had an "unusual" experience.

I was returning to my table from the restroom and a woman approached me. She seemed friendly and outgoing so I chatted with her for a bit, but then she went on to ask me a slew of questions. I'm pretty bubbly when people approach me in social settings so I thought she was just being friendly and was chatting with back and forth, but when I excused myself to return to my date, she kind of blocked my path and got really up close and personal, so I tried to go around her. Then it gets weird... She started to cry! 

I asked if everything was okay?

At this point, I was starting to feel a wee bit uneasy with her, but I was also trying to be nice because I had no bleeping idea what the hell was going on and felt bad that she seemed upset.

Her husband had asked that she approach me to see if I would be interested in participating in a "group activity," (to put it mildly...).

Now I'm thinking "WTH@!?" I said that I was not interested in getting jiggy with her and her husband, but she insisted that she didn't want to approach me in the first place, but that her husband was pressuring her to do so.

I talked to her for about ten minutes before she revealed why she approached me, and I talked to her for several minutes after she started crying because I didn't want to just leave her there crying.

When I returned to my date's table, he was no longer there. I took out my phone to call him, and I also noticed that he had called me several times while I was on vibrate.

In one sense, I'm disappointed that he left, but on the other hand, I took longer than expected and he attempted to contact me. I'm also perplexed as to why he didn't just come looking for me. How disappointed would you be if your date just left you there?

Then the following day my sister texted me to say she was at a Superbowl party and that one of her male friends (who she describes as a "really good guy,") had seen my Facebook profile and was "in love with me." I had the impression they were all a little tipsy, and I thought that was a little excessive, but she wanted to know if he could contact me. Because I was in the middle of studying for school, I told her I'd let her know. I'm still upset about my date.

Is it preferable to wait for my date to call me back? I'd like to apologize for taking so long to return from the restroom and explain what happened.

Another thing that I am concerned with is that my sister has basically been estranged for several months and I’ve only heard from her once in a blue moon after having tried many times to connect with her. She’s in the process of divorce and has been pretty much been in what looks to be “party mode” so I’m not too sure her judgment is all the best at this point. Like is she just going around showing random men at parties my Facebook profile? She did say he's a "really good guy" but I'm thinking "hmmm....if he's such a great guy why aren't YOU going out with him!" 

Was your date her husband?

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, serial muse said:

But on the negative side, he had to rush out of the restaurant so quickly that he stiffed you with the bill, but at the same time, had the werewithal to actually text/call you a bunch of times?

What an excellent point!  

Alpaca, apologies but disregard my previous post about him feeling like he might be having a heart attack or panic attack.  

I agree with Wiseman too.

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It was rude to leave you there without a ride home and stick you with the bill. While waiting and trying to call you may have been frustrating, it seems like he left out of annoyance and used the medical issue to cover that. He couldn't tell the waiter or leave a note? 

 

 

[Gaeta]

I'm on @Wiseman2 side here!

Did you even eat yet? If he has some gastrointestinal illness they usually act up while or after eating. He could have handled this situation in so many other ways! And too embarrassed to call or text! Nah. Not buying it.

[Alvi]

I don't know if he was even truthful with you. Something about his explanation and him ignoring you for a few days  doesn't sounds right. And if he is a totally a 100% truthful with you, that means that he handled things in a worst possible way.

Let's say he was truthful with you. Then it is not him medical condition that I would worry about, it's how he handles things is the problem. A lot of people have this or that, God knows, I have a medical condition myself, so I would never judge anybody based on their illness. The thing is that many people are handling their health issues somehow in a better manner. He is not handling it well at all. Running away is not the answer. And that what he does, he runs away without any explanation and leaves a lady wondering what she did wrong. On top of that he leaves her stuck with an unpaid bill and ignores her phone calls for a few days.

What do you envision dating him would be like? First date is when people are usually at their very best behavior. If this is his best, what is he like at his very worst? Him  running away in a middle of a sex act without any explanation. You coming out of shower and seeing his car speeding off. Him ditching you in a middle of a nowhere and making you to fend for yourself in a middle of a  road trip. You being all alone waiting for him in a movie theatre watching a movie (how long till you are going realize that he is not coming back to you from the bathroom). Never mind going out to have a bite to eat. What I am saying that if you decide to date him then expect to be ditched on a regular bases.  

I am not a doctor but maybe he needs to seek a second opinion if things are that bad for him. But I don't think it is that relevant to this discussion and this is something that is totally up to him. 

Edited February 16, 2022 by Alvi

[Allupinnit]

This might the most bizarre date story I've read in a hot minute.

You got propositioned by a teary wife for a threesome on your way back from the bathroom, he got a case of the s***s, bailed, you got back to the table to find nobody and paid the bill.  

You see that he called a few times, didn't leave a message (although I'm dying to know how that convo would have gone LOL) so you make sure to explain what happened, only to have him respond a few days later?

Is this a Seinfeld episode?

[Alpacalia]

18 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

This might the most bizarre date story I've read in a hot minute.

