BaileyB Posted January 22, 2022 Posted January 22, 2022 On 1/20/2022 at 6:07 AM, MJ93 said: I am over her, it’s the pain and hurt that’s still here which I can’t seem forget or get rid of. If you focus on the pain and the hurt, you will continue to feel pain and hurt. If you focus on the lessons learned from this experience, you can move forward into the future feeling better prepared and stronger because if this experience. You have been very focused on the pain and the hurt - shift your thinking away from that and you will start to feel much better and much more optimistic. 1 1
BaileyB Posted January 22, 2022 Posted January 22, 2022 (edited) If I may, I’m still thinking about your post and I will say - I am in a relationship now with a man that I love… but, if that relationship ended tomorrow, I would be very upset but I know that I would be fine. You see, I’ve buried the most important person in my life - my mother. I watched her get sick, scream in pain, lose her mind and her independence, and I’ve watched my father struggle to deal with her loss. I have felt grief and pain and loneliness. I think I have developed that resilience and that perspective from that experience - I know for a fact that the loss of a relationship is not the worst thing that could happen to me. If it did happen, I would be very sad but I know that life goes on and it would eventually be fine. When I was younger, I would have been more like you - scared to take a risk, afraid to let myself be vulnerable for fear that I would get hurt, focused on my experience and the pain that I felt - Here’s the thing - withdrawing from life, not dating and allowing yourself the opportunity to find a woman that loves you and a relationship that will bring you joy - that causes you a different kind of pain. What you feel now is the pain of sadness, loneliness, fear, and eventually - you will feel the pain of regret because you have wasted time that could have been spent living and loving… So, my advice is to focus on the lessons, trust in yourself - the worst has already happened and you have survived - and try to remember what is important… there is woman out there who wants to meet you. Your assessment so far is that she is a good and kind woman. So, give her a chance. Give yourself a chance - have fun, live your life!! Don’t let a bad relationship with the wrong woman take another moment of your time or steal another experience from you - especially one that could bring you happiness. Edited January 22, 2022 by BaileyB 1 1
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted January 23, 2022 Posted January 23, 2022 @BaileyB - agree with all that you wrote above. Made me think of that Dr. Phil quote that has become well known: “Trust is not about the other person. How much you trust someone else is a function of how much you trust yourself and your ability to handle whatever they do.” Good advice! 1 1
mortensorchid Posted January 30, 2022 Posted January 30, 2022 I am so sorry to hear this, about you or anyone else in this world. I wish that things were easy for all of us but, as we all know, life is complicated. I have let go of everything baggage-wise from the past. People tell me how stupid I am, I laugh. People tell me how cold and unfeeling I am, I tell them I am a sociopath and not afraid of them. Just let it go. It's fine, it's them not you.
smackie9 Posted January 30, 2022 Posted January 30, 2022 You have to stop yourself, get angry at what you have been doing for two years. Tell yourself, enough is enough!! I need to be done with this! I need to get off this petty pot, and leave all this negativity behind. Tomorrow is a new day and you are going to change for the better because you deserve it! Be positive/hopeful and go forward. Nothing but good things ahead. The scars are just a story to tell about your survival, and you are here to start living life! 1
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