jomaxfury Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 Ok it's been 4 days since I received birthday email from her. Her email was one line that said: "I hope you are enjoying your special day.? Don't be surprised, I still think about how you're doing and if you are alright.? Well, take care, and don't be a stranger". I took everyone's advice I have not responded, but it feels that I was not hostile and polite to email her back with a simple "Thank you, take care. Bye". That I do the right thing? I just want to know? Her birthday is less than a week what should I do?
slubberdegullion Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 No contact means no contact. What else would you like to know?
Art_Critic Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 Slubber is right .. NC doesn't mean I'll sit on her text msg for 5 days then text her back.. If you do you will expect a reply and have given her all the power you will be at square 1 all over again.. Delete her text and delete her number off your phone
smile95 Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 if it has been that long, all she really wanted to say was happy b-day....nothing more. Otherwise she would have had a follow up messsage. I think that by responding, you are hoping for things to change for the best and they will not. PLEEEEEEEASE do not reply. It would be weird anyway 5 days later? On her b-day -do nothing. She does not deserve you! You are going to do whatever you feel is best, but sometimes it is best to not follow your heart.
heartnsoul Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 I have to agree with all of your replies. Don't respond.
Gottabestrong Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 Hi, I know how you are feeling. Been in the same position in July when I got a text and greeting card from my ex with both having the same one-liner on them. I did not reply. Not because of the 'rules' of NC or whatever, but because I knew I was not strong enough to be in touch with him yet and if I was going to reply I would hope for something in return more than a 'your welcome'. His birthday is coming up in a week. Am I going to congratulate him? I am not planning on it. I dont hate him or think of him as the bad guy. He just decided that we were not meant to be and he had to break it off. That's tough, had to do it myself in the past. I hope one day we will be able to be friendly. i.e. sending an email once or twice a year and keeping each other up to date with our lives. Right now I am not ready for that though. Our breakup took place 13 months ago and I still need to time to heal. If he should ask one day why I did not reply to his birthday message I am going to tell him that I was not ready for a friendship at this point, and if he is a decent human being, he will understand. And so should your exgirlfriend. I dont believe in the rules of NC. It's not like it is a religous group or sect you subscribe to and if you break one of the rules you are kicked out. You have to decide what is best for you and review your decision every once in a while. Do whatever is best for you, but if you are not able to handle a disappointment from her at this point, I recommend you dont congratulate her on her birthday. Maybe next year you will be able to. All the best!
Author jomaxfury Posted October 23, 2005 Author Posted October 23, 2005 Gottabestrong, Thank you, I have given her so many chances. Dissapointment from her can't get any worse! When the red falgs were flashing in my face, I was selfish in not letting her go. She would come back crying...and thought she really wanted to be with me. The promises we did to each other I still think about, I think in her case she wanted security and not love...I felt helpless I was being drag into something that I couldn't fix in her life, in which she wanted to escape from. I was just not ready in handling such responsibility in my life...I told her let's take this day by day, when the time comes and were both are ready we will do it... . You are right I am just not ready to be her friend. For me it doesn't make sense when I was there as a boyfriend and as her friend she didn't appreciated me, and now she wants me as friend...I am just not ready for that!
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2005 Posted October 23, 2005 You are right I am just not ready to be her friend. For me it doesn't make sense when I was there as a boyfriend and as her friend she didn't appreciated me, and now she wants me as friend...I am just not ready for that! Then why not just come right out and tell her that. That's the one thing about NC that screws up the other person so it seems. They don't get why the OP goes into NC mode and they're left wondering wtf? People post about it here all the time and maybe in your case be honest and tell her you don't know if you two will ever be friends again but definately right now it's best to not keep intouch. Just a suggestion.
