glows Posted September 30, 2021 Share Posted September 30, 2021 I think you're searching for more problems. If she hasn't mentioned it and appears well, then don't mention this. I mean this well but you seem to have a nervous habit finding fault in your relationship on an almost weekly basis. Just let this go. All this talking and bickering is draining and so useless in the long run. Let her open up to you if she has an issue. Remain your usual kind/loving self in the relationship and approachable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 30, 2021 Share Posted September 30, 2021 1 hour ago, ironpony said: Well I thought I would give a few days for her to get over it before I ask, if that's best. If she's upset, she'll tell you. However given it was a drunken debate, all may be forgotten. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 30, 2021 Share Posted September 30, 2021 This was just a drunken argument. Why are you still thinking about it nearly a week later? Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 Also, all this crazy speculation that she might be trans from just that drunken disagreement seems absolutely, completely bonkers (in my opinion). Like it indicates there is a bit of a….problem….and I know that I’m including myself in this….but maybe don’t rely so much about what people here are telling you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted October 1, 2021 Share Posted October 1, 2021 I wonder if the OP likes all of this trauma and drama in this relationship. He has posted quite a few threads about a multitude of issues. In my opinion, dating relationships are supposed to be FUN!! Being a young couple, shouldn't they be going to new places, eating their favorite foods together, doing fun activities (together) and just plain enjoying each other's company. Based on everything written, his relationship with this woman sounds more like work than fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted October 2, 2021 Author Share Posted October 2, 2021 Oh I don't think she is trans at all, it's just it was brought up to me on here, so I was just responding to that. But I don't think she is though from my point of view. But the relationship is a lot of fun and it's the best I've been in a by a long shot. It's just that when the odd thing pops up that I am concerned about I feel like asking opinions on it. But it's been a lot of fun and not much work so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted February 10, 2022 Author Share Posted February 10, 2022 My gf is bothered by it, that I do not acknowledge it in certain conversations, and she said that she worries it might be ignorance sometimes. But just because I don't verbally acknowledge it, I don't mean to be ignorant. I guess I just didn't think of mentioning it, as I often thought I guess if I am what can I do about it. And whenever I tell her that, she will keep responding back with, that "I am not asking you to do anything about it, I am just asking you to acknowledge it". But I don't see why I have to do that, because I guess it doesn't occur to me in a lot of the conversations we have about topics, where it doesn't occur to me to, because that is not often the point of the conversations at the time, if that makes sense. But it seems that time and time again, she becomes more and more bothered or frustrated by this. After she got frustrated recently, I just told her look, if you have a problem dating someone who is white, then you can just leave me if you like and date someone else. But then she responds by saying, she doesn't want to do that, as that would regressive on her part, to just date certain races. And when she asks me to acknowledge it, I tell her I acknowledge it. But it doesnt' seem good enough for her, since I don't acknowledge it before she points it out. But I don't know what she wants me to do when she gets frustrated by this at times when I do not seem to acknowledge it, according to her. What do you think? Am I perhaps making too big a deal of this, and an SO in a couple just needs to let off steam once in a while, or what do you think? Thank you for any advice on this. I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 You are forever opening new threads on problems with your girlfriend, IP. Her psycho ex, your eating and sleeping habits, her being offended that you wouldn't want to sleep with a transgendered person, your sex drives being mismatched, you not being active enough...and now this. This relationship sounds exhausting and miserable. So what do I think? I think you need to break up and move on. It's not working, at all. 13 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted February 10, 2022 Author Share Posted February 10, 2022 (edited) Well it's just that we have a good time and lots of laughs usually and I have never had so much fun with someone, it's just every so often like maybe a couple of times a month, something jarring comes up with the ex or now this recently. But the sex hasn't been a problem for a while now and that' part is going really good. She hasn't brought up that transgender thing since then so I thought that was fine now and perhaps just a one off fluke. Edited February 10, 2022 by ironpony Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 1 minute ago, ironpony said: it's just every so often like maybe a couple of times a month, something jarring comes up Based on your posting history about her, it's happening way too frequently. You two have not been together very long and it's just problem after problem after problem. This isn't what a healthy relationship looks like. Personally, I would be done. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted February 10, 2022 Author Share Posted February 10, 2022 (edited) 21 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Based on your posting history about her, it's happening way too frequently. You two have not been together very long and it's just problem after problem after problem. This isn't what a healthy relationship looks like. Personally, I would be done. Well it's just that I love her and I am worried about it not working out and don't want things to get ruined. That is why I post about problems, is because I want to try to fix anything. I am not wanting it to not work out, I just want to make things better and not worry about their being any problems. Edited February 10, 2022 by ironpony Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 Are you from different socioeconomic or cultural backgrounds? You seem to have a lot of trouble and complaints about her. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 35 minutes ago, ironpony said: She hasn't brought up that transgender thing since then so I thought that was fine now and perhaps just a one off fluke. What transgender thing? What does she say about this particular transgender issue and what has your response been? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 3 minutes ago, basil67 said: What transgender thing? What does she say about this particular transgender issue and what has your response been? She had asked IP if he would have sex with a transgender person. He said no, and she was very upset about this. Chaos ensued. He's got a thread about it somewhere. