Girlfriend disagreeing with me over different beliefs (merged thread)

[ironpony]

12 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Why?  Because of the sex?   I hope this doesn’t offend you, but do you think you might be a sex addict?  Serious question.

Reason I ask is because sex seems to be the major theme in many of your threads in one form or another and also the reason, admittedly, why you remain in this toxic and dysfunctional relationship with a girlfriend who is constantly complaining about you.

I could understand if this were a strictly FWB situation but you view this as an exclusive committed relationship, you say you “love” her but there are so many issues.  I cannot even count the number of threads you have created about your girlfriend's complaints about you.

I am sorry ironpony, but fun and good sex does NOT an exclusive committed relationship make.

Besides fun and good sex, what’s in this for you?

It sounds exhausting, humiliating and deflating.

But hey, the sex is good, so…..

You remain which is your choice, I am just wondering if you might be addicted to the sex and it’s blinding you to the toxicity of it all.

No judgment if you are, it happens.  As long as you recognize it and seek help in navigating it so as to make better decisions for yourself that would be healthier for you in the long term.

This relationship isn't.

 

No I meant I can live with her having certain idealogies if mine do not bother her.  I wasn't talking about sex.  

I love her which is why I created so many threads because I am afraid if getting heartbroken because I love her.

Edited February 11, 2022 by ironpony

[poppyfields]

22 minutes ago, ironpony said:

No I meant I can live with her having certain idealogies if mine do not bother her.  I wasn't talking about sex.  

I love her which is why I created so many threads because I am afraid if getting heartbroken because I love her.

Do you think she loves you?  Reading your various threads, sometimes I wondered if she even likes you, or respects you.

I don't say this to hurt you, but I honestly don't think this is a good situation for you.

Your girlfriend is 21, you are 37, she's at the age where she's exploring who she is, she's got much growing and maturing to do, the chances of this working out long term are slim to none, I am sorry to say.

Perhaps you can change your mindset about it.  Enjoy the fun, enjoy the sex (your words as to why you remain) but scale back the expectations and view this as a casual fling and allow it to run its course.

I am truly sorry, I wish I could be more positive.

Edited February 11, 2022 by poppyfields

[ironpony]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Do you think she loves you?  Reading your various threads, sometimes I wondered if she even likes you, or respects you.

I don't say this to hurt you, but I honestly don't think this is a good situation for you.

Your girlfriend is 21, you are 37, she's at the age where she's exploring who she is, she's got much growing and maturing to do, the chances of this working out long term are slim to none, I am sorry to say.

Perhaps you can change your mindset about it.  Enjoy the fun, enjoy the sex (your words as to why you remain) but scale back the expectations and view this as a casual fling and allow it to run its course.

I am truly sorry, I wish I could be more positive.

She says she does.  Even if it were a fling though, we are monogamous, and I didn't think flings were normally.

[chillii]

 

lt's very obvious it's been way more than just some sex thing op don't worry matter of fact even in your first post you didn't sound that way at all. And that you love your time together and also deeply care for her.  l'd also think that sure you could have a relationship , you've made it 9mths with her and that's really saying something. Most of the things you've talked about don't seem to be you at all actually.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, ironpony said:

Well this recent time it came up is here is the trucker convoy situation here in Canada where we live, and she said she is digusted how the police don't arrest them because they are white, and I just politely said that I don't think the police are not arresting them because of that but different reasons, but then she said I was I was being ignorant of the issue and she got kind of heated about it.

Sorry she is being a typical 21 year old who knows nothing but thinks she knows it all.  

I think you would do just fine dating a woman closer to your age.

[poppyfields]

To clarify @ironponyI know you love her, that wasn't my question. 

Reading all your threads combined specifically discussing female  sexual  dominance and the emphasis you place on that, transgendered sex among others, I was simply asking if you thought good sex was blinding you to the possibility she may not love you the same way you love her. 

You don't have to answer to us, but it's something to consider. 

I truly do wish you the best. 

 

 

[ironpony]

28 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Sorry she is being a typical 21 year old who knows nothing but thinks she knows it all.  

I think you would do just fine dating a woman closer to your age.

Perhaps so.  I can see if it happens again after this talk.

Women my age haven't been any better though I mean there's always issues that come up. Doesn't seem like the age has made a difference really.

[ironpony]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

To clarify @ironponyI know you love her, that wasn't my question. 

