ericw899 Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 Ok so I have to follow up on my last post. I just can't understand the girl Ive been dating and Ive narrowed it down to one of two things. She either has friendzoned me or is just with me looking for a greencard. I was invited over to her house for dinner last night. Not only did she make me dinner, she made me a 5 star meal that took her 3 hours to make and wouldn't let me help her at all. She wanted to cook for me and let me relax. So she cooked dinner and I just sat back, and when dinner was ready we ate together. Once we were done eating and she cleaned up, I thought for sure we would go over to the couch or into bed to either cuddle, kiss or even go all the way. This is our 4th date I might add and the intimacy has been zero so I figured her inviting me to her place was a way for her to do something nice for me in dinner and then take the next step by getting physical. Needless to say I was wrong. After dinner, she said she was tired and basically told me to leave. I was a bit surprised as we had a good time and I feel like we have a pretty damn good connection to at least cuddle and kiss. So I have narrowed it down to one of two reasons on why we haven't been physical. She has either put me in the friendzone or is looking for a greencard. I think she likes me as a person. But perhaps she doesn't like me as a boyfriend. This would explain the no physical touching. However, she often talks to me about marriage, and say things like "when I marry you, we will do blank" or "I see myself marrying you". So obviously you don't marry someone you only view as a friend, which is why I have been thinking about the greencard theory. It would make sense that she would want to keep me around, do nice things for me, treat me like a king and not do anything physical because maybe that's not why she is with me. Her frequent talk of marriage doesn't line up with her lack of physical touching with me. I feel I could be getting used, and she figures doing nice things will be enough for me to marry her so she could become a citizen and then leave me once that is complete. Thoughts?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 10 hours ago, ericw899 said: This is our 4th date 10 hours ago, ericw899 said: However, she often talks to me about marriage, and say things like "when I marry you, we will do blank" or "I see myself marrying you". Huge red flag that she's saying things like this when she barely knows you, OP. I don't know if securing a green card is her motivation, but that should send you running. She's making herself look a bit deseprate for marriage, getting way ahead of herself - that's not something a mature, rational adult generally does. Be very careful.
Wiseman2 Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 Are you from different cultures, religions or countries? There's a few other possibilities. She doesn't subscribe to your 3 date rules. She may think sex is for after marriage. Either way she makes you a gourmet meal and you're pissed? This isn't going to work out. You're on two different wavelengths. She seems to be rehearsing for the part of "wife", which is sort of creepy, but there seems to be too many cultural differences, incompatibilities and communication issues. Have you even talked about being exclusive? You're talking about sex on date 4 and she's talking about marriage. That's a huge disconnect. 1
glows Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 Cooking for you was sweet but staying too late or having you over past dinner might not be appropriate for her. If you’re questioning someone’s integrity this early it’s a no go. You’re dating her to see how far you can go but this isn’t working. She already put you off in the previous dates. The joke about you ending up with her niece wasn’t very funny in your previous thread. I think she’s jaded for other reasons or has been hurt in the past. She’s not emotionally available enough to let someone in and that happens across all nationalities and ethnicities regardless of which side of the border you’re on. Her lack of availability reads as if she doesn’t see you as a boyfriend and explains the mixed signals. Let go and see others if she’s not doing it for you.
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