ShyViolet Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 8 hours ago, poppyfields said: You posted guys don't stick around, this may be why. You want this guy to stick around? Then again contain anxiety, and try to relax. Yes, absolutely. If a pattern is developing in your life where guys don't stick around, this may be the problem. Guys can sense your insecurity, your desperation, and it pushes them away, makes them feel a bit suffocated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 He asked for space. You need to be in far earth orbit until he chooses to contact you. Anything can change at any time, but especially during the first three months. My rule of thumb during dating is that communications can change, but any sudden change is usually a bad sign. I think someone who sincerely wanted to be with you would be assertive and schedule a next date, rather than saying he needs to be alone and letting you handle it. I would start detaching now for your own well-being. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 8 hours ago, lana-banana said: He asked for space. You need to be in far earth orbit until he chooses to contact you. I seriously need people to start quoting where he said he needed space. He said he needed ME time for a weekend evening, as he always spends them with people. The OP then mentioned rescheduling their date to Sunday or next week. Sunday is today. It is perfectly within what was agreed for the OP to text him. If he doesn't reply, she'll get her answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 32 minutes ago, ASG said: I seriously need people to start quoting where he said he needed space. He said he needed ME time for a weekend evening, as he always spends them with people. The OP then mentioned rescheduling their date to Sunday or next week. Sunday is today. It is perfectly within what was agreed for the OP to text him. If he doesn't reply, she'll get her answer. Hi all, last night I went out with a friend and this morning I went for a run and I already feel so much better. as for the situation with the guy, I agree with @ASGthere is nothing wrong asking him for today’s plans… like, he’s not a guy I’ve hooked up with a couple of times, we were proper dating. he’s an introverted and loves playing videogames, so probably that’s how he spent his friday night. Never say never, but To me, he doesn’t look like a womanizer ! in my timezone is almost noon. I think I’ll wait until 1/2pm and then ask him “hey, hope all is good! How was your weekend?” And then wait for his answer and ask him “would you be up for a chill dinner tonight? Just a couple of hours as tomorrow we both work” and see from there. If there js something wrong, he will tell me and we can maturely discuss it. I honestly feel he likes me and wants a relationship, but maybe he wants to go slower. Either way, we can have a conversation about it and find a solution. Especially in the early stages of dating, when you are still getting to know the other person, there could be misunderstandings and different expectations. It doesn’t mean it’s over, we can just amend and come out from this even stronger! Communication is the key. thoughts? @ASGwhat do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 4 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: I’ll wait until 1/2pm and then ask him “hey, hope all is good! How was your weekend?” Why put it in past tense? Ask him if he wants to have brunch. When texting, say something tangible and answerable. It's more straight forward and definitive than "just checking" type texts. "Hope all is good" sounds like "you didn't text me (I'm panicking) so are you dead?". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Why put it in past tense? Ask him if he wants to have brunch. When texting, say something tangible and answerable. It's more straight forward and definitive than "just checking" type texts. "Hope all is good" sounds like "you didn't text me (I'm panicking) so are you dead?". Yeah true. Maybe “Hey! How’s your weekend going?” And then ask for meeting tonight for a chilled dinner Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 2 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: ”And then ask for meeting tonight for a chilled dinner You two can't have lunch/brunch? Why does it have to be dinner? Stop asking him how his weekend is going. It's annoying. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You two can't have lunch/brunch? Why does it have to be dinner? Stop asking him how his weekend is going. It's annoying. No lunch cause it’s already lunchtime, but actually today is a rare sunny and quite warm Sunday so maybe I can directly ask “hey! Sun is shining, would you be up for a walk later?” Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 You don't need to reach out. He knows you are eager to see him. If you convey to him 1/10th of what you've conveyed in this thread, he knows how desperate you are to see him. He was the one to ask for alone time Friday and also the one who did not respond definitively (as in, specifying a day/time) when you suggested connecting "Sunday or next week instead." Let him come to you if/when he is ready to see you. You are letting your need for reassurance drive your actions. There is no objectively good reason for you to reach out to him first. He's also aware that it's a rare sunny and warm Sunday so if he wants to spend it with you, he will contact you. 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 If you have to text him, just don't write "hope all is good" because it implies that something is wrong. Other than that, doesn't matter much what you text. I think he is losing interest because you would have heard from him by now. Hope that I am wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 I ended up texting if he’s up for a walk in the city centre as it’s a sunny day. Didn’t mention “hope all is good”. I will keep you posted Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 I don't know why you are so scared to not see him today. You said you always have a Tuesday date, you"ll see him in 48 hours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 6 hours ago, ASG said: I seriously need people to start quoting where he said he needed space. He said he needed ME time for a weekend evening, as he always spends them with people. The OP then mentioned rescheduling their date to Sunday or next week. Sunday is today. It is perfectly within what was agreed for the OP to text him. If he doesn't reply, she'll get her answer. In my opinion, canceling plans at the last minute without making a firm date to meet up again is a cue to step back. She's already reached out twice now, the ball is in his court. I completely agree that his response or lack thereof is the response. