Author poppyfields Posted February 15, 2022 Author Posted February 15, 2022 (edited) 19 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: I think the key element is always time. It takes time to get to know someone so whether or not it’s in person or chatting / emailing etc. isn’t really that important. Meeting quickly /multidating in the early stages is effectively the same thing but you’re meeting people in person to vet them instead. Fair point however for myself and some others I know, I feel awkward and uncomfortable meeting a total stranger. I also feel a lot of pressure to "connect" during that first meet so chances are slim to none that anything is going to happen; I will leave the meet feeling meh and that's that. It happened that way every time when I first tried OLDing in my 20s. Now had I met the SAME man on line or a casual meet up or simply out and about and had a chance to talk and get to know him gradually and spontaneously without the pressure of feeling like we have to "connect," there is a much greater chance that we WOULD connect. That's kind of how it works for me, it's that "pressure to connect" during that first meet, that ruins it for me. I don't feel that way when casually talking on line, or spontaneously meeting men while out and about, it's much more relaxed and comfortable. And as such with this man, we DID end up connecting as a result. Before meeting in person so it made the first meet much more comfortable even though I was a nervous wreck beforehand! lol Hope that makes sense, but again fair point. Thanks Weezy. Edited February 15, 2022 by poppyfields
chillii Posted February 15, 2022 Posted February 15, 2022 (edited) Yep all makes sense. No need to feel any pressure though although l know that's easier said than done. When l tried ONL back when, we'd talk a bit on the ph and if we got along and it felt worthwhile we'd meet. No expectations though, coming from ONL you both knew it could turn out to be anything or nothing so we'd just meet and see what happens. Anyway I only meant it sounded like you had a nice time and liked ea other. Edited February 15, 2022 by chillii 1
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2022 Posted February 16, 2022 @poppyfields: Anything new to report? Is he keeping in touch? are chatting with someone else interesting? 1
Author poppyfields Posted February 16, 2022 Author Posted February 16, 2022 (edited) 25 minutes ago, Gaeta said: @poppyfields: Anything new to report? Is he keeping in touch? are chatting with someone else interesting? Yeah, we're good. I didn't hear from him on V-Day, but he messaged last night and we talked for about an hour. We're on for tonight, looking forward to seeing him again, I cannot wait actually, and I am not nervous this time! I'll let y'all know if anything changes but for now just gonna enjoy and see where this take me (takes us). Oh, and no I am not chatting with anyone else. My profile is on mute for now (hidden). I haven't checked what his status is and don't intend to, I don't want to get into that whole thing of checking and possibly reading too much into it. I am looking at this as if I met him in real life. Edited February 16, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 On 2/16/2022 at 1:11 PM, poppyfields said: Yeah, we're good. I didn't hear from him on V-Day, but he messaged last night and we talked for about an hour. We're on for tonight, looking forward to seeing him again, I cannot wait actually, and I am not nervous this time! Update on 2nd date please
Author poppyfields Posted February 18, 2022 Author Posted February 18, 2022 (edited) Hey Gaeta, we had another awesome time, out till 2:00 am, talking, laughing, kissing, he walked me home, didn't push to come inside and we have another date Saturday! He owns a shop and invited me to stop by today to see (he's quite proud of it), which I did. So, so far so good. We are both very attracted to each other and that is all I'm gonna say about that! Edited February 18, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Author poppyfields Posted February 18, 2022 Author Posted February 18, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, basil67 said: This is all very exciting! Thanks basil! But I'm being very pragmatic about this, which is why I hesitate to talk about it too much. I have had a few short term relationships within the past year that started off with a bang but then as I got to them more, realized not right for me (the lawyer and marine biologist were the two I posted about). I dunno, maybe I'm not ready or not wanting what I think I want or maybe not the right guys, but I do really like this man, so going to play it out and again see where it takes me! Edited February 18, 2022 by poppyfields
Weezy1973 Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: I have had a few short term relationships within the past year that started off with a bang…I dunno, maybe I'm not ready or not wanting what I think I want or maybe not the right guys… Or maybe most people aren’t good matches long term, regardless of how big a “bang” they start with. Initial chemistry / attraction / “energy” / limerance or whatever you want to call is meaningless when it comes to long term relationships. Which is why chasing the “high” can be so problematic. 1
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 9 hours ago, poppyfields said: Hey Gaeta, we had another awesome time, out till 2:00 am, talking, laughing, kissing, he walked me home, didn't push to come inside and we have another date Saturday! He owns a shop and invited me to stop by today to see (he's quite proud of it), which I did. So, so far so good. We are both very attracted to each other and that is all I'm gonna say about that! Awww so exciting !!! I understand not wanting to jinx it Enjoy! 1
Author poppyfields Posted February 18, 2022 Author Posted February 18, 2022 2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: Or maybe most people aren’t good matches long term, regardless of how big a “bang” they start with. Initial chemistry / attraction / “energy” / limerance or whatever you want to call is meaningless when it comes to long term relationships. Which is why chasing the “high” can be so problematic. Thanks Weezy, but I'm not 'chasing' anything. I meet a man, there's mutual attraction, we date and see where it leads. Sometimes it lasts long term, sometimes short term, but I learn something valuable from every experience. My longest that started off with a huge bang lasted six years, we were engaged but sadly it ended due to his drug and alcohol addiction. Thanks again. 1
