'This can't happen again'

[MarcoInaros]

Upon some reflection over the past four months, I think I have said "This can't happen again" to myself more times than I ever have after several situations I was in. Here's a rundown:

- Drank too much at a beer festival, meandered around downtown until about midnight before riding my bike home
- Went to a friend's birthday at a club, drank way too much, ended up stumbling to my car, puking, then driving home 
- Went to a club at the end of December, drank too much, took a girl home and had unprotected sex with her (thank God I didn't get an STD)
- Went to a wedding, drank too much, fell on the dance floor several times, tried to kiss another guy's girl, almost got in a fight with the best man, said a bunch of stuff to a friend, and blacked out and had to be driven home, then puked all over myself.
- Sought therapy, and after three sessions the therapist doesn't want to see me any more. 
- Have consistently had performance issues at work, can't concentrate. 

After doing a bit of research, I think I fit some of the criteria for male depression. This stems from thinking about girls a lot, especially an ex-girlfriend (who I've posted about, and got some great advice), and also just the general trajectory of my life. I've been so depressed I have cried by myself. Can anyone relate to this? What's the way out? 

[glows]

Give up drinking. It seems to throw you in a tailspin. 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, MarcoInaros said:

Drank too much 

 Went to a friend's birthday at a club, drank way too much, 

- Went to a club at the end of December, drank too much, 
- Went to a wedding, drank too much.

Get to your physican for an evaluation of your mental and physical health. Be frank about the drinking.

No qualified therapist will agree to keep seeing you when you won't address the problem drinking. Ask your physician for a referral to detox and rehab.

Stop driving drunk. Your partying is not a reason to kill innocent people.

Acohol is a neurotoxin and depressant, so it is worsening your underlying problems. Also see if some support groups can help you.

Stop blaming exes. Drinking is the problem.

Edited January 28, 2022 by Wiseman2

[MarcoInaros]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Get to your physican for an evaluation of your mental and physical health. Be frank about the drinking.

No qualified therapist will agree to keep seeing you when you won't address the problem drinking. Ask your physician for a referral to detox and rehab.

Stop driving drunk. Your partying is not a reason to kill innocent people.

Acohol is a neurotoxin and depressant, so it is worsening your underlying problems. Also see if some support groups can help you.

Stop blaming exes. Drinking is the problem.

I agree that I have a problem with alcohol. I don't drink that way regularly. It just happens at group events. When I am by myself, I have 1 beer maybe 2 times a week. When I am with friends, I have 1-2 beers, maybe 1-2 times a week. For group events I'll need to be extremely careful, and I will. Anyways, it's not going to happen again, I have vowed. 

[notbroken]

You have an alcohol problem that you must face.   1-2 becomes too many.   Just give it up.  If you can't, seek help.  Seriously, just quit.  I think you'll find the rest of your life 'falls into place' if you quit drinking. 

[MarcoInaros]

21 minutes ago, notbroken said:

You have an alcohol problem that you must face.   1-2 becomes too many.   Just give it up.  If you can't, seek help.  Seriously, just quit.  I think you'll find the rest of your life 'falls into place' if you quit drinking. 

You really think just not drinking is the answer? The issue for me isn't the alcohol, its the self control. I think I have the self control to stop this. 

[notbroken]

Self control is certainly part of it - and a key reason you end up binge drinking.  It is also why you can't 'just have one'.   You know you have self control issues - therefore just don't drink at all.  Try it for a month.  Then another one.  Then another (ie. 3 months - but one month at a time).  After that make up your mind if alcohol really adds anything to your life but trouble. Alcohol and self control issues don't mix well - and end  up causing issues like you have had.  Quit.  Seriously.  At least for a while.   I think you'll soon realize you've been doing even more stupid stuff than you listed here and aren't attracted to it as much.   Having self control with alcohol may also help with using it in other areas of your life too - ie. if you can avoid drinking maybe you can avoid other things that are causing you trouble too.     

[Foxhall]

On 1/28/2022 at 4:23 AM, MarcoInaros said:

Went to a friend's birthday at a club, drank way too much, ended up stumbling to my car, puking, then driving home 

I dont know, we all have our demons I suppose, (personally have probably gambled too much over the years) so dont be too hard on yourself,

as a starting point however try not to engage in something that puts others lives at risk.

and work towards what is your limit for losing control,

try and reign it back slowly.

[basil67]

You may well have depression, but you clearly have a drinking problem too.  And for what it's worth, I'm from a culture of heavy drinking and so am not quick to suggest alcoholism, but your behaviour is certainly up there in terms of red flags.   If you want to get your head straight, you need to work on both things at the same time.   

I hear you on wanting to stop binge drinking, but your behaviour is at the extreme end where you are putting other people's well being at risk.  You talk about learning to get it under control, but the question is, why didn't you give yourself a kick up the rear end the first time something like this happened?  

Why did the therapist not want to see you again after three sessions?