Reading all your threads combined specifically discussing female  sexual  dominance and the emphasis you place on that, transgendered sex among others, I was simply asking if you thought good sex was blinding you to the possibility she may not love you the same way you love her. 

You don't have to answer to us, but it's something to consider. 

I truly do wish you the best. 

 

 

Oh well she did say she saw herself in a long-term relationship for me and said I was the best thing that happened to her if that makes any difference.

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh well she did say she saw herself in a long-term relationship for me and said I was the best thing that happened to her if that makes any difference.

She "says" a lot of things, what do her actions tell you?  Do her actions say she loves you?

Do you feel loved by her? 

All her criticisms, judgments, complaints, do they indicate she loves you?

You just posted you create all these threads because you fear you will get your heart broken, where does that fear come from? 

Again, no need to answer to us, only to yourself. 

Take some time and think about it IP.  Introspect and reflect. 

I think it would be helpful for you to do that. 

Truly reflect on everything. 

Edited February 11, 2022 by poppyfields

[ironpony]

21 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

She "says" a lot of things, what do her actions tell you?  Do her actions say she loves you?

Do you feel loved by her? 

All her criticisms, judgments, complaints, do they indicate she loves you?

You just posted you create all these threads because you fear you will get your heart broken, where does that fear come from? 

Again, no need to answer to us, only to yourself. 

Take some time and think about it IP.  Introspect and reflect. 

I think it would be helpful for you to do that. 

Truly reflect on everything. 

Oh yes I feel very loved by her. She is helping me do storyboards for a movie project and really helping me a lot for example, and hangs out with me all the time, and says and does things that makes me feel very loved.  She totally went all out for a valentine's gift to me as well now.  I mean I feel she has some issues about certain subjects maybe that she wants me to be more acknowledging of I guess and I felt annoyed by it now that it has got more heated recently, but maybe that's just me being panicky, about the relationship possibly going south... I am not sure if I overreact or not.

Edited February 11, 2022 by ironpony

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, ironpony said:

,why can't we just agree to disagree or why does she have a problem with that?

Stop arguing with her. She loves wild provocative drama and debating.

Just nod and say ok, then change the subject. You don't have to agree or disagree.

Just don't keep getting sucked into ridiculous debates when you're both bored. Find more interesting things to do and talk about.

Everything with her is about drama, being a victim etc. So stop doing it. 

Edited February 11, 2022 by Wiseman2

[ironpony]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stop arguing with her. She loves wild provocative drama and debating.

Just nod and say ok, then change the subject. You don't have to agree or disagree.

Just don't keep getting sucked into ridiculous debates when you're both bored. Find more interesting things to do and talk about.

Everything with her is about drama, being a victim etc. So stop doing it. 

Oh ok but I've done that before and not get sucked in but I can see that it's bothering her if I ignore it.  So if it's bothering her and I can tell, should of still ignore it?

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

Oh ok but I've done that before and not get sucked in but I can see that it's bothering her if I ignore it.  So if it's bothering her and I can tell, should of still ignore it?

ironpony, this has been mentioned previously several times, but there comes a time in one's life, once they become a grown adult, when they should be figuring this stuff out for him/herself.  Also, there are LOTS of books and articles to read, videos to watch that discuss interpersonal and romantic relationships and the like.

Your threads seem to go round and round without you learning much of anything despite the great advice.  I can see this one being no different.

With due respect, I don't think these threads are helping you, I think all the different advice and opinions you receive are confusing you more than you were before ever even creating the thread.

Why not spend some time watching some videos, or reading, or both and learning for yourself?  Take what you learn and apply it, experiment with it.

You're pushing 40 mate, I think it's time.

There is a great quote I like a lot that goes like this:

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

Which essentially means, no one including us can feed you what to say, what to think or how to react.  You won't learn anything that way, which you haven't.

What has been provided here are ways that would allow you to fend for yourself.  Think for yourself and act according to what YOU think is best.   That will last you a lifetime!

I hope you are not offended by my comments, I just think it needed to be said.

All the best.

 

 

[ironpony]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

ironpony, this has been mentioned previously several times, but there comes a time in one's life, once they become a grown adult, when they should be figuring this stuff out for him/herself.  Also, there are LOTS of books and articles to read, videos to watch that discuss interpersonal and romantic relationships and the like.

