Happy Lemming Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 22 hours ago, SleeplessinFlorida said: Bar. And yes I put my head down as I typed this I have to admit the vast majority of the women I've dated, I have met at a bar/pub. Some other places were: (1) College (2) Co-ed Sports (3) Friend’s Party (4) Long Bank Line (5) Used Computer Parts Show (6) Food Festival (7) Through mutual friends (8) Worked in same office building – different company (9) Used book store (10) Ice Skating (11) Art Show - underground art gallery showing at artist's studio (12) Apartment Complex Pool – current girlfriend Do any of these places sound like they might work for you?? Again, I just talk to people everywhere I go, so if I get "positive feedback" while I'm talking to a woman; I'll try to ask her out (get her phone number) The key is "Always be closing" -- ABC's of dating. For the record, my current (long term) girlfriend did tell me (much later in our relationship) that she shopped for the perfect bikini to attract guys at the pool, so she did play an active role in getting my attention. But I swam up to her, introduced myself, chit-chatted about some of things going on at the apartment complex, when she smiled and continued the conversation, I asked her out for drinks later that night (and we've been together for 10 years).
FMW Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 I've met and had conversations with many, many men in real life over the past few years, and as I noted previously, felt a real connection with (only) a few. Sure, you are NOT going to have interest to get past just chatting with most, but as has been pointed out, the more you meet the more likely you are to come across a real connection. I do tend to smile a lot so it makes it easy for strangers (men and women) to talk to me. I consider myself an introvert (I need lots of alone time), but I'm not shy. Those who are shy or just not open to a smile or hello with strangers do have a harder time I'm sure. 2
poppyfields Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 (edited) 40 minutes ago, FMW said: I've met and had conversations with many, many men in real life over the past few years, and as I noted previously, felt a real connection with (only) a few. Sure, you are NOT going to have interest to get past just chatting with most, but as has been pointed out, the more you meet the more likely you are to come across a real connection. I do tend to smile a lot so it makes it easy for strangers (men and women) to talk to me. I consider myself an introvert (I need lots of alone time), but I'm not shy. Those who are shy or just not open to a smile or hello with strangers do have a harder time I'm sure. Agree and I'm the same @FMW (see my previous post). But even when not walking around smiling all the time which tbh would look rather silly, it's about having good positive energy which exudes naturally even when focusing on an errand or something else. The energy we possess and exude gets a bad rap or often isn't understood, but to me it's so important. How you achieve having good positive energy is up to each of us but to me it's the driving force behind why some people attract people so easily and others do not. Edited January 15, 2022 by poppyfields
Alpacalia Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 1 hour ago, SleeplessinFlorida said: Think that's everyone's face when they are focused on something lol Indeed. 1
poppyfields Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 I think 'resting bytch face' is a different thing and don't agree that'a everyone's face when running errands, etc. From wiki: >>Resting b*tchface, b*tchy resting face, (especially of a woman) a facial expression that does not consciously express a particular emotion but that others perceive as scowling, threatening, etc.:<< That is how I've heard men describe it too.
Author SleeplessinFlorida Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I think 'resting bytch face' is a different thing and don't agree that'a everyone's face when running errands, etc. From wiki: >>Resting b*tchface, b*tchy resting face, (especially of a woman) a facial expression that does not consciously express a particular emotion but that others perceive as scowling, threatening, etc.:<< That is how I've heard men describe it too. I'd say more uninviting rather than threatening.
Alpacalia Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 Sometimes people are simply deep in thought. Is it possible to smile all day at random strangers? Maybe. My one friend, for example, has the meanest face at times, but he's a huge teddy bear.
poppyfields Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 5 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Sometimes people are simply deep in thought. Is it possible to smile all day at random strangers? Maybe. My one friend, for example, has the meanest face at times, but he's a huge teddy bear. I don't disagree Alpaca, and yes walking around smiling at everyone would look rather silly. Posted that. But it's important to be aware of how others perceive you. You may be deep in thought, focused on whatever the task at hand, which is okay! However others (men?) might perceive that as meaning you can't be bothered, leave me alone, a defensive shield. And they WILL leave you alone.
