My Date Ditched Me! What Can I do?

February 15, 2022

It’s funny that people are judging based on their own rule book as if that is the “right one”. He left for reasons that were right to him, and that may be different than what others would have done. It doesn’t matter. Accept that he had valid reasons to leave in his own mind, and you had reasons to stay and talk to that woman for reasons that are valid to you. Both are fine.

February 15, 2022

49 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

If he calls back...

If he does call back, it would be nice to hear his thoughts, feelings, observations, etc. We have all been speculating what went through his mind, it would be great to actually hear his side of it.

Would you be willing to share that, if he does call you back??

February 15, 2022

l would've left . She says it was 15 to 20mins so it was probably closer to 20. That's more than plenty of time and with not even answering my calls , it'd look like total disrespect and that she'd done a runner. l sure wouldn't be sticking around any longer.

As for the bill , could've left a few bucks l suppose but with disrespect like that l sure wouldn't be paying it all. l mean we know what happened, but he didn't.

Edited February 15, 2022 by chillii

February 15, 2022

6 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Sitting for ten minutes doing nothing seems long but he was at the bar getting drinks, there were others to socialize with, music to listen to, so it's a bit different.

I think you're being too hard on yourself Alpaca.

A confident, reasonable person would not have assumed they were being ditched and left, sticking you with the entire tab after only 10-15 minutes.

I might understand 45 minutes or an hour, but gosh 10 minutes? I have waited that long for a stall to open up when at a crowded club or restaurant.

Combined with a refresh of lipstick, it could easily be 10-15 or even longer.

This guy sounds incredible insecure and needy; personally I think you dodged a bullet.

Indeed, good points.

The bathroom was rather short. A nice woman let me go first so I just went in, washed my hands, brushed my hair and patted on a bit of the gloss and left.

8 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I think you're being too hard on yourself Alpaca.

Thanks.

I'm trying not to...

Imagining if this man and I ever had a baby, he would say "press harder, sooner rather than later" if I took too long in labor.

February 15, 2022

14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

If he does call back, it would be nice to hear his thoughts, feelings, observations, etc. We have all been speculating what went through his mind, it would be great to actually hear his side of it.

Would you be willing to share that, if he does call you back??

Of course!

February 15, 2022

I honestly can't fault the guy. Yes, he left. But he actually tried calling you more than once. That means he didn't automatically assume the worst.

At the same time, @Alpaca, I empathize with you because I don't always react the "right" way when confronted by strange folks or circumstances. So I can understand how you could end up taking so long talking to a woman who might be in distress.

I don't think there's any bad guy in this situation. It's great that you called your date to try and apologize and explain. Whether or not he believes you is out of your control, but at least you did your bit to try and reassure him that you didn't just abandon him (because it must truly suck to feel like someone has done that to you, and I'm guessing someone has done that to him in the past).

You can't change what happened. But you've learned lessons from this experience that you could apply in the future. That's what matters.

February 15, 2022

22 hours ago, Alpaca said:

it took about maybe 15-20 minutes total? maybe a bit longer

Sorry this happened. Was this a first date? He may have thought you simply left.

February 15, 2022

10 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Imagining if this man and I ever had a baby, he would say "press harder, sooner rather than later" if I took too long in labor.

Or if you didn't respond to a text within his self-imposed time frame (like immediately).

What I still can't wrap my brain around Alpaca is why did he automatically assume he was being ditched? Or felt "disrespected"?

That just seems like such an over the top reaction after only 10-15 minutes. Especially if you were having a good time.

As I said earlier, you might not have been feeling well or fainted which has happened to me. Anyrhing could have happened.

I honesty think if he cared even a little, instinctively he would have made an attempt to check before just leaving.

I guess I'm in the minority; I just think an interested man would not have left like that without checking if you were okay first.

The fact he has not returned your call sort of confirms that also.

I could be wrong, just my take.

Anyway, all the best moving forward from this.

