SarahHearts Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 Hi everyone, There’s a work party on Saturday because my boss’s wife has just given birth and so he wants to give all of his workers a break and a longer weekend so he’s arranged for a party. I (31F) have been working with a guy (32M) for about a month. We’re both single. We’re both shy. We work the same shifts and speak to each other on a daily basis. Yesterday he asked me, “So, are you going to the work party?” And I replied, “I think so.” He then replied with, “Well I’ve got to get some work done, but I want to let you know that I hope you do go because I would like you to go. I’ll even buy you a drink! (Then he laughed.) As you know, we are both shy so we’ll have each other. Take care.” Was he just being friendly or does he like me? If it’s the latter, why hasn’t he asked me for my number? Thanks everyone.
Wiseman2 Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 8 minutes ago, SarahHearts said: Yesterday he asked me, “So, are you going to the work party?” And I replied, “I think so.” He then replied with, “Well I’ve got to get some work done, but I want to let you know that I hope you do go because I would like you to go. I’ll even buy you a drink! (Then he laughed.) As you know, we are both shy so we’ll have each other. Take care.” See what happens at the party when your not at the workplace, where flirting, etc is awkward. Don't worry about whether he likes you worry about if you like him and want to date someone you have to work with.
NuevoYorko Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 Hm. This sounds strangely familiar. Please. Don't go to this place. Hold yourself back. Let things be what they are. A co-worker may have expressed some interest in you. There's also a good chance he's being friendly. Speaking for myself - if I were interested in a co-worker, I would NOT ask for their number or make any kind of moves unless / until I had gathered enough information just through casual conversation etc. to know whether it would really be worth the hassle of dating a workmate. Unless it were an earth-shattering prospect for love, I would not follow through at all. So, even if he is a little interested today, it doesn't necessarily mean that he will EVER act on it. At any moment he can decide that the PIA potential strongly outweighs the likelihood of any positive outcome and will remain a friendly co-worker. What about you? Are you a type of person who can navigate dating within the workplace without making a big mess? If you are not, don't think another minute about whether he "likes" you, because you already know better than to go down that path. Don't go there. Just be friendly and enjoy having a fellow shy person at the party to hang out with.
glows Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 You're jumping a little too far ahead. He doesn't have to hand out his number to tell you he's interested. He's just expressing interest that you'll be at the party. I'd try not to read into this too much and enjoy the work social. You both might chat a bit more there. Go there to mingle and socialize with your other colleagues also and congratulate your boss on his new addition.
Author SarahHearts Posted February 9, 2022 Author Posted February 9, 2022 29 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: Hm. This sounds strangely familiar. Please. Don't go to this place. Hold yourself back. Let things be what they are. A co-worker may have expressed some interest in you. There's also a good chance he's being friendly. Speaking for myself - if I were interested in a co-worker, I would NOT ask for their number or make any kind of moves unless / until I had gathered enough information just through casual conversation etc. to know whether it would really be worth the hassle of dating a workmate. Unless it were an earth-shattering prospect for love, I would not follow through at all. So, even if he is a little interested today, it doesn't necessarily mean that he will EVER act on it. At any moment he can decide that the PIA potential strongly outweighs the likelihood of any positive outcome and will remain a friendly co-worker. What about you? Are you a type of person who can navigate dating within the workplace without making a big mess? If you are not, don't think another minute about whether he "likes" you, because you already know better than to go down that path. Don't go there. Just be friendly and enjoy having a fellow shy person at the party to hang out with. Is there ever a way to know for sure if he’s just being friendly or actually sees me in a romantic way? I certainly don’t want to ask him, “Do you like me?” I know that some people don’t like the concept of dating a co-worker, but I met my ex-boyfriend at a different workplace and we were together for a few years. I think as long as you are mature and keep it professional at work then I don’t see any problems. IIRC, the workplace is where most people meet their partners. He behaves differently towards me. With other people (men and women) it’s always just a brief “hi”, but he goes out of his way to speak to me and things always end up personal rather than just about work.
glows Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 1 hour ago, SarahHearts said: Is there ever a way to know for sure if he’s just being friendly or actually sees me in a romantic way? I certainly don’t want to ask him, “Do you like me?” I know that some people don’t like the concept of dating a co-worker, but I met my ex-boyfriend at a different workplace and we were together for a few years. I think as long as you are mature and keep it professional at work then I don’t see any problems. IIRC, the workplace is where most people meet their partners. He behaves differently towards me. With other people (men and women) it’s always just a brief “hi”, but he goes out of his way to speak to me and things always end up personal rather than just about work. How long ago was your break up?
