elaine567 Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 4 minutes ago, Lewis321 said: Elaine567 I appreciate your point. Still wouldn't justify buying anything expensive or high end after only being together for 2 months. Just to clarify some of the stuff I bought was cheap, others were more pricy. The high end, one expensive lipstick may have been more appreciated... However, for two months together, she went completely over the top. Is she rich?
BaileyB Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 6 hours ago, Lewis321 said: she will complain that I take ages to reply to her texts and don't put enough detail when texting her back. Soon, she will probably tell you how to dress and what to say when meeting her friends. Be cautious with this one - she seems rather entitled and pretty demanding. I say this particularly considering you have been together for two months.
BaileyB Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Lewis321 said: She has got into my head and made me feel like I am not doing good enough I’ve been with my guy for five years - this year, I got a board game, a book, some chocolates… He has previously bought me a pedicure, a charm for my bracelet, a necklace - none of which was particularly expensive. It’s usually one “more expensive gift” and then other less expensive things that he knows I will enjoy. I do the same for him. My partner’s ex was very materialistic. He was so stressed to buy me gifts the first year or two because “everything he ever bought for his ex wife was returned. It was never right, it was “too cheap.”” She was also irrationally jealous about other women. Nothing he did was ever enough and it really did a number on him. For what it’s worth, I hear what you are saying in that some women may want one more expensive item (ex. a purse) than other, less expensive items. But that is for next year or the year after - To expect that when she can count on one hand the months she has known the man is a little ridiculous. Money is clearly how she measures “love.” Money and attention - if that works for you OP, that’s fine. She is telling you what is important to her and what she expects from you early on in the relationship. Just beware in that the expectations are likely to increase with time… Edited January 15, 2022 by BaileyB 2
Author Lewis321 Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 9 minutes ago, elaine567 said: The high end, one expensive lipstick may have been more appreciated... However, for two months together, she went completely over the top. Is she rich? Elaine 567 no she isn't rich, quite the opposite. She is a college student who's on benefits.
elaine567 Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 Just now, Lewis321 said: Elaine 567 no she isn't rich, quite the opposite. She is a college student who's on benefits. Oh dear, red flag. She is wasting money she doesn't have. 3
BaileyB Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 Just now, Lewis321 said: Elaine 567 no she isn't rich, quite the opposite. She is a college student who's on benefits. In other words, she can’t afford to be buying you gifts and t-shirts and other things. She’s likely doing that with the intention that you will do the same. She wants to live a lifestyle that she can’t afford right now - 1
Author Lewis321 Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 11 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Soon, she will probably tell you how to dress and what to say when meeting her friends. Be cautious with this one - she seems rather entitled and pretty demanding. I say this particularly considering you have been together for two months. BaileyB I am finding it quite demanding. The whole thing is confusing me because at the beginning she made it obvious she was attracted to me because I done what I want when I want. Then she starts acting like this
BaileyB Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 1 minute ago, Lewis321 said: BaileyB I am finding it quite demanding. The whole thing is confusing me because at the beginning she made it obvious she was attracted to me because I done what I want when I want. Then she starts acting like this Has she had another relationship previously?
Author Lewis321 Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: In other words, she can’t afford to be buying you gifts and t-shirts and other things. She’s likely doing that with the intention that you will do the same. She wants to live a lifestyle that she can’t afford right now - BaileyB possibly. She makes points about how my daughters dress, their clothes don't match or they might have the odd stain on them. Recently I had to buy a new car as my old one had multiple things wrong with it. I am fortunate enough to buy one outright. She made a point that I don't buy my kids clothes but I can just drop money on a car outright.
BaileyB Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Lewis321 said: She makes points about how my daughters dress, their clothes don't match or they might have the odd stain on them. Recently I had to buy a new car as my old one had multiple things wrong with it. I am fortunate enough to buy one outright. She made a point that I don't buy my kids clothes but I can just drop money on a car outright. How you chose to spend your money is none of her business. Again, in my home we each have things that we spend money on that the other finds ridiculous. I spend $60 for a haircut, he spends $15. He buys all kinds of electronic gadgets that I don’t think we need. I’m on a puzzle jag to pass the time during Covid. Neither one of us will ever comment or pass judgment on the other for how we chose to spend our own money. Just saying… Edited to add - tell her to think of the thousands you saved not financing your vehicle. That is a great thing, if you can afford to do it. How old are you both OP? You sound considerably more financially secure than this woman. Is it possible that you are just at different stages of life - Edited January 15, 2022 by BaileyB 3
Author Lewis321 Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 15 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Has she had another relationship previously? Bailey b she has told me about some, she said she has had one or two normal guys who it did not work out, some other guys who have been physically abusive or cheated. Her main relationship was with her sons dad, according to her he physically abused her, pushed her down the stairs, stole from her and cheated on her with both a girl and a guy.
Author Lewis321 Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 15 minutes ago, BaileyB said: How you chose to spend your money is none of her business. Again, in my home we each have things that we spend money on that the other finds ridiculous. I spend $60 for a haircut, he spends $15. He buys all kinds of electronic gadgets that I don’t think we need. I’m on a puzzle jag to pass the time during Covid. Neither one of us will ever comment or pass judgment on the other for how we chose to spend our own money. Just saying… Edited to add - tell her to think of the thousands you saved not financing your vehicle. That is a great thing, if you can afford to do it. How old are you both OP? You sound considerably more financially secure than this woman. Is it possible that you are just at different stages of life - BaileyB I appreciate your time and comments. I have never judged her on anything she spends or does. She told me that her sons dad racked up big debts in her name and she has spent a long time paying it off. She is 28 I am 31.
