Johnnyflowers Posted January 24, 2022 Posted January 24, 2022 Hello. I have a male friend in his 40s who is newly divorced. He is a great guy but lonley and has no idea where to meet a woman. He doesn't want to join traditional sites like match.com etc because he doesn't like posting his picture on the internet. He is happy to send privately to a potential date interest. Does anyone know any popular places to online date in this way? I only know of of traditional sites like match and eHarmony. Any online dating advice would be greatly appreciated!
Gaeta Posted January 24, 2022 Posted January 24, 2022 I would encourage him to heal from his divorce before going out there making more damages to himself and other people. 3
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2022 Posted January 24, 2022 37 minutes ago, Johnnyflowers said: ...and has no idea where to meet a woman. How does he feel about meeting women in "real life" or "public venues"?? Does he have the ability to approach women, introduce himself & chit-chat?? 1
Ami1uwant Posted January 24, 2022 Posted January 24, 2022 1 hour ago, Johnnyflowers said: Hello. I have a male friend in his 40s who is newly divorced. He is a great guy but lonley and has no idea where to meet a woman. He doesn't want to join traditional sites like match.com etc because he doesn't like posting his picture on the internet. He is happy to send privately to a potential date interest. Does anyone know any popular places to online date in this way? I only know of of traditional sites like match and eHarmony. Any online dating advice would be greatly appreciated! When was the last time he met someone he dated? is he ready to date? You don’t know till you try. It could be too soon fir him to be dating depending on how long ago the divorce occured and how this happened and him expecting it. not having a pic on an online profile will hurt his chance of meeting someone. He needs to post his picture if he wants to date from online sources. 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 24, 2022 Posted January 24, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Johnnyflowers said: is newly divorced. He doesn't want to join traditional sites like match.com etc because he doesn't like posting his picture on the internet. No picture = no responses = no dates. eHarmony does not have a browsing feature, so random people can't view photos, only paying members who the site matches you with. Your friend doesn't sound ready to date. Is he legally divorce, living alone? Help him rebuild his life a as a single man. Joining groups, clubs, sport , volunteering. He's got to get out there and socialize. Edited January 24, 2022 by Wiseman2 1
chillii Posted January 24, 2022 Posted January 24, 2022 Funny , before online date sites, l remember our local paper had quite a few singles ads , always wondered how that went for people. lt certainly had a nicer far more human feel than all the date site stuff these days and the things you hear. We have a local online paper thing now covers my area and that has a lot of the same type of thing as back then too , it's just that you'd read it on line now rather than in the paper, he could look for something like that. When l tried online sites back in the day l wouldn't put my photo up and all over the internet either, hated the thought of it, l'm very private could never believe people did that stuff . lt went alright, the few important women of any substance on there that l did want to meet understood, the rest, who cares. 1
smackie9 Posted January 25, 2022 Posted January 25, 2022 I suggest he gets involved more with hanging out with friends/family, going out to venues, get togethers/parties, sports bars, do activities that gets him outdoors in public like ice skating, golf, working out, join a running club, a co-ed softball team. Having an active life attracts more quality people. 2
Versacehottie Posted January 25, 2022 Posted January 25, 2022 I would say smackie's ideas are great ones to do. And he should do that for a lot of reasons beyond just directly meeting women to date. To be more interesting and well rounded overall. And he should definitely not to pounce in those situations. His main goal should be to build up a better social circle and some hobbies and interests and to be fun. I don't really understand how he's going to get by without providing a photo in any of the "direct" dating venues. And most people rely on direct dating venues when they want to date which might be different for him since he got married. The other two things he could try are to do speed dating events or use a matchmaking service. The matchmaking service though would likely require photos so he's going to have to get comfortable with that. Do you think he can do that? Or what is the real reason he doesn't want to provide a photo? Is it less over with the wife than he'd want out there? Does he not want her to stumble on the fact that he is trying to date? About the matchmaking services, they are typically for big spenders and not sure that they are any more productive than a free app. Speed dating might work for him or a get together that is based on dating like a dating party thing. Or meetups that are sort of disguised as an activity such as hiking but it's really a low key way to possibly date. All of those are options. 2
glows Posted January 25, 2022 Posted January 25, 2022 21 hours ago, Johnnyflowers said: Hello. I have a male friend in his 40s who is newly divorced. He is a great guy but lonley and has no idea where to meet a woman. He doesn't want to join traditional sites like match.com etc because he doesn't like posting his picture on the internet. He is happy to send privately to a potential date interest. Does anyone know any popular places to online date in this way? I only know of of traditional sites like match and eHarmony. Any online dating advice would be greatly appreciated! He can try online dating but he may feel discouraged quickly if he hasn't healed from his divorce or get enmeshed with individuals who come with their own issues and problems. Sadly that happens quite often with individuals freshly out of relationships or on the lookout for a rebound. It's quite a difficult endeavour, requiring very thick skin and good balance of life in general. Online dating is not for everyone even in the best of circumstances. I'd encourage him to rebuild his social circle as others have already suggested and heal from his divorce, meet new people and learn to start becoming more engaged and open to others in general. People want to date others who have other things going on and aren't only relying on a man or woman to fill a void. It reeks of desperation and draws the wrong kind of attention. Being all-rounded comes to mind, also mentioned in the comment above. 1
Johnjohnson2017 Posted January 25, 2022 Posted January 25, 2022 Back when I was doing old, I wouldn't post any photos. But if anyone requested one, I would send them a few. I haven't done Online dating for the past 20 years. His best bet is to go to meetup groups/ activity groups. It's still a challenge to meet someone that you are attracted to and is attracted back. Online dating is rough and he might get discouraged/depressed so best to avoid it if he can.
