jerrygordon3 Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 (edited) I recently quit my 6 figure job to travel the world and teach myself how to trade the stock market-- easier said than done. However I found myself in a relationship and needing to get a job as we live together and although she works I pay for 100% of everything except her clothing and make up costs. Shes not needy, doesn't ask to go out for flashy stuff, but I know her ex was wealthy. It makes me think I can't give her the life she had before which isn't important, but what bothers me is I'm becoming financially strained by the situation and part of me wonders if I should be looking for someone who is more interested in sharing the load and being self sufficient. it's just a lot of pressure and im not in the place right now to be able to handle it. but at the same time im looking for jobs online that will help me pay the bills and ive started teaching english. but she barely works and only has limited clients. not her fault necessarily but still. it all falls on me. and i mean if i was in california making 8k+ a month, no problem. but im not and im living off a pension of <2k and struggling. Edited January 18, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator racial references
Foxhall Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 Not sure buddy, your lifestyle seems more compatible with remaining a single man, if you want to keep the girl you may have to come out of retirement. 2
BaileyB Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, jerrygordon3 said: what bothers me is I'm becoming financially strained by the situation and part of me wonders if I should be looking for someone who is more interested in sharing the load and being self sufficient. Do ya think? I’ve often wondered about a woman who would rather her partner struggle and work extra hours without lifting a finger in response - that doesn’t seem like a very loving or respectful thing to do to the man she says that she loves. But then again, I grew up in a home where my parents both worked, both contributed to the finances and the running of the home - it was a true partnership. I find, more often than not, men tend to agree to this cock-a-mamie scheme because they have some kind of belief that it is what a “man” is supposed to do - provide for his woman! As if somehow you are less of a man if you require her to pay for anything more than her own luxury items. It is what you chose for yourself - if you have no problem using the savings/income you have worked hard to achieve to support her life of luxury then that is your choice. There is absolutely nothing wrong with expecting the woman to pay her own expenses. You want to be a man - take her out and treat her to a nice dinner or a weekend away if you can afford it. That’s my suggestion - Edited January 19, 2022 by BaileyB 4
Interstellar Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 Sounds like you’re having difficulty bringing this up with her. You’re gonna have to or you’ll end up getting rid of her. Does she barely work because of covid? I mean, i keep hearing on the news how there’s too many jobs and not enough people. You can always take her to nice, inexpensive dates. If you do a bit of research and look at your paper or around Instagram, there are places you can go to that would not cost you a penny. You just have to be creative. 1
Author jerrygordon3 Posted January 19, 2022 Author Posted January 19, 2022 1 hour ago, Interstellar said: Sounds like you’re having difficulty bringing this up with her. You’re gonna have to or you’ll end up getting rid of her. Does she barely work because of covid? I mean, i keep hearing on the news how there’s too many jobs and not enough people. You can always take her to nice, inexpensive dates. If you do a bit of research and look at your paper or around Instagram, there are places you can go to that would not cost you a penny. You just have to be creative. she's really good to me. shes not a dead beat either. She loves to travel. Shes articulate and interesting. I mean the overall relationship is good and she's a catch. But if i wanted to travel in the future with her the expenses would be mainly on my shoulders. If we stay together the rent and groceries, dinners, and all outings and most of other expenses are paid by me. Shes Ukrainian. It's normal here as men are generally expected to be the sole providers. It's the same in Asian countries and most parts of South America. That's fine, I get it. But that doesn't make it easier. It would be nice to feel like it was equally shared as Im from the US and am used to that. Numbeo quotes living costs here 500~ without rent, however even a single person can easily go through 2k/month and 2k/month is my budget.
