jnel921 Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 I have a friend whom I've know since we were 12. So its been 42 years. We lost some time between high school and our 20's but reconnected. Our friendship has always been strained as she suffers from some medical conditions. She is also an only child. Over the years I have felt like the conversations have always revolved around her. When she plans things I am never on the short list of people she thinks to invite. I have invited her to my home and on more than one occasion she has cancelled last minute. I also got on her because she likes to send text messages where as I prefer phone calls. Text messages lose context at certain times and there are things I'd rather just say. There was one instance when I let her know how I felt about all of this as I stopped talking to her for a bit. She apologized and agreed to try to be a better friend. However as of late she has been slipping again and I don't believe I should keep having these conversations with her. 2 weeks ago she was upset about a failed relationship that she constantly called to talk/cry to me about and then decided she didn't want to talk to anyone. I called her last Thursday and she didn't pick up or acknowledge my call. When I texted her on Tuesday to check in on her she said she was upset about the guy and didn't want to talk about him. That she was fine, and that I should know how she goes off the grid. Which honestly made no sense to me as I said. She knows how I feel about that. She also mentioned that she had just planned a getaway with her mom and one of her other friends in the next upcoming weeks. I was honestly hurt by this since not talking to anyone didn't include the person she made plans with. Should I even care anymore? Or is this a friendship that is coming to its end? I really don't like the one sidedness to it. Lord knows I have gone through a lot. Most things I have posted to this site. However she sometimes wont pick up a phone when I have tried to call her. Honestly I am grateful to have other people in my life that support me. So I am not walking off of the ledge. But this friend should know better since I have talked her down many times. I haven't spoken to her. But I plan to. What should I say? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 Good you have other friends to support you through life. This friendship has run it's course. It sounds like you no longer like her the way you did before and she probably feels the same way about you. I would just stop contact and she will probably do the same. You can't tell her what to do or how to communicate with people. If the way she does it doesn't sit well with you then distance yourself from her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 Just because you've been friends with her since you were 12, that absolutely does not mean that you're stuck being this person's best friend forever. That's not how life works. People change and people drift apart. If this friendship isn't working anymore, then stop trying so hard to "fix" it. You don't have to have an official breakup with her, but just drift apart and let her become a more distant acquaintance. Do your own thing and focus on the other friends in your life that actually make you happy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 1 hour ago, jnel921 said: I have a friend whom I've know since we were 12. So its been 42 years. We lost some time between high school and our 20's but reconnected. Our friendship has always been strained as she suffers from some medical conditions. She is also an only child. Over the years I have felt like the conversations have always revolved around her. When she plans things I am never on the short list of people she thinks to invite. I have invited her to my home and on more than one occasion she has cancelled last minute. I also got on her because she likes to send text messages where as I prefer phone calls. Text messages lose context at certain times and there are things I'd rather just say. There was one instance when I let her know how I felt about all of this as I stopped talking to her for a bit. She apologized and agreed to try to be a better friend. However as of late she has been slipping again and I don't believe I should keep having these conversations with her. 2 weeks ago she was upset about a failed relationship that she constantly called to talk/cry to me about and then decided she didn't want to talk to anyone. I called her last Thursday and she didn't pick up or acknowledge my call. When I texted her on Tuesday to check in on her she said she was upset about the guy and didn't want to talk about him. That she was fine, and that I should know how she goes off the grid. Which honestly made no sense to me as I said. She knows how I feel about that. She also mentioned that she had just planned a getaway with her mom and one of her other friends in the next upcoming weeks. I was honestly hurt by this since not talking to anyone didn't include the person she made plans with. Should I even care anymore? Or is this a friendship that is coming to its end? I really don't like the one sidedness to it. Lord knows I have gone through a lot. Most things I have posted to this site. However she sometimes wont pick up a phone when I have tried to call her. Honestly I am grateful to have other people in my life that support me. So I am not walking off of the ledge. But this friend should know better since I have talked her down many times. I haven't spoken to her. But I plan to. What should I say? I don't think she thinks of you the same way as a close friend. You're the one she goes to to dump her emotions or cry things out with but it's also a side of her she may not want others to see. She reserves her happy or more chipper self for other friends and puts on that face for others. With you she feels she doesn't have to do that and you also may tolerate a lot more of her emotions than others where someone else may tell her things like it is. It's not the way to treat someone especially if she's continually dumping her emotions on you and not a friend to you or including you in her life in the way other friends might. I'd keep the responses to a minimum and if she asks for your insight on her situation be more honest. Don't say one thing/be thinking something else about her. If you both drift apart that is ok too. Turn to other friends who appreciate you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 People drift apart. Slowly but surely move her to the acquaintance folder. Just stay busy with others and be very busy and light and fluffy and leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 (edited) Yikes....preferring texting to phone calls...going off the grid when things get rough...you might have just described me. However, I know this about myself and my friends also know this about me. I value my friendships and they all know I do. The other things you said about the friendship - conversations revolving around her, etc., make me believe it is a bit one-sided. It's okay to allow a friendship to drift away into the acquaintance pool, as this one seems to be doing. Also, I do not see anything wrong with expressing your thoughts about how she never includes you in her plans and, therefore, you believe that this friendship is one-sided and does not mean as much to her as it does to you, so you are not going to invest as much time/energy as you have in the past. Or, you could just let it drift away without any explanation, whatsoever. That would be okay, too. Do what feels best for YOU. Edited January 20, 2022 by vla1120 Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 I am that friend as well. I have a pretty good sized friend list. I have never been the best friend kind of person. I never put all my eggs in one basket. Sorry but if someone came to me with your type of concern I would not really be affected by it much. For some people friends are a dime a dozen. For others one or two friends is all they have. This friendship does not sound like you two are on the same page. Make some new friends. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jnel921 Posted January 23, 2022 Author Share Posted January 23, 2022 Thanks all. Not sure if I want to invest anymore into this. She did reach out and I wasn't quick to respond. When I did I tested the waters and talked about myself and a serious situation at hand. Long story short the conversation soon flipped over to her issues. She did invite me to the trip, but it was after I spoke about my hard time. I don't want to be an after though, and yes glad to have people in my corner still. I will keep this one afar. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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