jgolffan96 Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 (edited) Met a girl on a dating app and I asked her out on a first date for coffee. She said she doesn't get off work til 5 and has a work event on Saturday til the early afternoon. I am wondering if it is weird to ask her out for coffee after 5 PM? Is that really ideal or should I ask her out for dinner or drinks on Saturday night instead of coffee or is dinner too much? Note, I don't drink but I could get something non-alcoholic. Would that be weird? Edited January 18, 2022 by justasht
Ami1uwant Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 Go to a place that is a coffee shop where you can talk, but also has dinner places near by. There is nothing wrong with meeting fir a late lunch/ early dinner say around 3 pm.
Author jgolffan96 Posted January 18, 2022 Author Posted January 18, 2022 6 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: Go to a place that is a coffee shop where you can talk, but also has dinner places near by. There is nothing wrong with meeting fir a late lunch/ early dinner say around 3 pm. Okay, so shoot for coffee in the late afternoon? Also, I thought first dates were only supposed to last a couple hours max?
Ami1uwant Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 4 minutes ago, justasht said: Okay, so shoot for coffee in the late afternoon? Also, I thought first dates were only supposed to last a couple hours max? dont plan an all day thing. a basic lunch can take an hour or so…nothing fancy. it depends on where you live. You can also meet at a book store with seating. Some place you can meet and talk. unsure where you live and local weather. If you have nicer weather and have an area that is high traffic you can sit at a bench in and un isolated outdoor park. In a pedestrian walking street with shops snd restaurants you likely have some city park area you can sit down and peop,e watch and talk. you want an eady out if ir doesn’t work, but don’t make this duper long. when I was younger pre OLD days you used to get dates by first meeting a person at a social gathering and you talked some. Exchanged numbers, and got together.
Author jgolffan96 Posted January 18, 2022 Author Posted January 18, 2022 6 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: dont plan an all day thing. a basic lunch can take an hour or so…nothing fancy. it depends on where you live. You can also meet at a book store with seating. Some place you can meet and talk. unsure where you live and local weather. If you have nicer weather and have an area that is high traffic you can sit at a bench in and un isolated outdoor park. In a pedestrian walking street with shops snd restaurants you likely have some city park area you can sit down and peop,e watch and talk. you want an eady out if ir doesn’t work, but don’t make this duper long. when I was younger pre OLD days you used to get dates by first meeting a person at a social gathering and you talked some. Exchanged numbers, and got together. so just as a backup option, would it be okay to ask for dinner like after work or something? or is dinner a no no on a first date?
Ami1uwant Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 2 minutes ago, justasht said: so just as a backup option, would it be okay to ask for dinner like after work or something? or is dinner a no no on a first date? Nothing wrong on asking fir dinner. You can do iypt at a place that isn’t a fancy high end one. Just do an easy going place where you both will be comfortable going to. You can pick one that has a bar in JT or next to it and getdrinks before eating.
ShyViolet Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 First dates should always be something relatively short, just in case you don't have chemistry so it's not too awkward. I think dinner at a casual place is fine.
Happy Lemming Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 She might interpret a "coffee date" as you being cheap. Maybe dinner at a "home style" restaurant or "diner" -- someplace without a liquor license.
glows Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 Ask her if she prefers to meet after work during the week or over the weekend. I think you’re jumping the gun. You both are figuring out your schedules so give her the option of choosing. Once she responds which day or time she’s free then ask if she’d like to do coffee, lunch or dinner.
Wiseman2 Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 7 hours ago, justasht said: . She said she doesn't get off work til 5 and has a work event on Saturday til the early afternoon. Ask for a more convenient time. Ask her when she's free and if she would prefer coffee or drinks. Why lock down a specific day and time? Be flexible. Put the ball in her court.