Edited February 15, 2022 by poppyfields

February 15, 2022

10 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

What I still can't wrap my brain around Alpaca is why did he automatically assume he was being ditched?

Same. Can't wait for his reply, if he ever gives one.

February 15, 2022

21 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Or if you didn't respond to a text within his self-imposed time frame (like immediately).

What I still can't wrap my brain around Alpaca is why did he automatically assume he was being ditched? Or felt "disrespected"?

That just seems like such an over the top reaction after only 10-15 minutes. Especially if you were having a good time.

As I said earlier, you might not have been feeling well or fainted which has happened to me. Anyrhing could have happened.

I honesty think if he cared even a little, instinctively he would have made an attempt to check before just leaving.

I guess I'm in the minority; I just think an interested man would not have left like that without checking if you were okay first.

The fact he has not returned your call sort of confirms that also.

I could be wrong, just my take.

Anyway, all the best moving forward from this.

He did call her multiple times but unfortunately her phone was on vibrate. So he did try to check up on her.

February 15, 2022

Thanks for the replies everyone!

So, it seems our date was simply a misfortune, to say the least.

He eventually returned my call this morning. I thought I wasn’t going to hear back from him at all since the date was this past weekend, and considering my part in everything, I was rather surprised.

I thought I was going to get chewed out but he said he felt terribly bad, but he should tell me something.

He said he never went to the restroom, but left because of heartburn and profuse, well, burping...

There is a medical condition (which I rather not post about), but his pain was unbearable, so he rushed out and left.

I would have never guessed.

He wants to make it up to me but I’m wondering, is that the real reason why he left?

Of course, I'm just glad he made it home safely. When nature calls, I guess you have to do what you have to do!!

February 15, 2022

@Alpaca I'll pile on the other side. I don't think 15-20 min is long or even 30 min is long enough to leave given the circumstances. Those circumstances being. Your date was in a restaurant with cocktails and presumably a whole menu of appetizers to choose from. If I knew you were going to the bathroom....lets just say sometime things can take a while depending on crowds and how ones lower extremities are doing.

I'd primarily be worried if you were OK not if you ditched me. I would also not be overly concerned if you did not text or call me back because if the restroom was taking some time would expect you to be on the phone during it. Also people forget to charge, have weird phone issues, reception issues all sorts of things that mean you may not get my call or text.

Now at some point would be worried enough to ask some staff to check on you, in case of medical or other emergency.

What would not do is leave without having you checked on. It comes down to a couple scenarios, (1) you ditched me...then so what stay and enjoy the drink and dinner,, what do I have to lose by staying around, (2) things are just taking a while in the restroom which means you are likely not feeling so great, so to leave is leaving you in the lurch when you are already having a bad evening, (3) some emergency happened to you so leaving without having the staff check on you is just not cool, (4) you had a personal emergency and just had to rush off...life happens, s*** happens the health or welfare of or loved ones takes priority over a date...and in true emergencies you don't have time to even text back.

So the only scenario that might suggest leaving is (1) but if it s not (1), but the others, you come off as a thin skinned cad, and certainly not any kind of stable, secure able to deal with life's s*** type adult. Heck leaving even in situation (1) to me is cutting off you nose to spite your face. You are already out, why not enjoy a drink and dinner/appetizer and stay out the length of time you had already budgeted as readily available. What does leaving do, it's not like it "shows" the other person anything if they did ditch you...It seems rather childish. If one is looking for sympathy and validation from the wide world, just being chill and explaining what happened will work far, far better for you.

Have been stood up once IIRC, and when it was clear she would not show the folks at the bar were very friendly, and even got a free drink and appetizer courtesy of the folks around me.

As to following up though, believe that would be on you to explain what happened. It's not like his leaving is super unreasonable, just not a showing of excellence.