Author jerrygordon3 Posted January 19, 2022 Author Posted January 19, 2022 4 hours ago, BaileyB said: Do ya think? I’ve often wondered about a woman who would rather her partner struggle and work extra hours without lifting a finger in response - that doesn’t seem like a very loving or respectful thing to do to the man she says that she loves. But then again, I grew up in a home where my parents both worked, both contributed to the finances and the running of the home - it was a true partnership. I find, more often than not, men tend to agree to this cock-a-mamie scheme because they have some kind of belief that it is what a “man” is supposed to do - provide for his woman! As if somehow you are less of a man if you require her to pay for anything more than her own luxury items. It is what you chose for yourself - if you have no problem using the savings/income you have worked hard to achieve to support her life of luxury then that is your choice. There is absolutely nothing wrong with expecting the woman to pay her own expenses. You want to be a man - take her out and treat her to a nice dinner or a weekend away if you can afford it. That’s my suggestion - ya I was upset yesterday because I lost out on a 100k deal selling my house. I was down and just needed to vent, I complained about my day to her and just wanted to vent. She started crying saying how she doesnt feel secure. she feels like shes too heavy on me. I got irritated and was just like, I just want to vent and you be there for me. and she scoffed and said its the woman thing to complain about the day.
Calmandfocused Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 (edited) She’s using you to support her. Who cares if her culture dictates that the man provides? You are not her husband or a member of her family. And you are not Ukrainian! The chances of this relationship surviving is very slim, therefore you are wasting your money, your life and your ambition to travel. You could put a stop to this today if you wanted. It’s simple! Tell het you won’t be providing for her anymore and that you expect her to support herself. .. Or just dump her and carry on travelling. Edited January 19, 2022 by Calmandfocused 1
Author jerrygordon3 Posted January 19, 2022 Author Posted January 19, 2022 2 hours ago, jerrygordon3 said: she's really good to me. shes not a dead beat either. She loves to travel. Shes articulate and interesting. I mean the overall relationship is good and she's a catch. But if i wanted to travel in the future with her the expenses would be mainly on my shoulders. If we stay together the rent and groceries, dinners, and all outings and most of other expenses are paid by me. Shes Ukrainian. It's normal here as men are generally expected to be the sole providers. It's the same in Asian countries and most parts of South America. That's fine, I get it. But that doesn't make it easier. It would be nice to feel like it was equally shared as Im from the US and am used to that. Numbeo quotes living costs here 500~ without rent, however even a single person can easily go through 2k/month and 2k/month is my budget. 4 hours ago, Interstellar said: Sounds like you’re having difficulty bringing this up with her. You’re gonna have to or you’ll end up getting rid of her. Does she barely work because of covid? I mean, i keep hearing on the news how there’s too many jobs and not enough people. You can always take her to nice, inexpensive dates. If you do a bit of research and look at your paper or around Instagram, there are places you can go to that would not cost you a penny. You just have to be creative. let me rephrase. she hasnt been always good to me. she frequently gets upset about things. usually regarding finances. and even though i give her cash and take us out and pay for everything she still gets upset if I bring up the need for her to work a little. she also is an expert at somehow making everything about her if I even slightly hit any of her buttons. so last night, the second I talked about being financially stressed and that she needs to work turned into a 2 day fight with her pretty much acting cold and despondent. even sort of laughed it off today. just super disrepesctful
BaileyB Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 2 hours ago, jerrygordon3 said: she hasnt been always good to me. she frequently gets upset about things. usually regarding finances. and even though i give her cash and take us out and pay for everything she still gets upset if I bring up the need for her to work a little. she also is an expert at somehow making everything about her if I even slightly hit any of her buttons. so last night, the second I talked about being financially stressed and that she needs to work turned into a 2 day fight with her pretty much acting cold and despondent. even sort of laughed it off today. just super disrepesctful At least you know what you get. Stay in this relationship and you will be paying her way. Don’t complain about it - she doesn’t care. She has high expectations and it’s your job to support her life of luxury. If you can’t or you don’t want to do that, you had best make another decision for yourself. Sure, it’s the norm in some places that the man supports the woman and the woman maintains the home and raises the children. I’m going to assume that the man works a job and the woman doesn’t expect to travel the world with her husband in these Ukrainian, Asian, and South American countries. Only a select few have the finances to not work and travel the world with their partner - most are trying to get through life and raise a family. 1
