I Just Blew a Potentially Good Date!

[poppyfields]

Hey guys, it's been a while since I created a thread but I find myself in a bit of a pickle and need your help!

I was at my job this morn and while opening the mail, there was what appeared to be a check addressed to the tenant down the hall in another suite.

I went to deliver it, the door was locked so I knocked and a very nice looking gentleman (late 40s/early 50s) opened the door.  He VERY enthusiastically thanked me for delivering it, asked me my name, and we chatted a bit about how poor the mail delivery service was.

He then asked me if I was married or had a boyfriend.  I wasn’t put off by this, he was quite charming and charismatic so I responded “why do you ask”?  We were both sort of smiling, it was clear we were both enjoying the interaction.

He then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to have dinner with him on Friday evening.

Anyway, I suddenly became very nervous and stupidly said that I DID have a boyfriend (which was a lie) but thanked him for the invite.  He said “lucky guy,” we were both still smiling as I turned and walked out.

Now I am absolutely kicking myself!   I mean what the hell.  [ ] 

But I am NOT shy!   I just became flustered and nervous, I was not expecting to (1) have such an attractive charming man open the door and (2) be asked out on a date at that moment.

I am not sure what to do now!  I can’t very well go back and tell him I was lying that I DON’T really have a boyfriend.  Or I could do that and follow by saying I just got nervous?

I don’t know but I cannot stop thinking about him now, I really blew it.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

Edited February 2, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed comparison to someone else's thread

[Happy Lemming]

Wait a couple of weeks, then go back and tell him things didn't work out with the other guy and was that invitation to dinner still open??

[Mrin]

Hahaha omg that is something out of a romcom. Don't sweat it poppy. It happens. 

I think it actually would be uber romantic in a silly but vulnerable sort of way to go back and say something like, "okay I actually don't have a boyfriend. Or anyone that could be remotely considered a boyfriend. I just panicked because I wasn't expecting to meet an interesting and take charge gentleman when returning wayward mail to it's rightful owner and just blurted that out. I'd love to have dinner with you on Friday."

As a dude I would actually be honored to be on the receiving end of that.

[poppyfields]

20 minutes ago, Mrin said:

Hahaha omg that is something out of a romcom. Don't sweat it poppy. It happens. 

I think it actually would be uber romantic in a silly but vulnerable sort of way to go back and say something like, "okay I actually don't have a boyfriend. Or anyone that could be remotely considered a boyfriend. I just panicked because I wasn't expecting to meet an interesting and take charge gentleman when returning wayward mail to it's rightful owner and just blurted that out. I'd love to have dinner with you on Friday."

As a dude I would actually be honored to be on the receiving end of that.

Thanks Mrin, I could actually envision myself doing that, owning up to my nervousness but without what's in bold above.  Not a bad suggestion, I just can't see myself saying something like that.

About going back, I feel like it should be more spontaneous like if I ran into him again in the elevator or hallway or something.  But the chances of that are pretty remote since I only work part time and I have never seen him before.

Lemming, that's an idea too.  It's quite bold which is not really my style not to mention by waiting a couple of weeks, the "moment" would have passed, you know?  I think we need to jump on these opportunities right when they happen, otherwise they lose their power, they don't have quite the same effect.

Thanks though, we shall see.  Perhaps I will just leave this up to the universe, and allow it to play out however it's meant to. 

Ugh....  

 

 

 

 

Edited February 2, 2022 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

For me, I tend to go with what seems more plausible...

Its very plausible that you broke up with a guy over the weekend and wanted to see if that invite still stands.

You don't have to admit that you were nervous and lied... that new gentleman never has to know that your current boyfriend never existed.  And your free to explore the possibilities with the new guy and he thinks he beat out another guy for your attention.

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

For me, I tend to go with what seems more plausible...

Its very plausible that you broke up with a guy over the weekend and wanted to see if that invite still stands.

You don't have to admit that you were nervous and lied... that new gentleman never has to know that your current boyfriend never existed.  And your free to explore the possibilities with the new guy and he thinks he beat out another guy for your attention.

I know it's plausible Lemming, I would just feel silly going back and telling him this.  Again, the "moment" was lost.

I will try and get out more and see if I might run into him, and take it from there.  Let things happen naturally.

No plan, nothing forced.

Thanks for the suggestions and will let you know what happens!

 

[introverted1]

I like @Mrin's suggestion, or a variant of it, i.e., wording that feels authentic to you.  You can just say you responded out of habit; I think lots of women make up boyfriends on the spot when they want to deter an unwelcome advance. In this case, it just slipped out before you realised that, yes, you would like to have dinner.

 

Edited February 2, 2022 by introverted1
missing word

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I like @Mrin's suggestion, or a variant of it, i.e., wording that feels authentic to you.  You can just say you responded out of habit; I think lots of women make up boyfriends on the spot when they want to deter an unwelcome advance. In this case, it just slipped out before realised that, yes, you would like to have dinner.