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 hi everyone. Unfortunately, he left me. He told me he thought about us and does not see a future. he doesnt like me enough to keep seeing me. needless to say I feel horrible. I have wrote an email to a psychologist because I want to address these abandonment issues/constant need of reassurance I have. Thanks to everyone 1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 I only read the opening post. I do think it's a bit inconsiderate that he would cancel at 4pm of the day itself for no urgent reason, especially given that he knew you would be cooking and therefore would've bought ingredients. I wouldn't do that to a friend, let alone a date or a partner. It's fine to want to spend Friday night catching up on alone time, but if you know the other person is cooking, you should either tell them the day before, or just suck it up and go this time and have your alone time the next day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 8 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: Unfortunately, he left me. He told me he thought about us and does not see a future. he doesnt like me enough to keep seeing me. I'm sorry, Amanda. At least now you know. It hurts, but it's better that he was honest rather than letting it go any further. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 That's okay Amanda, let him go kick rocks, you will meet the right guy. The year just started and Spring is on it's way. Don't fret over bad rubbish. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, introverted1 said: You don't need to reach out. He knows you are eager to see him. If you convey to him 1/10th of what you've conveyed in this thread, he knows how desperate you are to see him. He was the one to ask for alone time Friday and also the one who did not respond definitively (as in, specifying a day/time) when you suggested connecting "Sunday or next week instead." Let him come to you if/when he is ready to see you. You are letting your need for reassurance drive your actions. There is no objectively good reason for you to reach out to him first. He's also aware that it's a rare sunny and warm Sunday so if he wants to spend it with you, he will contact you. Wholeheartedly agree with this!^^ Again, give him time to wonder about you and miss you! Learn to play the game a little, the dance. You want him moving closer to you, NOT asking for a weekend to himself. Once again you said guys don't stick around, this is why! You are coming across quite anxious, insecure and needy. In need of reassurance. Guys can smell that type of desperation a mile away and it will push them away in these precarious early stages. Do not chase. Let him come to you. Give him time to wonder, it increases attraction and may reignite attraction that is dying which may be what has happened here and why he needed the weekend to himself. Edited February 13, 2022 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 I feel terrible. I just feel like I want to start a new life. I dont like living in this ugly city and since I wanna relocate in 1 year theres not even sense to start a relationship even if I want a relationship. I am gonna ask HR if I came remotely work from Spain or I think I’ll start looking for jobs there even now 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 (edited) Shoot, just read the update, I'm sorry Amanda. Edited February 13, 2022 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 Left the day before St Valentines, what a fool I am. Cant wait to go to therapy to address my anxiety, its the only solution and best investment I can ever make for myself 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 10 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: Left the day before St Valentines, what a fool I am. Cant wait to go to therapy to address my anxiety, its the only solution and best investment I can ever make for myself Why are you a fool? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 33 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: Unfortunately, he left me. He told me he thought about us and does not see a future. he doesnt like me enough to keep seeing me. Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately he was casual and not in with both feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted February 13, 2022 Author Share Posted February 13, 2022 4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why are you a fool? I feel stupid. It was my first time celebrating VDay, I had already bought chocolates for him. I was feeling over the moon. And then, one day before, this happens. The irony is that my name, Amanda, means “that deserves to be loved”. And no one loves me (in the dating scene). me and him and a call of 30 mins and he simply said that maybe the trip scared him as it made us look too serious. That he liked he idea but then thought about it and maybe he wasnt ready. He told me that he was really confused, that at times he wanted to see me and go on that trip and others no. Like the city I chose for the trip was 2-hour train ride and it would have only been for the weekend, it didnt seem too much for me after two months… Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 @Amanda141 Quote hi everyone. Unfortunately, he left me. He told me he thought about us and does not see a future. he doesnt like me enough to keep seeing me. needless to say I feel horrible. I have wrote an email to a psychologist because I want to address these abandonment issues/constant need of reassurance I have. Thanks to everyone I'm sorry to hear this. Atleast he didn't ghost you like many do. This guy showed you respect by offering you an explanation so that you don't hold on. This stuff hurts but the experiences carry lessons we can learn from that teach us about ourselves. You just have to be open-minded enough to see it. You're going to be okay. There's nothing you can do about your heartbreak atm except to let it be. Feel it so that you can process it, and when you process it, you will slowly work through it. A therapist or someone to help you through it by giving you helpful tools, will be really good for you as well. My advice? Make the pain you feel right now, mean something, in the future, by really taking care of yourself today. You do that, the fruits of this labor will add up and your future self will thank you. I was with someone for a little while who moved away to study medicine. We had only started about 6 months prior to her leaving but we both knew she was leaving. I took a chance. Had hope. Worked my butt of to try and make it work but she had no time, lost interest, pulled away. 3 months into the LDR, it was over. It took awhile to get over the first situation, and when I finally felt somewhat like myself again, I met someone.. but she wasn't over her ex. I knew that. I knew that I would be playing with fire and I eventually got burned real bad. Her conflicted feelings made things so bad for the both of us that I had to end it. She went back to her boyfriend about 2 days later and vanished. I found she married the guy months later from a friend. Both those situations were basically back to back and I came out of it depleted, pissed off, and lost. But..one thing I knew after the latter, was I just wanted to be on my own indefinitely. Part of it was because I didn't want go through all this crap again with someone new, but most of it was because I knew being on my own was what I wanted now. It was like the decision was made for me. I look back 5 years, and I haven't regretted that decision yet. It was the best move I ever made. So you never know. - Beach 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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