dramafreezone Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 On 1/14/2022 at 7:26 AM, Happy Lemming said: I'm not the only one on this forum that thinks meeting in "real life" is preferable to the "circus" of OLD apps. I can think of two posters @poppyfields and @Dis that have sworn off OLD and are meeting people in "real life". I'm sure there are others. Perhaps they will "chime in"... Online dating will prove to be as important as any invention in recent history. But it's kind of like when the first car was made, and then manufactured for public use. People didn't know how to use them. I'm sure there were wrecks all the time, defective parts, cars catching on fire. In other words we had to learn how to use cars responsibly and make them safer over time. That same process has to happen with online dating. The next generation will be better off with online dating, for us older people it's probably too late. But I agree the OP needs to concentrate more on in-person dating. The main reason being is that the woman gets to put eyes on you and get a feeling as to if you're a psycho or not. She's able to then put herself out there more readily, just my opinion. That's what you want, a woman that's willing to be vulnerable, no one that has walls up and you have to spend so much time taking them all down brick by brick. 1
Alpacalia Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 6 hours ago, poppyfields said: I don't disagree Alpaca, and yes walking around smiling at everyone would look rather silly. Posted that. But it's important to be aware of how others perceive you. You may be deep in thought, focused on whatever the task at hand, which is okay! However others (men?) might perceive that as meaning you can't be bothered, leave me alone, a defensive shield. And they WILL leave you alone. Right. Well that's because sometimes when I am doing errands, I do want to be left alone. Besides, some women are approached constantly so they do have to have somewhat of a shield up but the issue with that is that the ones that usually try to break it down aren't doing so for the right reasons. 2
poppyfields Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 (edited) 28 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Right. Well that's because sometimes when I am doing errands, I do want to be left alone. Besides, some women are approached constantly so they do have to have somewhat of a shield up but the issue with that is that the ones that usually try to break it down aren't doing so for the right reasons. I wasn't criticizing Alpaca, tbh I sometimes want to be left alone too. I get it. I was just stating how men perceive it, that's all. And why many are hesitant to approach. This is from what they've told me including my own brothers. Edited January 15, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Alpacalia Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 56 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I wasn't criticizing Alpaca, tbh I sometimes want to be left alone too. I get it. I was just stating how men perceive it, that's all. And why many are hesitant to approach. This is from what they've told me including my own brothers. I didn't take it as such. But that's cute that you thought so. 1
poppyfields Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Alpaca said: I didn't take it as such. But that's cute that you thought so. Okay great, your post sounded a bit defensive which is why I thought that. My bad. And thanks, my boyfriends think lots of things I say are "cute" too. Lol. Edited January 16, 2022 by poppyfields
Alpacalia Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 Just now, poppyfields said: Okay great, your post sounded a bit defensive which is why I thought that. My bad. And thanks, my boyfriends think lots of things I say are "cute" too. Lol. I'm sure.
Lookingforlove98 Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, dramafreezone said: Online dating will prove to be as important as any invention in recent history. But it's kind of like when the first car was made, and then manufactured for public use. People didn't know how to use them. I'm sure there were wrecks all the time, defective parts, cars catching on fire. In other words we had to learn how to use cars responsibly and make them safer over time. That same process has to happen with online dating. The next generation will be better off with online dating, for us older people it's probably too late. But I agree the OP needs to concentrate more on in-person dating. The main reason being is that the woman gets to put eyes on you and get a feeling as to if you're a psycho or not. She's able to then put herself out there more readily, just my opinion. That's what you want, a woman that's willing to be vulnerable, no one that has walls up and you have to spend so much time taking them all down brick by brick. Yes. It seems like many eligible men don’t approach random women in person if there’s no reason to do so other than ask her out. I guess it’s a fear of bothering her or other things that people here mentioned. I sometimes like reserved or shyer guys who would not approach a woman at the supermarket and ask for her number. The guys who approach me are often not my type/we have nothing in common. And I have heard from guys I met online that they probably would not approach me because they would think it was presumptuous to approach women or that I’m not interested. It’s probably like that for many people Edited January 16, 2022 by Lookingforlove98 1
