Sunnydays1111 Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 I had plans to meet with this guy on Tuesday, he lives an hour away from me. He was suppose to head to my place at 11pm-he then sent me a picture on snapchat saying he was having car issues-the pic showed an alert some kind of tire pressure issue. Then I suggested he take an uber to my place-he told me it was too expensive-then I told him I offered to pay for it, he said he, "wouldn't feel safe riding with a stranger at 2am." Um yeah, I know plenty of men that ride uber's on a saturday night when they hit the bars and know they will be drinking.
dramafreezone Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 (edited) What does he do for a living? Even with the expectation of carnal activity, I would not be very motivated to drive an hour at 11 pm. Long day at work, have to get up in the AM, it'd be a tough ask. Was he going to stay the night? Why not just plan to meet at an an earlier hour? Edited February 12, 2022 by dramafreezone 1
Wiseman2 Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 17 minutes ago, Sunnydays1111 said: he lives an hour away from me. He was suppose to head to my place at 11pm-he then sent me a picture on snapchat saying he was having car issues-the pic showed an alert some kind of tire pressure issue. Are you in a relationship? Is he married? The tire story sounds like he chickened out. Anyone can get those pics off the internet. 1
stillafool Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 1 hour ago, Sunnydays1111 said: He was suppose to head to my place at 11pm-he then sent me a picture on snapchat saying he was having car issues-the pic showed an alert some kind of tire pressure issue. 11PM is not a dating hour but a booty call hour. He didn't want to hook up with you and probably felt you were throwing yourself at him by offering to pay for an Uber for him to come over at that hour. He was turned off. 1
glows Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 Take his word for it and try not to arrange these kinds of meet ups again. When you said he sent you a pic I really didn’t think it would be of his car. None of this seems like a good idea, sadly. My thoughts are he was lukewarm about this and the proposition wasn’t that appealing to begin with. You set yourself up for something that had a good probability of falling through. Let this go and meet new people at a better hour.
dramafreezone Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 8 minutes ago, stillafool said: 11PM is not a dating hour but a booty call hour. He didn't want to hook up with you and probably felt you were throwing yourself at him by offering to pay for an Uber for him to come over at that hour. He was turned off. I honestly would be put off if someone I barely knew was asking me to drive an hour at 11 pm to see them. I'd think that maybe they want to rob me or harvest my organs. 3
Author Sunnydays1111 Posted February 12, 2022 Author Posted February 12, 2022 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: What does he do for a living? Even with the expectation of carnal activity, I would not be very motivated to drive an hour at 11 pm. Long day at work, have to get up in the AM, it'd be a tough ask. Was he going to stay the night? Why not just plan to meet at an an earlier hour? no, he wasn't going to stay the night and he was at the gym playing basketball earlier.
stillafool Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 1 hour ago, Sunnydays1111 said: no, he wasn't going to stay the night and he was at the gym playing basketball earlier. What was the plan for that hour?
smackie9 Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 3 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said: I had plans to meet with this guy on Tuesday, he lives an hour away from me. He was suppose to head to my place at 11pm-he then sent me a picture on snapchat saying he was having car issues-the pic showed an alert some kind of tire pressure issue. Then I suggested he take an uber to my place-he told me it was too expensive-then I told him I offered to pay for it, he said he, "wouldn't feel safe riding with a stranger at 2am." Um yeah, I know plenty of men that ride uber's on a saturday night when they hit the bars and know they will be drinking. It's pretty obvious he didn't want to follow through with the date...just let it go. There will be other guys.
basil67 Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 Have you been on dates with this guy previously?
ShyViolet Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 He came up with three different excuses not to see you.... yes I think it's safe to say he wasn't interested in seeing you that night. If a guy gives an excuse not to see you, don't try so hard and keep suggesting other ways or offering to pay for an uber for him to come see you. It comes off as a little desperate. If he isn't interested enough to put in the effort in the first place, leave it alone and move on. If he is really interested in you, you'll hear from him again another time and he'll make an effort to see you.