Ami1uwant Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 I call in the no win phenomena some will be fine if you suggest a coffee date, some might take offense as you being cheap. another corollary to this is the infamous who pays…some are fine if the guys pays fir the first meeting, others take offense. If she offers to pay her part and you let her— some are happy with it, others look at you and you failed the test. I don’t know how old you are or those you are dating….if you are in college or just out of college Thrn doing something cheap is understandable. If you are dating someone in their mid 30s they might take offense. another factor is experience dating online or dating in general. Someone who is in thei mid 40s who married their high school/ college love have no experience in dating in modern times so their expectations are biased. Thry also can be hesitant in OLD and how it’s done. You date someone who has experience with OLD understands the benefits of a coffee date. a question I always ask— experience in meeting people online. If they say this is their first time Thrn you need to do things differently.
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 (edited) Just ask her what's a good day and time to go for a coffee and a dessert/snack. Just remember to have a plan B or C, say if she doesn't like coffee. Edited January 18, 2022 by smackie9
Author jgolffan96 Posted January 20, 2022 Author Posted January 20, 2022 Sorry for the late response here, but I was able to set up a date for Friday night. I do have some follow-up questions though. 1. How do I ensure a successful first date and second date tomorrow night? 2. Is it okay to complement appearance when we first meet? 3. Okay to hug on the first meet? 4. Any other advice?
Wiseman2 Posted January 20, 2022 Posted January 20, 2022 39 minutes ago, justasht said: 1. How do I ensure a successful first date and second date tomorrow night? 2. Is it okay to complement appearance when we first meet? 3. Okay to hug on the first meet? 4. Any other advice? 1. Focus first and foremost on the initial meeting. Decide later if you want a second date but do Not ask her out for the next night. 2. If it's general, but compliment her on something else. Sense of humor, smarts, whatever. 3. Play that by ear. Do not lunge at her. 4. Relax, stop overthinking. 1
Author jgolffan96 Posted January 21, 2022 Author Posted January 21, 2022 I have been talking with this girl I met briefly on Hinge and she gave me her phone number right away. We've been texting back and forth since Monday and things felt good. We initially scheduled a date for Thursday night, which she asked to reschedule due to a last minute work meeting. No problem, I scheduled to Friday night instead. I then tried to confirm Friday night's date and before I could, she asked me if I go to church anywhere. I said I don't. She then texted back with a few text messages saying she felt like we weren't on the same page with regard to faith. I mentioned that I was a Christian, and then she explained that she misunderstood and was under the impression that I wasn't. I asked if we were good and still on for the date, and she asked "how do I feel" and I said "I think it's worth a shot". She then follows up with alright let's do it! See you at 7:00! thoughts? I am wondering if I should text something back to get a sense for how she feels or try to reduce the awkwardness this may be creating?
Author jgolffan96 Posted January 21, 2022 Author Posted January 21, 2022 22 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: 1. Focus first and foremost on the initial meeting. Decide later if you want a second date but do Not ask her out for the next night. 2. If it's general, but compliment her on something else. Sense of humor, smarts, whatever. 3. Play that by ear. Do not lunge at her. 4. Relax, stop overthinking. 1. How do you play the hug by ear? 2. How do I leave things at the end of the date in terms of a possible second date? Should I suggest grabbing dessert or something or should I just leave it and text her like the evening after saying I had a good time (if I did) and we should do it again some time?
Alvi Posted January 21, 2022 Posted January 21, 2022 Go on a date and see how it goes. You have absolutely nothing to lose. In any case, a date is just a date. Don't text her since the date is already confirmed. It may result in even more confusion and misunderstandings. The two of you may not be very compatible in a long run but don't worry about this right now. Just go and try to have fun. Just remember that most dates really don't go anywhere and don't result in a relationship in any case. 1
introverted1 Posted January 21, 2022 Posted January 21, 2022 It seems like her faith is important to her. Are prepared to be a church-going Christian or is this just the box you would check if asked about your religion? If the latter, I'd guess this is going to be an issue sooner rather than later.
