Ignored my request for her number and continued conversation. Still ask her out or what do I do?

[max3732]

17 hours ago, balletomane said:

If I remember right, you're in your early 40s. I know this has been brought up before, but I honestly think you'd have far more options if you weren't set on finding a woman with no kids. There are many family-oriented women in their 30s who have kids from a first marriage that for whatever reason didn't work out, and if you refuse to consider them, your dating pool shrinks dramatically.

Yep. In my early 40's. I'd just really like to start a family with someone from scratch. 

[glows]

I’d leave out asking for a number and ask to meet for coffee. There are a lot of nervous types or timewasters. Try to determine your compatibility in person, not via texting.

[max3732]

On 2/16/2022 at 11:08 AM, glows said:

I’d leave out asking for a number and ask to meet for coffee. There are a lot of nervous types or timewasters. Try to determine your compatibility in person, not via texting.

For some reason I thought asking for a number showed I was taking the initiative and not looking for a texting buddy so women would like that. I'm perfectly fine just messaging through the app and setting up a date.

Something else I encounter are what I assume are scammers. Their 1st message is "I'm not on here much. What's your Whatsapp?" When I ask if they'd like to talk or videochat on the app first they unmatch me.

 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, max3732 said:

I'm perfectly fine just messaging through the app and setting up a date.

Something else I encounter are what I assume are scammers. Their 1st message is "I'm not on here much. What's your Whatsapp?" When I ask if they'd like to talk or videochat on the app first they unmatch me.

Don't get discouraged. There's a lot of flakes and hit-or miss out there. And the typical scammers.

[glows]

12 hours ago, max3732 said:

For some reason I thought asking for a number showed I was taking the initiative and not looking for a texting buddy so women would like that. I'm perfectly fine just messaging through the app and setting up a date.

Something else I encounter are what I assume are scammers. Their 1st message is "I'm not on here much. What's your Whatsapp?" When I ask if they'd like to talk or videochat on the app first they unmatch me.

 

I think it’s best to treat the dating app matches as 5-10% of what you’re actually doing meeting new people. The other 95% comes from real life connections. Stay grounded and put the phone down when you need a break. 

There’s no hard and fast rule that applies to every single match. Roll with it and just be in the moment. If someone feels fake or boring don’t respond.

[max3732]

On 2/18/2022 at 3:36 AM, glows said:

I think it’s best to treat the dating app matches as 5-10% of what you’re actually doing meeting new people. The other 95% comes from real life connections. Stay grounded and put the phone down when you need a break. 

There’s no hard and fast rule that applies to every single match. Roll with it and just be in the moment. If someone feels fake or boring don’t respond.

It's hard for me to make real life connections. I work from home and only meet people through a sports league or at a club I belong to. I only tend to meet other guys and like I've mentioned before they're all married. So I don't really have anyone to go to anything with besides my parents. One of my friends fixed me up years ago but that didn't work out.

I have no idea where to find women in their 30's that are single. All the women I do manage to meet are 50+ or married.

With covid easing maybe I'll try to get out more. 

[dramafreezone]

47 minutes ago, max3732 said:

It's hard for me to make real life connections. I work from home and only meet people through a sports league or at a club I belong to. I only tend to meet other guys and like I've mentioned before they're all married. So I don't really have anyone to go to anything with besides my parents. One of my friends fixed me up years ago but that didn't work out.

 

That's a great start actually, sports leagues and clubs.  Expand that to various types of meetup groups.  Maybe start dance class, like salsa, great place to meet women, there's almost always more women than men in those classes, and you'll be partnered up with them. 

If you decide you actually like something like salsa and stick with it, you have it made because there's a shortage of guys that can actually do it well, so women will wait to pair up with you.  Just one idea to get you thinking.

Edited February 23, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Jaqueim84]

I think you may have been catfished. I think it could have been a couple of things. I think the person you were chatting with on the app may have very well been a man and that is why "she" did not want to give you a phone number, meet for a date or videochat. It is possible that it could have been a married woman who was just on the site because she was bored. However, I am more inclined to believe it was a man. 

[aloneagain63]

OR, she was video chatting 5 guys during the week and decided Number 3 was her man to date.   She unmatched all the others to show her loyalty to the one she chose

[max3732]

8 hours ago, Jaqueim84 said:

I think you may have been catfished. I think it could have been a couple of things. I think the person you were chatting with on the app may have very well been a man and that is why "she" did not want to give you a phone number, meet for a date or videochat. It is possible that it could have been a married woman who was just on the site because she was bored. However, I am more inclined to believe it was a man. 

Why would a man be on a dating site with pictures of a beautiful woman and a great profile? Wouldn't he be found out eventually by everyone who wants to talk on the phone, video chat or meet?

[max3732]

2 hours ago, aloneagain63 said:

OR, she was video chatting 5 guys during the week and decided Number 3 was her man to date.   She unmatched all the others to show her loyalty to the one she chose

That could be too. It said "just joined" on her profile and she was still updating it was we were talking. I've heard women like her get tons of messages, which is why I was trying to separate myself from the pack by getting her number, doing a video chat or meeting.

[dramafreezone]

14 hours ago, max3732 said:

Why would a man be on a dating site with pictures of a beautiful woman and a great profile? Wouldn't he be found out eventually by everyone who wants to talk on the phone, video chat or meet?

