Lifegoeson12 Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 I need some help. I'm in a relationship with someone who has one set of rules for himself and another for me. For example, quite recently I was out and about with friends and forgot to reply to his text, he point out that it was game playing and that he didn't like it. Yet yesterday I texted him and he didn't reply for hours later. That annoyed me after he clearly made his feeling clear about how he felt on the subject. His words were no one is away from their phone that long. A few weeks ago He had planned a trip for us to visit his family, but due to work and then covid I couldn't go. He was so annoyed and angry. His family lives in Brazil so I would've been away for over a month and work couldn't allow me to travel that long at short notice. He wouldn't let it go, I kept apologizing for it. So I decided to make it up to him and I recorded a video for his family I spent a week learning how to speak Portuguese so I could send them my warmest wishes. - I thought this was a nice thing to do, not just to say hello to them but to show him I was trying. but nothing, I didn't get a thank you or that was nice of you to do that. I then decided let's keep the last two weeks of April free to visit his family, he gave out to me for that as I hadn't cleared it with him. But also gave out because I didn't seem interested in meeting his family. Even though I was learning their language, chatting to them on FaceTime and even wanted to plan a trip to visit them. I really feel like I can't win sometimes. I do care about him, he has a big job and is a ruthless businessman and I think it’s starting to come into the relationship. Or am I wrong is he just a normal guy and I am not doing it right?
Gaeta Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 (edited) No, he's not normal. He's difficult, impatient, abrasive toward you. A boyfriend is suppose to enhance your life, suppose to be patient, understanding, appreciative. Edited January 14, 2022 by Gaeta 3 1
glows Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 He’s quite crude actually. I don’t see how anyone could be that successful in business treating or talking to people like that. I’d suspect things aren’t going as well for him as he may make it out to be. He’s irritable which is a sign he’s uncomfortable about something. You’ve become a punching bag for whatever stresses he’s undergoing. Stop trying to bend over backwards. Be firm about your work schedule or commitments and move your separate ways if you feel he’s unappreciative of the things you do. I think that video and learning Portuguese was very thoughtful. 1 1
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted January 14, 2022 Author Posted January 14, 2022 17 minutes ago, glows said: He’s quite crude actually. I don’t see how anyone could be that successful in business treating or talking to people like that. I’d suspect things aren’t going as well for him as he may make it out to be. He’s irritable which is a sign he’s uncomfortable about something. You’ve become a punching bag for whatever stresses he’s undergoing. Stop trying to bend over backwards. Be firm about your work schedule or commitments and move your separate ways if you feel he’s unappreciative of the things you do. I think that video and learning Portuguese was very thoughtful. I agree, he’s told me many of times that his family and friends have said he can come across as very rude and there have been times when that’s happened with me. last night we where chatting on the phone and then halfway through it he was like I’m really busy I have to go, bye. Now he did send an apology text about 15 minutes later as I think he realised he was. - I wasn’t offended by him cutting the call Short as I knew he was busy. but there’s also times when he can be rude and doesn’t see an issue with it. He’ll say oh it’s not rude. And then I have to stand my ground and say it is rude and I don’t appreciate it. so then I have to worry about will my pulling him up on his bad behaviour cause an issue I. The relationship
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted January 14, 2022 Author Posted January 14, 2022 25 minutes ago, Gaeta said: No, he's not normal. He's difficult, impatient, abrasive toward you. A boyfriend is suppose to enhance your life, suppose to be patient, understanding, appreciative. He can be at times too. But the last few days he’s been off. Just rude
Author Lifegoeson12 Posted January 14, 2022 Author Posted January 14, 2022 23 minutes ago, glows said: He’s quite crude actually. I don’t see how anyone could be that successful in business treating or talking to people like that. I’d suspect things aren’t going as well for him as he may make it out to be. He’s irritable which is a sign he’s uncomfortable about something. You’ve become a punching bag for whatever stresses he’s undergoing. Stop trying to bend over backwards. Be firm about your work schedule or commitments and move your separate ways if you feel he’s unappreciative of the things you do. I think that video and learning Portuguese was very thoughtful. And I agree re the bending over backwards I did personally think that learning Portuguese and sending the video was a nice thing to do. I was expecting a least a thank you for that as I would have said it if the roles where reversed but I got nothing.
glows Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 As a general approach I enjoy being around others who inspire me. I think I've mentioned this elsewhere on the forum. The inspiration stems from deep respect for another person and I want to be around that person. Do you feel inspired by his presence, who he is or what he has to say? 1
smackie9 Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 Dump him...his passive/aggressive behavior is abuse.
Wiseman2 Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 2 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I agree, he’s told me many of times that his family and friends have said he can come across as very rude and there have been times when that’s happened with me. How long have you been dating? This is a power and control struggle. So many red flags. Unless you want someone who struts around and treats you like a flunky, cut your losses.
vla1120 Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 You mention that this rude behavior has been more recent. If he exhibited any of this behavior from the beginning of your relationship (like the texting rule), don't put any more time into this relationship because it will only get worse as you move forward, considering people are usually on their best behavior early in the relationship (though I am not sure how long you've been with him.) Either way, you and your partner should complement one another. If that is only going in one direction and you walk on eggshells around him, it's time to say goodbye. I lived through the same type of situation and it got progressively worse as time went by. I barely got out with my sanity. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 I would get rid of him, OP. He doesn't just come across as rude - he is rude. And controlling. This guy would be out the door, personally.
Calmandfocused Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 You won’t win with this guy. And you certainly won’t be able to do anything right. You’ll spend your entire relationship changing yourself, trying to please him. However it won’t work. He will remain displeased with you, and you will remain miserable in the relationship. Of course it’s one rule for you, one for him. You should thank your lucky stars you’re with someone as good as him, and you should do as he says …. You’re in a controlling relationship. It’s only a matter of time before you will not be making any of your own decisions. You certainly won’t be seeing your friends…too much hassle. At this point he’ll have you exactly where he wants you. 1
ShyViolet Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 Why are you putting up with this??? This guy is mean, controlling, treats you badly and just sounds like he's not a nice person. Get rid of him. 1
BaileyB Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 People can’t treat you badly without your consent. I wouldn’t stay with a man who talked to me this way.
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