I asked him when we could see each other again and he said 'I don't know' Does that mean he is not interested? I have BPD so is very difficult for me to date.

[monica_1609_]

Hi! I’m 25 and I was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago so dating is difficult to me because I’m always looking for signs that someone is rejecting me or abandoning me.

I am in therapy and I have become more aware of my actions but sometimes is still very difficult.

 

I started talking with a guy from England since 1-2 months ago. He lives in Costa Rica where I’m from, only that he lives in a town that is about 1 hour and half ago.

 

We talk everyday  and he jokes about marriage and kids and that things. We met last week and it was amazing, we kissed and he told me that he wasn’t just looking for sex. He said “sex would be nice but I want so much more, I promise” we didn’t have sex and when I got home we watched a tv show together (virtually) the next day he was texting a lot and this week he has also been texting but I noticed that he was texting less.

My BPD started showing up so I started making stupid tests like leaving him on read to see if he would text again when he was texting very little, which he did. He did text.

Yesterday I told him that I wanted to see him, he told me to go and visit him (he came to my city last week to see me) but when I asked him when he just said “I don’t know” I suggested next weekend and he told me that he has a trip that weekend. He didn’t suggest any other day.

Now, I’m feeling very rejected and I’m starting to have this thoughts that maybe I’m too much or that he is not interested.

i would like to have another opinion since sometimes I can’t trust my own judgment.

Thanks!
 

 

 

[stillafool]

He's busy that weekend so suggest another time to go visit him.  I don't see anything wrong with what he said.  Are you on your meds?

[Happy Lemming]

26 minutes ago, monica_1609_ said:

Yesterday I told him that I wanted to see him, he told me to go and visit him (he came to my city last week to see me) but when I asked him when he just said “I don’t know” I suggested next weekend and he told me that he has a trip that weekend. He didn’t suggest any other day.

I do think you should try to contact him one more time.  Tell him you'd like to CALL him and you both have calendars in front of you with your schedules on them.

If he becomes "wishy-washy" about scheduling the next date, then you will know he isn't all that interested.

When I went on a first date with a woman (and I liked her), I tried to drop a hint about a 2nd date.  I'd follow up a few days later with a plan for a 2nd date (Day - Time - Place - Activity).

I do remember one instance where I was going out of town after meeting a woman.  It was a trip I had planned months before with some friends.  I told her about it, but I didn't think she 100% believed me, so I brought her back a T-shirt from the event.

[monica_1609_]

13 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I do think you should try to contact him one more time.  Tell him you'd like to CALL him and you both have calendars in front of you with your schedules on them.

If he becomes "wishy-washy" about scheduling the next date, then you will know he isn't all that interested.

When I went on a first date with a woman (and I liked her), I tried to drop a hint about a 2nd date.  I'd follow up a few days later with a plan for a 2nd date (Day - Time - Place - Activity).

I do remember one instance where I was going out of town after meeting a woman.  It was a trip I had planned months before with some friends.  I told her about it, but I didn't think she 100% believed me, so I brought her back a T-shirt from the event.

Thanks for your advice! I think the reason that I’m sensing rejection is because when I suggested a day he just said he was busy and didn’t attempt to suggest another day

[monica_1609_]

41 minutes ago, stillafool said:

He's busy that weekend so suggest another time to go visit him.  I don't see anything wrong with what he said.  Are you on your meds?

Yeah I take my meds and I started therapy 1 month ago.

[Happy Lemming]

13 minutes ago, monica_1609_ said:

...he just said he was busy and didn’t attempt to suggest another day

He may not have had his calendar in front of him or may have had some other obligation where he wasn't sure of the date/time.

Many years ago, I had to go out of town for work and I remember that trip kept getting switched around.  It was nobody's fault, there were just circumstances that were outside of my control. 

Relax... there is no need to jump to conclusions or be sad, just because he flubbed and didn't have his schedule or know his schedule (at that very moment).

Again, try to set up a time where you two can compare calendars.

[chillii]

Yeah , could be worth trying again if you could muster that up. But if he doesn't try to do something else with it then or messages drop off further then sorry to say but he probably isn't feeling it. Unless he's reading your hold back as tests and games, then it'd just move into you both playing silly games.

He should've said more than just he's busy though l think and wanted to fix something else butttt, who knows for sure just yet.

[glows]

10 hours ago, monica_1609_ said:

Hi! I’m 25 and I was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago so dating is difficult to me because I’m always looking for signs that someone is rejecting me or abandoning me.

I am in therapy and I have become more aware of my actions but sometimes is still very difficult.

 

I started talking with a guy from England since 1-2 months ago. He lives in Costa Rica where I’m from, only that he lives in a town that is about 1 hour and half ago.

 

We talk everyday  and he jokes about marriage and kids and that things. We met last week and it was amazing, we kissed and he told me that he wasn’t just looking for sex. He said “sex would be nice but I want so much more, I promise” we didn’t have sex and when I got home we watched a tv show together (virtually) the next day he was texting a lot and this week he has also been texting but I noticed that he was texting less.

My BPD started showing up so I started making stupid tests like leaving him on read to see if he would text again when he was texting very little, which he did. He did text.

Yesterday I told him that I wanted to see him, he told me to go and visit him (he came to my city last week to see me) but when I asked him when he just said “I don’t know” I suggested next weekend and he told me that he has a trip that weekend. He didn’t suggest any other day.

Now, I’m feeling very rejected and I’m starting to have this thoughts that maybe I’m too much or that he is not interested.

i would like to have another opinion since sometimes I can’t trust my own judgment.

Thanks!
 

 

 

Have you asked him how he’s doing? He may be texting less this week because he is busy.

I’d arrange a phone call and ask him if he’s free to speak on the phone. Be a little more engaged in what’s going on with him and in his life presently. Ask him how he’s doing and if you feel it’s a good time ask him when he’s free to meet again and tell him you’d like to see him again. 

For all you know he may be dealing with work stress, illness of a friend or family member or any other issue. Try not to assume this is about you or is lack of enthusiasm this week is because of you. I hope you both are able to arrange something soon.