What is the issue with women not like this first message? How was your day or weekend?

[IntBrowser]

I mean its the first message and the answer to that question will expand the conversation?     I am starting to see a lot of profiles from women saying dont ask me how my weekend was

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

 I am starting to see a lot of profiles from women saying dont ask me how my weekend was

 

It means they don't want a chat buddy and after a few messages expect to meet in person.

[Gaeta]

I see nothing wrong with it and l use it myself. It's a conversation openner. It's more important what you have to say after then the opening. If some women think it's not good enough then pass. They sit there and expect men to entertain them with unique opennings?! What's that! They might have forgotten there are 2 participants in an interesting conversation.

[Gaeta]

I was thinking stay away from profile with negative requests. These women are jaded. Instead of writing down *don't  ask how's my day* a person with a positive disposition would have written down *surprise me with your first message*

Edited February 6, 2022 by Gaeta

[introverted1]

It's a lazy (and boring) way to start a conversation. 

Find something in her profile to use as a jumping off point:  I see you like hiking; have you ever been to X place?  It's one of my favorites.  Or: I had a golden retriever when I was growing up.  They are the best dogs!

 

[poppyfields]

11 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I mean its the first message and the answer to that question will expand the conversation?     I am starting to see a lot of profiles from women saying dont ask me how my weekend was.

First off, women who state in their profile "don't ask me how my weekend was" are being rude and arrogant.  Don't bother responding at all, immediate delete. 

That said, it IS the "standard" question, uncreative and contrived. 

I mean what's she gonna say?   Fine and yours?  YAWN

Try to be different, creative, remember she's getting hundreds of messages, you need to somehow stand out and capture her attention. 

I am OLDing now (I know, right? Go figure lol) and what works best for me is something to make me chuckle, even if it's a bit silly. 

Stay away from standard everyday lines everyone uses.

I know I'm weird  but I'm NOT telling a stranger who messaged me for the first time how my weekend is/was or what I'm doing/did.

Say something to make me laugh/smile and I will respond making you laugh or smile.  

Those are the best conversation starters imo and experience.

 

Edited February 6, 2022 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

Wouldn't be looking for anything magical but I would be more receptive to "Hey Smackie, I'm Jason, how ya doin." Address them by their name, it makes it personal and more focused on them, not so generic.

 

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

What is the issue with women not like this first message? How was your day or weekend? I mean its the first message and the answer to that question will expand the conversation?  

How was your weekend implies that rather than ask to meet, I'm asking this instead.

"How was your day?" It's along the lines of "have a nice day" Sort of blah.

I like the suggestion of opening with a connector such as "I see you're into beekeeping, I have three bees named Moe Larry and Curley"

Of course preemptive strikes on a profile are a red flag that indicate burn out: "don't message me if this, that, the other, etc."

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

but I would be more receptive to "Hey Smackie, I'm Jason, how ya doin." 

I can relate!

Recently I had a man message "Hey Poppy Whattup?"  With a smiley emoji.  Lol

I thought it was hilarious but I also liked his look and profile so I responded teasing him a bit about messaging me "Whattup" lol and we had a very fun playful conversation.

[ ] 

Edited February 6, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic

[IntBrowser]

12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It means they don't want a chat buddy and after a few messages expect to meet in person.

so after the 1st message im supposed to say "are u free today or tomorrow?

[IntBrowser]

9 hours ago, introverted1 said:

It's a lazy (and boring) way to start a conversation. 

Find something in her profile to use as a jumping off point:  I see you like hiking; have you ever been to X place?  It's one of my favorites.  Or: I had a golden retriever when I was growing up.  They are the best dogs!

 

I am going to try...........have you ever heard of sticky adult fun?

[basil67]

I have no idea what "sticky adult fun" is, but I think that question will see you blocked by many who receive that message.   

[Gaeta]

If they can't come up with a funny and creative answer to the question *how was the weekend* then they're boring and they spent their weekend watching series that's why they have nothing to say!

[ccas93]

I don't mind that question because I like talking about what I did with my weekend, and I also like to learn about this prospective date uses her time on her weekends. I don't see why it's boring personally. I guess it's boring if you didnt do anything over the weekend and/or aren't interested in the person that's asking you. 

In my experience, if the person actually likes and it is interested in your profile, it doesn't really matter what you open with.. assuming it's respectful. 

[basil67]

The question "what did you do on the weekend?" is unoffensive but completely lacking in thought.   However, if someone's bio doesn't give you much info, then you are limited in responses and the question may well be justified.

However, if they've put work into their bio so that it has a lot of conversation starters and have pictures which tell a story, then you should be able to come up with a more engaging question.   

 

[ccas93]

I guess I'm just OK with the more thoughtless openers because it doesn't require giving a stranger on an app much of my mental energy. I find it annoying when someone asks me a question that requires me to think and be creative, because I know there's a strong likelihood they will never respond again, and then answering was just a waste of my time and mental energy. 

