ExpatInItaly Posted January 22, 2022 Posted January 22, 2022 15 hours ago, ohjess said: He sent me a message a week or so again claiming that he was angry as he found out she may have cheated and called her boring and bad in bed. They owned a house together. When I saw him yesterday, he said he caught up with her and everything turned out ok. This would tell me he to put him squarely in the "Not Ready to Date" pile, and keep my options open. He is still emotionally attached to her and for some reason thought it was a good idea to share this with you. That would turn me right off, sorry to say. Next. 3
Alpacalia Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 (edited) It's been two dates? Following the first date and he wonders if you "sleep with men often on the first date," calls his ex "boring and bad in bed," and implies that she may have cheated, all suggests he is feeling a bit unsure. Interesting that he matched with someone looking for just "casual," don't you think? His bad luck with his most recent ex is probably projected onto you. Initially, I think every man (and every person) feels "somewhat" unsure of himself or herself. But too much can be draining and stressful and require a lot of emotional energy. If it interferes with your ability to function individually or progress as a couple, it becomes a dealbreaker. Edited January 23, 2022 by Alpaca
Author ohjess Posted January 23, 2022 Author Posted January 23, 2022 14 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: This would tell me he to put him squarely in the "Not Ready to Date" pile, and keep my options open. He is still emotionally attached to her and for some reason thought it was a good idea to share this with you. That would turn me right off, sorry to say. Next. So, he said to me that he sent that text as he wanted to be honest. He immediately apologised and said he would not do it again, that he doesn't want to keep in contact with her but he has to. He tried calling me as well. Said he won't talk about her again moving forward. Then unfollowed her on Instagram.
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 55 minutes ago, ohjess said: he doesn't want to keep in contact with her but he has to. Why?
Author ohjess Posted January 23, 2022 Author Posted January 23, 2022 (edited) 23 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Why? I gather in regards to the house, I am not sure. He said that he has to get things sorted. Edited January 23, 2022 by ohjess 1
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 On 1/21/2022 at 6:54 AM, ohjess said: On his profile, it said 'don't know yet' about what he wants, mine said casual. Sounds perfect for a guy who has just left a live in relationship. He seems to have slotted you into the role of gf and that is what people tend to do when they are rebounding. He consciously or unconsciously treats you like someone he loves. He has filled the large gap in his life with you You as the rebound feel great, he genuinely seems to like you, it all feels so natural... BUT one day he will realise you are just a substitute, and that is why being as rebound hurts so much. It was all so perfect until it wasn't... Step back. 1
Alpacalia Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 4 hours ago, elaine567 said: Sounds perfect for a guy who has just left a live in relationship. He seems to have slotted you into the role of gf and that is what people tend to do when they are rebounding. He consciously or unconsciously treats you like someone he loves. He has filled the large gap in his life with you You as the rebound feel great, he genuinely seems to like you, it all feels so natural... BUT one day he will realise you are just a substitute, and that is why being as rebound hurts so much. It was all so perfect until it wasn't... Step back. Agree. Some of his comments too are almost as if he's saying, "I'm dating a girl now and she's much better than you" as a dig to his ex. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 7 hours ago, ohjess said: So, he said to me that he sent that text as he wanted to be honest. He immediately apologised and said he would not do it again, that he doesn't want to keep in contact with her but he has to. He tried calling me as well. Said he won't talk about her again moving forward. Then unfollowed her on Instagram. That isn't really the point, though. The point is that he is still emotionally tied to her, regardless of whether or not he tells you about it. I would not be intersted in seeing someone who is this fresh out of a heatbreak, as he appears to be. 1
spiderowl Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 On 1/21/2022 at 6:54 AM, ohjess said: Matched with a guy on bumble and we seem very much into each other. On his profile, it said 'don't know yet' about what he wants, mine said casual. Anyway, we message a lot, he takes a lot of interest in my family/friends, and just things about me/what I'm up to. He often says that we seem quite similar too; almost uncanny how similar we are. We had our first date last week and we both seemed nervous. He said I was the most attractive person there. Used the term 'first date' instead of just hanging out. Ended up sleeping together. Very affectionate and not remotely distant intimate wise, lots of kissing etc. Offered to make me breakfast the next day. Dropped me home. Said he wants to see me again and we could possibly see a movie/picnic. Immediately messaged me after he dropped me home. We then went on our second date last night and did mini golf and I slept back at his and we were our usual, very affectionate and complimentary to each other. This was the second time I briefly said hello to his parents. We've messaged almost every day since and he immediately messages me after our 'dates'. He often sends goodnight messages to me as well. Drops hints about us dating like 'I wouldn't want a guy to do that to a girl I'm dating'. He said he's free this Sunday again and possibly we can go to the beach. Hold each others hands while we drive. Speaks a tiny bit about his ex which ended 6 months ago and claims she's not near my league. Gives me forehead kisses in bed and head rubs. Last night something came up about casual sex and he almost indicated that I was surprised I slept with him on the first date and tiny bit asked if that is something I do often - in a diplomatic way. Something came up about my ex and he said he's glad I'm not with the guy anymore otherwise we wouldn't have met. Advice? Is this just strictly casual? He sounds interested in more but best to see how you go. If he is interested in dating, I think he will suggest that at some point. 1
spiderowl Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 On 1/22/2022 at 3:53 AM, ohjess said: Thank you! I think I am starting to like him as well, probably want to see where things go and asses from there. However, I noticed and I shouldn’t probably be looking that he followed his ex on Instagram, I think today? He sent me a message a week or so again claiming that he was angry as he found out she may have cheated and called her boring and bad in bed. They owned a house together. When I saw him yesterday, he said he caught up with her and everything turned out ok. Criticising an ex in such a personal way is not a nice trait. 3
stillafool Posted January 24, 2022 Posted January 24, 2022 (edited) On 1/21/2022 at 10:53 PM, ohjess said: Thank you! I think I am starting to like him as well, probably want to see where things go and asses from there. However, I noticed and I shouldn’t probably be looking that he followed his ex on Instagram, I think today? He sent me a message a week or so again claiming that he was angry as he found out she may have cheated and called her boring and bad in bed. They owned a house together. When I saw him yesterday, he said he caught up with her and everything turned out ok. Not good. Watching what his ex is up to and then talking trash about her, catching up to her - for what? And why does he care if she did cheat now that they've broken up? This is starting to scream - REBOUND Edited January 24, 2022 by stillafool 3
princessaurora Posted January 25, 2022 Posted January 25, 2022 He does sound like he's on the rebound, so I would tread carefully but you can still continue seeing him. Sometimes rebound girl turns out to be more. I know because I met my husband two days after him and his long term girlfriend broke up. He picked up on me at her going away party and even though initially I think a part of him did it to rile her up, we really hit it off. I was worried about being rebound girl, but I decided to take a chance and it turned out in my favor. We've been married over 20 years. So yeah, keep your guard up but also keep an open mind because he may just surprise you. 1
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