 

Yes, that's true and I have told men I had a boyfriend when the advances were unwelcome, it's almost like a reflex!  lol

But again, I just can't see myself intentionally going back and telling him this, it's so bold!  

What I am thinking/hoping is that I spontaneously run into him again, even if it takes a couple of weeks, and then ask HIM out for a drink telling him my "boyfriend" and I broke up.

What do you think?

Edited February 2, 2022 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

What I am hoping is that I spontaneously run into him again, even if it's takes a couple of weeks, and then ask HIM out for a drink telling him my "boyfriend" and I broke up.

What do you think?

Right... there is no way for him to prove you didn't have a boyfriend (at that time) when you first met.

I don't see anything wrong with knocking on his door again in a week or two. 

And yes that would be totally cool if you asked HIM out.  He'll probably insist on paying, but yea... that sounds like a plan.

[poppyfields]

Since I had his name from the envelope, I just googled him, he's a lawyer!!!  Ugh.

Figures...  lol

[Mrin]

I say fortune favors the bold. Just go over there an own up to it. It will make a fantastic "how we first met story". 

[Foxhall]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Anyway, I suddenly became very nervous and stupidly said that I DID have a boyfriend

Hes probably thinking " that is what they all say"

no harm in playing hard to get either I suppose.

who knows, it should be easy enough to bump into other again some day,

he might make another play for you.

 

[ShyViolet]

Walk around the common areas of the building more to try and run into him again.  I wouldn't knock on his door, that would be a bit too bold and awkward.

[introverted1]

56 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Yes, that's true and I have told men I had a boyfriend when the advances were unwelcome, it's almost like a reflex!  lol

But again, I just can't see myself intentionally going back and telling him this, it's so bold!  

What I am thinking/hoping is that I spontaneously run into him again, even if it takes a couple of weeks, and then ask HIM out for a drink telling him my "boyfriend" and I broke up.

What do you think?

Fortune favors the bold. 

[introverted1]

45 minutes ago, Mrin said:

I say fortune favors the bold. Just go over there an own up to it. It will make a fantastic "how we first met story". 

I just saw your response, after I said the same thing! 

That's 2 votes, @poppyfields

[Johnjohnson2017]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Hey guys, it's been a while since I created a thread but I find myself in a bit of a pickle and need your help!

I was at my job this morn and while opening the mail, there was what appeared to be a check addressed to the tenant down the hall in another suite.

I went to deliver it, the door was locked so I knocked and a very nice looking gentleman (late 40s/early 50s) opened the door.  He VERY enthusiastically thanked me for delivering it, asked me my name, and we chatted a bit about how poor the mail delivery service was.

He then asked me if I was married or had a boyfriend.  I wasn’t put off by this, he was quite charming and charismatic so I responded “why do you ask”?  We were both sort of smiling, it was clear we were both enjoying the interaction.

He then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to have dinner with him on Friday evening.

Anyway, I suddenly became very nervous and stupidly said that I DID have a boyfriend (which was a lie) but thanked him for the invite.  He said “lucky guy,” we were both still smiling as I turned and walked out.

Now I am absolutely kicking myself!   I mean what the hell.  [ ] 

But I am NOT shy!   I just became flustered and nervous, I was not expecting to (1) have such an attractive charming man open the door and (2) be asked out on a date at that moment.

I am not sure what to do now!  I can’t very well go back and tell him I was lying that I DON’T really have a boyfriend.  Or I could do that and follow by saying I just got nervous?

I don’t know but I cannot stop thinking about him now, I really blew it.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

Oh I thought you were already seeing someone.... the short one with the boat? Yeah whenever you knock on someone's door, you just don't know who is going to open it. I've been pleasantly surprised a couple of times. You expect someone old to open the door.

I am sure you will run into him again. Just start another conversation with him and ask him for coffee. Or maybe your apartment complex throws parties you can attend. When/if you go out for coffee, then you can tell him that you're not seeing anyone.

He is definately interested in you, there's no question about that. 

[basil67]

Add another vote to knocking on his door and explaining.   So that's three votes!

Unless the "ugh" about him being a lawyer was a negative???

[Ami1uwant]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Hey guys, it's been a while since I created a thread but I find myself in a bit of a pickle and need your help!

I was at my job this morn and while opening the mail, there was what appeared to be a check addressed to the tenant down the hall in another suite.

I went to deliver it, the door was locked so I knocked and a very nice looking gentleman (late 40s/early 50s) opened the door.  He VERY enthusiastically thanked me for delivering it, asked me my name, and we chatted a bit about how poor the mail delivery service was.