czanclus Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 16 hours ago, jerrygordon3 said: part of me wonders if I should be looking for someone who is more interested in sharing the load and being self sufficient. Wow, a man willing to question traditional roles and contemplate ending the relationship where the woman presumes she is to be taken care of by virtue of being female. Hi, who are you, and where have you been all my life? Question on condition that you actually value self-sufficient women over dainty victims of inequitable society who've perfected the skill of invoking the man's 'hero instinct'. I know, I know, she never asked for luxury, she doesn't verbalize any discontent, you're just thinking... in a better universe, she would have picked up on your current struggle and offered voluntarily to help out. Maybe all it takes with her is clear, uninhibited communication. If not, better things are out there, for my two cents. 1 1
smackie9 Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 I have the solution...be positive. Communicate with her in a way she understands best, and have a plan for the present and future. Work together. Stop focusing on the negative. 1
Gaeta Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 2 hours ago, jerrygordon3 said: let me rephrase. she hasnt been always good to me. she frequently gets upset about things. usually regarding finances. and even though i give her cash and take us out and pay for everything she still gets upset if I bring up the need for her to work a little. she also is an expert at somehow making everything about her if I even slightly hit any of her buttons. so last night, the second I talked about being financially stressed and that she needs to work turned into a 2 day fight with her pretty much acting cold and despondent. even sort of laughed it off today. just super disrepesctful Why do you stick around at all? Seems to me you're not getting much out of this relationship but the sex and she's making you pay through the nose for it. 3
elaine567 Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 You have travelled to a country with a different culture. You now expect this woman to change and be happy with your culture. Why would she want to do that? You showed up in her country. When in Rome... It is you that needs to adapt or just leave her alone. 4
poppyfields Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, jerrygordon3 said: Shes Ukrainian. It's normal here as men are generally expected to be the sole providers.. Are you both currently living in Ukraine? Sorry that wasn't clear.. Anyway, I'm Eastern European also, first generation, living in the US but was raised with those same Eastern European values. My dad, born and raised in Lithuania, was taught that YES, he is to be the sole provider, no matter what! He was also raised to be stoic, do NOT complain, show or express negative emotion. Your girlfriend cried when you did, but she might have also been disappointed and turned off. You must exhibit strength and resilience at all times. Do not share (burden) others including your girlfriend or spouse with your problems or concerns, including financial. You just deal with it. THAT is her idea of what a man is, how and what she was raised to believe. I was born and raised in America but even I carry some of these same values if I'm honest. Not proud to admit, but I used to be extremely entitled, based on how I was raised, and it's really only been within the last ten years or so where I've dispelled that mindset, and have learned to embrace a more egalitarian partnership. So... if you're up for all that, then carry on, but do NOT expect this to change. Edited January 19, 2022 by poppyfields 2
poppyfields Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 50 minutes ago, elaine567 said: You have travelled to a country with a different culture. You now expect this woman to change and be happy with your culture. Why would she want to do that? You showed up in her country. When in Rome... It is you that needs to adapt or just leave her alone. ^^Re-quoting for emphasis. 100% spot on elaine.
mark clemson Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 Unless you are already independently wealthy, I suspect that making a living from the stock market is a difficult game at best. Maybe consider stabilizing your financial situation/gaining a more consistent income as a priority and worrying less about the romantic aspect of your life. (Easier said than done, I know that both tend to be priorities for many folks.) If you had a more stable income, then perhaps you'd be less concerned about what she brings in. That said, you have every right to have reasonable expectations for a partner WRT work/income. For myself, as I was raised by two working parents, I have always expected my partner to have a job of some kind. So, there's nothing wrong with that IMO OR with men who feel differently and wish to be the "provider". As pointed out by Elaine, there may be cultural expectations at play, although I suspect there are women in her culture/country who do bring in more by necessity. At any rate, ultimately if your partner can't or doesn't wish to work, then consider whether you may be incompatible in this specific way. Unfortunately it is a pretty important aspect of life...
Els Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 6 hours ago, jerrygordon3 said: Shes Ukrainian. It's normal here as men are generally expected to be the sole providers. It's the same in Asian countries and most parts of South America. That's fine, I get it. But that doesn't make it easier. It would be nice to feel like it was equally shared as Im from the US and am used to that. Can confirm that it's generally like that in many Asian countries. Where I come from, some couples even have the man's paycheck to go straight to the woman's account... But the beauty of having the whole world at your disposal is that you can pick which countries you actually want to date in, no? If you prefer US gender dynamics (and I certainly wouldn't blame you), why don't you just date women from the US? Or other Western countries?
