ericw899 Posted January 31, 2022 Posted January 31, 2022 So it's me again. Things have fizzled out recently with the couple of girl(s) I was casually dating. I'd like to ask out and go out with different girls and one who caught my eye was one I went to high school with. I'm 25 so we've been out of high school for almost 7 years. This girl was someone in high school who I wasn't "friends" with as I was very shy and really didn't hang out with anybody but she was someone who was always very nice to me and someone who I always liked. I recently made very small talk with her on instagram. I had said Happy Birthday and she replied thanks and I asked how everything was and she responded. Then that was all. I also wished her a Merry Christmas and she replied back and I let it at that. I know for a fact she is single as I saw her on bumble recently and even made a joke on Valentines Day about being single. She also lives very close to me so I know she hasn't left the area. I really would love to ask her but I fear that she will think I'm weird because I was very quiet in school and she won't she how much I have changed. I also don't want to make her uncomfortable and her to say yes out of pity. So what does everyone think? Can you ask out a girl from high school 7 years later or is that weird? Also I'd like a womans perspective on how they would feel if a guy from high school popped up and asked you on a date? Thank You
glows Posted January 31, 2022 Posted January 31, 2022 I don't see why not. It's not weird at all. Ask her out for coffee.
Author ericw899 Posted February 1, 2022 Author Posted February 1, 2022 4 hours ago, glows said: I don't see why not. It's not weird at all. Ask her out for coffee. Whats the best way to ask her? Try and strike up conversation first? or just outright ask her?
Wiseman2 Posted February 1, 2022 Posted February 1, 2022 11 hours ago, ericw899 said: So it's me again. Things have fizzled out recently with the couple of girl(s) I was casually dating. I'd like to ask out and go out with different girls and one who caught my eye was one I went to high school with. I'm 25 so we've been out of high school for almost 7 years. This girl was someone in high school who I wasn't "friends" with as I was very . I know for a fact she is single as I saw her on bumble recently and even made a joke on Valentines Day about being single. She also lives very close to me so I know she hasn't left the area. I really would love to ask her but I fear that she will think I'm weird because I was very quiet in school and she won't she how much I have changed. I also don't want to make her uncomfortable and her to say yes out of pity. So what does everyone think? Can you ask out a girl from high school 7 years later or is that weird? Also I'd like a womans perspective on how they would feel if a guy from high school popped up and asked you on a date? Thank You Why not contact her though dating apps? Do not pop up and ask her on a date. You're assuming too much at this point, so be patient. See if there's a class reunion or organize one. Check FB or a classmate site for that. After this long all you have in common is your alma mater, so start there.
glows Posted February 1, 2022 Posted February 1, 2022 10 hours ago, ericw899 said: Whats the best way to ask her? Try and strike up conversation first? or just outright ask her? You’ve already broken the ice and spoken with her. Please don’t overthink it and be direct. Invite her for coffee or ask if she’d be interested in having one with you. If she doesn’t want to meet with you then be respectful and accept that. You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Be bold and a gentleman.
Alpacalia Posted February 1, 2022 Posted February 1, 2022 16 hours ago, ericw899 said: Can you ask out a girl from high school 7 years later or is that weird? Also I'd like a womans perspective on how they would feel if a guy from high school popped up and asked you on a date? Sure, why not. Someone I went to high school with but from a lot later than that. I thought it was a nice surprise.
Author ericw899 Posted February 2, 2022 Author Posted February 2, 2022 12 hours ago, glows said: You’ve already broken the ice and spoken with her. Please don’t overthink it and be direct. Invite her for coffee or ask if she’d be interested in having one with you. If she doesn’t want to meet with you then be respectful and accept that. You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Be bold and a gentleman. I like that. Just one more question. Why ask her to coffee as opposed to dinner? Thanks
Author ericw899 Posted February 2, 2022 Author Posted February 2, 2022 11 hours ago, Alpaca said: Sure, why not. Someone I went to high school with but from a lot later than that. I thought it was a nice surprise. Was it someone you normally interacted with, or just a random guy? I only ask cause I think I'm more of a random guy myself
Wiseman2 Posted February 2, 2022 Posted February 2, 2022 8 hours ago, ericw899 said: . Why ask her to coffee as opposed to dinner? Too heavy-handed. First you need to be casual and relaxed like friends catching up. If thing go well you can get to that another time.
