jgolffan96 Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 I matched with a girl on OLD. I sent her the message below, following the recommendation of 1)complement 2) mention something about yourself (connecting point to something in profile) 3)question (to get a response) "Hey M! Nice beach pic! It looks like we're both fans of the beach (I just got back from __)..Do you have a "go-to" beach spot or place you really enjoy?" She's got the following in her profile: a picture of her holding a python, her as a bridesmaid, "her love language as lots of attention", a picture with friends, typical sunday of yoga and brunch, her beach pic with a big hat, and her doing yoga. She's also a consultant. It's been a week and I haven't received a response. 1) what message should I send to recover, get her attention and get a response this time? 2) How is that message above overall? I generally follow the same formula for every match with varying success so I am trying to see if I can maybe do something better!
chillii Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) So you basically messaged her like a robot and the other millions of try hards out there reading the same script , sad. And so hth do you expect her to even notice you then you'll just be another blueprint of all the others. Be yourself that way at least if she does she'll be answering you and not some internet script. Edited February 9, 2022 by chillii 3
ccas93 Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 I mean, there's nothing wrong per se with what you wrote, but it's not gonna guarantee you a response back from her. Plus it also does sound kinda mechanical, like you just read dating advice on how to write a first message.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 Unfortunately, no response usually means lack of interest. Even if you follow some formula, there is no guarantee the other person will reciprocate. I would not message her again, personally. 2
Alpacalia Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 What does "her love language as lots of attention" mean? Is that suppose to imply that she gets lots of attention. Maybe she's too busy getting lots of attention that's why she didn't reply. In any event, there are so many places an interaction can go wrong online. I wouldn’t take it too seriously. Try to meet girls in person too or keep messaging until one responds.
Wiseman2 Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, justasht said: She's got the following in her profile: a picture of her holding a python, her as a bridesmaid, "her love language as lots of attention", a picture with friends, typical sunday of yoga and brunch, her beach pic with a big hat, and her doing yoga. Your message is great. But keep in mind some profiles are fake or inactive, so don't take it personally. Edited February 9, 2022 by Wiseman2
introverted1 Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 7 hours ago, justasht said: I matched with a girl on OLD. I sent her the message below, following the recommendation of 1)complement 2) mention something about yourself (connecting point to something in profile) 3)question (to get a response) "Hey M! Nice beach pic! It looks like we're both fans of the beach (I just got back from __)..Do you have a "go-to" beach spot or place you really enjoy?" She's got the following in her profile: a picture of her holding a python, her as a bridesmaid, "her love language as lots of attention", a picture with friends, typical sunday of yoga and brunch, her beach pic with a big hat, and her doing yoga. She's also a consultant. It's been a week and I haven't received a response. 1) what message should I send to recover, get her attention and get a response this time? 2) How is that message above overall? I generally follow the same formula for every match with varying success so I am trying to see if I can maybe do something better! "Lots of attention" isn't even one of the five love languages. She sounds like an attention-seeker. I'd recommend moving on to someone less self-centered. 3
glows Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 9 hours ago, justasht said: I matched with a girl on OLD. I sent her the message below, following the recommendation of 1)complement 2) mention something about yourself (connecting point to something in profile) 3)question (to get a response) "Hey M! Nice beach pic! It looks like we're both fans of the beach (I just got back from __)..Do you have a "go-to" beach spot or place you really enjoy?" She's got the following in her profile: a picture of her holding a python, her as a bridesmaid, "her love language as lots of attention", a picture with friends, typical sunday of yoga and brunch, her beach pic with a big hat, and her doing yoga. She's also a consultant. It's been a week and I haven't received a response. 1) what message should I send to recover, get her attention and get a response this time? 2) How is that message above overall? I generally follow the same formula for every match with varying success so I am trying to see if I can maybe do something better! It’s probably best not to send another message. I used to respond most to the ones that mentioned “I think we might be a match. Have a look at my profile and let me know if you’d like to have coffee this week or arrange a phone call if you’d like to speak a bit more.” Unfortunately I did not respond to the questions about where my favourite places are. The love language comment sounds like a ha-ha joke, tongue in cheek. Good try! Keep going.
