Guy I'm regularly seeing canceled plans last minute, I am panicking

[lana-banana]

3 hours ago, ASG said:

The guy has broken things off with the OP, but where did you get the "she reached out to him twice" bit?! 

He cancelled their plans and that was it. She didn't reach out until Sunday, which is when she was told it was over. 

IIRC he canceled plans and made no move to set up another date. She responded to the canceled plans with a "Sunday or next week?", to which he gave a non-committal "sounds good", and then reached out again asking for a walk in the park.

I don't think she did anything wrong here at all. I am not accusing her of texting too much or anything like that; I just would have let him do the rescheduling after his last-minute cancellation on Friday. When I was dating, if I had to cancel plans with somebody I really liked, I immediately put a new date on the books. All I'm saying is that I would have taken the last-minute cancellation without rescheduling as a sign of disinterest.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Just be careful not to jump to the conclusion that you have somehow ruined this by your anxiety. When I read your OP, I knew it was over. Nobody cancels plans last minute because they need "time to themselves" and not reschedule another date in early dating stages. That's when people are on their best behavior, trying hard not to do anything to turn the other person off. Your intuition was 100% correct.

Part of wanting to control things is also feeling that it's all somehow all your fault so that once you "fix yourself" it will all work out. In relationships, you only have up to 50% control. This guy just wasn't interested and if you haven't initiated as much, he would have likely faded away sooner. As others have said, when you meet the right guy everything just flows. You will have anxious moments but they will be rare.

[Noproblem]

I think something going on, I need some me time, I need to do my things! Seems weird to me if that was the routine!

Either he is tired of this routine, or he has some problem he wanna work on, or he just slowly fading, or he just want to breathe without you clinging to him ( your answers to him saying me time was so clingy), and finally, he could be seeing another person!

My first thought was: He fact that V day is coming up and you wanted a trip

He felt you were gonna be with him. and that's it, you are a couple now

So, he wanted to drop out, leave this ship before it becomes real. He doesn't want you as an end game!

Just fun game!

Edited February 14, 2022 by Noproblem

[Noproblem]

On 2/12/2022 at 11:49 AM, Amanda141 said:

yeah I agree

So if you were me, what would you do? I know it's better to just wait and wait for him, but if by tomorrow still nothing... what is the best text I could send?

If I were you, I would never text him again at all after canceling on our plans!

If he wants, he can text me and I will still ignore him just because he doesn't deserve a reply! Every person should have a pride and don't beg for a relationship to continue, if someone cancel on you without planning for another event, I assume they don't want to see us anymore and I just simply stop talking to them until they behave better!

If they cancel plans last minute, they don't deserve the good treatment that I was treating them and no matter how much I liked them, I would just simply ignore them.

They know my place and my number, then can reach out if they really want a second chance!

 

but then this is too late now and it's over!

 

[Noproblem]

11 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

I want to be honest, it was mostly me. Why? Because of the need of reassurance and wanting to know that he likes me. I just couldn't help it. I even have to say I cried on the phone with him earlier. He told me there isn't any other girl, it's just he didn't feel like going on. The weekend was 100% my idea, because I have never had a trip with a guy so I was so eager to finally have on that I blew it. He said that he likes me but started to have doubts. He's a nice guy and I appreciate he talked to me on the phone for half an hour. I just feel stupid cause I bought him a present for VDay, just some chocolates, nothing special, but I was really looking forward to it.

Imagine that you want one thing so hard, you almost get it... but then poof. My fear of ruining everything, literally ruined everything. The thing is that until Friday, I was totally not expecting it. The last 2 guys who broke up with me had reasonable explanations: one had just lost his mother and wasn't feeling like dating anyone in general, while the other one was older than me and was dating to marry, unlike myself. But with him... all was perfect. We were acting like a couple: texting everyday, watched Emily in Paris and many movies together, cooking together, texting 50-50... it sounded too good to be true, and I let myself be transported by it. My telephone call with him was pathetic. That angel of my flatmate was with me and listened to it and said that basically I was praying him to tell me a reason and to give me another chance. He said that it's not my fault, it just happens... but why it happens? for my fear of losing him. Now that I recognise the patter that makes me lose guys, I need to address it with the help of a specialist, cause I am really clueless

Give the present to a homeless person!

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

 

Hi ET, just wanted to say your pic looks really nice.  Glad to see you back.

[stillafool]

22 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

while the other one was older than me and was dating to marry, unlike myself. But with him... all was perfect. We were acting like a couple: texting everyday, watched Emily in Paris and many movies together, cooking together, texting 50-50... it sounded too good to be true, and I let myself be transported by it.

What happened with this guy Amanda, he seemed like what you're searching for?

Edited February 14, 2022 by stillafool

[Allupinnit]

Yeah when a man told me he needed "space" that was the beginning of the end, no exceptions.

I'm really sorry.  The feeling totally sucks.