He then asked me if I was married or had a boyfriend.  I wasn’t put off by this, he was quite charming and charismatic so I responded “why do you ask”?  We were both sort of smiling, it was clear we were both enjoying the interaction.

He then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to have dinner with him on Friday evening.

Anyway, I suddenly became very nervous and stupidly said that I DID have a boyfriend (which was a lie) but thanked him for the invite.  He said “lucky guy,” we were both still smiling as I turned and walked out.

Now I am absolutely kicking myself!   I mean what the hell.  [ ] 

But I am NOT shy!   I just became flustered and nervous, I was not expecting to (1) have such an attractive charming man open the door and (2) be asked out on a date at that moment.

I am not sure what to do now!  I can’t very well go back and tell him I was lying that I DON’T really have a boyfriend.  Or I could do that and follow by saying I just got nervous?

I don’t know but I cannot stop thinking about him now, I really blew it.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

as a guy I would never do that on the first meet.   I would talk a bit Thrn look to meet you again since you were down the hall and let it build into whatever happens

 

from my experience some can be offended if you do that at a first meet when it wasn’t solicited.

 

 

[poppyfields]

3 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

as a guy I would never do that on the first meet.   I would talk a bit Thrn look to meet you again since you were down the hall and let it build into whatever happens

from my experience some can be offended if you do that at a first meet when it wasn’t solicited.

I hear ya @Ami1uwant which is why I wrote this:

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

He then asked me if I was married or had a boyfriend.  I wasn’t put off by this, he was quite charming and charismatic so I responded “why do you ask”?  We were both sort of smiling, it was clear we were both enjoying the interaction.

In some cases I would be put off, but in this case, it felt natural.  Probably also cause I was drawn to him, I liked him.  He appeared to have a ton of confidence, like he didn't hesitate at all when asking me out, it came perfectly natural to him, that's the sense I got.  

Oh hell, he's probably some "player" lol.   I'm teasing, but ya never know.

@basil67, the ugh about being a lawyer wasn't really a negative, more like I just cannot seem to get away from lawyers!  lol     I dated a lawyer a few years ago and it was NOT a pleasant experience but I won't hold that against him. 

I know fortune favors the bold and all that, but I cannot envision myself knocking on his door, so I will leave it up to hoping I run into him again, and I will then ask him out for a drink.

The "moment" is already starting to pass, like I said you really need to jump on these opportunities, but we'll see what happens!  And lesson learned.

Thanks guys!

 

[chillii]

Funny, the suddenly all flustered shy little girl within the woman, cute as. Don't worry l think we've all turned into all thumbs at a time like that once. l think you should come up with a plan, life's too short.

Good luck.

ps, could you bump into him ?

[princessaurora]

Hopefully another piece of his mail will find it's way into your hands in the future! 

[Gaeta]

Here we always get unwanted publicity in the mail. I'd keep one of those and go knock at his door and repeat the first meeting...Looks like I've accidently opened your mail, again. And I don't have a boyfriend, 

No chance something like that happens to me. OH the mail man has an eye on me but he's five foot tall and bald. 

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

as a guy I would never do that on the first meet.   I would talk a bit Thrn look to meet you again since you were down the hall and let it build into whatever happens

 

from my experience some can be offended if you do that at a first meet when it wasn’t solicited.

 

 

I've done something similar to @poppyfields lawyer.  I was working in an office suites building and saw a woman (professionally dressed) but she didn't have any shoes on.  I said to her "Where are your shoes??"  She laughed and said "Those damn new heels are killing me"... I introduced myself, we chit-chatted a bit and I asked her out for drinks that evening, she said "yes".  We seem to hit it off, nicely and ended up dating for a couple of years.

She was neither offended nor upset by me asking her out. 

For the record, the company I was working for had just moved into that office suites building a week prior.  Neither of us had seen each other prior to our meeting in the hallway.

In my opinion, if you are friendly, smile and can be personable, there is nothing wrong with talking to women, if they seem receptive, ask them out.  This particular woman smiled back, joked with me and seemed fun, so I went for it and asked her out for drinks that evening.

Edited February 3, 2022 by Happy Lemming
spelling

[Happy Lemming]

15 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

OH the mail man has an eye on me but he's five foot tall and bald. 

I'm sorry @Gaetabut I just laughed out loud as I pictured your 5 ft tall, bald postal carrier.

You just can't win.

[Trail Blazer]

Oh dear, poppy!  That's a shame... or is it!?  Just thinking left of field, do you think there's a subconscious reason for why you responded the way you did? 

What I'm getting at is that was there potentially something off with this guy that you couldn't see on at face value but your intuition kicked in before the dopamine was released and you'd fall for his charisma?

I could be way off, but I just think it'd be wise to consider that as a possibility before you completely kick yourself to blowing an opportunity when perhaps there's a little more to it.