February 15, 2022

3 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

@Alpaca I'll pile on the other side. I don't think 15-20 min is long or even 30 min is long enough to leave given the circumstances. Those circumstances being. Your date was in a restaurant with cocktails and presumably a whole menu of appetizers to choose from. If I knew you were going to the bathroom....lets just say sometime things can take a while depending on crowds and how ones lower extremities are doing.

I'd primarily be worried if you were OK not if you ditched me. I would also not be overly concerned if you did not text or call me back because if the restroom was taking some time would expect you to be on the phone during it. Also people forget to charge, have weird phone issues, reception issues all sorts of things that mean you may not get my call or text.

Now at some point would be worried enough to ask some staff to check on you, in case of medical or other emergency.

What would not do is leave without having you checked on. It comes down to a couple scenarios, (1) you ditched me...then so what stay and enjoy the drink and dinner,, what do I have to lose by staying around, (2) things are just taking a while in the restroom which means you are likely not feeling so great, so to leave is leaving you in the lurch when you are already having a bad evening, (3) some emergency happened to you so leaving without having the staff check on you is just not cool, (4) you had a personal emergency and just had to rush off...life happens, s*** happens the health or welfare of or loved ones takes priority over a date...and in true emergencies you don't have time to even text back.

So the only scenario that might suggest leaving is (1) but if it s not (1), but the others, you come off as a thin skinned cad, and certainly not any kind of stable, secure able to deal with life's s*** type adult. Heck leaving even in situation (1) to me is cutting off you nose to spite your face. You are already out, why not enjoy a drink and dinner/appetizer and stay out the length of time you had already budgeted as readily available. What does leaving do, it's not like it "shows" the other person anything if they did ditch you...It seems rather childish. If one is looking for sympathy and validation from the wide world, just being chill and explaining what happened will work far, far better for you.

Have been stood up once IIRC, and when it was clear she would not show the folks at the bar were very friendly, and even got a free drink and appetizer courtesy of the folks around me.

As to following up though, believe that would be on you to explain what happened. It's not like his leaving is super unreasonable, just not a showing of excellence.

Thank you so much, SumGuy!

It means a lot to me, and I appreciate how well you explained it.

I still believe that leaving because one thought they were being ditched is excessive if I was only gone for 10 minutes longer, but I understand that everyone values their time differently.

My annoyance would have been that you couldn't even come look for me before leaving?

What are your thoughts on his "burping" explanation, which I just posted?

I'm curious how he managed not to burp out loud at the restaurant before all of this happened if he had such bad burping.

February 15, 2022

36 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Thanks for the replies everyone!

So, it seems our date was simply a misfortune, to say the least.

He eventually returned my call this morning. I thought I wasn’t going to hear back from him at all since the date was this past weekend, and considering my part in everything, I was rather surprised.

I thought I was going to get chewed out but he said he felt terribly bad, but he should tell me something.

He said he never went to the restroom, but left because of heartburn and profuse, well, burping...

There is a medical condition (which I rather not post about), but his pain was unbearable, so he rushed out and left.

I would have never guessed.

He wants to make it up to me but I’m wondering, is that the real reason why he left?

Of course, I'm just glad he made it home safely. When nature calls, I guess you have to do what you have to do!!

Interesting turn of events. So, while you were blaming yourself and kicking yourself down, as it turns out, it had nothing to do with you at all. So many questions, so little answers in your case, lol.

While I am not saying that is telling you in untrue, anything is possible, but do you believe his explanation? Why do you think he returned your call only this morning and not right away? So he just left and could not wait for you to return from the bathroom and explain his condition. Why didn't he text you about what went on if he was too embarrassed to talk face to face or on the phone. Unless he went to a hospital, that would make some sense. Why on earth would he meet you in a restaurant or a bar and agree to order food or drinks if he has a medical condition that might interfere with him getting to know you.

Hate to ask, but are you sure he is actually single? Maybe his wife or GF called him and that's why he left so abruptly.

Oh, I don't know. People make dating a lot more confusing than it needs to be. It's not what we think, we could be totally right or totally wrong on here. What do you believe?

