itsjusther Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 I (F / 25) met this guy (M / 27) on Halloween and we hit it off. I did something spontaneous and went home with him that night, nothing happened we just slept in the same bed. I thought I wouldn't see him again so I was like why not? Fast forward a bit and we started hanging out a bunch of times a week. He started to say things like, "so you're hanging out with a bunch of guys" or "I'm sure you're carrying rose quartz in your pocket trying to put a spell on me." And at first I thought it was teasing, but it got pretty annoying. We kept seeing one another and then I found out he was hiding his story from my personal instagram which I thought was weird. He started being aloof and wishy washy and so I decided to just move on, unfollow him, and get on with my life. He found me on hinge and we started talking again and he wanted us to "heal". We met up a few times and I asked about the hiding story thing and he was like "it felt like this was all getting too serious and I didn't want you keeping tabs on me." Which makes no sense because I would rarely if ever pay attention to him on social media. He messages me out of the blue last week to come and paint with me. I say yes. He comes over and says that he wants me to be patient with him. I tell him that I haven't ever pressured him for anything but honesty and communication. He says that that's all he's ever given me and that I may not hear from him for a few days and he's sure that not talking is going to upset me. So we don't talk for a week and I reach out to ask if he would want to hang out. He cancels and says, "maybe tomorrow, I'm going to be meeting with my parents / fam on FT tonight." I follow up the next day and he says, "don't kill me but I'm going to be busy." I decide to tease him like he teases me about dating and say, "if you're on a date tonight that's fine, just be honest with me." He FLIPS and sends me back this whole essay about how precious his time is and how many people he's trying to juggle and how much time his gone after a day at work. It sounds like he's angry about something that doesn't really have anything to do with me. He starts saying, "asking me for my time, can you imagine how this is making me see you?" SO! I just say, "okay, I hear you." in response and leave it at that. This all feels so damn immature. We started off so well and then he started being distant and aloof and expecting me to just be okay with that. Anytime I tried to pull away he would always follow, even though it's evident he doesn't want to be here. We only ever hang out on his time and whenever I try to set it up he's always busy. I always feel like I'm making time to make time and he isn't, but he causes a stink when I can't see him. IDK what to do??
Happy Lemming Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 This doesn't sound like a fun dating situation. Dating should be fun. NEXT!! 4 2
BaileyB Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 3 hours ago, itsjusther said: IDK what to do?? I wouldn’t pursue him. And when he comes calling, I wouldn’t answer. 3 hours ago, itsjusther said: I did something spontaneous and went home with him that night, nothing happened we just slept in the same bed. I thought I wouldn't see him again so I was like why not? I’m sorry, this is just the silliest thing women do. You don’t know this man - why are you going home with a man you don’t know? That’s not safe. What’s more, why are you sleeping in the same bed with him - with no sex? Adult sleepovers have the expectation of sex - you play with fire here, and I would strongly advise you not to do that. You ask why not, and I say why? Why put yourself at risk? Why do you want to sleep beside a man that you do not know? No offence, but what an immature and irresponsible thing to do. 3
Wiseman2 Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 10 hours ago, itsjusther said: He messages me out of the blue last week to come and paint with me. I say yes. It's just not working. There's no need to be friends or on/off. It's just devolved into games and hostilities. Cut your losses. What were you painting and why was he there doing that with you? Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps and don't reconnect on dating sites. 2
stillafool Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 16 hours ago, itsjusther said: He FLIPS and sends me back this whole essay about how precious his time is and how many people he's trying to juggle and how much time his gone after a day at work. It sounds like he's angry about something that doesn't really have anything to do with me. He starts saying, "asking me for my time, can you imagine how this is making me see you?" Why are you even bothering with this guy who is so disrespectful towards you? There has to be someone better out there than this. He's bascially telling you not to contact him but he will get in touch with you when, why and if he wants to see you. Block him and move on. 3
