Girlfriend disagreeing with me over different beliefs (merged thread)

[ironpony]

Yes for sure. Do you think maybe she is trans but didn't get the surgery and that's why she seemed to be offended?

Edited September 29, 2021 by ironpony

[poppyfields]

 

19 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Then your girlfriend is a true woman.

There is no way for doctors to duplicate a monthly menstrual cycle with sexual reassignment surgery.

Assuming you're correct, maybe I've been watching too many movies and documentaries but another possibility is she is considering transitioning to a man?

And indirectly wanted to know how ironpony would feel about it by asking him if he'd ever have sex with transgendered person?

His "no" set her off for obvious reasons. 

I'm only speculating, exploring every avenue of possibilities. 

Her asking the question combined with her strong negative reaction, feeling so offended, just seems off to me, that's all. 

Good luck ironpony.

 

Edited September 29, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

Your girlfriend is supporting a close friend who is going through a difficult transition, which can elicit a range of feelings.

She might have viewed your reply as dismissive of other people's choices.

It may be as straightforward as that.

Remember that her comments may have nothing to do with you so stop making them about you.

You may feel as if you don't comprehend what she's asking or telling you, and that's fine.

 

Edited September 29, 2021 by Alpaca

[ironpony]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

 

Assuming you're correct, maybe I've been watching too many movies and documentaries but another possibility is she is considering transitioning to a man?

And indirectly wanted to know how ironpony would feel about it by asking him if he'd ever have sex with transgendered person?

His "no" set her off for obvious reasons. 

I'm only speculating, exploring every avenue of possibilities. 

Her asking the question combined with her strong negative reaction just seems off to me, that's all. 

Good luck ironpony.

 

thanks for the good luck wish. This did cross my mind as a possibility as to why she seemed offended. But her question was if I would have sex with a woman who was biologically a man before surgery. if she were wanting to transition into a man, wouldn't her question be would you have sex with a man who used to biologically be a woman before surgery?

[poppyfields]

16 minutes ago, ironpony said:

thanks for the good luck wish. This did cross my mind as a possibility as to why she seemed offended. But her question was if I would have sex with a woman who was biologically a man before surgery. if she were wanting to transition into a man, wouldn't her question be would you have sex with a man who used to biologically be a woman before surgery?

I don't know, but with respect to bolded, again the question itself is what's mind boggling.  To me.

Supporting a friend who is a trans-female? 

Unless she is wanting you to have sex with this friend, the question makes no sense. 

But I can see I am in the minority, others believe it's not a big deal, and maybe it isn't, so perhaps it's simply best to let it go. 

She'll eventually get over whatever triggered her about your "no" and you can carry on as usual. 

 

 

Edited September 29, 2021 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

13 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Assuming you're correct, maybe I've been watching too many movies and documentaries but another possibility is she is considering transitioning to a man?

And indirectly wanted to know how ironpony would feel about it by asking him if he'd ever have sex with transgendered person?

His "no" set her off for obvious reasons.

 

WOW!!  OK... good working theory @poppyfields.  I had never considered that possibility.

That is really smart and would fit the parameters of her reaction.

[jspice]

Why don’t you just ask her? 
You’ve created a story in your head with some very erroneous assumptions here. You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill and until she actually says she is trans or wants to transition, you have zero basis for this argument. 
 

Its a very damaging way to think. 
 

 

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

WOW!!  OK... good working theory @poppyfields.  I had never considered that possibility.

That is really smart and would fit the parameters of her reaction.

Haha, be careful lemming, folks will start thinking you're out of your ever-lovin mind too. 🤣

[Alvi]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

OP, many doctors perform a pelvic exam prior to prescribing birth control pills. 

First time I hear this. Don't think they do this in Canada. Maybe in other parts of the world.

[ironpony]

20 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

WOW!!  OK... good working theory @poppyfields.  I had never considered that possibility.

That is really smart and would fit the parameters of her reaction.

But her question was if I would have sex with a woman who was biologically a man before surgery. if she were wanting to transition into a man, wouldn't her question be "would you have sex with a man who used to biologically be a woman before surgery" instead?

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, ironpony said:

But her question was if I would have sex with a woman who was biologically a man before surgery. if she were wanting to transition into a man, wouldn't her question be "would you have sex with a man who used to biologically be a woman before surgery" instead?

ironpony, I (and lemming) were going off what you originally posted, that she asked you if you would ever have sex with a transgendered person. 

But now we discover her question was much more specific - asking if you would ever have sex with a woman who was biologically a man before surgery.

Again, to me the question itself is bizarre, does not support the notion that she is simply supporting a friend, but that is just my opinion.

It's up to you whether you wish to dive deeper into finding out what was behind her reason for asking and strong negative reaction to your response, or not.

All we can do is guess and speculate. The only person who knows is her. 

Edited September 29, 2021 by poppyfields

[ironpony]

I am guessing her question was more specific since I am heterosexual, so maybe she though, I would most likely say yes if it was a woman in the current state of the sex maybe?  I'm not sure.

But it was said before on here, that she will probably get over it and move on.  Unless it will keep bugging her inside a little.

