St Valentine's Day Expectations

[Amanda141]

I (24F) have been dating a guy (28M), let's call him Michael, for exactly two months. In the beginning, I was also seeing another guy, but after only two dates it ended, as he was not looking for anything serious. Therefore I decided to invest all of my energies into Michael. I admit that during the first days I was interested, but certainly not smitten. I am very extroverted and outgoing, while he's more shy and reserved. However, my interest grew over time: what made me fancy him was his patience (we kissed and got intimate after 1 month), the fact that right from the start he told me he was looking for a serious relationship and that he makes me feel wanted and beautiful. He's very sweet and affectionate. We have been on 11 dates (yes I count them, as lame as it sounds ), we see each other around 2/3x a week and text every day. However, we still haven't DTR: some of my friends say this is unnecessary and it'd show I'm insecure and asking for reassurance, and I should rather let the actions speak. He is French and I asked a friend of mine who's also from France what she thinks and she told me that in their country it's not really common to multi-date and, considering how many times we've seen each other, it wouldn't be crazy to assume we are an item. We met on bumble and I checked and he didn't update the profile since we met: not even the distance is shown, so it looks he hasn't been using that.

Another thing that made me smile was that he told me he talked about me to his friends, saying who I am and showing some pictures of me. 

The thing is, now St Valentine's Day is approaching and I don't know what to do. I am the classic hopeless romantic type of girl, who would LOVE to celebrate it and receive red roses and chocolates...  nonetheless, I don't know if:
- he is the type who generally likes to celebrate it;
- he thinks we are boyfriend and girlfriend. Fair to say that once, a month ago, he accidentally called me his girlfriend, but I think he meant it in the sense of "girl I'm going out with", as at the time it had only been 5 dates and we still hadn't been intimate. Maybe 2 months is too early to DTR,  but I really like him and I think he likes me too... so I am really clueless.

What do you think I should do? Should I ask him if we're doing something for St. Valentine's? 

On the one hand, I'd love to know, but on the other hand, I don't want to put pressure/scare him. Since my dating life has always been a disaster, right now I am really afraid to lose him... two months for me seem like a lifetime and due to my previous experiences, I am anxious it could end from one day to the other, so I'd prefer to avoid mistakes that could push him away...
Thanks!

Amanda

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Amanda141 said:

I (24F) have been dating a guy (28M), let's call him Michael, for exactly two months. I am the classic hopeless romantic type of girl, who would LOVE to celebrate it and receive red roses and chocolates.

Invite him over for a romantic dinner. If he brings flowers, great. If not at least you can celebrate together.

Edited February 6, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Amanda141]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Invite him over for a romantic dinner. If he brings flowers, great. If not at least you can celebrate together.

Unfortunately I live in a shared flat with zero privacy  I'd like to go for a romantic dinner in a fancy restaurant, but what if it's too much and scares him away? It's only been 2 months and we havent DTR even if we behave like we are girlfriend and boyfriend

[mortensorchid]

This is one of the reasons people hate Valentine's Day : It's all about showing how much you care based on what you buy.  But don't be angry at individuals on this, remember we are all slaves to advertising.  Did you know that we have been conditioned by the food industry to want to eat sweets?  Primitive man didn't have frosting and cookies, and primitive man didn't have advertising telling him to eat frosting and cookies.  With Valentine's Day, we have all been told that we are to buy chocolate, flowers, and/or jewelry; and if we don't receive any of those things we are to assume that the person we are expecting them from doesn't care for us.  

True?  Well ... It's all relative.  If you are bothered by all the ads and whatnot, remember that it doesn't cost you a thing to say "I love you" to someone.  No retail chain will make one penny off of your doing something thoughtful for another person.  Because you can do thoughtful things for others (your SO included) without a holiday in question.  

HOWEVER (and this is a big HOWEVER, but as we all know, life is complicated) ... If he doesn't go out and buy you flowers, candy and/or jewelry like the ads tell you to, and if he either ignores it completely or says "I don't celebrate those things", then that means that he doesn't love you.  It could be something completely silly or foolish just between the two of you (ex. Star Trek) but it's the gesture, not the cost, that matters.  And if he doesn't make those gestures?  Well, that means he doesn't really love you, he just likes you.  

[Els]

Umm... just ask him how he feels about Valentines Day?? I mean, honestly, if he ditches you because you literally asked him that one question, he probably had one leg out the door already...

Don't ever be afraid to ask your partner for what you want, if you want something. Be yourself, be honest, and be proud of who you are! But if he says he's not into that sort of thing, then respect his answer and don't pressure or push either.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Amanda141 said:

 I'd like to go for a romantic dinner in a fancy restaurant, but what if it's too much and scares him away? 

It sounds like yo are setting yourself up for a disappointment because of 'expectations'. Fancy diner, roses, chocolate, etc.?

After 8 weeks dating try to relax. If he asks about taking you out go and have fun, if not then what?

What do you mean by "scare him away? If you mean picking out an expensive place for him to pay for, that's not about "sacring anyone away".

[smackie9]

I have to say this...Valentine's day is not all about YOU. Unselfishly think what romantic thing you can do for him. Buy him a card and nice small bottle of expensive spirits he would like. Something that is indulgent. If you are on a budget, put on some sexy lingerie, have strawberries, sparkling wine at bedside, some candles lit and have a special night.

He has something planned I am sure, and no matter what it is, be appreciative even if it's not to your expectations.

[Alpacalia]

Sounds like you're both still in the infamous gray zone (not that that's a bad thing ).

Try to invest proportionally to your feelings. Not too much higher, not too much lower. If that makes sense.

Alternatively, pretend Valentine's Day doesn't exist. Have a case of romantic short term memory loss. 

Or, make him a nice din din.

 

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

What do you think I should do? Should I ask him if we're doing something for St. Valentine's? 

Keep your expectations low, and you will not be disappointed. 

It’s a Monday. Boo. If you do something nice together next weekend - consider that enough. 

And yes, focus on what you give and not what you get this year. Get him something nice that he would like - nothing extravagant. A bottle of wine, a book on something that he likes, or take him out to do something you know he will enjoy - 

[kendahke]

sorry, this sounds a bit like 'what have you done for me lately' energy.

Expectations are future resentments under construction. It would serve you well to lose them and quick.

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, Amanda141 said:

Unfortunately I live in a shared flat with zero privacy 

Ok, so how do you typically spend time together? Do you go to his place? You can't bring and cook dinner together there? 

Try to stop fast forwarding. Maybe he'll surprise you. But if you insist he take you out to an expensive restaurant, how would that be romantic?

[Amanda141]

Yes of course I'd love to give him something, I was thinking a box of chocolates or a french wine

Usually when we see each other we either go to a bar/restaurant or we cook at his place and I stay over until lunchtime the following day. I really hope he does something for St Valentines, it's not about the gift per se, but it's the gesture... even if it's only been 2 months, I would really appreciated but I am afraid I am going to be disappointed lol

[lana-banana]

A box of chocolates or nice wine is fine for 2 months. Honestly it's best to stay home and cook, because restaurants are usually at their worst on Valentine's Day (same as NYE). Don't overthink it. You're still in very, very early stages here.