Calmandfocused Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 I talk to people all the time and would consider myself friendly and engaging. I do this because I enjoy interacting with people. On the rare occasion I do get chatting to a nice man I would be interested in dating, he is always married or has a partner. So my issue is that whilst I come across a lot of men in real life, I never come across any single men. Never! I hate OLD. I’d much rather meet someone in real life but I find that the opportunity just doesn’t present itself for me. 3
Author SleeplessinFlorida Posted January 16, 2022 Author Posted January 16, 2022 21 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: I talk to people all the time and would consider myself friendly and engaging. I do this because I enjoy interacting with people. On the rare occasion I do get chatting to a nice man I would be interested in dating, he is always married or has a partner. So my issue is that whilst I come across a lot of men in real life, I never come across any single men. Never! I hate OLD. I’d much rather meet someone in real life but I find that the opportunity just doesn’t present itself for me. Definitely agree. Seems as everyone has someone. 1
Gaeta Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 8 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: As I drove home I thought about it some more and became convinced she was flirting with me That's the thing with many men, they think because we talk to them it means we are interested in them. That's what happen with our building parking employee. He took my chatty behavior for romantic interest.
Gaeta Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 8 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: If you see a guy that you think is desirable, check his hand for a wedding ring Half couples are not married. Imagine OP goes to Target on a Sunday morning and decides he's going to ask each woman *do I know you*. Amoung the women he finds attractive there, how many you think will be single? 20%? Then he knows nothing of those single women, maybe they don't work, live in their parents basement, have 3 baby-fathers, etc. As @Dis said you can't filter in real life like you have the possibility online. Some people aren't in a hurry to be in a relationship, or are not searching for long term, like you were not searching for long term, and a random meeting brings them a long term relationship. Others are ready and are actively searching then I say use everything available to you, sure try hitting on women at Target but definitely get yourself a profile on a dating site and I am not thinking Tinder here. 1
princessaurora Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 The thing is you have to be genuine, @SleeplessinFlorida. Even if you are trying to pick up a woman in target or at another store, you can't make it obvious because those of us who have it happen alot can usually tell the difference in a heartbeat and it's an instant turnoff. There's a diffferent vibe between a guy who came to the store to pick up a woman and a guy who just happened to be at the store and found a woman he wanted to get to know, if that makes sense. And the same can be said for bars. I met 2 of my best boyfriends at bars, but I wasn't actively looking for anyone and neither were they. One of them had taken his buddy out to help him feel better after his girlfriend dumped him and the other was with another group of people one of the girls I was with knew. I know bars get a rep for people picking someone up and taking them home, but there are plenty of people there just to relax and have a good time, and if they happen to meet someone they'd like to get to know better, they get their number and call to set up a date. 3 1
mark clemson Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 5 hours ago, Calmandfocused said: I hate OLD. I’d much rather meet someone in real life but I find that the opportunity just doesn’t present itself for me. To the extent you can do this in a way that's covid-safe, consider meetups and interest groups. Particularly meetups, I think there are occasionally folks there who are interested in meeting someone just as much as they are interested in the topic. (To what extent that is so will depend a lot on the specific meetup, it certainly won't be everyone.) Anywhere there is a large gathering of adults there is likely to be a certain % who is single. Not necessarily there looking for a partner, but some may be open to the idea once a conversation with an attractive single other has been started. I think randomly in the grocery store or commuting to work etc is probably much harder, particularly these days. 1