Wiseman2 Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, SarahHearts said: Is there ever a way to know for sure if he’s just being friendly or actually sees me in a romantic way? I certainly don’t want to ask him, “Do you like me?” Keep in mind sexual harassment goes both ways these days so don't ask him this. Or expect him to be foolish enough to go around during work getting women's numbers. The work place is not a single's club where guys ask for numbers. Date outside of work. Try not to replicate the situation with your exbf, because either you are not over him and as you can see, it didn't work out in the long run. Go to the party and if he is interested, you'll know. Edited February 9, 2022 by Wiseman2
NuevoYorko Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 10 hours ago, SarahHearts said: Is there ever a way to know for sure if he’s just being friendly or actually sees me in a romantic way? I certainly don’t want to ask him, “Do you like me?” If he wishes to share his feelings with you, that is 100% up to him. They're really none of your business unless he wants them to be. Keep in mind that many workplaces do have policies regarding dating amongst employees. Also a lot of people would not choose to date co-workers. I wouldn't.
Kamille Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 23 hours ago, SarahHearts said: Is there ever a way to know for sure if he’s just being friendly or actually sees me in a romantic way? I certainly don’t want to ask him, “Do you like me?” Yes there is a way. You don't have to say "do you like me?", but you can be forward in letting him know you're interested. Flirt with him, mention that you'd love to see a movie with him, etc. Don't play hard to get and don't play coy. If he is interested and available, he'll reciprocate and follow up. If he isn't, you have to accept it and move on. My question for you is: do you like him? All I get from your post is that you're excited that someone might be interested in you, as though that is sufficient for you to be interested in him. 1
NuevoYorko Posted February 11, 2022 Posted February 11, 2022 23 hours ago, Kamille said: Yes there is a way. You don't have to say "do you like me?", but you can be forward in letting him know you're interested. Flirt with him, mention that you'd love to see a movie with him, etc. Don't play hard to get and don't play coy. If he is interested and available, he'll reciprocate and follow up. If he isn't, you have to accept it and move on. Agreed. The more time I spend here, though, the less "move on" I see happening in this type of scenario. There's also always the option of simply asking him out and getting it over with. I'm aware that this is generally frowned upon here because "women shouldn't chase" but I'm coming more from the point of "stop the bleeding." If asked and he declines, there you go. No more need to give him any further head space. 1
stillafool Posted February 11, 2022 Posted February 11, 2022 When your co worker asks you out for a date is when you will know he seriously likes you. Until then you should just keep your mind on your work. 1
Tullyseptember Posted February 11, 2022 Posted February 11, 2022 How about you just enjoy the party on Saturday instead of setting yourself up for some type of expectation? Spending some time together in a social situation would give you more insight into who he is outside of work and things can progress naturally. Either you have a great friendship building or it's just a workplace acquaintance situation! 1
poppyfields Posted February 11, 2022 Posted February 11, 2022 (edited) On 2/9/2022 at 9:54 AM, SarahHearts said: Is there ever a way to know for sure if he’s just being friendly or actually sees me in a romantic way? I certainly don’t want to ask him, “Do you like me?” Yes there is a way to know. How do YOU feel about him? I have always found when I am highly attracted to man, he is also highly attracted to me. It's called chemistry, energy, it's mutual. And when I am "feelin it," HE is feelin it with me too. This has happened every single time, without fail. Granted I don't become "attracted to" men all that often, it's special and not based on the superficial like looks, status, job etc. It's something I feel inside from the solar plexis, it's hard to explain, it's energy/chemistry. A certain tension and even nervousness. Based on what you've written and assuming you feel highly attracted to him, I would say that there is definitely some major chemistry/energy going on between you; he has extended himself as best he can while working together by asking if you're going to the party, and going even further by saying he would like you to go! If me, yes I would take from that he is as interested in me as I am in him and I would go to the party and let things unfold naturally and organically. Have fun and if you're inclined, let us know what happens! Edited February 11, 2022 by poppyfields
smackie9 Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 (edited) Nope, I think he likes you, but you just keep being you, don't expect some whirlwind romance to explode at the party. One of two things will happen....he will be even more nervous because it's no longer in the comfort of the workplace, or he will be more relaxed in a party atmosphere, and have fun. Do your hair nice, put on your best party dress and see where the night takes you. That's all you can do. Edited February 12, 2022 by smackie9
Wiseman2 Posted February 12, 2022 Posted February 12, 2022 22 hours ago, Tullyseptember said: How about you just enjoy the party on Saturday instead of setting yourself up for some type of expectation? Spending some time together in a social situation would give you more insight into who he is outside of work and things can progress naturally. Agree. Scope out the situation at the party. See how it goes there. 1
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