Girlfriend disagreeing with me over different beliefs (merged thread)

[ironpony]

So my gf and I had a fight and she got turned off.  Basically I disagreed with her on a psychlogical debate I guess you could say.  But I thought she was making way too big a deal out of it and I thought we could agree to disagree.  I can explain what it is, if it matters.

I don't remember exactly how we got on this conversation.  I had a couple or drinks at the time, and was buzzed.  But she asked me if I would have sex with a transgender person.  I just politely answered no, and that it's nothing personal, it's just not my type, attraction wise.  But nothing personal.

But she then got really turned off and just seemed turned off the whole rest of the night.  But I don't understand the big deal.  People turn people down for not being of certain preferences all the time.  It's nothing personal is it?  I've been turned down by people for not meeting their preferences for example.  So what?  I don't know why I am not attracted to every type out there.  I just can tell what I like and what I don't.  I'm not a psychologist.  But she wanted more a reason than that.

I guess I just felt it wasn't a big deal and we could just agree to disagree, and who cares.  But is there something I can do to fix it?  Or will she likely get over it and we can move on?  Or will she keep thinking about inside if she got turned likely?

Edited April 3, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
update title

[basil67]

Yes, you're right that people have all kinds of preferences and this is OK.   And no, there's nothing you can do to fix this.  She may get over it or she may not. And if she doesn't get over it, I would guess that there is a lot more to the story which you may not be aware of.

Also consider that she may simply be losing attraction for you.  Picking fights out of nothing is something people do when they have one foot out the door.

[ExpatInItaly]

@ironpony, considering your other threads about how she seems to have mood swings and increasingly avoids intimacy with you, and it's only  been three months, if I recall.....it's time to exit stage left. 

She's picking fights over nonsensical issues now, and turning them into big conflicts. This is usually because someone just doesn't like you that much and is looking for even more drama to make an evenutal departure. This isn't about you not wanting to have sex with a transgender person (which is perfectly fine) It's about her immaturity and drama-seeking antics.

She's 21 and your're 37. You would be better served by finding someone more mature and less pissed off at the world. 

Edited September 26, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[ironpony]

Well she just sent me a message actually saying the reason why she has been acting so weird these past few weeks is her medication. She takes medication for ADHD and was put on a new kind.   So could this new kind be the reason for her mood swings then, since they just started happening a few weeks ago, compared to before?  Is that a good sign if it's the medication and not her perhaps? 

[basil67]

Did her doctor tell her the mood swings are due to the ADHD meds....and did they change her meds?   

Or is she guessing again?  Because a couple of weeks ago, she was saying it was due to contraception.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Well she just sent me a message actually saying the reason why she has been acting so weird these past few weeks is her medication. 

And a couple weeks ago it was her birth control pill. Now it's her ADHD medication? Right. 

She sounds like the sort of person who throws trantrums, is kind of a jerk, and then tries to blame it on anything but herself. 

[ironpony]

She says she thought it was her birth control but now thinks it's the ADHD medication.  But maybe she just mistaken or how can she tell which one it is, if she's not a doctor maybe?  But I don't think that she did anything that falls in the realm of 'jerk', did she?

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, ironpony said:

But maybe she just mistaken or how can she tell which one it is

She needs to see a doctor and stop self-diagnosing her mood swings. 

Full stop. 

Edited September 26, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[ironpony]

Well she has already seen one, but does she need to see a doctor about a different issue, you mean?

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Well she has already seen one, but does she need to see a doctor about a different issue, you mean?

About what, and when?

If she believes her ADHD medication or contraceptive is contributing to her erratic moods, she needs to speak to her doctor. A doctor will reeavaluate her, adjust her dosage, or recommend another medication. So she needs to make an appointment about these apparent side effects. 

Edited September 26, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[ironpony]

Yes she said she was going to book an appointment about it and go over that.

[elaine567]

Mood swings, picking fights, being turned off, not engaging in intimacy  could be due to her medication but  is probably due to her losing interest in the relationship.
This is how people who want out tend to act.

At 3 months she has not fallen head over heels, she is probably just not feeling it any more.
As  expat says time to exit stage left before she dumps you.

 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, ironpony said:

Well she has already seen one, but does she need to see a doctor about a different issue, you mean?

I said before and I will say it again: I do not believe her.   A doctor would have changed her contraceptive pill to see if it made a difference.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it seems you are coming face to face with the fact that you're incompatible. This isn't about pansexuality or medications. 

You're just in a bickering phase that indicates generalized discontent on both sides.

Stop talking about her medical problems. You're too invasive with that. You're constantly picking at her about everything from contraception to other medications.

You two are at the point where you're just attacking each other.

She's attacking your sexual dysfunction and your attacking her mental health.

Stop. It's getting toxic. Take a break from all this.

Edited September 26, 2021 by Wiseman2

[ironpony]

But I am in love with her though and I told her and she said she was in love with me as well.  She also was the best intimacy and sex I ever had.  But doesn't that mean there is something there, if we are both in love and desire each other that way?

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, ironpony said:

if we are both in love and desire each other that way?

That's ok, but if you can't learn to get along it's going to be a bumpy trail.

[ironpony]

Okay but I thought for the most part we were getting along and this was the first fight we had here.

[FMW]

I'm  involved with someone on medication for ADHD.  His medication was changed last week to try out something new and it's affected him badly. 

He's generally an easy-going guy, but the new med isn't controlling  his issues, plus is making him nauseous. Yesterday his mood was erratic and surprised people who know him well.  

Any medication that affects brain chemistry issues can certainly mess someone up.

Whether her actions are caused by medication or she's purposely picking fights, you don't have to put up with it.

My guy quickly realized things were off with him and is taking immediate action to deal with it.  Your girlfriend needs to do the same if it's  truly a medication issue.

 

 

 

[ShyViolet]

There was absolutely nothing wrong with your answer to that question.  She was being ridiculous and acting immature.  If you are having this many problems at only 3 months of dating, this relationship might not last.

[ironpony]

Should I ask her why she feels so strongly on not agreeing to disagree on that issue?

[basil67]

Are the two of you still fighting over this????   

[Caauug]

13 hours ago, ironpony said:

But I am in love with her though and I told her and she said she was in love with me as well.  She also was the best intimacy and sex I ever had.  But doesn't that mean there is something there, if we are both in love and desire each other that way?

No. Your love for her is not the same as her love for you. She can not love you the way you want to be loved. It's all part of human nature, it's the way that evolution has made us. Men and women are not the same, we think different,  we have different needs, what we find attractive is different, that makes us love differently. 

[ironpony]

2 minutes ago, Caauug said:

No. Your love for her is not the same as her love for you. She can not love you the way you want to be loved. It's all part of human nature, it's the way that evolution has made us. Men and women are not the same, we think different,  we have different needs, what we find attractive is different, that makes us love differently. 

Oh okay, but are you saying she doesn't love me enough, or are you saying her love for me is good, just different?

[Alpacalia]

22 hours ago, ironpony said:

But she asked me if I would have sex with a transgender person.

I agree with a lot of what has already been said, but I'm wondering, what sparked this type of discussion in the first place.

It's unfortunate that you can't recall.

It just seems like such an out-of-the-blue inquiry.

Did you inquire as to why she was "offended" by your response?

[ironpony]

Her friend was going to get a surgery related to the type of conversation but I cannot recall, what caused to ask if I would have sex with a person who had had such a surgery particularly.  I haven't asked why yet cause I thought maybe we should cool for a few days first?