dramafreezone Posted February 2, 2022 Posted February 2, 2022 On 1/31/2022 at 2:27 PM, ericw899 said: So it's me again. Things have fizzled out recently with the couple of girl(s) I was casually dating. I'd like to ask out and go out with different girls and one who caught my eye was one I went to high school with. I'm 25 so we've been out of high school for almost 7 years. This girl was someone in high school who I wasn't "friends" with as I was very shy and really didn't hang out with anybody but she was someone who was always very nice to me and someone who I always liked. I recently made very small talk with her on instagram. I had said Happy Birthday and she replied thanks and I asked how everything was and she responded. Then that was all. I also wished her a Merry Christmas and she replied back and I let it at that. I know for a fact she is single as I saw her on bumble recently and even made a joke on Valentines Day about being single. She also lives very close to me so I know she hasn't left the area. I really would love to ask her but I fear that she will think I'm weird because I was very quiet in school and she won't she how much I have changed. I also don't want to make her uncomfortable and her to say yes out of pity. So what does everyone think? Can you ask out a girl from high school 7 years later or is that weird? Also I'd like a womans perspective on how they would feel if a guy from high school popped up and asked you on a date? Thank You Really no way to know but to ask her based on what you're saying. Has she shown any inkling that she likes you or finds you attractive? Many times "single" means she's casually dating a couple of guys but isn't committed to one of them. Won't hurt to ask her but I would just not be too attached to the outcome. You're going in pretty much cold, with no indicators that she is the least bit interested.
Author ericw899 Posted February 2, 2022 Author Posted February 2, 2022 3 hours ago, dramafreezone said: Really no way to know but to ask her based on what you're saying. Has she shown any inkling that she likes you or finds you attractive? Many times "single" means she's casually dating a couple of guys but isn't committed to one of them. Won't hurt to ask her but I would just not be too attached to the outcome. You're going in pretty much cold, with no indicators that she is the least bit interested. Honestly I’m sure she hasn’t really thought of me other then the two times I reached out briefly. I think in high school she liked me as a person and though I was a good guy, but as far as dating I doubt it. But I never think girls are interested in me regardless. I know this sounds minimal but she has liked all of my recent Instagram posts but I know that means nothing
Wiseman2 Posted February 2, 2022 Posted February 2, 2022 3 minutes ago, ericw899 said: I know this sounds minimal but she has liked all of my recent Instagram posts but I know that means nothing That's good, make sure you like/comment positively on her social media as well.
Alpacalia Posted February 2, 2022 Posted February 2, 2022 (edited) 18 hours ago, ericw899 said: Was it someone you normally interacted with, or just a random guy? I only ask cause I think I'm more of a random guy myself Someone I was already familiar with and interacted with. Try to imagine that you are "potentially" meeting her for the first time, and not someone who was shy or awkward back then. Maybe that'll help a little. Edited February 2, 2022 by Alpaca
Author ericw899 Posted February 3, 2022 Author Posted February 3, 2022 4 hours ago, Alpaca said: Someone I was already familiar with and interacted with. Try to imagine that you are "potentially" meeting her for the first time, and not someone who was shy or awkward back then. Maybe that'll help a little. Ok Thank you. So almost pretend it's any other girl on instagram I am messaging? 1
Alpacalia Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 6 minutes ago, ericw899 said: Ok Thank you. So almost pretend it's any other girl on instagram I am messaging? Welcome! My point was to not look at yourself as "just some random guy" from high school. If that makes sense. I feel that's maybe psyching you out a little. Be confident that you have a lot to offer to the right woman! You were both pretty indifferent in high school because you didn't really know each other or interact much, although you do share a commonality (that you went to the same high school), which is a bonus.
