MarcoInaros Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 I'm kind of at a loss. I don't even know how to get a date any more. Can anyone give me any tips? Some things I have tried: - Dating Apps, Bumble and Hinge. Been rejected and ghosted almost 100% of the time - Being active, joining hiking groups, nothing seems to materialize there though - Getting out and about, I had one horrific experience, but nothing materializing - Asking friends to help me out - absolutely nothing At the same time I hear that you will not find someone if you actively look for one, so maybe I shouldn't even try? There doesn't seem to be a point to any of this.
Happy Lemming Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 2 minutes ago, MarcoInaros said: - Getting out and about, but nothing materializing That has been my most successful avenue for dating women. Just talking to people while I'm out and about. I used the circumstances around me to start a conversation. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" - Thomas H Palmer 7 minutes ago, MarcoInaros said: I had one horrific experience It's happened to all of us... it is part of the process that you'll have to learn to expect. For the most part, I've found women polite in their rejection. There have been a handful of times that the woman was rude, but I just move on to the next. Can you talk to women at your local pub or bar?? I know I've posted this list before, so forgive me if you have already seen it, but some of the places I've met women (besides pubs/bars) were: (1) College (2) Co-ed Sports (3) Friend’s Party (4) Long Bank Line (5) Used Computer Parts Show (6) Food Festival / Pub Crawl (7) Through mutual friends (8) Worked in same office building – different company (9) Used book store (10) Ice Skating (11) Art Gallery - (private exhibit opening) (12) Apartment Complex Pool – current girlfriend Do any of these appeal to you??
Author MarcoInaros Posted February 10, 2022 Author Posted February 10, 2022 19 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: That has been my most successful avenue for dating women. Just talking to people while I'm out and about. I used the circumstances around me to start a conversation. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" - Thomas H Palmer It's happened to all of us... it is part of the process that you'll have to learn to expect. For the most part, I've found women polite in their rejection. There have been a handful of times that the woman was rude, but I just move on to the next. Can you talk to women at your local pub or bar?? I know I've posted this list before, so forgive me if you have already seen it, but some of the places I've met women (besides pubs/bars) were: (1) College (2) Co-ed Sports (3) Friend’s Party (4) Long Bank Line (5) Used Computer Parts Show (6) Food Festival / Pub Crawl (7) Through mutual friends (8) Worked in same office building – different company (9) Used book store (10) Ice Skating (11) Art Gallery - (private exhibit opening) (12) Apartment Complex Pool – current girlfriend Do any of these appeal to you?? Yes I saw this list. I go to some of these things. I think I need to work on my approach though, and how to close the deal. There are a lot of skill sets a man needs in order to date, and I am deficient in some of them. This is a consequence of a lot of things in my life that caused me to not date in my 20s and 30s, so I'm inexperienced.
Happy Lemming Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 14 minutes ago, MarcoInaros said: There are a lot of skill sets a man needs in order to date, and I am deficient in some of them. Yes, you will learn these skills with practice and time. Just keep trying!! 1
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 get a make over, new wardrobe...obviously you are not attracting on the physical side of things.
Author MarcoInaros Posted February 10, 2022 Author Posted February 10, 2022 2 minutes ago, smackie9 said: obviously you are not attracting on the physical side of things. What?
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 You are not attractive enough to get attention from theses would be dates. A simple makeover/change of style/wardrobe can do the trick. Dress for success. Short fat skin tall...if you dress on trend, have confidence in your step (how you carry yourself) women will look, perk up, check you out.