Wiseman2 Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 30 minutes ago, Lewis321 said: She is a college student who's on benefits. is it possible she is shoplifting?
BaileyB Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Lewis321 said: She made a point that I don't buy my kids clothes but I can just drop money on a car outright. Quote I have never judged her on anything she spends or does. I hear you. Her comment is a really judgmental statement. She is passing judgment on how you parent and telling you that you are selfish. That’s not ok for anyone to say - Edited January 15, 2022 by BaileyB
BaileyB Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Lewis321 said: Her main relationship was with her sons dad, according to her he physically abused her, pushed her down the stairs, stole from her and cheated on her with both a girl and a guy. That is a complicated relationship history. I hope she has had some counselling . Edited January 15, 2022 by BaileyB
Author Lewis321 Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: That is a complicated relationship history. I hope she has had some counselling . BaileyB she has admitted going to therapy, especially surrounding her issues with checking her exs phones while they are not looking
elaine567 Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: is it possible she is shoplifting? Maybe, but I see it as something of an investment. Trying to make sure he sticks around.
Author Lewis321 Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: is it possible she is shoplifting? Wiseman2 I doubt it
poppyfields Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 9 hours ago, Lewis321 said: She said that I am very good at the dating side of things but not the relationship side So three months into this, you're cheap and suck at relationships. Lewis, do yourself (and subsequently her as well) a favor and dump her. Women who constantly complain and criticize do not make good girlfriends/wives no matter what their background. I am appalled that she criticized your gift and called it cheap. Shocked! In my mind, only 2 months dating when this happened, immediate dump. You should NOT want to continue with a person like this. Gifting is about the thought that went into it, NOT the cost. She is shallow, demanding and materialistic. If you continue on trying to please, you will forever be walking on eggshells, anxious of doing or saying the 'wrong' thing. Just my take and I'm a woman! 1
Author Lewis321 Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 38 minutes ago, poppyfields said: So three months into this, you're cheap and suck at relationships. Lewis, do yourself (and subsequently her as well) a favor and dump her. Women who constantly complain and criticize do not make good girlfriends/wives no matter what their background. I am appalled that she criticized your gift and called it cheap. Shocked! In my mind, only 2 months dating when this happened, immediate dump. You should NOT want to continue with a person like this. Gifting is about the thought that went into it, NOT the cost. She is shallow, demanding and materialistic. If you continue on trying to please, you will forever be walking on eggshells, anxious of doing or saying the 'wrong' thing. Just my take and I'm a woman! Poppy fields thankyou. I'll be honest I had my eye on her for a while before we were together so am well into the relationship but yes you make total sense.
Author Lewis321 Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: Maybe, but I see it as something of an investment. Trying to make sure he sticks around. Elaine 567 unfortunately I think you're right
Author Lewis321 Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: I hear you. Her comment is a really judgmental statement. She is passing judgment on how you parent and telling you that you are selfish. That’s not ok for anyone to say - BaileyB thanks. I think she is jealous of certain things. For example I am a thin lad, she is a curvy girl that is unhappy with her figure, so out of nowhere she said that she resents me because of my size. 1
poppyfields Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: Maybe, but I see it as something of an investment.Trying to make sure he sticks around. You mean like she's shyt testing him? To determine how much BS he will tolerate? If he tolerates her BS (and complaining and criticizing his efforts surely is), and sticks around, he cares? I must be missing something... 1
poppyfields Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 (edited) 1 minute ago, Lewis321 said: For example I am a thin lad, she is a curvy girl that is unhappy with her figure, so out of nowhere she said that she resents me because of my size. Boy it just keeps adding up, doesn't it. Edited January 15, 2022 by poppyfields 2
salparadise Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 3 hours ago, Lewis321 said: Salparadise the money I transfer is to cover everything, food drink heating electric etc. We take it in turns to order takeaway also so I will transfer abit less if we have takeaway. and yes said cheap. complaining that she's not happy in the relationship and I don't show enough love or affection. She never asked me to transfer money, I brought it up she didn't want to talk about it so I said I'm going to start paying you something as its not fair on her paying for all the food/drink. She's keeping you off balance and on the defensive in making you feel that you aren't doing enough. And you seem to be playing right into it. It may not be conscious intent, more like the proclivity of an insecure person. It's a two-month relationship remember. Most people don't even start thinking of it as an actual relationship until six months or more. In my opinion she's overstepping both practically and in the emotional/relational/boundary area. The new information about her having a history of abusive relationships provides some insight. These things are manipulative whether it's the intent or not. It's going to be up to you to maintain healthy boundaries. At two months in you couldn't possibly be ready for the degree of entanglement she's trying to create, and if you're a savvy guy you'll be maintaining objectivity as to whether this has long-term potential. Hopefully starting this thread is a sign that you are. Here is what I'd suggest... do not intermingle finances in any way at this point. Make sure you're covering a bit more than fifty-percent of the food and entertainment, perhaps up to two-thirds to ensure there's no question, and no more cash transfers. You're keeping up a place to live as well, so you have your own heat and electric bills. The small amount of difference a second person staying over a weekend creates is negligible. A few extra toilet flushes and hot water for a shower doesn't justify cash payments. Do not allow the flow of dollars in her direction to become normalized. You don't want to have to wonder if she's with you for the benefits vs. caring for you as a unique individual. If you're still together next Christmas, and for birthdays, etc., agree on spending limits (and thus the expectations). And for heaven's sake, do not be cavalier about BC.
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