poppyfields Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) My advice? Do not send another message, stop following contrived "formulas" and stop trying so hard. I am on line dating now and while there was nothing 'bad' about the message per se, it would not spark my interest. The "energy" in the message and from you comes off a bit desperate. Hard to explain but that was my sense from reading it. There is another thread floating around that discusses first messages when on line. You might benefit from reading especially the responses from the ladies. Edited February 9, 2022 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, chillii said: So you basically messaged her like a robot and the other millions of try hards out there reading the same script , sad. And so hth do you expect her to even notice you then you'll just be another blueprint of all the others. Be yourself that way at least if she does she'll be answering you and not some internet script. I wholeheartedly agree with this. 100% spot on @chillii. And this may sound silly, but tone it down. No exclamations like "Hey M! Nice pic!" Yawn. She's hearing that from every guy. Say nothing about her pic and be real, be natural. Say hi and introduce yourself. Try and be a little creative, say something to make her chuckle or smile and please stop following formulas, you're dealing with a human being not a robot. Edited February 9, 2022 by poppyfields
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) OLD...it's all about how you look. I will get some flack for saying it but it's true. If I was on there I would check photos first and determine then if I'm gonna send a message back. You hot looking all you have to do is message "hey" and you will get a response. Trying to up your game with messaging whatever isn't gonna work unless you got some looks to back it up. So focus more on putting up good photos of yourself. You need to sell yourself and words need to be with something that is visually appealing. That's human nature. Edited February 9, 2022 by smackie9 1
introverted1 Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 No response is a response. It says "not interested." 2
dramafreezone Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) 11 hours ago, justasht said: I matched with a girl on OLD. I sent her the message below, following the recommendation of 1)complement 2) mention something about yourself (connecting point to something in profile) 3)question (to get a response) "Hey M! Nice beach pic! It looks like we're both fans of the beach (I just got back from __)..Do you have a "go-to" beach spot or place you really enjoy?" She's got the following in her profile: a picture of her holding a python, her as a bridesmaid, "her love language as lots of attention", a picture with friends, typical sunday of yoga and brunch, her beach pic with a big hat, and her doing yoga. She's also a consultant. It's been a week and I haven't received a response. 1) what message should I send to recover, get her attention and get a response this time? 2) How is that message above overall? I generally follow the same formula for every match with varying success so I am trying to see if I can maybe do something better! Don't send anything, she's not interested. You message was contrived. That said, it wouldn't matter what your message said if she really dug your profile. Timing has more to do with whether you actually get a response than anything, so stop thinking that there's anything you can do to catch her attention. Attraction is already taken care of. If you're not one of the few that knocks her socks off, it's pretty much a luck of the draw. Any number of things can work against you, she could be really digging someone else, she could've just had a bad date, she could be sick, she could be busy at work, any of those things would mean that matches she's barely interested in will fall by the wayside. So just relax, simplify your message and keep searching, it's a numbers game. BTW, her love language as "lots of attention" sounds like you may be better off without her. Quote OLD...it's all about how you look. I will get some flack for saying it but it's true. If I was on there I would check photos first and determine then if I'm gonna send a message back. You hot looking all you have to do is message "hey" and you will get a response. Trying to up your game with messaging whatever isn't gonna work unless you got some looks to back it up. So focus more on putting up good photos of yourself. You need to sell yourself and words need to be with something that is visually appealing. That's human nature. No flack from me, thank you. I'm glad someone's admitting it. It's about looks first and foremost. OP she found you met her minimum attraction level, which is something to hang your hat on, but if she's attractive you're probably in a long line behind the guys that look better than you. It's ok man, there is always going to be someone better looking. You just have to keep circulating if you want to do OLD. Edited February 9, 2022 by dramafreezone
Alpacalia Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: It's about looks first and foremost. OP she found you met her minimum attraction level, which is something to hang your hat on, but if she's attractive you're probably in a long line behind the guys that look better than you. It's ok man, there is always going to be someone better looking. You just have to keep circulating if you want to do OLD. That's true, to an extent. I would prefer to connect with a man I was physically drawn to whose profile I related to better and whose message was kind, respectful, and genuine or gave me a nice belly tickle if two of them were messaging me. It's understandable too for some women to look at the profile and message for certain qualities as a way to determine if he's not a stinker. So, I'm not sure that it always matters which "man" is more physically appealing. Edited February 9, 2022 by Alpaca
glows Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 OP, in the end you're going to get as many varied answers as there are varied personalities and preferences. As a general rule, try to be intuitive and not too intrusive when it comes to your questions. If the person isn't interested, he/she will not respond and I agree with the previous comment that no response is a response.