Alvi Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 (edited) I don't know many women (at least not in my circle) who would agree to come and see a guy at 11 pm at him place and leave at 2 am. That would be an automatic no and block from me. Guessing not every guy is going to find that offer tempting either. If a guy likes you enough, he is going to catch first train, plane, cab, whatever, just to come and see you. But this guy in not that interested. Seriously, move on. Edited February 13, 2022 by Alvi
Author Sunnydays1111 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Posted February 13, 2022 2 hours ago, ShyViolet said: He came up with three different excuses not to see you.... yes I think it's safe to say he wasn't interested in seeing you that night. If a guy gives an excuse not to see you, don't try so hard and keep suggesting other ways or offering to pay for an uber for him to come see you. It comes off as a little desperate. If he isn't interested enough to put in the effort in the first place, leave it alone and move on. If he is really interested in you, you'll hear from him again another time and he'll make an effort to see you. Yeah, then after that incident on tuesday, I suggested to meet up on friday, which he agreed to, I texted him last night, and I saw that he was at the bar till like midnight, he said to meet, which he never responded to me the entire night. Today, he told me he was sorry, told me he got too drunk and passed out. From now on, I'm going to stop asking him to reschedule and not reply to him for a week. Will acting indifferent and distance towards him make him want to make the effort?
Author Sunnydays1111 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Posted February 13, 2022 So from now on, I should stop acting too needy to and suggest days when he wants to? what's the rule? Let him come to me? Will that do the trick?
basil67 Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 It's unlikely to do the trick because he doesn't seem all that interested to start with. How do you know this man? And I ask again, how many dates have you been on?
ShyViolet Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 41 minutes ago, Sunnydays1111 said: From now on, I'm going to stop asking him to reschedule and not reply to him for a week. Will acting indifferent and distance towards him make him want to make the effort? The purpose of distancing yourself and not trying so hard isn't to "make him" want to be with you. The point of it is just to stop chasing someone who clearly isn't that interested in you and isn't putting in much effort. Absolutely nothing you do can "make" someone want to be with you. Have some dignity and move on from someone if they aren't showing with their actions that they actually want to be with you. You're going to have to accept it sooner or later.
Author Sunnydays1111 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Posted February 13, 2022 19 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: The purpose of distancing yourself and not trying so hard isn't to "make him" want to be with you. The point of it is just to stop chasing someone who clearly isn't that interested in you and isn't putting in much effort. Absolutely nothing you do can "make" someone want to be with you. Have some dignity and move on from someone if they aren't showing with their actions that they actually want to be with you. You're going to have to accept it sooner or later. its just that maybe i was acting to eager to want to see him and like others have said on here , it turned him off. he keeps telling me how badly he wants to see me and talks about when he moves near me in the summer when he gets a job that we will see each other often.
ShyViolet Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 Ok well you need to look at someone's actions, not their words. Stop trying so hard to make plans with him, and let him come to you. If he makes an effort to see you, then you'll know he's actually interested.
basil67 Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 (edited) 47 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: If he makes an effort to see you, then you'll know he's actually interested. This is true. But even then, you must ask yourself the question: What is he interested in? If it's arriving at 11pm and leaving at 2am, then it's not to date you. Also, if you pitch yourself at being just a hookup, this is how he will see you. Edited February 13, 2022 by basil67
ExpatInItaly Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 3 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said: From now on, I'm going to stop asking him to reschedule and not reply to him for a week. Will acting indifferent and distance towards him make him want to make the effort? Not if he's not very interested to begin with, no. And Sunny, he doesn't sound very interested. Not in anything more than a bootycall, anyway. Don't play games like this - simply take the hint that he doesn't want what you want, and save your energy for a guy who does.
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 6 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said: . Today, he told me he was sorry, told me he got too drunk and passed out. He doesn't seem interested and doesn't seem like BF material.
dramafreezone Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 (edited) For people saying the guy is not interested; interest is relative. There's not many women I would be interested enough to drive an hour at 11 pm even if sex was on the table. That's two hours round trip, not worth it IMO. If she lived 5 minutes away we're not even having this conversation. The distance is the mitigating factor. You two live much too far apart from each other. An hour drive would take a toll on an exclusive long term relationship, how do you expect a FWB situation to survive a long distance dynamic? I would find someone closer to you and stop clinging to this long term set up. Edited February 13, 2022 by dramafreezone
stillafool Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 25 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: There's not many women I would be interested enough to drive an hour at 11 pm even if sex was on the table. That's two hours round trip, not worth it IMO. If she lived 5 minutes away we're not even having this conversation. If he drives an hour and stays overnight and drives back the following day, you still think that is too much? I've had many guys drive an hour or more to see me when I was single.
dramafreezone Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 (edited) 16 minutes ago, stillafool said: If he drives an hour and stays overnight and drives back the following day, you still think that is too much? I've had many guys drive an hour or more to see me when I was single. That sounds like my days in the military when we'd have weekends off. Yes I did do that then when I was 22-23. Those male hormones at that age could power a nuclear weapon. I'm 42 now with a full-time career, just couldn't imagine doing it today, but point taken. Edited February 13, 2022 by dramafreezone 2
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