Edited February 15, 2022 by Alvi

February 15, 2022

22 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Thank you so much, SumGuy!

It means a lot to me, and I appreciate how well you explained it.

I still believe that leaving because one thought they were being ditched is excessive if I was only gone for 10 minutes longer, but I understand that everyone values their time differently.

My annoyance would have been that you couldn't even come look for me before leaving?

What are your thoughts on his "burping" explanation, which I just posted?

I'm curious how he managed not to burp out loud at the restaurant before all of this happened if he had such bad burping.

Thanks Alpaca It's not like I don't value my time, I do so highly. In fact it is because I value it I wouldn't leave (but also wouldn't wait to get a drink or really even an appetizer or two). I set time to go out, drinks, dinner, meet someone. I never choose a venue or to do things wouldn't mind doing alone. I'm there why not.

I feel for him if he really has such a medical issue, heck his leaving then may have had nothing to do with you.

I can't imagine he would want to continue a date if burping so and in such gastrointestinal distress. In that case would expect he would apologize with the reason before or soon after leaving; also let you know he paid for the drinks. I really don't know how such things work, but they may come upon a person quickly, perhaps stress does it, or having alcohol.

Or it could be just made up.

Either way for me, if in your position, I'd probably be open to meeting again but with eyes open, kind of a "strike" against them but more from tipping the ball than a swing and a miss if you get the baseball analogy. Life can be strange, people can have foibles...this kind of behavior is far from being determinative. I take people as the whole package warts and all. Gave up a long time ago looking for someone without warts, I have mine aplenty. Or it could be indicative of an insecure and can't do personality...two big strikes against what I was looking for.

Edited February 15, 2022 by SumGuy

February 15, 2022

17 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

I'm curious how he managed not to burp out loud at the restaurant before all of this happened if he had such bad burping.

Maybe he is on some sort of meds and they were working/stopped working??? Sounds a bit like a science fiction, doesn't it? It's like you found yourself in a parallel universe where a strange lady approaches you offering a threesome and end up having a meltdown with you consoling here. And not only that, your date ends up having a bouts of burping spells, oh, but you weren't aware of that. So he runs off without talking to you or returning your call for a day or two. Strange, don't you find. Could be just a coincidence but maybe you can use it as a funny story someday.

February 15, 2022

32 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

What are your thoughts on his "burping" explanation, which I just posted?

My question is, why not simply say "I apologize Alpaca, I am not feeling well, let's reschedule another time, I will call you when feeling better."

Instead of telling you he's going to the restroom, skipping out and leaving you to pay the entire bill? And waiting three days to return your call?

Truth really IS stranger than fiction sometimes.

Edited February 15, 2022 by poppyfields

February 15, 2022

14 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Interesting turn of events. So, while you were blaming yourself and kicking yourself down, as it turns out, it had nothing to do with you at all. So many questions, so little answers in your case, lol.

While I am not saying that is telling you in untrue, anything is possible, but do you believe his explanation? Why do you think he returned your call only this morning and not right away? So he just left and could not wait for you to return from the bathroom and explain his condition. Why didn't he text you about what went on if he was too embarrassed to talk face to face or on the phone. Unless he went to a hospital, that would make some sense. Why on earth would he meet you in a restaurant or a bar and agree to order food or drinks if he has a medical condition that might interfere with him getting to know you.

Hate to ask, but are you sure he is actually single? Maybe his wife or GF called him and that's why he left so abruptly.

Oh, I don't know. People make dating a lot more confusing than it needs to be. It's not what we think, we could be totally right or totally wrong on here. What do you believe?

Thanks!

Yeah, after reading through all of the responses, I was feeling pretty bad at one point.

But it appears that my original assertion that I had been ditched was correct.

We've been going to the Yoga class together for a while, and there's nothing to suggest he has a wife or girlfriend, but anything is possible.