ShyViolet Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 There are WAY too many problems with this guy. You only met him on Halloween, like 3 months ago, and you already have so much trouble getting along, and he is straight up rude and acting totally weird. It makes no sense to give this guy another minute of your time. Block him. 2 1
spiderowl Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 21 hours ago, itsjusther said: I (F / 25) met this guy (M / 27) on Halloween and we hit it off. I did something spontaneous and went home with him that night, nothing happened we just slept in the same bed. I thought I wouldn't see him again so I was like why not? Fast forward a bit and we started hanging out a bunch of times a week. He started to say things like, "so you're hanging out with a bunch of guys" or "I'm sure you're carrying rose quartz in your pocket trying to put a spell on me." And at first I thought it was teasing, but it got pretty annoying. We kept seeing one another and then I found out he was hiding his story from my personal instagram which I thought was weird. He started being aloof and wishy washy and so I decided to just move on, unfollow him, and get on with my life. He found me on hinge and we started talking again and he wanted us to "heal". We met up a few times and I asked about the hiding story thing and he was like "it felt like this was all getting too serious and I didn't want you keeping tabs on me." Which makes no sense because I would rarely if ever pay attention to him on social media. He messages me out of the blue last week to come and paint with me. I say yes. He comes over and says that he wants me to be patient with him. I tell him that I haven't ever pressured him for anything but honesty and communication. He says that that's all he's ever given me and that I may not hear from him for a few days and he's sure that not talking is going to upset me. So we don't talk for a week and I reach out to ask if he would want to hang out. He cancels and says, "maybe tomorrow, I'm going to be meeting with my parents / fam on FT tonight." I follow up the next day and he says, "don't kill me but I'm going to be busy." I decide to tease him like he teases me about dating and say, "if you're on a date tonight that's fine, just be honest with me." He FLIPS and sends me back this whole essay about how precious his time is and how many people he's trying to juggle and how much time his gone after a day at work. It sounds like he's angry about something that doesn't really have anything to do with me. He starts saying, "asking me for my time, can you imagine how this is making me see you?" SO! I just say, "okay, I hear you." in response and leave it at that. This all feels so damn immature. We started off so well and then he started being distant and aloof and expecting me to just be okay with that. Anytime I tried to pull away he would always follow, even though it's evident he doesn't want to be here. We only ever hang out on his time and whenever I try to set it up he's always busy. I always feel like I'm making time to make time and he isn't, but he causes a stink when I can't see him. IDK what to do?? It sounds like he’s involved with someone else, possibly married. He gets annoyed when you don’t fit his fantasy role of a woman who is available for him when he’s not with his partner but who doesn’t bother him when he is. If a guy is being mysterious in this way and won’t tell you what he’s up to or let you contact him, he’s up to no good. You need to dump this guy or end up hurt. 1
Author itsjusther Posted January 28, 2022 Author Posted January 28, 2022 Thank you to all of the responses. You're all right in so many ways. It's been a day or so since our last, unpleasant, interaction with one another. I'm not looking back. We barely got along to begin with, he just wanted control over me. I don't want some impulsive attraction to an emotionally unavailable person to be my headache for the future. Been there with my ex and I left him for the same reason. Thank you all! 2 1
spiderowl Posted January 29, 2022 Posted January 29, 2022 14 hours ago, itsjusther said: Thank you to all of the responses. You're all right in so many ways. It's been a day or so since our last, unpleasant, interaction with one another. I'm not looking back. We barely got along to begin with, he just wanted control over me. I don't want some impulsive attraction to an emotionally unavailable person to be my headache for the future. Been there with my ex and I left him for the same reason. Thank you all! I think you are wise. Just bear in mind that he is likely to be back when he thinks he is losing control over you, but it would have only be to draw you in to try to regain control. If you are looking for love, this is not the right guy x 1 1
Author itsjusther Posted January 31, 2022 Author Posted January 31, 2022 On 1/29/2022 at 9:15 AM, spiderowl said: I think you are wise. Just bear in mind that he is likely to be back when he thinks he is losing control over you, but it would have only be to draw you in to try to regain control. If you are looking for love, this is not the right guy x I'm preparing myself for this, because I know that he'll come back. Thank you!
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