PinkiePie27 Posted January 17, 2022 Posted January 17, 2022 (edited) I'm a 36 y/o female and my boyfriend is a 32 y/o male. We’ve been dating for 8 months. I’ve trusted him wholeheartedly as he’s given me no reason not to. I discovered a few months back that he’s been snooping through my phone. To be honest I did not care about it as I have nothing to hide. He brought up a message he saw on my phone recently which made me lose it! I then asked for his phone out of frustration and went through it. Childish, I know. I discovered, in front of him, that he had been chatting to other women whilst we started seeing each other. We were not dating exclusively at this time. What got to me is that he sent them nudes of himself and proposed sex with one of them. The messages stopped once he and I decided to be exclusive. I also discovered that he has slept with sex workers about 6 months before meeting me. He said he was going through a bad time in his life and needed attention. It irks me that my gorgeous man had to go to these measures to get sex. What do I do? I love him and he's wonderful however I'm so hurt and confused by this news. Edited January 17, 2022 by PinkiePie27 Incomplete 1
glows Posted January 17, 2022 Posted January 17, 2022 It’s eight months. Don’t hole yourself into the idea thinking that you love him and this is forever. Snooping through your phone behind your back is shady AF. Please cut your losses and be on your way. Also book an appointment with your doctor to get tested for STDs. 3
Alpacalia Posted January 17, 2022 Posted January 17, 2022 So he needs you to declare your exclusivity in order for him to stop having sex with other women? Workers in the sex industry, no less. I don't envy your situation, OP. 3
Johnjohnson2017 Posted January 17, 2022 Posted January 17, 2022 2 hours ago, PinkiePie27 said: I'm a 36 y/o female and my boyfriend is a 32 y/o male. We’ve been dating for 8 months. I’ve trusted him wholeheartedly as he’s given me no reason not to. I discovered a few months back that he’s been snooping through my phone. To be honest I did not care about it as I have nothing to hide. He brought up a message he saw on my phone recently which made me lose it! I then asked for his phone out of frustration and went through it. Childish, I know. I discovered, in front of him, that he had been chatting to other women whilst we started seeing each other. We were not dating exclusively at this time. What got to me is that he sent them nudes of himself and proposed sex with one of them. The messages stopped once he and I decided to be exclusive. I also discovered that he has slept with sex workers about 6 months before meeting me. He said he was going through a bad time in his life and needed attention. It irks me that my gorgeous man had to go to these measures to get sex. What do I do? I love him and he's wonderful however I'm so hurt and confused by this news. He shouldn't be snooping through your phone. That's a big red flag. That's an invasion of your privacy and it shows that he doesn't trust you. It's also a lack of respect. Sending nudes is also a big red flag. I wouldn't trust him even if what he did was before exclusivity. Too many red flags here. Thread with caution. 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 17, 2022 Posted January 17, 2022 Passcode change right away. STD testing ASAP. Cut your losses. 2 1
dramafreezone Posted January 17, 2022 Posted January 17, 2022 (edited) 10 hours ago, PinkiePie27 said: I'm a 36 y/o female and my boyfriend is a 32 y/o male. We’ve been dating for 8 months. I’ve trusted him wholeheartedly as he’s given me no reason not to. I discovered a few months back that he’s been snooping through my phone. To be honest I did not care about it as I have nothing to hide. He brought up a message he saw on my phone recently which made me lose it! I then asked for his phone out of frustration and went through it. Childish, I know. I discovered, in front of him, that he had been chatting to other women whilst we started seeing each other. We were not dating exclusively at this time. What got to me is that he sent them nudes of himself and proposed sex with one of them. The messages stopped once he and I decided to be exclusive. I also discovered that he has slept with sex workers about 6 months before meeting me. He said he was going through a bad time in his life and needed attention. It irks me that my gorgeous man had to go to these measures to get sex. What do I do? I love him and he's wonderful however I'm so hurt and confused by this news. What is it you like so much about this guy other than the fact that he's "gorgeous?" Why would he have to use sex workers? I guess because it's much easier than the tedious world of dating. I'm not suggesting that he's done anything wrong while you've been together, but he's insecure and you clearly have a problem with his past history of using prostitutes. I don't think this is something you're going to be able to get past. Edited January 17, 2022 by dramafreezone 1
elaine567 Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 10 hours ago, dramafreezone said: It irks me that my gorgeous man had to go to these measures to get sex. It seems to me that paying for sex is a line many men will not cross. Once crossed it is very easy to cross again and again and again. Sex on tap. Sex workers are everywhere, how could you ever trust him to be true to you? 2
Foxhall Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 21 hours ago, PinkiePie27 said: I also discovered that he has slept with sex workers about 6 months before meeting me. It can be hard for a man to stop this once he starts, Likely he will visit the odd one or two every few months or so and you will never know, or never want to know, In other words you may have to turn a blind eye if you want to stay in the relationship, of course perfectly understandable if that is a dealbreaker
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 This just means he has no values, or doesn't value himself, and him going through your phone is him projecting his behavior. He can't be trusted because he can't even trust himself. Boot him to the curb.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 18, 2022 Posted January 18, 2022 I would not continue this relationship. There is no trust and I would not feel at all at ease with a man who's visited prostitutes. It would tell me we have totally different worldviews and boundaries, that would render a relationship unsustainable.
jdesey Posted January 21, 2022 Posted January 21, 2022 I have seen escorts in the past and it’s not what everybody thinks. At times a guy just gets so freaking lonely that yes he’ll pay for it. Now as to sneaking on your phone that’s a whole Nother issue.
kendahke Posted January 21, 2022 Posted January 21, 2022 (edited) On 1/17/2022 at 6:16 AM, PinkiePie27 said: What do I do? Decide whether or not this: Quote I’ve trusted him wholeheartedly as he’s given me no reason not to. he had been chatting to other women whilst we started seeing each other. We were not dating exclusively at this time. The messages stopped once he and I decided to be exclusive. I also discovered that he has slept with sex workers about 6 months before meeting me. Is actually true and then act accordingly. If you two weren't exclusive, then he was free to do what/whoever he wanted. As were you. If it's too much for you, then you need to get off the "gorgeous" tip and end this. Ted Bundy was considered good looking. IMO, him using sex workers is better then him leading a bunch of women on with meaningless, one night stands. Edited January 21, 2022 by kendahke 2
BaileyB Posted January 22, 2022 Posted January 22, 2022 (edited) I too would end the relationship. I don’t date men who send women nudes and visit prostitutes - that’s just not something that I’m willing to accept in my life. Edited January 22, 2022 by BaileyB 2
ASG Posted January 22, 2022 Posted January 22, 2022 You weren't exclusive and he stopped messaging the other women once you became exclusive. He did nothing wrong there. The prostitute thing would also not phase me, and you also said it was 6 months before you even met. To me these are non issues. Him going through your phone, though, I find problematic! 1
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