My Date Ditched Me! What Can I do?

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

Alright, I get it, it's my fault.

I went to the restroom while he went to the men's room and grabbed drinks at the bar on his way back. He said he he was going to the men's room and grabbing drinks from the bar on the way back, so I honestly thought I wasn't spending much extra time.

The woman seemed like she was making friendly small talk at first. I had no idea that it would end up being so drawn out with her questions and then her crying in front of me. It was also impossible to turn around and go the other way since there was only one way out of the bathroom.

Yes, I should have texted him when all this was happening. It would have been more appropriate not to speak to the woman at all and just returned straight to my table after I left the restroom. @smackie9I had my phone on vibrate, I did NOT KNOW he was calling me when this was happening.

@glowsMy sister and I have tension, of course.

In the past months, we have not heard from her and have been sick with worry with everything that's been going on. When she finally contacts me, it is about something so unrelated. If I were in normal circumstances, I would be delighted. My parents miss her and are deeply affected by her absence. Her daughters are in the middle of their parents' divorce and, when I talk to them, I can tell that they are struggling with their mother constantly being away, so it's quite a sensitive topic.

@Shining OneI went back to my table and waited for a bit first because I thought maybe either he was still in the restroom himself or that he was still at bar getting drinks. I then went over to the bar and near the men's restroom but I didn't see him. So I went back to my table and that's when I called him and saw that he had tried calling me.

 

 

I did read that your phone was on vibrate...I was just giving you his probable perspective. It was an unfortunate circumstance for sure. At least the crazy lady didn't try to mug you or something. 

Edited February 14, 2022 by smackie9

[mark clemson]

1 hour ago, Shining One said:

I'm wagering that's a bit of hyperbole on the sister's part

A fair point - that may well be so + indeed let's hope so! I was going by what was written.  @Alpaca you might do well to get clarification on just what he did say if you decide to pursue this "lead". If he's just declaring "attraction" that seems fine. Declaring "love" might be more of a worry.

[Alvi]

Well, you left him a message, don't know what else you can do. He can either accept your apologies or not. Well, at least you have a funny story to tell. Not that it's going to make you feel any better but try to be more philosophical about this. 

I am surprised that the date guy didn't at least walk to the bathroom to see if you are OK. Not saying that he should've went inside but why didn't he ask a waitress to see if you are OK. Oh, you were outside talking to that weird woman outside the bathroom so he would find you there there if he just walked few steps. So he phoned you and just left when you didn't pick up? He automatically assumed that you ditched him. I don't know. I am not blaming him but at least he could've investigated this a bit further before leaving. You went looking for him when you didn't see him, he couldn't do the same?

[poppyfields]

31 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Was this a 1st meeting?

I was just about to ask the same question!

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, Alvi said:

So he phoned you and just left when you didn't pick up? He automatically assumed that you ditched him. 

Good point.  Did you meet him on line, and back to Gaeta's question, was this a first meet?

If you met on line, he may have had some less than pleasant experiences with women either not being interested, excusing themselves early or ditching him.

So his guard was up.

Hard to say for certain but a possibility.

Anyway, since you DID apologize, it's on him to reach out if he wants to see you again.

Edited February 14, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alvi]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

I was just about to ask the same question!

If it wasn't a first meeting, then I am wondering even more as to why he could not walk to the bathroom and/or ask someone to check on Alpaca. 

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, Alvi said:

If it wasn't a first meeting, then I am wondering even more as to why he could not walk to the bathroom and/or ask someone to check on Alpaca. 

Agree, the entire situation just seems strange imo...

Alpaca, was this the man from your previous threads?  Just curious.

[Alvi]

19 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

If you met on line, he may have had some less than pleasant experiences with women either not being interested, excusing themselves early or ditching him.

So his guard was up.

Hard to say for certain but a possibility.

You are probably right. Our past experiences shapes us the way that we are. I remember one time I was maybe 2-3 minutes late for my date. No more than that. The guy has apparently left and sent me a very nasty message about me standing him up, lol. Some people are just very guarded and automatically jump up the the wrong and the very worst conclusion, especially when it comes to the very early stages of dating. I am laughing about this now, pretty sure Alpaca is going to laugh about her guy sometimes down the road.

Edited February 14, 2022 by Alvi

[introverted1]

22 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I am surprised that the date guy didn't at least walk to the bathroom to see if you are OK.

