La Trese Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 (edited) There's this guy I've been seeing now for two months. I feel like with him this entire relationship so far has been so frustrating, but for some reason I like him. Before we even met, he would text me long texts multiple times a day. The 1st time we met he then would space it out a bit more but generally would always keep the conversation going. third date went well but towards the end (and I even made a post about this) there was a misunderstanding and since then he texts at most once a day. After the third date is when he brought up netflix for the 1st time and I was super not happy about it. Turned him down and almost dumped him over that but he managed to win me over again so, went out again a few more times, then he invited me over for dinner. I didn't want to go at the time because he was going on a trip so we delayed it until after and I still didn't feel super close to him. When he got back he took me out for dinner and then I felt a little better about him so I invited him over to watch a show we both liked on Netflix. I now realize how stupid this was. we have not talked about being exclusive and I didn't really ever intend on full on sex with him, I just honestly wanted to make out which is exactly what we did. no sex. I told him I can't go further than this while.we were making out lol. im actually a Virgin (which I haven't told him yet) so honestly I don't think I'll feel comfortable having sex unless we are exclusive, but at the same time I don't know how else I would make out with him unless I invite him over. literally at the end of the movie and makeout he literally left right away. didn't even stay and chat which irritated me but he seemed tired. he touched base with me the next day to ask how I was doing, but since then his texts have been super sporadic and dry. he touches base with me a few times a week but then literally takes an entire day to respond to a short text. almost like he wants to stay in touch but he's no longer trying hard to foster a connection like he used to. usually we date weekly but last week he asked me what I was doing the weekend and then said he was working (he was Friday and sat but not sun), and this week he invited me over for dinner on a Thursday but I was busy. last time we went out too he insisted on a Thursday which really bothered me because why can't we do a weekend date anymore (this stopped after the 4th date) and why at his place this time when we just went to mine last time. I really don't know what to do or what the hell to make of this. was the 5th date (maybe 6th if you count us 1st meeting) too soon to hook up? does he think im easy now and delegated me to a weekday hookup girl while he's probably dating someone else? what if I also want to go out on dates? should I tell him next time he texts me I don't even think he likes me that much and ask where this is even headed? Edited February 12, 2022 by La Trese
Gaeta Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 Sorry, he lost interest and he's keeping you on the back burner. Don't lose your virginity to him, he's not worth it. Wait for someone that really wants to connect with you. Forget about this guy. He's wasting your time. Block him. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 I’m with Gaeta on this. He’s not that interested anymore, and you don’t sound very happy or comfortable with him, either. Having sex for the first time with him would be a mistake, as it’s clear he’s not that into it anymore and it would probably be a very unpleasant experience for you. It’s time to cut this off.
Wiseman2 Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 7 hours ago, La Trese said: guy I've been seeing now for two months. I feel like with him this entire relationship so far has been so frustrating, 8 weeks dating should be fun and blissful for you. It's a time to see if you're a good fit. Apparently, you're not happy and aren't a good fit. You're distrustful of his motives and haven't been forthcoming about waiting to have sex until you are exclusive, married or whatever your reasons are. End it. You're not on the same wavelength. Take it slowly and make sure you're happy and comfortable with someone before going further.
Author La Trese Posted February 12, 2022 Author Posted February 12, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, Gaeta said: Sorry, he lost interest and he's keeping you on the back burner. Don't lose your virginity to him, he's not worth it. Wait for someone that really wants to connect with you. Forget about this guy. He's wasting your time. Block him. I feel like this always happens to me and it's so frustrating. I wish guys would just end it with me when they lose interest but they always try and string me along (I am almost never the one to reach out 1st). I never do this to guys literally I feel so guilty if I do. it's usually when they can sense I really like them. when it's mutual this does not happen. Edited February 12, 2022 by La Trese
Wiseman2 Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 42 minutes ago, La Trese said: . I wish guys would just end it with me when they lose interest but they always try and string me along It doesn't seem like he was stringing you along. It seems like he was trying to date you, but you showed very limited interest, particularly since you are waiting for exclusivity or marriage to have sex. It would be best to be more forthcoming about that. You don't need to tell anyone you're a virgin, but don't string them along. Be frank that waiting for sex is important to you. At any point in dating, you can end things if you feel uncomfortable or unhappy. That's up to you, not him.
Author La Trese Posted February 12, 2022 Author Posted February 12, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: It doesn't seem like he was stringing you along. It seems like he was trying to date you, but you showed very limited interest, particularly since you are waiting for exclusivity or marriage to have sex. It would be best to be more forthcoming about that. You don't need to tell anyone you're a virgin, but don't string them along. Be frank that waiting for sex is important to you. At any point in dating, you can end things if you feel uncomfortable or unhappy. That's up to you, not him. I showed interest when he was showing interest but it never went well. the reason i invited him over when I normally never do that was to show him interest and to see maybe if we can get closer. I only stopped showing interest when he started taking an entire business day to respond to my very simple and short text and started being less thoughtful in his responses because I felt stupid the couple times I did reach out and that was his underwhelming response. but yeah I should be more forthcoming next time. I guess to be honest the moment never felt right with him. our conversations never got that deep.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 1 hour ago, La Trese said: because I felt stupid the couple times I did reach out and that was his underwhelming response. Can you elaborate on this? What sort of messages did you send, and how did he respond?