You got propositioned by a teary wife for a threesome on your way back from the bathroom, he got a case of the s***s, bailed, you got back to the table to find nobody and paid the bill.  

You see that he called a few times, didn't leave a message (although I'm dying to know how that convo would have gone LOL) so you make sure to explain what happened, only to have him respond a few days later?

Is this a Seinfeld episode?

Tee-hee.

I was feeling bad again for a bit, but this (and Haydn's response), I'm in stitches.

Thanks everyone!

Lots to think about just want to let it marinate for a bit.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Alvi said:

I don't know if he was even truthful with you. Something about his explanation and him ignoring you for a few days  doesn't sounds right. And if he is a totally a 100% truthful with you, that means that he handled things in a worst possible way.

Let's say he was truthful with you. Then it is not him medical condition that I would worry about, it's how he handles things is the problem. A lot of people have this or that, God knows, I have a medical condition myself, so I would never judge anybody based on their illness. The thing is that many people are handling their health issues somehow in a better manner. He is not handling it well at all. Running away is not the answer. And that what he does, he runs away without any explanation and leaves a lady wondering what she did wrong. On top of that he leaves her stuck with an unpaid bill and ignores her phone calls for a few days.

What do you envision dating him would be like? First date is when people are usually at their very best behavior. If this is his best, what is he like at his very worst? Him  running away in a middle of a sex act without any explanation. You coming out of shower and seeing his car speeding off. Him ditching you in a middle of a nowhere and making you to fend for yourself in a middle of a  road trip. You being all alone waiting for him in a movie theatre watching a movie (how long till you are going realize that he is not coming back to you from the bathroom). Never mind going out to have a bite to eat. What I am saying that if you decide to date him then expect to be ditched on a regular bases.  

I am not a doctor but maybe he needs to seek a second opinion if things are that bad for him. But I don't think it is that relevant to this discussion and this is something that is totally up to him. 

This is what sticks out for me the most, Alvi.

I feel this is really the heart of it.

Thank you!

[AngryGromit]

On 2/16/2022 at 4:29 AM, Alpaca said:

There is a medical condition (which I rather not post about), but his pain was unbearable, so he rushed out and left.

He wants to make it up to me but I’m wondering, is that the real reason why he left?

Of course, I'm just glad he made it home safely. When nature calls, I guess you have to do what you have to do!!

So it's quicker to drive home to take care of business then to just go to the rest room? 

[ ] 

Edited February 16, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
doesn't address first post

[Alpacalia]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

I would just stay friends. It got off to a bad start. It was rude to leave you there without a ride home and stick you with the bill. While waiting and trying to call you may have been frustrating, it seems like he left out of annoyance and used the medical issue to cover that. He couldn't tell the waiter or leave a note?

I think that's what I'm going to do (stay friends).

A note on the table or telling the waiter would have really made me feel so much better.

Thank you!

[Gaeta]

52 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

I think that's what I'm going to do (stay friends).

 

Why would you stay friends with someone like that?

[chillii]

This one's cracking me up, it's had a work over that's for sure. And he takes a few days to get back to you and this is the excuse he dreams up . The visions, actually l don't wanna think about em.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

I think that's what I'm going to do (stay friends).

A note on the table or telling the waiter would have really made me feel so much better.

Thank you!

His questionable behaviour aside, is he happy with being friendzoned?  I would imagine that most people on dating apps aren't there to collect friends.

[Alpacalia]

37 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Why would you stay friends with someone like that?

Because I have to see him in Yoga class, I don't want there to be any awkwardness.

Plus, I think he's done a pretty decent job of apologizing.

Of course, I haven't posted every detail of our communication word for word but I can pretty much say that he did have a medical emergency.

He just handled it poorly.

He's paid me back for the food and the RT cab fare (even though I declined initially) but he insisted.

He's just not someone I am going to date.

 

Edited February 16, 2022 by Alpaca

[poppyfields]

Alpaca, off topic but what type of Yoga do you do?  You know I'm big on Yoga, don't you?  I teach classes now even,

Yoga saved my life! 

[poppyfields]

53 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Because I have to see him in Yoga class, I don't want there to be any awkwardness.

Plus, I think he's done a pretty decent job of apologizing.

Of course, I haven't posted every detail of our communication word for word but I can pretty much say that he did have a medical emergency.

He just handled it poorly.

He's paid me back for the food and the RT cab fare (even though I declined initially) but he insisted.

He's just not someone I am going to date.

 

Are you still attracted to him though?  I imagine you were since you had two dates with him and seemed quite bummed about this whole situation, at first believing it was your fault for taking too long.

For me, I cannot be friends with a man I am attracted to (which involves more than simply finding him physically attractive) but if you can or if you're no longer attracted, and he's up for it which he may not be assuming HE is attracted to you, then he might make a good friend.

But there's quite a bit to overcome, but you could ask him.

I recall asking a man I dated briefly and broke up with to be friends and his response was "no thanks, I have enough friends."  

So much for that!

Edited February 16, 2022 by poppyfields