Your threads seem to go round and round without you learning much of anything despite the great advice.  I can see this one being no different.

With due respect, I don't think these threads are helping you, I think all the different advice and opinions you receive are confusing you more than you were before ever even creating the thread.

Why not spend some time watching some videos, or reading, or both and learning for yourself?  Take what you learn and apply it, experiment with it.

You're pushing 40 mate, I think it's time.

There is a great quote I like a lot that goes like this:

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

Which essentially means, no one including us can feed you what to say, what to think or how to react.  You won't learn anything that way, which you haven't.

What has been provided here are ways that would allow you to fend for yourself.  Think for yourself and act according to what YOU think is best.   That will last you a lifetime!

I hope you are not offended by my comments, I just think it needed to be said.

All the best.

 

 

Oh ok. Just videos and books on dating and keeping gf generally?

[Beachead]

@ironpony

5 hours ago, ironpony said:

Oh ok but I've done that before and not get sucked in but I can see that it's bothering her if I ignore it.  So if it's bothering her and I can tell, should of still ignore it?

When you respond, she gets upset.  When you don't, she gets upset. There isn't a scenario in this where you come out, unscathed, and it doesn't feel so good to be on the receiving end of it.  Therefore, you've decided you don't want to talk about it anymore.   She can still have these conversations with her friends or other people and even you sometimes..just not all the time.   Just because you two are together, doesn't mean you will agree on everything.   It's not like you're disagreeing on or avoiding something that is about your relationship; as in something that would directly affect you and her.  This isn't that.  This stuff has nothing to do with your relationship.   

You're not trying to piss her off or upset her, you're just asserting your boundaries because this stuff just creates pointless tension, it's upsetting you, and you care about your relationship.

Tell her that next time.  Let it bother her and let her deal with it.   She needs to get over it.

- Beach

Edited February 11, 2022 by Beachead

[ironpony]

Okay I can do that.  What if for example, I can tell it's bothering her during sex, which can be awkward, should I just not bring it up and just keep continuing the sex?  But this is how I personally feel about the situation.

Edited February 12, 2022 by ironpony

[ExpatInItaly]

18 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Okay I can do that.  What if for example, I can tell it's bothering her during sex, which can be awkward, should I just not bring it up and just keep continuing the sex?  But this is how I personally feel about the situation.

If it’s bothering her during sex, you need to get rid of this loon. 

 

[ironpony]

Something like this only happened once so far and not the other times though.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Something like this only happened once so far and not the other times though.

You refute everyone’s advice on these threads, IP. 

What are you really seeking here? Because these threads seem to serve you little purpose other than giving you an audience to talk about your personal life. 

[ironpony]

Oh sorry I don't mean to refute everyone's advice.  It's just the a couple of posts on here before suggested that I should make my own decision on here and try that.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, ironpony said:

, I can tell it's bothering her during sex, which can be awkward, 

Wait, she talks about social injustices during sex or are you just segueing to that topic again?

[ExpatInItaly]

57 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Wait, she talks about social injustices during sex or are you just segueing to that topic again?

That's what I am wondering, too. 

[ironpony]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Wait, she talks about social injustices during sex or are you just segueing to that topic again?

no she doesn't talk about a drink sex at all. But one time she had this look on her face like the social justice perspectives of mine might have been bothering her since we were talking about that earlier and I change the subject. So I thought that by the look on her face that maybe it was so bothering her. But she never talked about it during.

I was just using this as an example of if I should just keep ignoring it even though I know it's bothering her, during other activities.

[ironpony]

My gf keeps testing me, and I am just getting tired of it.  I have had this happen before and I read that women tend to test men because they want to see how they do in certain situations, and I understand that, if that's true.  But I feel like it gets to the point where enough is enough perhaps.

I had a long term gf for a few years, a few years ago, and she kept doing it, in the last couple of years of the relationship and I finally told her that if she tests me again, I'm breaking up with her. She did it again, and I broke up.

But I was told before that it's not okay to give ultimatums and I should set boundaries instead.  But how do I set a boundary without it being an ultimatum?  If I let her know it's not cool if she does tests me again, isn't that an ultimatum in the sense that she knows something will happen if she does, or is that just a boundary?

Thank you very much for any advice on this!  I really appreciate it!

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, ironpony said:

My gf keeps testing me, and I am just getting tired of it.

What are you interpreting as "testing"?