Author Johnson1 Posted February 2, 2022 Author Posted February 2, 2022 5 hours ago, Allupinnit said: Also if I may add, the incredibly derogatory way you speak of your ex-fiance (whether rightly or wrongly) tells me that you are FAR from moving past it, and you're projecting all of that hurt onto this poor woman who seems like she's mostly interested in having fun. Don't give me this poor woman stuff. I've been with her, you haven't. I know what the score is. Read my older posts about my ex fiance and you'll understand. This has NOTHING to do with my ex fiance and completely done with it. They are two completely different people. Naturally there's a little doubt which is normal when seeing anyone new. Would I say she's like my ex? He** no. My new lady and I are in the process of learning about each other. No more, no less. If you've been reading this post you'll understand why I had to back off tonight, as much as I like her and wanted to talk with her.
Author Johnson1 Posted February 2, 2022 Author Posted February 2, 2022 (edited) 16 minutes ago, basil67 said: Actually, you just posted about deliberately leaving her hanging while you hang out with your bff gf, with the knowledge that she wouldn't understand. Why do you expect this woman to give you priority after two great dates when you won't do the same for her? If you keep up this game playing and hypocritical behaviour you're going to crash and burn. This is a what came first, the chicken or the egg thing. She hasn't given me priority over anything. That's the problem. If she had taken a minute of her time instead of waiting 6 hours to let me know she would call there wouldn't be a problem. Nothing was deliberate. I can't put off plans with a friend that called if I don't know my girl is going to. Of course she would get the wrong idea. I'm hanging out with another woman she's never met. Plutonic as it is. Edited February 2, 2022 by Johnson1
basil67 Posted February 2, 2022 Posted February 2, 2022 If she hasn't given you priority over anything, what makes you say that she cares? Also said that you didn't answer because you didn't want her to think you were waiting by the phone. This is a very different story to not answering because she hadn't called you earlier. This isn't a dance, this is game playing. Lastly, why keep your bff gf a secret? After all the woman you're seeing has a bff bf, so what's good for her should be good for you. 3
poppyfields Posted February 2, 2022 Posted February 2, 2022 (edited) OP, while I don't believe in intentional mirroring, there is nothing wrong with backing off a bit in response to a woman who is acting flakey and leaves YOU hanging for hours on end. In fact, I think it's smart, I recommended you do that in an earlier post. Back off a bit and see if she picks things up. A game, a dance, whatever you want to call it, it's sometimes necessary and all part of the process. Two independent people attempting to navigate the process of determining if they're right for each other and coming together. Edited February 2, 2022 by poppyfields
Alpacalia Posted February 2, 2022 Posted February 2, 2022 Trying to make it about strict reciprocity won't get you very far if you're a fan of 'tit for tat.' Take an active role in your own life. Stop trying to do it all. Let her ride it for a while.
NuevoYorko Posted February 3, 2022 Posted February 3, 2022 (edited) Frankly, you are coming across as very controlling. If we are fit to be dating, especially with the hope of developing a relationship, we MUST be capable of letting things unfold and allowing people to reveal themselves to us at a pace that is natural for them. If it turns out to be a pace that does not work for us, then we are free to move on. It's a learning time. This is a woman you have met twice, if I've followed, and you are already invested and pretty emotional about things like her shoe shopping, social media habits, relationship with her kids and mom. And a lot of other stuff. You know little about her at this stage and are definitely not headed in a direction where you will learn. You are standing in the way of that happening because you are coming to conclusions and allowing yourself to react based on notions you've come up with. This is likely to end badly with hurt feelings at the least. Why not just move on. You said you were interested in yoga for de-stressing. That sounds like it might be just the thing. Edited February 3, 2022 by NuevoYorko 5
petee Posted February 4, 2022 Posted February 4, 2022 20 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: Frankly, you are coming across as very controlling. If we are fit to be dating, especially with the hope of developing a relationship, we MUST be capable of letting things unfold and allowing people to reveal themselves to us at a pace that is natural for them. If it turns out to be a pace that does not work for us, then we are free to move on. It's a learning time. This is a woman you have met twice, if I've followed, and you are already invested and pretty emotional about things like her shoe shopping, social media habits, relationship with her kids and mom. And a lot of other stuff. You know little about her at this stage and are definitely not headed in a direction where you will learn. You are standing in the way of that happening because you are coming to conclusions and allowing yourself to react based on notions you've come up with. This is likely to end badly with hurt feelings at the least. Why not just move on. You said you were interested in yoga for de-stressing. That sounds like it might be just the thing. OP, sadly I have to agree with this post. It can be frustrating working someone out who does not want to be pinned down, but from experience it is normally worth the chase, the calm and easy-going chase. It's almost like you want to skip part of the chase and get to the nest building stage, whilst this doesn't sound like the lady to do that! Hold fire if you are considering a confrontation and ultimatum, as these will just hit the stop button. Are you able to plan a couple of nights near hers, so you are there at the start and the end of the day, and see what happens? Fun stuff, bowling or hiking or whatever... non-pressure stuff to have fun and a laugh. It does sound like you have found the social butterfly, so tread carefully and don't try to control any of the flow...just go with it.
chillii Posted February 4, 2022 Posted February 4, 2022 Op , no decent mother will want her kids seeing her come home middle of the night with some new man, they shouldn't even meet you for a good 7-8mths min'. And only then if it's actually really going somewhere between you. Why wasn't she concerned about noise, who knows. As for what she gets up to and answering your messages and stuff , who knows that either . l can see why your having trouble trusting it, 4 kids friends bars and partying, walks in with yoy at 1am, weird answering times. You've only been with her twice though, you can't third degree her 24 7 if she is legit and it isn't like it looks , you'll ruin it anyway. l dare say a few more dates and convos, things will just start revealing themselves, that's how it goes.
vla1120 Posted February 4, 2022 Posted February 4, 2022 On 2/1/2022 at 2:43 PM, Wiseman2 said: Don't apply logic to shoe shopping. I laughed at loud (at my desk) when I read that, @Wiseman2. 1
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