Maybe he did head that way and saw she was engrossed in conversation.  And then maybe he got tired of waiting.  By her own admission she was gone for 20 minutes, maybe longer.  That is a long time to be waiting.

 

[ShyViolet]

If a random stranger comes up to you, blocks your path to not let you leave, propositions you for a threesome that you're not interested in, and starts crying..... any reasonable person would conclude that this is a crazy person.  You say "EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO" and walk away from them.  Not engage with them for 15 minutes, especially when you are leaving a companion waiting for you.  That was poor judgment.  You were not obligated to talk to her.

[Alvi]

2 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

Maybe he did head that way and saw she was engrossed in conversation.  And then maybe he got tired of waiting.  By her own admission she was gone for 20 minutes, maybe longer.  That is a long time to be waiting.

 

Anything is possible. 

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

 By her own admission she was gone for 20 minutes, maybe longer.  That is a long time to be waiting.

Way too long... Moreover, he tried calling her phone several times, so his conclusion that he got ditched seems like a normal reaction.  I would have done the same thing (this guy did). 

I probably would have taken the food that was ordered in a "to go" box, though.  If I thought my date had left, I wouldn't want to stick the waitress with the cost of the food.  Some restaurants make the waitress pay for "unclaimed" or "Skipped Out" food/appetizers.

 

[poppyfields]

@ShyVioletposted:

>>If a random stranger comes up to you, blocks your path to not let you leave, propositions you for a threesome that you're not interested in, and starts crying..... any reasonable person would conclude that this is a crazy person.  You say "EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO" and walk away from them.  Not engage with them for 15 minutes, especially when you are leaving a companion waiting for you.  That was poor judgment. You were not obligated to talk to her.

Alpaca, again poor judgment but try to not beat yourself up too much about it. His interest may have been low to begin with and this just pushed him over the edge, that's my best guess.  Especially since you called and left a message apologizing and you have not heard back.

So perhaps it's all for the best anyway.

Speaking for myself, when I am really into a man and I have to use the restroom, I cannot wait to get back to the table (or bar if that's where we were sitting)!   If some stranger approached me, I would do exactly what @ShyVioletposted above.

Course not everyone does things the way I do, BUT he may have gotten the impression you weren't all that into him, or into the date, and simply decided to leave when you didn't pick up your phone.

I am sorry this happened, but lesson learned.

Edited February 14, 2022 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I probably would have taken the food that was ordered in a "to go" box, though.  If I thought my date had left, I wouldn't want to stick the waitress with the cost of the food.  Some restaurants make the waitress pay for "unclaimed" or "Skipped Out" food/appetizers.

Yeah I am wondering who DID pay?  If posted previously, I missed.

Anyway, if he left you with the bill Alpaca, he must have been really pissed off!

Lemming, I used to waitress and when customers skipped out without paying, I was never required to foot their bill.  I had no control over scammers and thieves.

Edited February 14, 2022 by poppyfields

[notbroken]

I don't think your date ditched you - you ditched him.   You had disappeared.  You can try calling him and explaining but if you are completely honest no one could blame him for not wanting to see you any more.   He was 'left hanging' for a long time.  Do you routinely leave people hanging for 15+ minutes without explanation?   Many people would figure they weren't a priority to you and leave you there.   Learn from it and treat your dates better in the future.   That's all you can do.   

[dramafreezone]

Enough people have pointed out that this was an egregious error on your part so no need to pile on.  Maybe just be 100% truthful to the guy?  Tell him this crazy story, he might find it amusing and be willing to try another date.

Maybe have him over at your place for dinner if you feel comfortable with that?  No one's going to leave their own home if they're ditching someone, right?  Other than that it may be unsalvagable.

Edited February 14, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Haydn]

You should try a long winded alibi. (if you like him)

I did this once and it worked. But mine was about changing a tyre for an old lady who had broken down in the bus lane.

But lesson learned. 

Good luck if you have another date.

[Happy Lemming]

25 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Yeah I am wondering who DID pay?  If posted previously, I missed.

Anyway, if he left you with the bill Alpaca, he must have been really pissed off!

Lemming, I used to waitress and when customers skipped out without paying, I was never required to foot their bill.  I had no control over scammers and thieves.

Yes.. Alpaca posted that she paid, as the guy did NOT pay the bill.