Ami1uwant Posted January 25, 2022 Posted January 25, 2022 5 minutes ago, Johnjohnson2017 said: Back when I was doing old, I wouldn't post any photos. But if anyone requested one, I would send them a few. I haven't done Online dating for the past 20 years. His best bet is to go to meetup groups/ activity groups. It's still a challenge to meet someone that you are attracted to and is attracted back. Online dating is rough and he might get discouraged/depressed so best to avoid it if he can. In 20 years times have changed. 20 years ago I get the concern of this unusual thing going on and is it safe. in today’s world with Facebook and social media…you hiding a photo will just turn peop,e away given the thousands out there. 1
chillii Posted January 26, 2022 Posted January 26, 2022 Was 4 or 5 yrs ago l used Onl and admittedly no photo up as such wasn't ideal but on that site you could send one in your email anyway or, give them access to private pics. It had private or public pics. Given my personality and the type l'd go for as l say they understood. At the time only about 50% of the women had public photos up actually. Back to the op, my brothers 50s and was single , joined date sites . He met a few potentials but said over all the quality of women was terrible. He decided to join some climbing clubs, a motor bike club. He has met somebody with a lot of prospect, not sure how that's going for him haven't talked for awhile.
czanclus Posted January 26, 2022 Posted January 26, 2022 (edited) 21 hours ago, Versacehottie said: His main goal should be to build up a better social circle and some hobbies and interests and to be fun. This is SO. MUCH. MORE. EASIER. SAID. THAN. DONE. And the pandemic does not help it in the least. But good luck to him. At least development of hobbies will be a healthy distraction from the ubiquitous loneliness. 20 hours ago, glows said: People want to date others who have other things going on and aren't only relying on a man or woman to fill a void. It reeks of desperation and draws the wrong kind of attention. While this is accurate in general, I'll say this much for myself. Just on my Facebook consisting vastly of people I've met in real life and basically old schoolmates, I see several of these in my view sadly resolute 'fake it till you make it', 'live your best life and let the world (especially your EXs) know it' profile posts - on an outdoor adventure, at a social gathering all smiling, crushing some fitness goal with an ecstatic caption to boot, and I cannot but think how disappointing it is that it evidently isn't OK to just BE. One is so scared into being deemed desperate lest they officially be designated as destined to die alone (whatever even that means, but not to digress...). Why is the state of grief so isolating? These are genuine feelings and are just as part of a human as their 'man/girl boss crushing life' aspect. Despondent over the ending of something meaningful like a marriage, cautious and worried about the state of the world and the future of normal humans, peeved at inefficient processes at work that no one cares to talk about... Maybe I'm a village of one in this declaration, but I would ANY DAY prefer a person, man, come to me and say: 'hey, I'm not my best self yet, but I've been through some tough times, and while I'm better now, I'm still sometimes processing pain from the past. I would like us to get to know each other anyway, take it day by day, see where things go.' to some 'hobby #1, #2, #3, #fitness_goals, #stockmarketpro, #newpickuptruck, #whodatb***, #winning' poser. Good luck again to your friend. I still think honesty with himself and with others above all. Edited January 26, 2022 by czanclus 1
chillii Posted January 26, 2022 Posted January 26, 2022 (edited) On 1/26/2022 at 5:10 AM, glows said: People want to date others who have other things going on and aren't only relying on a man or woman to fill a void. It reeks of desperation and draws the wrong kind of attention. Being all-rounded comes to mind, also mentioned in the comment above. Not necessarily, things like that are so just straight out of some standard book norm idea. But there's all kinds people out there and individuals, many of us are far from some norm idea. Then there's age, where your both at in life,what you personally both want and like, many factors. My lady and l were far more interested in our life and world together, later 40s and 50ish. We couldn't have cared less about other people or what else was going on. Edited January 26, 2022 by chillii
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