I also think that in my time of using the apps, that just as many openers tailored to the person's profile get ignored as the "how are yas". 

 

 

Edited February 7, 2022 by ccas93

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, ccas93 said:

I don't mind that question because I like talking about what I did with my weekend, and I also like to learn about this prospective date uses her time on her weekends. I don't see why it's boring personally. I guess it's boring if you didnt do anything over the weekend and/or aren't interested in the person that's asking you. 

In my experience, if the person actually likes and it is interested in your profile, it doesn't really matter what you open with.. assuming it's respectful. 

Agree.

I'm not sure why anyone would be bothered by that question or feel compelled to respond with some canned response.

Geeesssh, just be yourself in your response.

On the bright side, if this is the big "problem" or annoyance for her that she worries about in her spare time, then her life isn't too bad.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

..have you ever heard of sticky adult fun?

If you are trying to get blocked a lot or banned from the site, sure try it.

It all boils down to if you actually want to date, have the time, ways and means to date and only contacting women whose profiles interest you.

Agree that your opening message doesn't make it or break it. Keep in mind people get burned out from OLD, so banal messages like "wassup?" or the lewd one you're suggesting will get passed over.

[chillii]

l don't blame them  How was your day or wkend just sounds like the other 2 billion single people out there. l swear anyone who mentions a message round here and what do they say it's- how was your day/wkend. It's probably the first line of every email they get on date sites.

Edited February 7, 2022 by chillii

[introverted1]

21 hours ago, introverted1 said:

It's a lazy (and boring) way to start a conversation. 

Find something in her profile to use as a jumping off point:  I see you like hiking; have you ever been to X place?  It's one of my favorites.  Or: I had a golden retriever when I was growing up.  They are the best dogs!

 

To clarify:  I wouldn't next someone for this, but it wouldn't spark my interest. Which is not to say that my interest couldn't be sparked later.  But in a crowded field where women get so many more messages than men, I think a useful strategy would be to find something specific to say, ie., something that shows you read my profile and are actually interested in me, and not just casting a line to many women to see who will bite.

11 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I am going to try...........have you ever heard of sticky adult fun?

I took a chance and googled this phrase and got no hits, so I'm guessing that, whatever it is, many people won't recognize and will potentially think you're making some sort of sexual innuendo, which may be a much bigger turn-off than "how was your weekend"! 

[Beachead]

On 2/6/2022 at 12:45 AM, IntBrowser said:

I am starting to see a lot of profiles from women saying dont ask me how my weekend was

Nice.  I imagine being with them to feel like walking a tightrope, made of floss.  

But if you still want to try it out with them, then find something on their profile and comment on it, as your opening.

- Beach

[Gaeta]

The first message does not matter, it only needs to be polite. That very first message only means l like your profile so go check mine. No matter how smart or witty your 1st message is l will not reply if l don't like your face. 

[Alpacalia]

15 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I am going to try...........have you ever heard of sticky adult fun?

Call me crazy but I found that question funny.

 

[Stret]

Stating the obvious here, but as you see from the replies, people are different. It is ok for women to ask not to be hit with a boring messages like "hey, what's up?" and it is ok that you'd want to start the conversation the way you do. I guess find someone that is on the same conversational wave length. 

I am one of those that included "please don't just write to say hi, what's up, but tell me something real about yourself" in their dating profile when I had it years ago. And most men did just that - sent me a boring message expecting me to make it interesting or to engage in pointless and waste of time exchange. At the same time, I really didn't like when people contacted me and had a well-tried and selected line, trying to hard to impress me as if life were a romantic movie. What I wanted is someone real, unpretentious, confident in being who they are, someone interesting but not forced into it... just a natural, relaxed person. 
I am horrible with chit chats and my mental health seriously suffers when I'm forced to hang on the conferences all day long and engage in a small talk. Some people thrive in these situations. I only appear as if I thrive but then go home and fall half-dead and exhausted on the bed. Can't help it. 

So never judge a person for anything. Instead, find a compatible match and don't be afraid to relax and be yourself. You might reject people but you will also attract the right people. 

[poppyfields]

I really do think it's the person initiating the first message that should be creative and engaging not the person responding.  And again (jmo) I don't think "how was your weekend" quite cuts it.  Not when there are things in my profile he could mention or for me personally something a bit off the beaten path that would elicit a chuckle or smile.

If he/she is too lazy to come up with an interesting first message, then it certainly isn't up to me to creatively respond back. 

I am not on line to entertain men who again are too lazy to think of an interesting first message.

I know if I were the one initiating that first message, I would be messaging something more engaging than "how was your weekend" I cannot even imagine posting that.

I would be messaging something that would get his attention, something to pull him and now that I am OLDing again, that is what I expect (or at least prefer) from men as well.

 

Edited February 7, 2022 by poppyfields