Ami1uwant Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: Thanks Weezy, but I'm not 'chasing' anything. I meet a man, there's mutual attraction, we date and see where it leads. Sometimes it lasts long term, sometimes short term, but I learn something valuable from every experience. My longest that started off with a huge bang lasted six years, we were engaged but sadly it ended due to his drug and alcohol addiction. Thanks again. I think what they are saying is.. some are good sales people who great at selling themselves on date 2 and 2 but the real person comes out later. Sometime this early success could be genuine but most often it isn’t. 1
Author poppyfields Posted February 18, 2022 Author Posted February 18, 2022 3 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: I think what they are saying is.. some are good sales people who great at selling themselves on date 2 and 2 but the real person comes out later. Sometime this early success could be genuine but most often it isn’t. I know what you mean! The early stages are about infatuation and we (or many of us myself included) can act like lovesick puppies or simply on our best and most charming behavior, then as time goes on, our real, less than perfect selves begin to emerge. That hasn't been an issue so much as simply realizing a man isnt the right fit (same thing?) or still in love with ex, or in the lawyer's case, his late wife. Or just something. But we're having fun so we shall see! Again, trying to be pragmatic about it versus head in clouds which I've had a tendency to do in the past. Thanks @Ami1uwant! 1
Ami1uwant Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 19 hours ago, poppyfields said: I know what you mean! The early stages are about infatuation and we (or many of us myself included) can act like lovesick puppies or simply on our best and most charming behavior, then as time goes on, our real, less than perfect selves begin to emerge. That hasn't been an issue so much as simply realizing a man isnt the right fit (same thing?) or still in love with ex, or in the lawyer's case, his late wife. Or just something. But we're having fun so we shall see! Again, trying to be pragmatic about it versus head in clouds which I've had a tendency to do in the past. Thanks @Ami1uwant! im not necessarily referring to lovesick puppy stuff. I’m talking more about being on your best behavior and being someone you aren’t necessarily are. In talking you might agree to what they say but don’t really feel it. in some ways it’s like a job interview. Some interviewees are good salesman while others aren’t. This impression doesn’t necessarily translate to job success and picking the right person. 1
Author poppyfields Posted February 19, 2022 Author Posted February 19, 2022 3 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: I'm not necessarily referring to lovesick puppy stuff. I’m talking more about being on your best behavior and being someone you aren’t necessarily are Personally speaking, I am always who I am, frankly I don't know how to be anything other than who I am. But in the beginning there are aspects to my nature I may not present. As time goes on those "less than perfect" aspects will appear, that's all I meant. The lovesick puppy comment was tongue-n-cheek, but relates to infatuation and having head in clouds. Fantasizing, jumping ahead. I contain those emotions, I know better than to share those feelings so early in, but nevertheless, they are not realistic so learning to temper them a bit. Hope that makes sense!
Ami1uwant Posted February 19, 2022 Posted February 19, 2022 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: Personally speaking, I am always who I am, frankly I don't know how to be anything other than who I am. But in the beginning there are aspects to my nature I may not present. As time goes on those "less than perfect" aspects will appear, that's all I meant. The lovesick puppy comment was tongue-n-cheek, but relates to infatuation and having head in clouds. Fantasizing, jumping ahead. I contain those emotions, I know better than to share those feelings so early in, but nevertheless, they are not realistic so learning to temper them a bit. Hope that makes sense! over my years of dating. That love sick puppy thing is controlled quite well. I need to be blown away to even get it. I find personally any sort of attraction comes over time.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 21, 2022 Posted February 21, 2022 Hi Poppy - what's the age bracket of the men you are dating?
Author poppyfields Posted February 22, 2022 Author Posted February 22, 2022 On 2/20/2022 at 10:03 PM, Eternal Sunshine said: Hi Poppy - what's the age bracket of the men you are dating? Apologies for not answering sooner @Eternal Sunshine, been gone a few days. My preference is 30's and 40s's but I don't really have a specific requirement. Well, I take that back, I don't think I would go under 25, but other than that I am pretty open about age. I think I mentioned this earlier, but my main focus is how we vibe, our energy. As an update, I am still dating this guy! Things are good. 3
Trail Blazer Posted February 27, 2022 Posted February 27, 2022 I'm late to the party, Poppy, but I just wanted to say good luck and hopefully this one works out for you. 1
Author poppyfields Posted February 27, 2022 Author Posted February 27, 2022 46 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: I'm late to the party, Poppy, but I just wanted to say good luck and hopefully this one works out for you. Thanks TB! We've had several dates, and he's picking me up in around 30 minutes! I have wine ready but we're heading out, it's a beautiful night. I was just telling another friend this but since I met him, I've been drinking way too much wine! He's a bit of a wine connoisseur so I'm getting into it, he's also a chef, not professionally but we've been having a lot of fun. 2
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