J dub Posted October 24, 2005 Posted October 24, 2005 Let me just preface this comment by saying: I maintained strict NC w/ my ex for a month, knowing his bday was coming up around the corner. It broke my heart but I didnt wish him a happy one because I knew in my head/heart that it would be pointless -- it wouldnt fix anything for me, esp the long ways I had made it thus far by staying away from him. The day after his bday he came back to me. With full vengence. Not to say this will happen for you, but it just goes to show that when they want you back, they know damn well how to get a hold of you/find you, and when they REALLY want you back it'll be plain as day. As far as responding to her bday wish, I see no point. Thats nice, she extended a gesture towards you, probably attempting to open the lines for communication - but look at it like this...unless she is saying "DAMNIT I NEED YOU BACK" you really have no reason to talk to her. And by saying thank you? Well, it goes without saying. As for her bday coming up, just treat it like any other day. You owe her nothing, but you owe it to YOURSELF to maintain your dignity and respect you have gained so far by steering clear of her. Right now's the time be selfish:cool:
Author jomaxfury Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 J dub, thank you! On her birthday she is probably going to have fun with her new partner. She wont even worry if I emailed her. I'll will not reply for her birthday even though it hurts but by not replying, makes you stronger and it feels like you a have a sense of control afterwards. The reason you feel stronger is that you have no expectations of receiving another email from the other person. J dub everything you said made so much sense!
teethbrushes Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 personally, being on the other side of this, I think it is rude not to reply. no contact does mean no contact, but at least say thanks. I got my ex-boyfriend a card and he didn't say thanks until I came up to him and asked if he got it. And I felt like that was really rude of him and most of my friends thought "What a nutcase/a**h***." I know he was doing it for self-protective reasons, but if he would've just IMed, e-mailed me or stopped me on the way to class and said "Hey thanks. Talk to you later." I felt like that would have been a little polite.
Author jomaxfury Posted October 25, 2005 Author Posted October 25, 2005 personally, being on the other side of this, I think it is rude not to reply. no contact does mean no contact, but at least say thanks. I got my ex-boyfriend a card and he didn't say thanks until I came up to him and asked if he got it. And I felt like that was really rude of him and most of my friends thought "What a nutcase/a**h***." I know he was doing it for self-protective reasons, but if he would've just IMed, e-mailed me or stopped me on the way to class and said "Hey thanks. Talk to you later." I felt like that would have been a little polite. Teethandbrushes, I think it doesn't get any more rude how she acted with me during the relationship! As for you, you giving him a card and him not replying. Made you wonder if he recieved it or not right? Why did you go to him, only to see if he got it to show your a better person than he is or that you still loved him? I think in your case I can assume sending him a card opened up some wounds for him. For your friends to say "what a nutcase/a**h***" for not replying and trying to move on, I think is really immature. If her friends think of me I am an a**h*** so be it, but she knows what kind of person I am and was to her. She asked for space I gave it to her. Now I just want to move on! Thanks for your post...know I am definitely not giving her any pitty email or call. Thanks.
teethbrushes Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 well, he broke up with me quite a long time ago, so its kind of rude. And I was just being nice and I wanted to know if he got it...and was sort of offended he didn't say thanks. And it wasn't to let him know I still loved him at all...i think that's reading WAY too far into it. I felt like ignoring it was rude. He could've just said "Thanks for the card!" and that's it.
westernxer Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 He could've just said "Thanks for the card!" and that's it. But he didn't. Love's a bitch.
teethbrushes Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 well he did eventually. the point is that's rude.
Author jomaxfury Posted October 26, 2005 Author Posted October 26, 2005 Teethbrushes, Would it be rude if I didn't email her on her birthday, even If I have nothing to do with her? I would have giving her as much as I can if she was with me, but whats the point of telling her happy birthday while she is with someone else...What does it shows her, only that I am still there for her even after what she did! How do I get my respect and dignity? By showing politeness and respect. When all I did was to put her on a high pedestal and gave her my heart! She needs to know that she isn't my first priority anymore and that I am going do it without her in my life even after all the promises we had for each other!!!!!!!!
teethbrushes Posted October 26, 2005 Posted October 26, 2005 I'm not saying you have to send her an e-mail on her birthday. That's not the issue. Just thank her for the e-mail. Don't open up lines of communication, don't make it so you're hoping she'll reply. Just a simple thanks.
J dub Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 dude, you dont owe her a thanks. If you were on speaking terms or you ran in to her, than sure, thank her. But dont bother giving her the satisfaction of a call/text/email/anything with a keypad, thats exactly what she wants -- the power.
westernxer Posted October 27, 2005 Posted October 27, 2005 If you don't water the plant it will eventually die.
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