She ignored part of my message?

[savannahtree]

Heya,

My current date seems to have ignored part of my last message, and more importantly, the part about arranging the next (third) date. 

We had our second date on Thursday, she stopped over, it was all very lovely and we said that we would see each other again next week. I messaged a day later to get the conversation going, she replied and asked what I was up to on the weekend. I told her what I was doing, I'd been to the city farm, sent her a photo of a goat (...), returned the question on what she was up to this weekend and suggested we meet up next Friday because I'd be out closer to hers'.

She replied very enthusiastically about the goat and sent a photo back of a dog she'd seen on the train, but ignored the question on what her weekend plans were (that's fine) but also didn't say yes or no to the part about meeting up next Friday. This was earlier today so maybe she'll follow up later but must admit it's left me hanging a bit.

Should I follow up tomorrow, maybe suggesting a different date? I'm out with friends next Friday near to hers' so suggested that we meet up after if she's around. Maybe that was a bit non-committal of me to suggest that !

But yeah, a bit strange as she definitely seems keen.

Cheers.

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, savannahtree said:

I'm out with friends next Friday near to hers' so suggested that we meet up after if she's around.

Don't offer to drop by her place after being out with friends. It coms across as booty call.

Offer to set up a real date at mutually convenient time, place, day. She's not going to respond to "I'll swing by your place after I'm out"

[glows]

2 hours ago, savannahtree said:

Heya,

My current date seems to have ignored part of my last message, and more importantly, the part about arranging the next (third) date. 

We had our second date on Thursday, she stopped over, it was all very lovely and we said that we would see each other again next week. I messaged a day later to get the conversation going, she replied and asked what I was up to on the weekend. I told her what I was doing, I'd been to the city farm, sent her a photo of a goat (...), returned the question on what she was up to this weekend and suggested we meet up next Friday because I'd be out closer to hers'.

She replied very enthusiastically about the goat and sent a photo back of a dog she'd seen on the train, but ignored the question on what her weekend plans were (that's fine) but also didn't say yes or no to the part about meeting up next Friday. This was earlier today so maybe she'll follow up later but must admit it's left me hanging a bit.

Should I follow up tomorrow, maybe suggesting a different date? I'm out with friends next Friday near to hers' so suggested that we meet up after if she's around. Maybe that was a bit non-committal of me to suggest that !

But yeah, a bit strange as she definitely seems keen.

Cheers.

Unfortunately that’s one of the worst ways to ask someone out. You may not have intended it but she comes as an afterthought.

Yet I did notice “she stopped over” on Thursday. These stop overs by both of you are too casual. Put more effort into your dates and plan something ahead of time without involving your friends or other people.

How far do you live from one another?

 

[savannahtree]

 

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Don't offer to drop by her place after being out with friends. It coms across as booty call.

Offer to set up a real date at mutually convenient time, place, day. She's not going to respond to "I'll swing by your place after I'm out"

Yeah I realised that afterwards. I feel bad and really didn't mean it like that... Ah well. I've suggested dinner another day.

13 minutes ago, glows said:

Unfortunately that’s one of the worst ways to ask someone out. You may not have intended it but she comes as an afterthought.

Yet I did notice “she stopped over” on Thursday. These stop overs by both of you are too casual. Put more effort into your dates and plan something ahead of time without involving your friends or other people.

How far do you live from one another?

 

Yeah, I really didn't mean it like that at all. I feel pretty silly.

She stopped over after we had been out at some bars that evening. I cooked some dinner for us at mine after. We're having fun and getting to know each other. I don't think there's anything wrong with casually sleeping with each other early on if both are happy with it. We're both in our twenties. 

We're about an hour on public transport to one another. Opposite ends of the big smoke  

[glows]

No need to feel silly. I’m sure she’ll get back to you. If it’s forgotten in the week and you don’t hear back, clarify a better time or day and ask if she’s free. 

 

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, savannahtree said:

I told her what I was doing, I'd been to the city farm, sent her a photo of a goat (...), returned the question on what she was up to this weekend and suggested we meet up next Friday because I'd be out closer to hers'.

Afterthoughts work if you're not willing to completely put yourself out there in case she says no.

Ask her out properly and see how it goes.

Also, I love that you sent her a picture of a goat (that was a cute idea). Baaah bah. 

