My girlfriend keeps urging me to be healthier for this reason, but is she reaching too far?

[ironpony]

My gf says I have health problems such as my sleep deprivation problems and needing to exercise and keep physically fit more.  She says that because I am older than her (by 16 years), I have to keep being healthy for a long term relationship because if we end together forever by any chance, she does not want me dying long before her and wants me to keep at it, health wise to live as long as possible therefore.

Her intentions are good, and she cares but I feel that her concerns are becoming pressuring, as she grows more and more adimant about it.  I mean I told her if I have sleep deprivation problems, perhaps I should just accept it as a part of me, instead of trying constantly try to find ways to fix it and none of them ever seem to work much.  But she keeps pushing me to do the opposite and is really concerned.  But does she have good points, or should she just accept that the fact that I will probably die a lot sooner than her and why try to fight fate, and that's that? 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

But she keeps pushing me to do the opposite and is really concerned.

Don't confide or lean on her so much about your health concerns. Go to physicians for this.

Sometimes the punishment for complaining a lot is unwanted advice... Her concern is kind and sincere. Just reassure her that you're fine.

[smackie9]

She's buggin ya because you are not really doing much about staying healthy. Start the healthy lifestyle together. Cook healthier meals together, do more outdoor physical activities like ice skating, take up skiing, go for runs, play tennis. Get into a routine. IMO if she naggin, she needs to be a part of it too. 

Edited January 31, 2022 by smackie9

[Foxhall]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sometimes the punishment for complaining a lot is unwanted advice..

yes thats good advice too,

while sometimes it is good to talk, complaining too much can lead to being at the mercy of other peoples advice.

keep ones own counsel the best policy at times,

Otherwise , yes well as the girlfriend is a lot younger, it should motivate you to keep yourself as young as you can,

Your obviously feeling pretty energetic anyway if you have difficulty sleeping,

I get really tired at times and will sleep up to nine hours- so not sure if that is so good either!

[ironpony]

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Don't confide or lean on her so much about your health concerns. Go to physicians for this.

Sometimes the punishment for complaining a lot is unwanted advice... Her concern is kind and sincere. Just reassure her that you're fine.

Oh okay.  I didn't think I was leaning on her as I barely mentioned the sleep deprivation problems too her.  When I am with her, I just want to not concentrate on that, so I didn't think I brought it up much.  I think she notices when she wakes up and I am not there if I stay over and I am doing other things, since I cannot sleep at the time, and then come back and try again later.

[ironpony]

7 hours ago, smackie9 said:

She's buggin ya because you are not really doing much about staying healthy. Start the healthy lifestyle together. Cook healthier meals together, do more outdoor physical activities like ice skating, take up skiing, go for runs, play tennis. Get into a routine. IMO if she naggin, she needs to be a part of it too. 

But I didn't think I was unhealthy though.  I cook regular meals and exercise and do activities.  So I am not sure what she is going on about, other than the sleep deprivation.

But also, the doctor put me on a new medication for sleeping and it has been working quite well.  But she is worried that the medication is unhealthy for me.  But I don't what to do, since the sleep deprivation is unhealthy, but she thinks the medication is as well.  So I feel she is making a paradox out of it therefore, if that makes sense:?

Edited February 1, 2022 by ironpony

[Wiseman2]

You need to talk to your physicians about your health problems, anxiety and insomnia. Try what later? If this still revolves around explanations about Ed, you'll have to be honest about that rather than explaining it through a litany of peripheral and unaddressed/untreated health problems. 

Edited February 1, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
remove quote

[Els]

To answer your question: kinda yes and kinda no. I personally don't understand why any woman would sign up for a LTR with a man 16 years her senior - we already live 4-6 years longer than men on average, to tack 16 additional years on to that disparity sounds like a rather bad idea. That's a 20-year average disparity in lifespan.

But that being said, if that's what she's signed up for, then yes unfortunately she will need to accept it. While a healthy lifestyle is important, the crux of it is that you WILL very likely pass away when she is still relatively young, if you two make it to the long haul (and I have misgivings about that possibility, but anyway...). No amount of sleep or exercise will change that, although lack thereof can exacerbate the problem. If she can't accept this likelihood, she should date men her age or up to 6 years younger.

[TarePanda1991]

I urge you to keep your options open, because that is a form of control. I also have insomnia and my significant other tries to harp on me about it, too. 

Never subject yourself to feeling like you have to change for a counter part in your life (gf).  People that have a problem with me, lose me and that's that. 

Sit her down and politely state that you refuse to change, because it's the only option here. Stop and think ... Do you want to submit to someones demands? If she's trying to lodge pills down your throat to fix your sleep issue; then just end it with her. 

[Lisa]

Note from Moderators:

We have moved discussion about OP's insomnia to his ongoing insomnia thread.    This thread's topic is about how OP should deal with his girlfriend's opinions

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/588137-i-have-insomnia/

Thank you for staying on topic.

Edited February 1, 2022 by Lisa

[basil67]

I seem to recall having a conversation with you where I advised you to stop giving your girlfriend advice.  If my memory serves me right, you replied that it was OK for you to do that because she gives you advice and you're OK with it.

But now we're at the point where you can understand that being given advice is not always welcome.  Perhaps the two of you could make a deal to stop involving yourselves in each other's decision making?

[ironpony]

10 hours ago, TarePanda1991 said:

I urge you to keep your options open, because that is a form of control. I also have insomnia and my significant other tries to harp on me about it, too. 

Never subject yourself to feeling like you have to change for a counter part in your life (gf).  People that have a problem with me, lose me and that's that. 

Sit her down and politely state that you refuse to change, because it's the only option here. Stop and think ... Do you want to submit to someones demands? If she's trying to lodge pills down your throat to fix your sleep issue; then just end it with her. 

Oh well the doctor perscribed pills which have been helping but she is worried the pills are bad for me and is trying to get me to stop taking them.

[Interstellar]

Your girlfriend is right man. She values you and she doesn’t want to see your croak and go through all that nonsense when it could’ve been prevented in the first place. It is possible to extend your lifespan through consistent exercise and nutrition. There’s a lot of peer reviewed journals on it.  If you want to change your mindset which is where long term change begins anyway, just chip away at it, piece by piece. Just walk an hour everyday, and look up David Goggins on youtube and what he says.

Edited February 2, 2022 by Interstellar

[ironpony]

On 2/2/2022 at 5:35 AM, Interstellar said:

Your girlfriend is right man. She values you and she doesn’t want to see your croak and go through all that nonsense when it could’ve been prevented in the first place. It is possible to extend your lifespan through consistent exercise and nutrition. There’s a lot of peer reviewed journals on it.  If you want to change your mindset which is where long term change begins anyway, just chip away at it, piece by piece. Just walk an hour everyday, and look up David Goggins on youtube and what he says.

Oh well so far the exercise has been causing me sleep problems though, so I do not do it everyday as a result because I want to sleep better.  I also felt my nutrition is pretty good, and I even eat healthier than she does in some ways.

[ironpony]

Another thing is she says the medication I am taking to help me sleep is not good for me, but she takes medication two for anxiety and birth control, so why does she see a distinction there I wonder.

[basil67]

That is a question only she can answer.

Edited February 4, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, ironpony said:

, but she takes medication two for anxiety and birth control, so why does she see a distinction there I wonder.

Try to stop comparing and micromanaging each other's health. Stop second guessing each other's doctors, diets, and lifestyles.

When you relax about that and both stay in your own lane, things will run smoother.

[ironpony]

I only compared the pill medication when she brought it up for that and I thought about comparing anything else too but it seems like she keeps acting very concerned and keeps telling me about it.