I can only assume he didn't return my call sooner because he was afraid of informing me of his medical condition or because he wasn't feeling well enough to talk for a few days. That strikes me as reasonable. My friend suffers from a similar ailment, so I'm a bit familiar with it.

8 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Thanks Alpaca It's not like I don't value my time, I do so highly. In fact it is because I value it I wouldn't leave (but also wouldn't wait to get a drink or really even an appetizer or two). I set time to go out, drinks, dinner, meet someone. I never choose a venue or to do things wouldn't mind doing alone. I'm there why not.

I feel for him if he really has such a medical issue, heck his leaving then may have had nothing to do with you.

I can't imagine he would want to continue a date if burping so and in such gastrointestinal distress. In that case would expect he would apologize with the reason before or soon after leaving; also let you know he paid for the drinks. I really don't know how such things work, but they may come upon a person quickly, perhaps stress does it, or having alcohol.

Or it could be just made up.

Either way for me, if in your position, I'd probably be open to meeting again but with eyes open, kind of a "strike" against them but more from tipping the ball than a swing and a miss if you get the baseball analogy. Life can be strange, people can have foibles...this kind of behavior is far from being determinative. I take people as the whole package warts and all. Gave up a long time ago looking for someone without warts, I have mine aplenty. Or it could be indicative of an insecure and can't do personality...two big strikes against what I was looking for.

That's a great way to look at it.

Reminds me of a Friends episode when Ross got stood up and he ended up staying because the wait staff promised him a free order of crab cakes.

Otherwise, I think a quick "I'm not feeling well, had to leave, will call you later" text would have sufficed.

1 minute ago, Alvi said:

Maybe he is on some sort of meds and they were working/stopped working??? Sounds a bit like a science fiction, doesn't it? It's like you found yourself in a parallel universe where a strange lady approaches you offering a threesome and end up having a meltdown with you consoling here. And not only that, your date ends up having a bouts of burping spells, oh, but you weren't aware of that. So he runs off without talking to you or returning your call for a day or two. Strange, don't you find. Could be just a coincidence but maybe you can use it as a funny story someday.

Well, it was Valentine's Day weekend.

People can get freaky.

The woman and her husband was just an unfortunate mishap and I happened to be coming out of the bathroom at the wrong time I guess.

But the meds thing, yes, that's certainly possible. I'm just wondering if this is going to be an issue moving forward. Like, if were mid-kissing is he going to let out a burp when we become really comfortable with each other? My brother burps super loud at times just to annoy so I'm kind of fearful for what the future may have in store (lol).

February 15, 2022

30 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

I missed the part he left her to pay the bill. WTF that's pretty much BS and foolish. What if you really had just left, just committed a crime and stiffed the restaurant. Thing to do, pay the bill, let the wait people know you need to leave and your date may return (so the table is saved for a time) and leave a big tip to help ensure that.

I agree with that too.

He did say he was going to reimburse me for the bill plus my cab fare and take me out somewhere "special" if I end up agreeing to another date (I'm just not sure I'm up for it at this point).

February 15, 2022

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

There is a medical condition (which I rather not post about), but his pain was unbearable, so he rushed out and left.

Giving benefit of doubt, did he think he might be having a heart attack? Severe angina and indigestion are often masked as a heart attack and what brings people to the ER.

He may not have wanted to alarm you so told you he was going to restroom and rushed out. He may not have even been thinking of the bill.

In any event, I can sense you like him so I am glad he called, apologized and explained.

If me, I might give him the benefit of the doubt and see him again.

If it becomes a pattern where he rushes out with no explanation, after sex or anytime really, re-evaluate.

It's also possible he may suffer from severe anxiety/panic attacks.. Burping is often a symptom of a panic attack.

From livestrong.com:

>>Uncontrolled and repeated belching can feel like you are having something akin to a burping panic attack — and, technically, you could be. Most belching related to anxiety is caused by a form of hyperventilation, that, for many, occurs during times of intense stress and/or panic. Hyperventilation due to anxiety is a result of the change in breathing one experiences under stress.