mark clemson Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, princessaurora said: The thing is you have to be genuine, @SleeplessinFlorida. Even if you are trying to pick up a woman in target or at another store, you can't make it obvious because those of us who have it happen alot can usually tell the difference in a heartbeat and it's an instant turnoff. There's a diffferent vibe between a guy who came to the store to pick up a woman and a guy who just happened to be at the store and found a woman he wanted to get to know, if that makes sense. I think there's a lot of truth to this and indeed may be part of why it may be easier for HL and I to get "reactions" showing some level of interest from women in day-to-day conversations. Since we are really just making conversation and perhaps flirting a bit, but are not genuinely interested in more, we don't come across as overly interested/"clingy" or insecure/needy/rushing things, all of which are things I think many women are very sensitive to. I think women do a lot of "reading between the lines" when it comes to assessing a potential partner, but it's easy for a single man to be really interested and/or for his insecurities to be triggered if she doesn't seem as interested in him as he'd like her to be. I think this can sometimes strongly work against the guy, e.g. if she sees his expression change while he internally processes fear of rejection or disappointment in the reaction he's getting. She then figures he is "too interested, too fast" and/or finds it off-putting and loses interest herself. Something like that. It's easy for an unattached guy to feel insecure, and it's apparently easy for women who sense insecurity to lose attraction. One of the many ironic difficulties that exist WRT meeting folks. Of course this may be in part a sort of natural protection ("instincts") against e.g. the weird guys who become hostile/aggressive if they're rejected, or stalk etc, who are certainly out there unfortunately. Overall, a guy doesn't want to come across as "too invested" too soon. Edited January 16, 2022 by mark clemson 1
Author SleeplessinFlorida Posted January 16, 2022 Author Posted January 16, 2022 8 hours ago, princessaurora said: The thing is you have to be genuine, @SleeplessinFlorida. Even if you are trying to pick up a woman in target or at another store, you can't make it obvious because those of us who have it happen alot can usually tell the difference in a heartbeat and it's an instant turnoff. There's a diffferent vibe between a guy who came to the store to pick up a woman and a guy who just happened to be at the store and found a woman he wanted to get to know, if that makes sense. And the same can be said for bars. I met 2 of my best boyfriends at bars, but I wasn't actively looking for anyone and neither were they. One of them had taken his buddy out to help him feel better after his girlfriend dumped him and the other was with another group of people one of the girls I was with knew. I know bars get a rep for people picking someone up and taking them home, but there are plenty of people there just to relax and have a good time, and if they happen to meet someone they'd like to get to know better, they get their number and call to set up a date. Definitely makes alot of sense.
CUP OF TEA Posted January 17, 2022 Posted January 17, 2022 I've never had anyone work out through online dating. The last guy I met from there took me on the best first date ever, a Broadway show, but turns out he was married. All the others I met from there have been very boring awkward dates with no chemistry. I met my current boyfriend/FWB at the laundromat. I heard him speaking Spanish on his phone and I've always wanted to learn Spanish. Where I live is not very culturally diverse so I felt maybe this is my chance to find someone to help me, having no idea he would want to do anything else with me since he's 23 and I'm 63. As he was leaving I blurted out "Adios!" and he stopped in his tracks and said "You speak Spanish?", gave me his phone number. But I had to give him the "green light" first or he never would have approached me.. Well, he helped me with Spanish, and "other things". Because of our age gap and language barrier (his English is almost as bad as my Spanish) it's more of a FWB situation but hey, at my age, it's better than nothing and he treats me well and my Spanish has improved. I've been with him six months but I'm not thinking this will last much longer as we have not much in common. other than *wink wink*. Someday I would like to meet a man my own age but I don't get out much. I used to go dancing every weekend but because of Covid I stopped that. I take my college classes online. When me and this guy break up I'll probably go to the laundromat again lol. I would never do online again though my sister lucked out and met her boyfriend of four years through Match.
Happy Lemming Posted January 17, 2022 Posted January 17, 2022 9 hours ago, CUP OF TEA said: I met my current boyfriend/FWB at the laundromat. I knew this one woman that also met her guy at a laundromat. She would take two jugs of laundry detergent to the laundromat, one almost empty and one that was full. She'd leave the full one in her car. If she saw a guy that interested her, she would approach him with the story that she just ran out of soap and could he spare any?? After getting some soap, she would attempt to engage him in conversation to gauge his interest, etc. (And exchange phone numbers) If there were no guys that "struck her fancy", she'd go to her car and get her full jug of laundry detergent and do her laundry. When she got home, she'd pour just a few ounces of detergent into her empty jug, and try again (the next time she did laundry).
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