Girlfriend disagreeing with me over different beliefs (merged thread)

[basil67]

You're right that there is no absolutely perfect relationship.  But there are some very good relationships where the couple get on really well and have nothing much to complain about.

And you wouldn't be breaking up with her because of her beliefs.  Rather, you'd be breaking up because of how she's repeatedly arguing with you over them.   It's actually quite possible for two people to disagree on a topic and just not talk about it.

If she knew just how many things about her that you've complained about on here, what do you think she'd say?

[ironpony]

Good points.  I guess I feel I should set some sort of a boundary first, and see how that goes before throwing in the towel?  I mean we spent the whole day today, which we do not get often and had a lot of laughs and fun, so I am torn to at least try a boundary first.

[ExpatInItaly]

When you're looking for ways to "set boundaries" about multiple problems, with as much frequency as you do...the relationship itself is the problem. 

You can't shove square pegs into round holes. You're learning this the hard way. 

[ironpony]

If I break up, I don't think I can handle another relationship to be honest.  I have had other failed relationships in the past, and after a certain amount of heartbreak, I think if this one fails I will just end not being able to take serious relationships seriously anymore and just resort to casual sex only I think.

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, ironpony said:

If I break up, I don't think I can handle another relationship to be honest.  I have had other failed relationships in the past, and after a certain amount of heartbreak, I think if this one fails I will just end not being able to take serious relationships seriously anymore and just resort to casual sex only I think.

Is this a segue?  Or is it justification for staying with her?

[ironpony]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Is this a segue?  Or is it justification for staying with her?

It's just a fear I have, if I have to break up.  I am only staying with her now because I still thought I could try things out and see where they go with her.  Do I have too much patience?

[basil67]

You're already seeing where things are going.....you're going in a direction where you're frequently bothered by her choices and her behaviours.   As I said earlier, you can accept her for how she is.  Or you can leave.  But staying and complaining is a waste of your time and unfair to her.   She should be with a guy who is fine with her just how she is.

[chillii]

Maybe op, but you also say you have so much fun together, that's a big thing between two people too.

Many people get to the point with failed relationships your feeling at now don't worry it's not just you. But if you don't feel ready to drop this or feel it still needs more of a go, then do it, try it, see how it goes. lt might come good, or it might not. But it is important to know and be satisfied that you've done what you can when you love so many other things about it and her.

Edited April 6, 2022 by chillii

[Cornelia83]

I think because it's a relatively new relationship,  you might need to give it a month or two. It will also confirm to you if it's her meds or if it's her inherent personality. I just get the feeling that she reacts, and then takes the easy way out by blaming the meds. Medication can change your moods but not your outlooks on life.

I would give it a couple of months and make the call. You're still in the honeymoon phase so it's easy to overlook issues that may become big. When the serotonin is no longer so prevalent, those issues may become amplified and by then you've invested way more time in a relationship that was bound to end anyway.

[poppyfields]

@ironponyhave you met her friend who is transgendeing? 

Given her anger over your opposition to dating trans, I would assume this person to be a good friend, so just wondering if you've met her...

 

[Gaeta]

16 hours ago, ironpony said:

If I break up, I don't think I can handle another relationship to be honest.  I have had other failed relationships in the past, and after a certain amount of heartbreak, I think if this one fails I will just end not being able to take serious relationships seriously anymore and just resort to casual sex only I think.

We all feel that way when we break up. It's a phase, it passes, then we meet someone that moves us again. 

[basil67]

14 hours ago, Cornelia83 said:

I think because it's a relatively new relationship,  you might need to give it a month or two.

Just for context, they've been together for eight months or so and ironpony has had many different complaints about her during this time.

[poppyfields]

@ironponyyou're forgetting staying together isn't just up to you.. 

She's only 21, or is she 22 now?  She is going to have many relationships before she settles down, gets married, IF she ever gets married.   I think you should be prepared for that possibility.

Like you, she no doubt must be feeling the strife between you, her becoming angrier and angrier is a clear indication of that. 

I don't mean to make you feel bad, just saying, you are not the only one who decides.

So best to prepare yourself. 

 

 

 

Edited April 6, 2022 by poppyfields

[ironpony]

Okay thanks, those are good points as well.  Another reason maybe I am not into giving it more of a shot at this point is, since we both work very different hours in our jobs, I only get to see her for about 3 to four hours a week.  So even though we have been dating for nine months now, it only feels like maybe it's been half that time at most, because the relationship has not progressed as much as it could have, had we had more similar work hours.  It only feels like four months really.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, ironpony said:

 I only get to see her for about 3 to four hours a week.  

Oh Okay. Then spend time enjoying yourselves on dates rather than arguing about everything for no reason.

[ironpony]

Well I try to but she seems to be starting the arguments.  I can ignore them and change the subject but then she gets mad if I do.

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Well I try to but she seems to be starting the arguments

Oh okay but then argue with her since you're not the argumentative one

[ShyViolet]

On 4/6/2022 at 1:55 AM, ironpony said:

If I break up, I don't think I can handle another relationship to be honest.  I have had other failed relationships in the past, and after a certain amount of heartbreak, I think if this one fails I will just end not being able to take serious relationships seriously anymore and just resort to casual sex only I think.

I can sympathize with this and relate to this a lot actually.  Lots of people feel this way after a few failed relationships.  But this is NOT justification to stay in a bad relationship with a person who can't act like a mature adult.  You don't stay in a bad relationship just because you don't want to be alone or that you're afraid you won't find someone else better.

This relationship is going to self-destruct sooner or later, whether you deal with the problem head-on or ignore it.  It's best to just face the problem.

[poppyfields]

8 hours ago, ironpony said:

Well I try to but she seems to be starting the arguments.

I'm wondering if she starts arguments so you will break up with her?  It's a relatively common strategy so they don't have to be seen as the "bad guy/girl" who dumped you. 

In any event, this is just so wrong on so many levels. 

Spending only a few hours together a week?  

The sexual issues. 

The disagreements, arguments. 

Etc etc etc.

I'm sorry @ironponyI see nothing positive here at all, I would advise you to end it before she does. 

PS.  Since you spend only a few hours together a week, are you certain there's not another guy she IS spending time with?  

 

 

 

Edited April 7, 2022 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

Also, the longer you stay tolerating the toxicity, the more bitter, jaded and disillusioned you become towards future relationships, which sadly is precisely what's happening now.

My advice?  End this, spend time introspecting and reflecting.

Then in time, get back out there renewed and refreshed with a whole new more positive attitude, taking what you've learned in this relationship with you.

All the best @ironpony.

 

 

Edited April 7, 2022 by poppyfields

[ironpony]

10 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I'm wondering if she starts arguments so you will break up with her?  It's a relatively common strategy so they don't have to be seen as the "bad guy/girl" who dumped you. 

In any event, this is just so wrong on so many levels. 

Spending only a few hours together a week?  

The sexual issues. 

The disagreements, arguments. 

Etc etc etc.

I'm sorry @ironponyI see nothing positive here at all, I would advise you to end it before she does. 

PS.  Since you spend only a few hours together a week, are you certain there's not another guy she IS spending time with?  

 

 

 

Oh no I wasn't planning on breaking up to save face if that is what you mean?

She works a different shift time than me.  We both work in the same job in the same company but she works the early shift and I work the late one, so that makes us less able to spend time together.  But I know that she has been at work, since we both work there though.

[ironpony]

But there hasn't been any sexual issues for quite a while now, so I though that was a good sign, since it's unusual for me to not have any for a good amount of time, or so I thought it was a good sign.

[Lisa]

Thread has become circular with variations of the same questions being asked and answered.  It has now been closed.