Wiseman2 Posted January 21, 2022 Posted January 21, 2022 51 minutes ago, justasht said: text her like the evening after saying I had a good time and we should do it again some time? This is perfect. Yes text say you had a good time and ask her out again.
glows Posted January 21, 2022 Posted January 21, 2022 I don't sense any awkwardness. Go on the date and have fun. Don't text about religion please. If it's important to either of you the topic will come up but try to do that in person.
Ami1uwant Posted January 21, 2022 Posted January 21, 2022 5 hours ago, justasht said: I have been talking with this girl I met briefly on Hinge and she gave me her phone number right away. We've been texting back and forth since Monday and things felt good. We initially scheduled a date for Thursday night, which she asked to reschedule due to a last minute work meeting. No problem, I scheduled to Friday night instead. I then tried to confirm Friday night's date and before I could, she asked me if I go to church anywhere. I said I don't. She then texted back with a few text messages saying she felt like we weren't on the same page with regard to faith. I mentioned that I was a Christian, and then she explained that she misunderstood and was under the impression that I wasn't. I asked if we were good and still on for the date, and she asked "how do I feel" and I said "I think it's worth a shot". She then follows up with alright let's do it! See you at 7:00! thoughts? I am wondering if I should text something back to get a sense for how she feels or try to reduce the awkwardness this may be creating? What does your profile say on religion? sound to me dhe is a regular church goer. Is that what you want to do? im not religious and would avoid a church goer. even if not a regular goer they could still be more religious. I had been matched with a person who said they were not religious but they mentioned a plan of raising kids on her religion. 1
basil67 Posted January 21, 2022 Posted January 21, 2022 5 hours ago, justasht said: I mentioned that I was a Christian, and then she explained that she misunderstood and was under the impression that I wasn't. I read your post differently to the others: It's my interpretation that you are the one who is Christian. Is this correct? If she's willing to give it a try, then give it a shot. But if she's not religious or has a different religion, this can only work long term if both of you have some flexibility with the big issues in life, especially when it comes to children and how you'd raise them with respect to faith
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2022 Posted January 21, 2022 You clarified and all is OK...the date is on. Go on the date. 1
Author jgolffan96 Posted January 24, 2022 Author Posted January 24, 2022 I went on a good first date on Friday. That evening, I get a text from her saying thank you for a great evening. I texted her the next morning saying that I had a great time getting to know her and would love to see her again. I mentioned that I would be free after January 30th because I have a big tournament through 1/30. She then said that she would love that. 1) Is that too late to schedule a second date? I thought it would be fine because I don't want to appear desperate even though I really like her. 2) What is the right text cadence after the first date? Is it okay to go days with not texting each other or what is the right amount to not seem desperate? I am relatively new to relationships so I don't want to screw up. Note: she did text me one thing on Saturday and Sunday. One was that she was only dating with the intention of marriage in case that wasn't something I am moving towards and I responded by saying that I am looking to date for the same reason and I appreciated her telling me upfront. I didn't hear back from her after that.
Ami1uwant Posted January 24, 2022 Posted January 24, 2022 1 hour ago, justasht said: I went on a good first date on Friday. That evening, I get a text from her saying thank you for a great evening. I texted her the next morning saying that I had a great time getting to know her and would love to see her again. I mentioned that I would be free after January 30th because I have a big tournament through 1/30. She then said that she would love that. 1) Is that too late to schedule a second date? I thought it would be fine because I don't want to appear desperate even though I really like her. 2) What is the right text cadence after the first date? Is it okay to go days with not texting each other or what is the right amount to not seem desperate? I am relatively new to relationships so I don't want to screw up. Note: she did text me one thing on Saturday and Sunday. One was that she was only dating with the intention of marriage in case that wasn't something I am moving towards and I responded by saying that I am looking to date for the same reason and I appreciated her telling me upfront. I didn't hear back from her after that. you can say I can’t date till the 31st, then set up a date for a day you can get together. what did you do on your date? How long? How much did you talk? never assume you are the only one she’s dating. You should have some conversation in between dates if you aren’t getting together for like 10+ days after the last date.
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