Edited September 29, 2021 by ironpony

[DividedTrail]

I don’t think her question to you is that bizarre given she has a close friend going through it. She is hearing all the stories about what they are going through, the prejudices, etc. 

Your response was fine but it sounds like she is emotionally fired up about it because of her friend’s experiences. She will need to accept that not everyone is onboard with every aspect of the issue. I’ve heard with my own ears a similar discussion between two people I know and one answered the way you did and was called transphobic. Not saying you are.

Some people are very passionate about that particular subject just like some are passionate about abortion or gun control. Some people aren’t that passionate either way. This just sounds like a hot button issue for your girlfriend. 

In fact, my wife and I were discussing that topic several months ago. She said something that made me ask her if we weren’t together, would she date a trans man all else being equal. Now I didn’t specify would you have sex with them and her response isn’t relevant but people do discuss things like this without being of the mind they want to transition or have. 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, DividedTrail said:

I don’t think her question to you is that bizarre given she has a close friend going through it. She is hearing all the stories about what they are going through, the prejudices, etc. 

Your response was fine but it sounds like she is emotionally fired up about it because of her friend’s experiences. She will need to accept that not everyone is onboard with every aspect of the issue. I’ve heard with my own ears a similar discussion between two people I know and one answered the way you did and was called transphobic. Not saying you are.

Some people are very passionate about that particular subject just like some are passionate about abortion or gun control. Some people aren’t that passionate either way. This just sounds like a hot button issue for your girlfriend. 

In fact, my wife and I were discussing that topic several months ago. She said something that made me ask her if we weren’t together, would she date a trans man all else being equal. Now I didn’t specify would you have sex with them and her response isn’t relevant but people do discuss things like this without being of the mind they want to transition or have. 

Great response and very possible she was simply curious since her friend is trans and she is a supporter of LGBT in general. 

I can envision myself wanting to discuss the topic, not asking a boyfriend if he would have sex with a transgendered person necessarily but everyone has their own way of broaching the subject.

Anything is possible but at this point you may be overthinking it (I was guilty of that myself) and best to let it pass and move forward.

[ExpatInItaly]

42 minutes ago, Alvi said:

First time I hear this. Don't think they do this in Canada. Maybe in other parts of the world.

I am Canadian, actually. 

It was standard at the doctor when I started using contraceptives. 

[DividedTrail]

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Great response and very possible she was simply curious since her friend is trans and she is a supporter of LGBT in general. 

I can envision myself wanting to discuss the topic, not asking a boyfriend if he would have sex with a transgendered person necessarily but everyone has their own way of broaching the subject.

Anything is possible but at this point you may be overthinking it (I was guilty of that myself) and best to let it pass and move forward.

Thanks. I’ve been following a couple of IronPony’s topics about he and his girlfriend. There are so many twists and turns for both of them, nothing is off the table at this point IMHO   

[Veronica73]

I’d guess she asked because she has a friend transitioning, and she was curious. But you guys were drinking and the conversation went off the rails. Did you make it obvious that one of the reasons you wouldn’t sleep with a trans person is because you are with her and only want to have sex with her? Seems like you should let it go. If she has her periods, she was born female.

Edited September 29, 2021 by Veronica73

[Alpacalia]

8 hours ago, DividedTrail said:

I don’t think her question to you is that bizarre given she has a close friend going through it. She is hearing all the stories about what they are going through, the prejudices, etc. 

Agree.

Of course, as mentioned in this thread, there are other possibilities that may be true, but so is the fact that they had this conversation while under the influence of alcohol, she is adjusting to new ADHD medication, and someone close to her is going through a difficult time right now. When people are under a lot of stress, they may behave strangely.

I think perhaps she is annoyed because she doesn't understand why you don't make the same (or certain) connections as she does.

It's difficult to pinpoint the exact problem without knowing more, but these are the most likely causes I can think of.

Whatever the cause, whether there is more to it or she is attempting to ease out of the relationship, she seems to be struggling with how to channel it.

Edited September 30, 2021 by Alpaca

[Happy Lemming]

51 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

she is attempting to ease out of the relationship...

Yes @Alpaca, I've had this happen multiple times (to me).  Instead of coming out and just saying "I no longer wish to date you", I have had some women "pick a fight" about something completely unrelated to our situation, then using it as a basis to start the breakup process.

You may be on to something...

[basil67]

Or they are still transitioning to the breakup point, but are still in the 'everything you say and do annoys me" phase.

[ironpony]

15 hours ago, Veronica73 said:

I’d guess she asked because she has a friend transitioning, and she was curious. But you guys were drinking and the conversation went off the rails. Did you make it obvious that one of the reasons you wouldn’t sleep with a trans person is because you are with her and only want to have sex with her? Seems like you should let it go. If she has her periods, she was born female.

Oh yes I made that clear that that was one of the reasons more than once.  I can let it go, and am good, as long as she is, and it wouldn't still be bothering her.

[elaine567]

Is it still bothering her?

[ironpony]

I'm not sure.  She didn't say it has been since, but not sure if it still is, inside her or not.

[Veronica73]

Why not ask her if she is still upset about it?

[ironpony]

Well I thought I would give a few days for her to get over it before I ask, if that's best.