dramafreezone Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 21 hours ago, MarcoInaros said: I'm kind of at a loss. I don't even know how to get a date any more. Can anyone give me any tips? Some things I have tried: - Dating Apps, Bumble and Hinge. Been rejected and ghosted almost 100% of the time - Being active, joining hiking groups, nothing seems to materialize there though - Getting out and about, I had one horrific experience, but nothing materializing - Asking friends to help me out - absolutely nothing At the same time I hear that you will not find someone if you actively look for one, so maybe I shouldn't even try? There doesn't seem to be a point to any of this. Get off of online dating IMO. For those not great at dating OLD can quickly crush your spirit. Other than that, do things that you like to do and meet people that way. Join meetup.com interest groups. Other than that it just takes patience and hopefully running into someone you vibe with. 1
ccas93 Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 (edited) it's tough out there with the online dating thing! Even when you're conventionally attractive. It doesn't always come down to looks either... I made a fake female profile a while ago to scout out what my competition was on the app and get some insight as to why OLD is so difficult... I would say I'm just as "good looking" as any guy on there, but some of my counterparts maybe seem or present themselves as edgier, wealthier, had more flair, more bad boyish, hyper confident, etc. There's always some quality you might not have that someone other dude does. What specific dating skills that you mentioned would you say you are deficient in? Edited February 10, 2022 by ccas93
Alpacalia Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 (edited) I met ONE person off of online dating and that was right after I initially joined, we dated for several months, but I ended up moving and he didn't want to do long-distance and then I never rejoined. Plus, I suck at dating too. But that's because I'm closed off (lol). For me, the relationships that I've been in, was when I WASN'T looking. I feel online dating is a great way to have access to and meet more people but you also need to be doing other things outside of it. If the hiking groups aren't working, try another group. I mean the hiking is really about doing hiking because you love hiking but there's nothing wrong with hoping to meet someone from it too. If that doesn't pan out, try something different. Think about when the last time you were on a date. How did that end up happening? Work with that and just maybe tweak some things here and there. What about your last relationship, how did that develop? What types of women are you going after? Can you share some more details and maybe we'll have more insights. Edited February 10, 2022 by Alpaca
Author MarcoInaros Posted February 10, 2022 Author Posted February 10, 2022 49 minutes ago, ccas93 said: it's tough out there with the online dating thing! Even when you're conventionally attractive. It doesn't always come down to looks either... I made a fake female profile a while ago to scout out what my competition was on the app and get some insight as to why OLD is so difficult... I would say I'm just as "good looking" as any guy on there, but some of my counterparts maybe seem or present themselves as edgier, wealthier, had more flair, more bad boyish, hyper confident, etc. There's always some quality you might not have that someone other dude does. What specific dating skills that you mentioned would you say you are deficient in? I think approaching and getting numbers without being weird/ awkward. After that it's not that bad. I know how to date, I think.
Author MarcoInaros Posted February 10, 2022 Author Posted February 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Alpaca said: Think about when the last time you were on a date. How did that end up happening? Work with that and just maybe tweak some things here and there. What about your last relationship, how did that develop? What types of women are you going after? Can you share some more details and maybe we'll have more insights. The dating and conversing is easy. But I am not meeting enough eligible women. And when I do meet an available woman, it's really hard to get her number without sounding or being weird. I want to get numbers with the intent to date them, not be friends. A lot of women give me their number thinking I just want to be friends. And women haven't ever tried to set me up with their friends. I guess they aren't willing to vouch for me as a romantic partner. My last relationship was with a girl I met on Bumble. It ended in the most horrific way I can possibly think of. I just wish I could find an active (i.e. not overweight) woman in my age range who preferably doesn't have kids and who is available and likes to do things and travel. Not that much to ask for.
Alpacalia Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 18 minutes ago, MarcoInaros said: A lot of women give me their number thinking I just want to be friends. And women haven't ever tried to set me up with their friends. I guess they aren't willing to vouch for me as a romantic partner. My last relationship was with a girl I met on Bumble. It ended in the most horrific way I can possibly think of. I just wish I could find an active (i.e. not overweight) woman in my age range who preferably doesn't have kids and who is available and likes to do things and travel. Not that much to ask for. So maybe you're not expressing your romantic intentions and perhaps they just think you're being friendly with them? Don't worry about your female friends not setting you up with their friend. That happens a lot of the time. Sometimes they might worry it will backfire if things don't work out and now two friends don't want to talk to the other leaving one of the friends stuck in the middle. I mean, of course you could always ask them. That happened with me once where a co-worker turned friend asked me if I would be interested in going out with a close friend of her husband. He saw my profile and asked her if she would introduce us. No, it doesn't sound like you're asking for a lot. I'm sending you good vibes that you will meet someone soon! It sounds like you're taking all the right steps just based on what you've posted. 1
Foxhall Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 Its a confidence thing really, @happy lemming comes across as a guy who is quite chilled and confident when chatting to the ladies, the more you practice I suppose the better , force yourself out of your comfort zone and make efforts to start random conversations personally I was pushing that a lot around three / four years ago, I was trying hard to meet someone at the time, funny thing now being with a girl three years, I feel like im out of the game really, its always a bit harder for us guys who are shyer or who have to push themselves more- not a natural I suppose. buy yes the ladies can be receptive enough, you know you actually have a decent enough chance once you put yourself "in the game" "women tend to like me"- probably more friendship than romance- but even that belief always gave me some hope. 1
Happy Lemming Posted February 11, 2022 Posted February 11, 2022 I talk to everyone... still do (when I'm out and about). I just try to talk about the circumstances around me. And yes, I had to force myself to do it. But with practice, it became more natural and easy. The goal is to meet people, if you get the woman's number and she seems receptive to going out on a date... all the better. 3
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