Catfishing does happen but it is relatively rare and I wouldn't assume that as the most likely possibility.  The simplest explanation is most often the correct one.  She was just not that interested.  Like the last guy said she probably had a list of guys that she was considering and you didn't make the cut.  Or, one thing that we never consider, maybe she had an ex come back into the picture, she thought she was ready to move on but she's going to give him another chance.  If that's the case, you cannot compete with an ex that she's built an attachment to.

If she just barely likes you, it's more luck than anything if you end up going out, which is why it doesn't make a lot of sense to invest so much into it.  Invest in women that are showing the same interest in you that you are in them.  There's probably nothing you could've done differently that would've changed the outcome. 

Edited February 24, 2022 by dramafreezone

[stillafool]

14 hours ago, max3732 said:

Why would a man be on a dating site with pictures of a beautiful woman and a great profile? Wouldn't he be found out eventually by everyone who wants to talk on the phone, video chat or meet?

The same reason 300 lb women are on dating sites using a beautiful woman's pic, sick in the head.  Try to meet women in person and through your friends.  Approach women in super markets, church (has a lot of single women praying for a good man), parks, etc.

[max3732]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

The same reason 300 lb women are on dating sites using a beautiful woman's pic, sick in the head.  Try to meet women in person and through your friends.  Approach women in super markets, church (has a lot of single women praying for a good man), parks, etc.

Any tips for approaching women in these places? On a dating site you know they're there to meet men, but in public I never know what to say.

[stillafool]

37 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Any tips for approaching women in these places? On a dating site you know they're there to meet men, but in public I never know what to say.

Say Hi, ask their name, compliment them on something (eyes or smile, nothing more unless they have a dog with them), ask where they're from.  If she seems friendly ask if she's taken and if not, ask to contact her.

[basil67]

But only do the cold approach if you're prepared to be shut down on a regular basis.  Cold approaches are notoriously difficult to pull off, and the guys who write here about doing it successfully talk about needing to be able to brush off all the rejections. 

For what it's worth, back when I was young and pretty, I would never give my details to a random stranger who approached me in a public setting.  Especially if it was someone who had no obvious reason to establish a conversation with me......and when I was single.  If I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't even give my name - I used to just say "no" and walk away from them.   I know one gorgeous young woman who gets hit on on a daily basis...she's taken the 'shut down' to a fine art because she's had so much practice.

I'm not saying this to be mean....just to give you food for thought.  Do you think you're up for this kind of response?  

[dramafreezone]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

But only do the cold approach if you're prepared to be shut down on a regular basis.  Cold approaches are notoriously difficult to pull off, and the guys who write here about doing it successfully talk about needing to be able to brush off all the rejections. 

For what it's worth, back when I was young and pretty, I would never give my details to a random stranger who approached me in a public setting.  Especially if it was someone who had no obvious reason to establish a conversation with me......and when I was single.  If I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't even give my name - I used to just say "no" and walk away from them.   I know one gorgeous young woman who gets hit on on a daily basis...she's taken the 'shut down' to a fine art because she's had so much practice.

I'm not saying this to be mean....just to give you food for thought.  Do you think you're up for this kind of response?  

I've never successfully cold approached and don't recommend it unless like you said, you're ok doing it a lot and being rejected a lot.  It has to almost become a hobby or project.  The men that I know that do it say you just have to become immune to the rejections, like you said.

That said I've certainly met women and gotten their numbers, but in "warm approach" situations.  For instance, taking a dance class and talking to women you meet there, or at a trivia night, or at the dog park if you have a dog.  OP, in my opinion these are much better ideas because women are much less likely to have their guard up and you have something in common to talk about, just my opinion. 

OP, my advice is cold approach only if you're going to commit to that process and allow the numbers to work in your favor.  Cold approach experts say you need to do a minimum of 100, and if you get phone numbers from 10% you're doing pretty well.

Edited February 25, 2022 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

I don't recommend cold approaching either.

What I do recommend is taking advantage of opportunities to talk to women naturally and organically, not with the intention of getting a number or a date necessarily, that looks too "pick-up artistish" but because you enjoy meeting new people and it's fun!

I consider myself an introvert but I do enjoy meeting new people and I will strike up a random conversation and/or will respond to someone striking up a conversation with me, anytime, anywhere. 

It doesn't have to lead to a date or getting a number (or maybe it will!) but it's a great way to hone your conversation skills so if by chance you DO click with someone you're chatting with, you won't become so nervous and tongue-tied.

I have met many men this way max and dated them (or not).  I have also met women this way and we've become friends.

After a while talking to anyone (female or male) becomes almost effortless, second nature.  I don't even have to think about it, it comes so naturally to me now.

Some places I have met men naturally - waiting on line at the supermarket, waiting for the train or on the train, at the park, at the beach, waiting for my take-out order to be ready at a restaurant, just to name a few.

Look and make yourself approachable and you may have random women striking up a conversation with you!

Edited February 25, 2022 by poppyfields

[Trail Blazer]

If a woman is attractive she'll get so many messages it's not funny.  It's not right, but I think many women don't mind window shopping until they find "the one" (in their own mind) and they'll quickly discard the rest when he pops up.

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

If a woman is attractive she'll get so many messages it's not funny.  It's not right, but I think many women don't mind window shopping until they find "the one" (in their own mind) and they'll quickly discard the rest when he pops up.

This is so true. Even if she is just average looking, she is going to get tons of attention on-line. The younger she is, the more messages she is going to get. You literally have to compete with hundreds of other guys when it comes to on-line dating.