Wiseman2 Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 19 hours ago, jerrygordon3 said: I recently quit my 6 figure job to travel the world and teach myself how to trade the stock market-- Being a day trader/digital nomad sounds a lot more glamourous than the reality of it. Rethink your lifestyle. As far as a flaky GF, reconsider that as well. 2
normal person Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 (edited) If you don't know what you're doing in the market, you're going to lose a lot of money. I trade professionally for myself (for years now) and I'm telling you, even when we're not in volatile market conditions like this I still lose money sometimes. If you think day trading or swing trading is something you can "get the hang of" after a month or two, you're going to be in for a rude awakening and some incredibly expensive lessons. I'm just saying you should factor in that it might be years before you've learned enough to be profitable. You should consider that and ask yourself how long the current situation with this woman is tenable. Edited January 19, 2022 by normal person 2 1
Foxhall Posted January 19, 2022 Posted January 19, 2022 On 1/18/2022 at 10:00 PM, jerrygordon3 said: teach myself how to trade the stock market How is this going for you? I probably have enough bad habits without this one, but could always be persuaded if the right opening was there. 1
czanclus Posted January 20, 2022 Posted January 20, 2022 3 hours ago, Foxhall said: How is this going for you? I probably have enough bad habits without this one, but could always be persuaded if the right opening was there. I - a middle aged woman - who took till the age of 42 to pay off her student loans and car note, have upon this major milestone turned to the stock market in desperate hope of beefing up my at that time non-existent retirement fund. My knowledge of finances is low level elementary, and it's been... interesting. But really, turned out leaps better than if I had kept the money in the money market account. Wouldn't be so bold as to quit my job and go into day trading, but if you haven't put your money into index funds, you are losing out. I'll report back at the end of the year, but so far hoping to make 12% return overall. 2
IrinaM Posted January 20, 2022 Posted January 20, 2022 i think there's two separate issues here, one is that this lifestyle simply doesn't allow you to do everything you thought it would. honestly, i think you went into this "quitting your job" thing very naive. if your girlfriend left you tomorrow, your situation is still not great. you are having trouble getting all the bills paid on just your income, which is a problem with a girlfriend or without one. 2
chillii Posted January 20, 2022 Posted January 20, 2022 Personally , l see only one issue here, the biggie right at the top of the heap whether your earning $20 a yr or 200k, and good luck to you following your dream too If it works out it does if it doesn't well at least you've tried. Sounds like she'd be a terrible partner. She didn't wanna know when you had a few worries actually stuck her nose in the sand and starts princessing about herself, and she doesn't seem to even wanna know much else about anything else either. l'll bet she's all happy again when your house sells. Why on earth would you provide for that. Find yourself a real woman and partner in life.
Author jerrygordon3 Posted January 20, 2022 Author Posted January 20, 2022 15 hours ago, normal person said: If you don't know what you're doing in the market, you're going to lose a lot of money. I trade professionally for myself (for years now) and I'm telling you, even when we're not in volatile market conditions like this I still lose money sometimes. If you think day trading or swing trading is something you can "get the hang of" after a month or two, you're going to be in for a rude awakening and some incredibly expensive lessons. I'm just saying you should factor in that it might be years before you've learned enough to be profitable. You should consider that and ask yourself how long the current situation with this woman is tenable. oh dude I know all too well. Im insane about it. I studied 16+ hours a day for the first 6 months and eat sleep breathe this s*** and i still haven't found consistency. I';m about 1.5 years in and do it every day, log everything, screen shots, notes, youtube videos, back testing, mentorships. I do it all. it's hands down the hardest thing ive learned how to do because its like 90% emotions.
Author jerrygordon3 Posted January 20, 2022 Author Posted January 20, 2022 14 hours ago, Foxhall said: How is this going for you? I probably have enough bad habits without this one, but could always be persuaded if the right opening was there. its a full time job and the money you lose equates to paying for your college tuition but theres no promise youll be any good at it. I'm just trusting that I will learn from my mistakes and come out the other end some day if I keep working hard 1
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