bokl Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 My gf and I were introduced more than a year ago, and both of us got along so well with each other we became a couple in 3 weeks. It was a beautiful time, but in a month, I had to leave Singapore (that's home for us) to go to Michigan for my last semester at school. The 4 months went by quickly as we talked everyday on the phone and emailed almost everyday. After I graduated, we went on an European holiday driving through most of Wester europe for a month, and then returned home. I was job hunting in singapore, and actually already had some interviews in the states. In singapore, we were together almost everyday and made it a point to spend the night together either at her home or mine. We lived with our parents but our parents didn't mind at all. we went together to family gatherings and I truly felt everything was great. In fact, I was so happy that I had found the most perfect girl in my life. then after 4 months I got a job offer in the states, with no job offer at home in singapore. i did my internship abroad also (japan) and I knew it would be a once in a lifetime experience. my gf, on the other hand, did not like the idea and we had endless fights. she couldn't understand why i wanted it, and she did not want to leave home to go with me. i tried my best to find a solution but I really couldn't do anything unless to turn down the offer. I know my parents would be very disappointed if I turned it down and I would be very disappointed too. All my buddies also agreed that I should take the job, even my gf's parents. the only dissenting voice was my gf's, and I really could not turn down the job as I was not able to find anything else in singapore. she didn't want to come with me because she said she wanted to be with her parents. i promised her it would be temporary at most 2 years, and i would be back frequently for visits, and i would pay for her to come stay with me. she cried the night before I left. after a very tearful farewell, I departed 6 months after being back in Singapore. We telephoned and chatted frequently for the first 5 weeks of separation. Then things started going real bad. She wouldn't call or return calls, wouldn't be prompt in email replies and become really insensitive to me. Then she started saying she felt herself growing distant. She was meeting other guys she met on her job and didn't think it was a big deal. then the shocker. 12 weeks of sepration. she wrote a DEAR JOHN email and said she decided that she didn't want a future with me and wanted to stay in singapore as she felt i would be working abroad for most of my life. i was crushed and really cried for the first time in m adult life. i had never given so much to one girl and she broke up with me in an email. 2 weeks later i found out she was seeing someone else (a friend met her outside). sometimes i am still confused. did she just make up that reason to break up so she could see someone else? did she want to break up because she was lacking a social life since I wasn't there with her? I emailed her and pleaded with her on the phone. her voice sounded like a stranger to me. she spoke to me with the kind of sterile tone one would use on cold calls. my heart sank. i was so mad i just hung up when she put me on hold to chat with people at work. I was so mad. I talked with my buddies on the phone and they were my strength. I decided I had to write a really angry email and empty all my darkest thoughts into it. I blasted that mail to her and told her to shove it. then I felt so bad. in my heart, i still truly loved her despite what she did. she didn't explain her actions, instead, she just gave me lots of useless apologies, and asked me to be her friend. i tried my best to be civil and decided that i could not possibly be her friend anymore. everytime i talk to her, a part of me just cries out in pain. i knew she was seeing someone else already towards the end and I cannot take that. in the end, i wrote her an email, said that i forgave her for everything, said sorry for being so angry, and she replied saying thanks, and again asked me to be her friend. then i just disappeared. i deleted her email address, phone number, MSN nick, friendster, packed up all the stuff she gave me before my trip into the closet, and started my long hard journey of recovery. i had sleepless nights, slow moody days and no appetite for 2 straight weeks. finally today, it's been almost 6 weeks and I think I am picking things up. Despite all the bad feelings, my heart still yearns for her, but my mind knows she is gone. It's so hard to control your heart with your mind and sometimes I am just torn apart. sigh... this is not my first relationship, but it is the first one that I truly cared about. she was everything to me. i was even considering resigning and going home. but my buddies managed to shake some sense into me. i was simply clouded in delirium. if she was truly the one, she would try her best to wait and not cave in to temptation barely 12 weeks after I was gone. i just feel so lonely. especially since i am a foreigner here in the states, that loneliness is sometimes so hard to bear.
downcydeguy Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 I'm sorry about all this man. I just went through something similar with my g/f of 2 1/2 years. Only it was her going abroad. It truly is amazing how easy somebody can change overnight. My breakup occured over the phone after weeks of her being distant. I know from the past that time will heal what you're going through and that NC is the only way to do it. Just keep your head up and stay focused on your work and friends. I wish you the best of luck with this.
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