And yes, I was the accountant for one food establishment (briefly) and the ownership made the waitress or waiter pay for "unclaimed" of "skipped out" food, bills, meals, drinks, etc.  Not my call, though; it was an ownership rule.

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said:

Yes.. Alpaca posted that she paid, as the guy did NOT pay the bill.

Oh wow, that's REALLY bad.  Twenty minutes is a long time but to leave and stick Alpaca with the entire bill without first checking to see what might have happened may be even worse than what Alpaca did imo.

I recall once fainting in the rest room on a date (low blood sugar), and my boyfriend at the time came looking for me. 

He didn't just leave and stick me with the bill.

Alpaca's guy not only had low interest (obviously), but zero class, I wouldn't bother with him.

NEXT.

[bene]

I’d try to explain that a stranger needed help and you got caught up with the situation. I wouldn’t elaborate on the threesome part because in this case truth is stranger than fiction and it could look like you are the crazy one offering an outrageous story

Anyway the ball is in his court now.

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

Way too long... Moreover, he tried calling her phone several times, so his conclusion that he got ditched seems like a normal reaction.  I would have done the same thing (this guy did). 

I probably would have taken the food that was ordered in a "to go" box, though.  If I thought my date had left, I wouldn't want to stick the waitress with the cost of the food.  Some restaurants make the waitress pay for "unclaimed" or "Skipped Out" food/appetizers.

Is there an etiquette for those kind of situations? For me, it would make sense to at least walk to the bathroom and maybe ask a waitress to check if your date is OK.  I don't know, maybe I am totally wrong here. I know, he called her few times but what if she felt sick or something?

14 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I recall once fainting in the rest room on a date (low blood sugar), and my boyfriend at the time came looking for me. 

This is what I am talking about. What if she needed some help?  Why immediately jump to the wrong conclusion and leave? Why not check first and leave if your date is not there.

 

 

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Is there an etiquette for those kind of situations? For me, it would make sense to at least walk to the bathroom and maybe ask a waitress to check if your date is OK.  I don't know, maybe I am totally wrong here. I know, he called her few times but what if she felt sick or something?

If you are asking my opinion, I'm not sending the waitress into the bathroom to look for a "skipped" date.  After about 10-15 minutes of waiting and one phone call, I'm paying the bill, taking the food in a "to go" box and I'm leaving.  My time is just as important as the woman's time and I'm not going to be made a fool of, nor am I going to be treated like that.  I'm just not waiting 20 minutes for "someone I'm newly dating" to return. 

Now if we've been dating for a while, yes... I'm going to think something is wrong, but that wasn't the case, here.

 

[CollinW]

12 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Is there an etiquette for those kind of situations? For me, it would make sense to at least walk to the bathroom and maybe ask a waitress to check if your date is OK.  I don't know, maybe I am totally wrong here. I know, he called her few times but what if she felt sick or something?

This is what I am talking about. What if she needed some help?  Why immediately jump to the wrong conclusion and leave? Why not check first and leave if your date is not there.

 

 

Did you see the key word "boyfriend" there? 

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

If a random stranger comes up to you, blocks your path to not let you leave, propositions you for a threesome that you're not interested in, and starts crying..... any reasonable person would conclude that this is a crazy person.  You say "EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO" and walk away from them.  Not engage with them for 15 minutes, especially when you are leaving a companion waiting for you.  That was poor judgment.  You were not obligated to talk to her.

Sorry, I didn't see it that way.

I saw it as someone that was clearly upset.

It's not like she said, "oh let's have a threesome" and I sat there talking to her about a threesome for 15 minutes.

 

 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Oh wow, that's REALLY bad.  Twenty minutes is a long time but to leave and stick Alpaca with the entire bill without first checking to see what might have happened may be even worse than what Alpaca did imo.

I recall once fainting in the rest room on a date (low blood sugar), and my boyfriend at the time came looking for me. 

He didn't just leave and stick me with the bill.

Alpaca's guy not only had low interest (obviously), but zero class, I wouldn't bother with him.

NEXT.

Yes, that's a good boyfriend.

If I think about it, him going to the men's restroom and then the bar for drinks would have taken 10 minutes or so, so I was gone probably 10 minutes longer give or take.

He knew I went to the bathroom, I was clearly still in front of the bathroom when I came out, he didn't bother to look for me. I however, went looking for him. 

So now that I think about it, I'm not sure I'd want to go out with him again if he does call me back.

 

Edited February 14, 2022 by Alpaca