Wiseman2 Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 2 hours ago, La Trese said: I only stopped showing interest when he started taking an entire business day to respond to my very simple and short text and started being less thoughtful in his responses. Texting is not dating. You both sort of faded out. However you initiated fading because he didn't text enough or his response time was too long. Don't chitchat all day, or seek out text buddies..
dramafreezone Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 (edited) 13 hours ago, La Trese said: I really don't know what to do or what the hell to make of this. was the 5th date (maybe 6th if you count us 1st meeting) too soon to hook up? does he think im easy now and delegated me to a weekday hookup girl while he's probably dating someone else? what if I also want to go out on dates? should I tell him next time he texts me I don't even think he likes me that much and ask where this is even headed? 6 dates is on the longer end to wait for sex if you ask 100 guys. If you date once a week that's a month and a half. I think most guys are going to lose interest with no sex at that point, and I don't think that's unreasonable. People who have had sex want to have more of it. You have to date in a way that makes you comfortable. If you don't want to do it don't do it but understand that guys have desires too, it's not only your desires that matter. Many guys can take it as a rejection if you just want to date without sex, as if you're using them. From what you've described I don't think this guy did anything to you. He thought for a while that you wanted what he wanted, and he figured out that you didn't so he lost interest. That's quite normal, he didn't pressure you or shame you or anything, he just moved on. Maybe find a guy who's a virgin and won't have that expectation and you'll be on the same wavelength. Edited February 12, 2022 by dramafreezone 3 1
smackie9 Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 Guys want sex. You are a virgin and have certain expectation he doesn't know about, so he's going to take all this as rejection, or he thinks he's being taken for a ride, or this is not the pace he is interested in doing. This is where you went wrong: you don't communicate these things that are very important to you. You need to be upfront, because most people are not like you. It's a rare situation, and you need the right guy to come along that likes you enough to be patient, and accepts your expectations. With this guy, you are too late, he's doing the slow fade, and reaching out to other women. There is nothing you can do but move on. 1
stillafool Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 First how old are you? If you are a young virgin it is understandable that you might want to wait. After a certain age some men feel it's too risky to take virginity because of the expectations the woman will have afterwards which is commitment that they may not want to give. Grown folks like sex and I think this guy lost interest because of the lack of it. He feels he invested in 6 dates so will not let you go but put you on the back burner. He's probably interested in another woman too. 1
glows Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, La Trese said: I only stopped showing interest when he started taking an entire business day to respond to my very simple and short text and started being less thoughtful in his responses because I felt stupid the couple times I did reach out and that was his underwhelming response. but yeah I should be more forthcoming next time. I guess to be honest the moment never felt right with him. our conversations never got that deep. This wasn’t ever going anywhere. Lack of chemistry, no real connection or depth, inconsistent or spotty communication. These are all no no no pass the potatoes. It is so dull of course you’re questioning what you both are doing in the first place. Let this man go. In future make a mental note and look for intellectual ability, depth of character, integrity. Try not to let your virginity get in the way. Be around respectable and respectful individuals, period. Edited February 12, 2022 by glows
Mrin Posted February 13, 2022 Posted February 13, 2022 22 hours ago, smackie9 said: Guys want sex. You are a virgin and have certain expectation he doesn't know about, so he's going to take all this as rejection, or he thinks he's being taken for a ride, or this is not the pace he is interested in doing. This is where you went wrong: you don't communicate these things that are very important to you. You need to be upfront, because most people are not like you. It's a rare situation, and you need the right guy to come along that likes you enough to be patient, and accepts your expectations. With this guy, you are too late, he's doing the slow fade, and reaching out to other women. There is nothing you can do but move on. This. So much this. You never gave him the full picture. If I were dating you I would have interpreted your behavior as: 1. Low sex drive or frigid (no thanks), or; 2. Not interested in me (rejection), or; 3. A tease (no thanks) But, if I had known you still had your virginity and your inexperience with sex stuff then everything would have made a heck of a lot more sense. I know it is hard to be vulnerable and let a guy know about your lack of sexual experience but I think some transparency would have gone a long way. 1
aloneagain63 Posted February 18, 2022 Posted February 18, 2022 sounds like a total lack of communication. I agree with the part about don't bring up the virginity. But you do need to have a conversation with a guy during or soon after the 2nd date. Just tell him that you've been hurt before and you do not move quickly in relationships. Let him know early on that he shouldn't expect full on sex until you feel comfortable. I think most guys would be somewhat ok with that if they enjoy being around you. Concentrate on making dates and time around your suiter fun and lively .
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