There was a poster here who admitted to becoming so anxious on dates, she would suddenly without warning BOLT.

So that's a possibility too.

Just continue observing Alpaca, enjoy and have fun!

Edited February 15, 2022 by poppyfields

February 15, 2022

Wow, the depth this thread has gone. A quick trip to the bogs to relieve oneself.... Leads to

Being accosted by a woman.

Bloke leaves after 20 minutes. Due to being about to explode.

Although bravely tries to call.

Missed calls follow, although probably only heavy burping would have been heard.

The 'Is she right, or is he wrong' debate

There is a Hallmark movie here somewhere.

I reckon you should try again with him Alpaca.

February 15, 2022

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Giving benefit of doubt, did he think he might be having a heart attack? Severe angina and indigestion are often masked as a heart attack and what brings people to the ER.

He may not have wanted to alarm you so told you he was going to restroom and rushed out. He may not have even been thinking of the bill.

In any event, I can sense you like him so I am glad he called, apologized and explained.

If me, I might give him the benefit of the doubt and see him again.

If it becomes a pattern where he rushes out with no explanation, after sex or anytime really, re-evaluate.

It's also possible he may suffer from severe anxiety/panic attacks.. Burping is often a symptom of a panic attack.

From livestrong.com:

>>Uncontrolled and repeated belching can feel like you are having something akin to a burping panic attack — and, technically, you could be. Most belching related to anxiety is caused by a form of hyperventilation, that, for many, occurs during times of intense stress and/or panic. Hyperventilation due to anxiety is a result of the change in breathing one experiences under stress.

There was a poster here who admitted to becoming so anxious on dates, she would suddenly without warning BOLT.

So that's a possibility too.

Just continue observing Alpaca, enjoy and have fun!

Awe, that's horrible.

38 minutes ago, Haydn said:

Wow, the depth this thread has gone. A quick trip to the bogs to relieve oneself.... Leads to

Being accosted by a woman.

Bloke leaves after 20 minutes. Due to being about to explode.

Although bravely tries to call.

Missed calls follow, although probably only heavy burping would have been heard.

The 'Is she right, or is he wrong' debate

There is a Hallmark movie here somewhere.

I reckon you should try again with him Alpaca.

30 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I think some of the posters are more invested in this thread than OP herself or the guy in question.

I typically don't get invested after one date.

February 15, 2022

I don't know what I think of his explanation. Hmm.

If it's true, why didn't he either leave you a voicemail message, or text you with an explanation instead of just calling a few times and hanging up when you didn't answer. And then waiting for a few days before reaching out again, even after you left messages for him.

Probably unfair of me, but I probably would just move along.

February 15, 2022

18 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Sitting for ten minutes doing nothing seems long but he was at the bar getting drinks, there were others to socialize with, music to listen to, so it's a bit different.

I think you're being too hard on yourself Alpaca.

A confident, reasonable person would not have assumed they were being ditched and left, sticking you with the entire tab after only 10-15 minutes.

I might understand 45 minutes or an hour, but gosh 10 minutes? I have waited that long for a stall to open up when at a crowded club or restaurant.

Combined with a refresh of lipstick, it could easily be 10-15 or even longer.

This guy sounds incredible insecure and needy; personally I think you dodged a bullet.

Wait, you *might* understand 45 minutes or an hour???? So the inclusion of the word might, implies that you think there are still valid reasons for a person to wait on their date for an hour, without any sign of them, without any contact from them.

February 15, 2022

2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Wait, you *might* understand 45 minutes or an hour???? So the inclusion of the word might, implies that you think there are still valid reasons for a person to wait on their date for an hour, without any sign of them, without any contact from them.

It was a figure of speech. I suppose I should have said "could" instead of "might," apologies for confusing you.

Edited February 15, 2022 by poppyfields

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