Jupiter234 Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 Recently my relationship has been rocky. My partner is a 'Yes Person' so I was being told everything is just fine. Suddenly he confessed he is 'confused about things'. As mature adults I was shocked that he couldn't bring up issues as they were bothering him. He initially told me some things and I self reflected because that's how I handle things. And thought yes I do have issues that I'm tired of dealing with. Mainly severe anxiety. And decided that someone I loved told me that I wasn't doing well. So I decided to make a plan to essentially get better. For myself, take some control back. I've done therapy before so back into it. Now he finally admitted what's bothering him again. The fact that I am doing something now and not during the relationship. He says I should just understand the expectations of what he wants... So now I'm even more confused because I don't read minds. And I am doing things for myself and will continue to do so. Is this a control tactic? Isn't it a positive thing that when someone acknowledges your concerns and fixes them?
glows Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 What issues are you tired of dealing with? Did he express concerns about your mental health and anxiety? What are his expectations exactly? You both may be at a fork if you can't agree or don't feel compatible.
Wiseman2 Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 4 hours ago, Jupiter234 said: Suddenly he confessed he is 'confused about things'. I'm tired of dealing with. Mainly severe anxiety. Now he finally admitted what's bothering him again. The fact that I am doing something now and not during the relationship. He says I should just understand the expectations of what he wants... How long have you been dating? How old is he? It sounds like because of your frail mental health, he didn't want to hurt you or rock the boat, but he can't take dealing with it (because you haven't). Get to a physician for a compete evaluation of your mental and physical health. Rule out physical causes. Ask for a referral to qualified therapist for ongoing support. Do this for yourself for a better quality of life, not to appease your BF because he's already checked our after being patient with it.
Ami1uwant Posted January 20, 2022 Posted January 20, 2022 8 hours ago, Jupiter234 said: Recently my relationship has been rocky. My partner is a 'Yes Person' so I was being told everything is just fine. Suddenly he confessed he is 'confused about things'. As mature adults I was shocked that he couldn't bring up issues as they were bothering him. He initially told me some things and I self reflected because that's how I handle things. And thought yes I do have issues that I'm tired of dealing with. Mainly severe anxiety. And decided that someone I loved told me that I wasn't doing well. So I decided to make a plan to essentially get better. For myself, take some control back. I've done therapy before so back into it. Now he finally admitted what's bothering him again. The fact that I am doing something now and not during the relationship. He says I should just understand the expectations of what he wants... So now I'm even more confused because I don't read minds. And I am doing things for myself and will continue to do so. Is this a control tactic? Isn't it a positive thing that when someone acknowledges your concerns and fixes them? I’m confused in reading this…what is the issue.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20, 2022 Posted January 20, 2022 13 hours ago, Jupiter234 said: Isn't it a positive thing that when someone acknowledges your concerns and fixes them? Yes, but perhaps he's already checked out and is looking for reasons to end it. So he's not interested in what you're doing to turn things around. That's my read on it. 2
smackie9 Posted January 20, 2022 Posted January 20, 2022 Ya that's my read on it too...when they make it all about you being the problem, and don't actually make effort themselves to repair a relationship...they are already have one foot out the door. Really unfair, and IMO don't put up with their BS.
vla1120 Posted January 20, 2022 Posted January 20, 2022 23 hours ago, Jupiter234 said: So now I'm even more confused because I don't read minds. And I am doing things for myself and will continue to do so. Is this a control tactic? Isn't it a positive thing that when someone acknowledges your concerns and fixes them? It's GREAT that you are making improvements for yourself. We all have room for improvement (clearly he has room for improvement), but if he is trying to make you feel that all of the relationship issues are your fault, that does not bode well for your future. You could change what he recommended (and clearly you did) and he'll find something else to pin on you (which he apparently did.) I recommended you make changes in your life that help YOU be a happier, more well-rounded person. When you are happy with yourself, you'll attract someone who is happy to be with you as you are. 1
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