poppyfields Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 I agree looks are important but "hot" is so subjective; I know what I find HOT, another woman might not, in fact I can almost guarantee they wouldn't as I don't find the standard tall, dark, handsome, model-type hot at all! And I mean that sincerely. In fact, when I receive messages from men with that type of "hotness," they go straight to trash. I can't even say for sure what it is, just that somethin somethin that stands out to me, that is appealing to me, pulls me in. So OP even if you're not the "hottest" looking man on the block by society's standards, don't sweat it. But do post pics that depict you accurately, that's important. Combined with a message that is natural and might give her a chuckle -- that's the blend that might render positive results. 1
Alvi Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) You used a term girl in your description of her. So I assume she is young. And let's face it, if she is young and relatively good looking, she has plenty of guys to pick and choose from. She is probably bombarded with the texts from men on-line. Maybe she gets like 100-200 messages per day. So you have lots of competition. If she is a total sex bomb, then your chances of her noticing you are almost non-existent. Maybe if you somehow meet in real life you might have a chance with her. But on-line dating is brutal for most people. Plenty of good people are rejected for no apparent reason or for a slightest flaw that they might have (real or assumed). A lot of people also get lost in a shuffle. It happens. Maybe she is already dating somebody else and wants to see how it goes. That's why she never answered you. You never know. Also, there could be something in your profile that would be a dealbreaker for her. For example, if you smoke and she doesn't, then this is it. Or she says that she wants a relationship in her profile and you list that you want to see how it goes in yours. Instant dealbreaker here. No matter how detailed or good your opening message to her is, she is not going to be interested. 16 hours ago, justasht said: "her love language as lots of attention" I wonder what this is all about. Perhaps she made up a profile for the attention purposes only. For all you know she could be married or in a relationship. Your first message if fine, it's just she is not interested for whatever reason. Don't message her again, no answer is the answer. OP, how good is your profile overall? I am not just talking about pics here. Yes, make no mistake, good pictures for online dating are very important. But they are not going to help you to attract quality women who are looking for a serious relationship just by themselves. You need to write a good profile. How is your profile description, what do you say in there? Do you list your hobbies or interest? You need to put a description of yourself that is going to set you apart from the others in order to get noticed. But it has to be relatable at the same time. You are probably not doing to get noticed much if your about me section is relatively generic or almost empty. If your profile is rude, crude, generally negative, full of sexual references, whiny, or misogynistic, well, you are probably not going to be very popular on-line. Some men just write in their profiles: " I don't know what I am looking for." "Just ask me anything." That's it. How they expect to find a partner with that, I do not know. I would pass on them even if they look like a Brad Pit in his prime. Edited February 9, 2022 by Alvi 1
Wiseman2 Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 16 hours ago, justasht said: It's been a week and I haven't received a response. 1) what message should I send to recover, get her attention and get a response this time? Just move forward. That's how it works. You browse profiles, messages those that interest you and respond to those who respond to you.
bene Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 The message is fine. Maybe a little contrived but it’s not rude or off-putting. The truth is, you might not get a response no matter how carefully you word your message. It’s not personal, she just wasn’t interested enough, no reason to dwell on it. 1
poppyfields Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) 37 minutes ago, bene said: It’s not personal, she just wasn’t interested enough... This is true, but the goal with on line is sending a message that would pique her interest and get her interested. Make her smile or chuckle, make her go "hmmm" and want to find out more. Don't underestimate the power of that first message, if she's attractive she's receiving hundreds. That first message is her FIRST introduction to you. If she is intrigued by it, she will open your profile, view your pics and respond if she likes what she sees and reads. I am doing OLDing now and I don't think I am unlike many women who are also OLDing and receiving tons of messages. Anyway, jmo take or leave. Good luck. Edited February 9, 2022 by poppyfields
Beachead Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) @justasht 18 hours ago, justasht said: 1) what message should I send to recover, get her attention and get a response this time? 2) How is that message above overall? I generally follow the same formula for every match with varying success so I am trying to see if I can maybe do something better! I found nothing wrong with that message. The lack of response doesn't always mean you did something wrong. There are some exogenous factors that contribute and it's out of your control. If you're reading through the advice here, I'm sure you can see how many differing opinions there are. It means everyone is different. So, as basic as this sounds, be yourself. Don't write what you think she'll want to hear. Write what you want and whatever happens was going to happen anyway. You can try again but if it were me, I wouldn't. You messaged. She ignored it. She missed out on getting to know you. Her loss. - Beach Edited February 9, 2022 by Beachead
Lotsgoingon Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 She's not interested. Period. If she were, she would have replied promptly and with enthusiasm.
poppyfields Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Beachead said: The lack of response doesn't always mean you did something wrong. There are some exogenous factors that contribute and it's out of your control. This is true. If she's an attractive woman, she is no doubt receiving hundreds of messages, she may not have even seen/read yours OP, that is certainly possible.
Alvi Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Beachead said: She missed out on getting to know you. Her loss. Not necessarily. Sure, the OP can keep telling this to himself feel better about the rejection. But the reality is no, it is probably not her loss. If she looks at his profile and thinks that they have nothing in common, not looking for the same things, have completely different value and goals, how is it her loss? What about if she didn't find him attractive or he had some things in his profile that she would consider to be a dealbreaker? For example, if she is into sports and a guy is a couch potato. Is it her loss? Probably not. If she is allergic to smoke and a guy indicates in his profile that he smokes heavily, is it her loss? Nope. Unless she is looking forward for bouts of coughing spells and inability to breeze. Edited February 10, 2022 by Alvi 2
Beachead Posted February 10, 2022 Posted February 10, 2022 (edited) @Alvi 45 minutes ago, Alvi said: Not necessarily. Sure, the OP can keep telling this to himself feel better about the rejection. But the reality is no, it is probably not her loss. The objective of my post was to offer some perspective to the OP to help him see things a little more clearly, without slamming him more than necessary. To give him more confidence to move to the next because he's willing to chase a girl who's already ignored his message. I don't see how discussing whether it's her loss or not, helps, or really serves the objective. Edited February 10, 2022 by Beachead
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