just broke up with my partner three days ago and the thing is I still love him but the problem was that I always felt caged and tied down.

[Amilea]

Well....i just broke up with my partner three days ago and the thing is i still love him but the problem was that i always felt caged and tied down. Also, i was scared of a lot of things so i had this shadow looming over me and clouding my mind. I told him that "i need to work on myself and i want to experiment" but it kinda hurts now after breaking up tho i was the one to do it and he said we can go back to being best friends. I really hate how i feel cause i don't deserve him. this is actually the second time i've done this, we dated once before last year and i said i wasn't ready. And i said the same this year but i didn't make myself clear and i keep hoping that something will change. Its hard to talk to him and i don't want to hurt him more cause he won't tell me even if he's hurting.

What do i do with this pitiful pathetic self of mine?

Edited February 5, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Amilea said:

 i always felt caged and tied down.  I told him that "i need to work on myself and i want to experiment". he said we can go back to being best friends.this is actually the second time i've done this, we dated once before last year and i said i wasn't ready.

What are you hoping  changes? What do you mean by "experiment"? 

As you realize, on/off relationships tend to be fraught with unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities as well as a complacent unhealthy attachment.

Don't stay "best friends". Free both yourselves from this bind so you can both find what you're looking for. What weren't you "ready for" last time you broke up?

[glows]

Can you name the things that you’re scared of? Write it down and read it to yourself. Ask yourself in what ways do these things impact you now? Of those, which ones are you able to change or no longer be afraid of? 

It’s generally not a good idea to remain friends with an ex, especially a recent one. He will go on to date others and you’ll see him with other partners. It sounds like you are torn and still have feelings for him but this relationship didn’t feel right to you. 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Amilea said:

Well....i just broke up with my partner three days ago and the thing is i still love him but the problem was that i always felt caged and tied down. Also, i was scared of a lot of things so i had this shadow looming over me and clouding my mind. I told him that "i need to work on myself and i want to experiment" but it kinda hurts now after breaking up tho i was the one to do it and he said we can go back to being best friends. I really hate how i feel cause i don't deserve him. this is actually the second time i've done this, we dated once before last year and i said i wasn't ready. And i said the same this year but i didn't make myself clear and i keep hoping that something will change. Its hard to talk to him and i don't want to hurt him more cause he won't tell me even if he's hurting.

What do i do with this pitiful pathetic self of mine?

Now that you've broken up with him the kind thing to do is to walk away and not communicate anymore or try to be his friend.  Hanging around him after a break up is rubbing salt in his wound and uncomfortable for you being around someone you're no longer interested in.  You made a mistake by going back to him the last time you broke up.  Just stay away from him now and start seeing other men.  There are tons of them out there.  And, break ups do hurt so what you're feeling is normal.  It hurts even when you no longer want to be with that person because you don't want to hurt them.

Edited February 5, 2022 by stillafool

[Amilea]

On 2/5/2022 at 9:34 PM, stillafool said:

Now that you've broken up with him the kind thing to do is to walk away and not communicate anymore or try to be his friend.  Hanging around him after a break up is rubbing salt in his wound and uncomfortable for you being around someone you're no longer interested in.  You made a mistake by going back to him the last time you broke up.  Just stay away from him now and start seeing other men.  There are tons of them out there.  And, break ups do hurt so what you're feeling is normal.  It hurts even when you no longer want to be with that person because you don't want to hurt them.

Thanks for that, i get it but i'm not not interested. The mistake i made would be is going back to him when i wasn't ready. but thanks anyway

[Amilea]

On 2/5/2022 at 7:28 PM, Wiseman2 said:

What are you hoping  changes? What do you mean by "experiment"? 

As you realize, on/off relationships tend to be fraught with unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities as well as a complacent unhealthy attachment.

Don't stay "best friends". Free both yourselves from this bind so you can both find what you're looking for. What weren't you "ready for" last time you broke up?

Well, our break up was mutual but as i said, i still like him so i kind of want it to be just a break like we initially planned on when we had the whole conversation.

I know, i do realize that.

I would but it's hard when he lives just seven floors above me and we have the same friend group
The last time, i was scared cause if i'd get bored of him (cause i was going through phase where i get bored of everything in three hours/days) or if i'd hurt him or he'd hate me. It was a long list but i'm really not a confident person so that also made me insecure and scared and influenced my actions.

[ExpatInItaly]

Let him go altogether, and don't remain in close contact with him. 

Be polite when you see him out with your friends, but understand that two break-ups mean you're not that into him and it's not going to happen. And that's okay. But it's unrealistic to be good friends after this. The goalposts have changed now and it won't be the same. 

[stillafool]

It seems like you yank this guy's chain whenever you feel like it and have grown used to it.  That is why you break up and take him back and then repeat.  He is not your best friend because best friends don't break up.  You should let him go so he can find a girl who is sure she wants him and will treat him better.  Then you can spend time experimenting and working on yourself.