Edited January 30, 2022 by Alpaca

[poppyfields]

4 hours ago, savannahtree said:

I told her what I was doing, I'd been to the city farm, sent her a photo of a goat (...), returned the question on what she was up to this weekend and suggested we meet up next Friday because I'd be out closer to hers'.

She replied very enthusiastically about the goat and sent a photo back of a dog she'd seen on the train, but ignored the question on what her weekend plans were but also didn't say yes or no to the part about meeting up next Friday.

I think the way you asked was fine, and frankly find it rude she chose to ignore your suggestion to meet up again next Friday.

An interested woman would have been all over that imo (I would have), and together you could have made a plan. 

I don't think asking her more "formally" would have made any difference and if it did, well good luck with that, jmo on that.

What you want is an interested woman who doesn't make you jump through hoops to arrange a date. 

From here, no I don't suggest following up, trust me, she read it and has chosen to ignore.

The ball is in her court. 

P.S. Yeah sending the goat pic was hilarious. 

Edited January 30, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

He basically asked if he can swing by her place.

No thanks.

Edited January 31, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[poppyfields]

Not really seeing his offer to meet up around her place as a booty call necessarily, but more as a convenience to her to avoid her having to drive a distance.  And he'd be in the area anyway, so why not? 

That's how I would have interpreted it anyway. 

It would be the third date and if we continued to click same as on the first two, then it might be an opportunity to invite him in afterwards but I wouldn't automatically jump to the assumption that's what he's after. 

But I tend to trust a man's motives until he gives me reason not to. 

I'm weird like that. 

Edited January 31, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

Hmmm.

Not sure it's a matter of not trusting a man's motives it's about not letting any old tom dick and harry swing by one's place.

They're both still trying to learn about each other and everyone has different comfort levels.

 

Edited January 31, 2022 by Alpaca

[ShyViolet]

If a woman ignores your attempt to ask you out and doesn't acknowledge it, then that's a pretty clear message that she's not interested.  

However, maybe, mayyyyybe she was distracted by the picture of the goat and didn't notice the text asking her out.  So you could try asking one more time.  However, if she ignores it again or gives some vague answer, then leave this woman alone, she's definitely not interested.

[poppyfields]

14 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Hmmm.

Not sure it's a matter of not trusting a man's motives it's about not letting any old tom dick and harry swing by one's place.

They're both still trying to learn about each other and everyone has different comfort levels.

 

Fair enough, but to ignore his suggestion altogether?   That's just plain rude imo. 

All she had to do was respond yes or no, suggest something else if she was uncomfortable with the idea.  

It's not that difficult and imo that is what an interested woman does, not ignore it. 

 

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

However, maybe, mayyyyybe she was distracted by the picture of the goat and didn't notice the text asking her out.  So you could try asking one more time.  However, if she ignores it again or gives some vague answer, then leave this woman alone, she's definitely not interested.

Fair point and that's possible.  One more time, if she ignores that, next. 

 

Edited January 31, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alvi]

6 hours ago, savannahtree said:

suggested we meet up next Friday because I'd be out closer to hers'.

I am sorry but this is so passive. 

6 hours ago, savannahtree said:

so suggested that we meet up after if she's around.

Very passive way to ask someone out. I don't think you meant sex but maybe she interpreted this as you inviting yourself to her place. Next time don't say anything about your friends or you being in the area. A better way is to ask her if she would like to meet you on Friday evening. If she says yes, then come up with an activity (like going out to eat), time and place.

OK, how about you phone her tell her that you would like to meet her on Friday evening. Tell her that you would like to meet for a dinner, and come up with a time and a place. 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Fair enough, but to ignore his suggestion altogether?   That's just plain rude imo. 

All she had to do was respond yes or no, suggest something else if she was uncomfortable with the idea.  

It's not that difficult and imo that is what an interested woman does, not ignore it. 

 

Yes, fair point too and I see what you mean.

 

 

 

Edited January 31, 2022 by Alpaca

[savannahtree]

I see this post got a nice healthy debate going!

All valid and possible points. I didn't mean it as a booty call but in reality I wouldn't be done with my mates until late, would have had a few drinks, and then meeting her after at like midnight..? Wtf was I thinking? I guess I was thinking best case scenario where I'm done with mates earlier, not drank too much, then meet her for a few hours and enjoy the night together. 

Anyway, I followed up saying I wasn't sure what's happening on Friday now so suggested we get dinner on Thursday. She said that would be nice and suggested a place by hers'. Woop. 