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 Perhaps you two need a social media and media hype vacation. You both seem to love drama and use an extraordinary amount of buzzwords, controversial language and hyperbole. Relax and focus on fun things rather than arguing about every issue and non-issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 thanks @ExpatInItaly , it's come back to me now. @ironpony I too agree that this relationship has far too many issues. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 1 hour ago, ironpony said: My gf is bothered by it, that I do not acknowledge it in certain conversations, and she said that she worries it might be ignorance sometimes. But just because I don't verbally acknowledge it, I don't mean to be ignorant. I guess I just didn't think of mentioning it, as I often thought I guess if I am what can I do about it. And whenever I tell her that, she will keep responding back with, that "I am not asking you to do anything about it, I am just asking you to acknowledge it". But I don't see why I have to do that, because I guess it doesn't occur to me in a lot of the conversations we have about topics, where it doesn't occur to me to, because that is not often the point of the conversations at the time, if that makes sense. But it seems that time and time again, she becomes more and more bothered or frustrated by this. After she got frustrated recently, I just told her look, if you have a problem dating someone who is white, then you can just leave me if you like and date someone else. But then she responds by saying, she doesn't want to do that, as that would regressive on her part, to just date certain races. And when she asks me to acknowledge it, I tell her I acknowledge it. But it doesnt' seem good enough for her, since I don't acknowledge it before she points it out. But I don't know what she wants me to do when she gets frustrated by this at times when I do not seem to acknowledge it, according to her. What do you think? Am I perhaps making too big a deal of this, and an SO in a couple just needs to let off steam once in a while, or what do you think? Thank you for any advice on this. I really appreciate it. It’s impossible to know whether either of you are making a big deal out of this as the conversation is missing a lot of context. We don’t even know what the original topic was about where she felt it was necessary to bring up white privilege. You could be oblivious and your views may seem ignorant to her. That’s a possibility. It’s also possible that she’s extremely sensitive to the topic or more aware than the average person. If you’re going to stay in this be willing to see her point of view. You may never understand fully her viewpoints if you’re both far too different and lacking in experience. Be kind to each other, stop arguing and worrying over unnecessary nitty gritty things. Do either of you have separate groups of friends and your own social circles and hobbies/interests? Don’t stay joined at the hip. This is far too soon to be spending this much time together. I’d re-evaluate whether you’re together out of comfort and convenience rather than any real enjoyment or compatibility. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 (edited) Just first up, so she's not not leaving because of you, love, all the things she loves about you or your relationship and future together, she's just not leaving bc of how it looks basically. Nice ! What race is she btw then? , if she has a problem with yours and it's status or whatever you wanna call it. At any rate though whatever it is, it's ridiculous her expecting you to carry on like that and live life supposedly announcing basically , whatever you are every 5mins, what a stupid way to live. From other posts there though op , man, she sounds like a pain in the arse sorry. l know l then saw that you love all these things about you guys and fair enough that's very hard to find buttttt, sounds like you surely pay for it that's for sure. Have you known her long bc , with all those things and her insistences and issues already l daresay you ain't seen nothin with her yet sorry . Edited February 10, 2022 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 5 hours ago, ironpony said: she doesn't want to do that, as that would regressive on her part, to just date certain races. What does that mean exactly?....before I react... She sees dating a white man as advancing? and dating a non white man would be 'regressing'? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 I think this relationship has way too many problems. I would not be dating this woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 @ironpony 5 hours ago, ironpony said: She doesn't want to do that, as that would regressive on her part, to just date certain races. Before I respond, could you elaborate on this? - Beach 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 5 hours ago, ironpony said: Well it's just that we have a good time and lots of laughs usually and I have never had so much fun with someone, it's just every so often like maybe a couple of times a month, something jarring comes up with the ex or now this recently. But the sex hasn't been a problem for a while now and that' part is going really good. She hasn't brought up that transgender thing since then so I thought that was fine now and perhaps just a one off fluke. This is common in toxic relationships. Very high highs, and then troubling unhealthy lows. In terms of the subject of this thread, I'm thinking she is trying to communicate that she sees you as someone who lacks empathy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 (edited) She sounds exhausting, and completely unable to empathise with or even recognize your issues. Are you sure this is what you want for your life? Edited February 10, 2022 by introverted1 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted February 10, 2022 Author Share Posted February 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Beachead said: @ironpony Before I respond, could you elaborate on this? - Beach Oh I think what she meant was she doesn't want to just stick to dating one race only, as she felt that would that be close minded I think she meant, if that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted February 10, 2022 Author Share Posted February 10, 2022 1 hour ago, chillii said: Just first up, so she's not not leaving because of you, love, all the things she loves about you or your relationship and future together, she's just not leaving bc of how it looks basically. Nice ! What race is she btw then? , if she has a problem with yours and it's status or whatever you wanna call it. At any rate though whatever it is, it's ridiculous her expecting you to carry on like that and live life supposedly announcing basically , whatever you are every 5mins, what a stupid way to live. From other posts there though op , man, she sounds like a pain in the arse sorry. l know l then saw that you love all these things about you guys and fair enough that's very hard to find buttttt, sounds like you surely pay for it that's for sure. Have you known her long bc , with all those things and her insistences and issues already l daresay you ain't seen nothin with her yet sorry . It's not every five minutes, it's more like once every couple of weeks for a bit here. Usually it wasn't a big deal, but the last two times more so I found it got really annoying more so. She is indigenous American, but also has some white in her as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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