Author ericw899 Posted February 3, 2022 Author Posted February 3, 2022 22 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Welcome! My point was to not look at yourself as "just some random guy" from high school. If that makes sense. I feel that's maybe psyching you out a little. Be confident that you have a lot to offer to the right woman! You were both pretty indifferent in high school because you didn't really know each other or interact much, although you do share a commonality (that you went to the same high school), which is a bonus. Right. That makes sense. I have definitely changed from high school. Lost my acne, gained more social skills, more confidence and work a very good job. I need to convey to her that is who I am now 1
Alpacalia Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, ericw899 said: Right. That makes sense. I have definitely changed from high school. Lost my acne, gained more social skills, more confidence and work a very good job. I need to convey to her that is who I am now Nice. It's great that she knows who you are. You sound like you have a good handle on things. Last but not least she must also trust you enough to grow the relationship beyond the app. I would say continue engaging with her so you can get to know each other better and when you feel there's enough mutual chemistry then ask her out on a date. Hope it goes well! Edited February 3, 2022 by Alpaca
smackie9 Posted February 4, 2022 Posted February 4, 2022 So it's Friday...have you asked her out yet? 2
dramafreezone Posted February 4, 2022 Posted February 4, 2022 (edited) On 2/2/2022 at 6:27 PM, ericw899 said: Right. That makes sense. I have definitely changed from high school. Lost my acne, gained more social skills, more confidence and work a very good job. I need to convey to her that is who I am now That's great, but you don't really have an effect on if she likes you or not from a primal perspective. You could be smooth, more confident and have money but if she doesn't like you on a very basic level none of that means anything to her. Do you get what I'm saying? Mother Nature has already taken care of the "does she like me" part of it, that means she looks at you and thinks, "yeah I would." All of that other stuff *helps* if she already likes you. So from that sense, there's really no pressure, the only thing you have to do is actually talk to her and ask her for her number. If she declines then there's probably nothing you could've done differently to change the outcome. It took me a long time to understand this, but you don't have to make anyone like you, only grow the flame if it's there. If she doesn't like you, no flame to grow. Edited February 4, 2022 by dramafreezone
Author ericw899 Posted February 4, 2022 Author Posted February 4, 2022 6 hours ago, smackie9 said: So it's Friday...have you asked her out yet? Not yet. I’m planning to ask her on Wednesday. That way if she accepts I can plan a date for next Friday. This week I just wanted to see peoples opinions before I made the move 1
Author ericw899 Posted February 4, 2022 Author Posted February 4, 2022 4 hours ago, dramafreezone said: That's great, but you don't really have an effect on if she likes you or not from a primal perspective. You could be smooth, more confident and have money but if she doesn't like you on a very basic level none of that means anything to her. Do you get what I'm saying? Mother Nature has already taken care of the "does she like me" part of it, that means she looks at you and thinks, "yeah I would." All of that other stuff *helps* if she already likes you. So from that sense, there's really no pressure, the only thing you have to do is actually talk to her and ask her for her number. If she declines then there's probably nothing you could've done differently to change the outcome. It took me a long time to understand this, but you don't have to make anyone like you, only grow the flame if it's there. If she doesn't like you, no flame to grow. I think I understand but I think it’s hard for me or even her to say if she likes me on any level. I don’t think we had enough contact in high school for her to know if she really likes me or not. I definitely don’t think she hates me and she was friendly to me in the times we’ve interacted, so I don’t have much more to base off of but yes I see what you mean. Basically if she isn’t attracted to me or interested in me on a romantic level, nothing can really change it
smackie9 Posted February 5, 2022 Posted February 5, 2022 It shouldn't matter if she shows interest or not. That isn't important. What is important is your interest in her. You simply ask her out. 1
Author ericw899 Posted February 6, 2022 Author Posted February 6, 2022 7 hours ago, smackie9 said: It shouldn't matter if she shows interest or not. That isn't important. What is important is your interest in her. You simply ask her out. That’s what I’m starting to realize. I was so hesitant because she seems so far “out of my league” but now I realize that I will 100% not get a date with her if I don’t ask. If I do ask I have at least a 1% chance
Author ericw899 Posted February 8, 2022 Author Posted February 8, 2022 (edited) So I plan on asking her Tomorrow morning on Instagram. How does this sound… “Hey Jane Doe how’s it going?” “How has everything been?” Then after she replies I was thinking of mentioning her baking (she’s a baker & really good) and saying something along the lines of “I noticed you do a lot of baking. You do incredibly work, do you own your own business?” Then work my way up to ask her out Edited February 8, 2022 by ericw899
Alpacalia Posted February 9, 2022 Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) That could work. Except I wouldn't ask her about whether she owns her own business. Some might take that maybe a bit too intrusive initially (at least from what I've read on here). Preferring the direct message route another way to put it maybe something like "I'm just going to put it out there, want to grab coffee this weekend?" If she bakes you a cupcake, coffee is your treat! Edited February 9, 2022 by Alpaca
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