I ignored the person I like because of my anxiety/fear of rejection. Is there still hope here?

[Dog Lover 82]

1 minute ago, chillii said:

 

He sounds ridiculous not even saying anything. And if he is shy he'd recognize your anxiety even more so better than most and be helping . l mean l was about 15 when l realized shy girls needed a bit of nudge.

But yeah , it'd be savable if he is interested , he must be use to these silly damn games so it should still be ok if and when you see him again.

This happens a lot to me with guys actually. There are two other men at my gym who I'd talked to several times, then I fell back in my anxiety and did something similar kind of avoiding them. But then when I talked to them again they ended asking me out. 🤷‍♀️ So maybe it's just the way guys are here or maybe they feed on my energy? No idea.

[Dog Lover 82]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

In which sense?

You say you haven't directly interacted with each other, so what behaviours do you interpret as nervous vs. forward? 

There just doesn't appear to be much (yet) to base an assessment on either way. 

No, I never said that we haven't interacted. We have had several conversations at work and once at the gym. All of our actual conversations have gone well. 

The forward behaviors are coming very close into my space and smiling really big, asking a lot of questions. The times he seemed a bit nervous, he seemed to be fidgeting a little, coming up and then backing off, kind of stuttering. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, Tina Marie 82 said:

No, I never said that we haven't interacted. We have had several conversations at work and once at the gym. All of our actual conversations have gone well. 

The forward behaviors are coming very close into my space and smiling really big, asking a lot of questions. The times he seemed a bit nervous, he seemed to be fidgeting a little, coming up and then backing off, kind of stuttering. 

Got it. 

Then yes, you really need to make up for ignoring him completely. That would come across as rude or disinterested. 

[Dog Lover 82]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Got it. 

Then yes, you really need to make up for ignoring him completely. That would come across as rude or disinterested. 

Do you think simply smiling and saying hello the next time I see him is enough to make up for it? I mean, even that is really scary to me but I want to try harder. 

[chillii]

12 minutes ago, Tina Marie 82 said:

No, I never said that we haven't interacted. We have had several conversations at work and once at the gym. All of our actual conversations have gone well. 

The forward behaviors are coming very close into my space and smiling really big, asking a lot of questions. The times he seemed a bit nervous, he seemed to be fidgeting a little, coming up and then backing off, kind of stuttering. 

 

So yeah you have talked a few times , unbelievable. Thought l had your thread mixed up with another one butttt.

Yeah , ex pat is right , like so many of the guys we read about around here , l wish l could be crude bc this guy calls for it buttttt, yeah , try smiling and acknowledging him , even saying something if you can. lt looks like you'll have to do it for him .

 

 

 

Edited January 31, 2022 by chillii

[ExpatInItaly]

11 minutes ago, Tina Marie 82 said:

Do you think simply smiling and saying hello the next time I see him is enough to make up for it? I mean, even that is really scary to me but I want to try harder. 

It will be enough to open a conversation. 

But you have to be prepared to show interest as well. Ask him how he is, what kind of workout is on the agenda for the day, that sort of thing. 

[Dog Lover 82]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It will be enough to open a conversation. 

But you have to be prepared to show interest as well. Ask him how he is, what kind of workout is on the agenda for the day, that sort of thing. 

Yeah, that should be fine. That's how our other conversations went. I'm actually a decent conversationalist, as shy as I am. Funny enough, when I asked him what his workout was the last time we talked that's when he seemed to get a little nervous and exasperated. Anyway, it's just the initial hump of making the first step,

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Tina Marie 82 said:

Funny enough, when I asked him what his workout was the last time we talked that's when he seemed to get a little nervous and exasperated.

It's also possible you're applying your own anxious filter and misinterpreting things. 

 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Tina Marie 82 said:

. He seems to go out of his way to be near me both at work and now popping up at the gym 

Are you coworkers? If so, just be polite and professional. Many people do not want to date co-workers or have office romances.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men you don't work with for a low-key coffee ☕.

Date outside of work. Try not to let a crush on this man distract you from work or fitness. Don't discuss him with your co-workers. 

[Dog Lover 82]

53 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you coworkers? If so, just be polite and professional. Many people do not want to date co-workers or have office romances.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men you don't work with for a low-key coffee ☕.

Date outside of work. Try not to let a crush on this man distract you from work or fitness. Don't discuss him with your co-workers. 

We work for the same company but not together or in the same department (it's a huge facility and we don't even work in the same building or have any reason to work on any projects together), so I don't see at as problematic whatsoever. Fair enough if he were to feel that way, but a ton of people at my company are married or date, so it's not a biggie. I'm not doing online dating though. That's pretty non-negotiable for me. It's not for me and never has been. I understand it's great for a lot of people, but it's not my jam.

Edited January 31, 2022 by Tina Marie 82

[Dog Lover 82]

Just want to post an update. First of all, thank you to everyone who gave me advice here. It really helped. Second, yesterday I had the chance to see him. We quickly acknowledged the gym incident and immediately moved past it and had a very good conversation, so I guess it wasn't a big deal at all. I mentioned in passing that I'm a bit shy and he said he was too, so it seems that may have been a mutual problem. Anyway, I'm really satisfied with the way things turned out.

[basil67]

Fantastic update!!   And good on you for having the courage to address the 'incident'.  Now he knows you're interested and you both understand each other a bit better.