Maybe she did get distracted by the goat and the dog that she sent back, which we're still messaging about lol. The messaging is still all good, definitely don't think she's not interested.

Good old humans and our communication styles.

Have a nice day people.

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, savannahtree said:

 I was thinking best case scenario where I'm done with mates earlier, not drank too much, then meet her for a few hours and enjoy the night together. 

That's much better. She is not a motel for guys who drink and don't want to commute home afterwards.

[poppyfields]

6 hours ago, savannahtree said:

Anyway, I followed up saying I wasn't sure what's happening on Friday now so suggested we get dinner on Thursday. She said that would be nice and suggested a place by hers'.

That sounds lovely and had she responded to your first message, the same plan could have been made. 

Interesting that SHE suggested a place by hers, but when you did, you had questionable motives? Lol

Anyway, happy to hear it worked out.  

 

 

Edited January 31, 2022 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

So remember...you like someone, ask them out on proper dates. 

Edited January 31, 2022 by smackie9

[savannahtree]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

That sounds lovely and had she responded to your first message, the same plan could have been made. 

Interesting that SHE suggested a place by hers, but when you did, you had questionable motives? Lol

Anyway, happy to hear it worked out.  

 

 

Yeah, ah well,  I suppose that's the risk that comes with planning stuff via text.

One day I'll pluck up the courage to ring my dates to arrange things...  

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, savannahtree said:

Yeah, ah well,  I suppose that's the risk that comes with planning stuff via text.

One day I'll pluck up the courage to ring my dates to arrange things...  

lol, I realize I am weird around here,   but again I see nothing wrong or bad about your initial message via text suggesting to get together on a specific day (next Friday), which went ignored.  

You have been on two great dates, you have established a rapport, at that point I think formalities such as asking out on a "proper" date are contrived and take away from the naturalness of your blossoming connection.

Just my opinion on that, like I said I am weird around here as most women stress the importance of asking out "correctly" and "properly."  

In any event, I am very glad it all worked out.  Have fun on your date!

 

 

Edited January 31, 2022 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, savannahtree said:

Yeah, ah well,  I suppose that's the risk that comes with planning stuff via text. One day I'll pluck up the courage to ring my dates to arrange things...  

Calling or texting doesn't matter. The issue is an hour by public transport and planning in advance for one-on-one dates at mutually convenient times and days..

[jspice]

9 hours ago, savannahtree said:

I see this post got a nice healthy debate going!

All valid and possible points. I didn't mean it as a booty call but in reality I wouldn't be done with my mates until late, would have had a few drinks, and then meeting her after at like midnight..? Wtf was I thinking? I guess I was thinking best case scenario where I'm done with mates earlier, not drank too much, then meet her for a few hours and enjoy the night together. 

Anyway, I followed up saying I wasn't sure what's happening on Friday now so suggested we get dinner on Thursday. She said that would be nice and suggested a place by hers'. Woop. 

Maybe she did get distracted by the goat and the dog that she sent back, which we're still messaging about lol. The messaging is still all good, definitely don't think she's not interested.

Good old humans and our communication styles.

Have a nice day people.

That’s great! I’m sure you didn’t mean to make her feel like an afterthought but that was how it came off. 
 

Glad it went well second time around

[Alpacalia]

10 hours ago, savannahtree said:

I see this post got a nice healthy debate going!

All valid and possible points. I didn't mean it as a booty call but in reality I wouldn't be done with my mates until late, would have had a few drinks, and then meeting her after at like midnight..? Wtf was I thinking? I guess I was thinking best case scenario where I'm done with mates earlier, not drank too much, then meet her for a few hours and enjoy the night together. 

Anyway, I followed up saying I wasn't sure what's happening on Friday now so suggested we get dinner on Thursday. She said that would be nice and suggested a place by hers'. Woop. 

Maybe she did get distracted by the goat and the dog that she sent back, which we're still messaging about lol. The messaging is still all good, definitely don't think she's not interested.

Good old humans and our communication styles.

Have a nice day people.

I think the goat would do it...

I'm still giggling over that (in a good way).

Enjoy your date!

[glows]

2 hours ago, savannahtree said:

Yeah, ah well,  I suppose that's the risk that comes with planning stuff via text.

One day I'll pluck up the courage to ring my dates to arrange things...  

I've always favoured calling over texting in making arrangements. There is a lot less back and forth and wasting of time like this wondering what the other thinks. 

I hope you enjoy Thurday.