Dis Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 On 1/14/2022 at 10:26 AM, Happy Lemming said: I'm not the only one on this forum that thinks meeting in "real life" is preferable to the "circus" of OLD apps. I can think of two posters @poppyfields and @Dis that have sworn off OLD and are meeting people in "real life". I'm sure there are others. Perhaps they will "chime in"... I've sworn off OLD for awhile and I'll tell you why... The way OLD is set up does work for some people. I know plenty of women who have met their husbands on OLD. BUT! It hasn't worked for me. I equate it to sifting through a dumpster. Yeah there might be something of value in there but you have to get your hands dirty and dig for a long time to come across something good...unless you're lucky. I really do believe there are some good, solid, stable guys on OLD. But because your options are endless, everyone has the grass is always greener syndrome which leads to fakiness and fleeting, half hearted connections, false starts and then back at it yet again. And as for connections.... when you meet someone from OLD the in person meeting is always pressured, contrived and forced. At least it was for me. I'm sitting there across from this person who I've never met before, I know very little about him...but somehow we're on a date? Yuck. For some reason that pressure turns me off and maybe if I had met this guy organically, I'd be head over heels. But because of the circumstances surrounding the date, yeah no. I like meeting people in person where you can feel the person out, there's no pressure, you're not on a date, you're not expecting anything. And if there is something there then great! If there's not, then it doesn't matter. But I really do agree with @Gaeta points because meeting someone in person doesn't happen to some people easily. It's a chance meeting and it's a chance meeting for a reason...because it's not a common occurrence. And you have to love the people who either don't care about having a relationship or are in one telling us to just 'let it happen' 'don't look for it' 'it will happen when you least expect it' because the truth is, some people really do need to put effort into it and many people have and are now married as a result. But at this point I'm just flowing and living my life, when it happens it happens and I'm trusting in that and expecting it. Positivity! Another thing about meeting someone in person is, you can't vet them before hand. So you might meet someone you have chemistry with but then you find out he has 4 kids all from different mothers and is 'self employed' whereas with OLD, at least you know the basics. And just because you meet them in person doesn't mean things are going to take off from there either. People are flaky in real life too and just because you connect in that moment doesn't mean something sustaining is going to come out of it. So I'm kind of on the fence about OLD. I see the positives and I see the negatives. All I know is I won't resort to it again unless I really feel I need to. I'm disheartened with it and want to stay far far away. My husband will find me when the time is right. 2
Happy Lemming Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 39 minutes ago, Dis said: It's a chance meeting and it's a chance meeting for a reason...because it's not a common occurrence. Just today, I was in a thrift store just looking around at tools, light fixtures, etc. A woman standing next to me, looked at me and said "Do I know you??" We were both wearing masks, so she only saw part of my face. My response was "I don't know", so I introduced myself giving her my first name and she told me her name was Ellen. I told her it was indeed a pleasure meeting her and we proceeded for the next few minutes to try to figure out how she might have known me. In the end, we didn't figure it out. As I drove home I thought about it some more and became convinced she was flirting with me, and that is how she meets new guys. She opens with this "Do I know you line??" I mean I could have easily gotten her number or asked her if she wanted to go have a cup of coffee at the Starbucks a few doors down. Of course I didn't as I'm in a long term relationship. It seems I'm always talking to people and they talk to me.
Dis Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 Just now, Happy Lemming said: Just today, I was in a thrift store just looking around at tools, light fixtures, etc. A woman standing next to me, looked at me and said "Do I know you??" We were both wearing masks, so she only saw part of my face. My response was "I don't know", so I introduced myself giving her my first name and she told me her name was Ellen. I told her it was indeed a pleasure meeting her and we proceeded for the next few minutes to try to figure out how she might have known me. In the end, we didn't figure it out. As I drove home I thought about it some more and became convinced she was flirting with me, and that is how she meets new guys. She opens with this "Do I know you line??" I mean I could have easily gotten her number or asked her if she wanted to go have a cup of coffee at the Starbucks a few doors down. Of course I didn't as I'm in a long term relationship. It seems I'm always talking to people and they talk to me. Yeah yeah yeah The cliche example of how it just happened to you and I just must be doing something wrong 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 5 minutes ago, Dis said: Yeah yeah yeah The cliche example of how it just happened to you and I just must be doing something wrong I don't think you are doing anything wrong, but I thought you might want to adopt this woman's line for meeting men. If you see a guy that you think is desirable, check his hand for a wedding ring, then ask "Excuse me, do I know you... you look familiar to me??" I'm thinking this woman was probably watching me pick up items and inspect them, checking my hand for a wedding band. Of course there is none, as I'm not married to "V", so I guess she thought she would try her line. Pretty ingenious if you ask me...
Dis Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 40 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I don't think you are doing anything wrong, but I thought you might want to adopt this woman's line for meeting men. If you see a guy that you think is desirable, check his hand for a wedding ring, then ask "Excuse me, do I know you... you look familiar to me??" I'm thinking this woman was probably watching me pick up items and inspect them, checking my hand for a wedding band. Of course there is none, as I'm not married to "V", so I guess she thought she would try her line. Pretty ingenious if you ask me... I mean, if I feel like it I'll be chatty. I just talked to a middle aged guy at the grocery store today about the Chinese food place next door but I talk to people like that all the time. Being chatty doesn't really guarantee anything More of a right place, right time, right energy type of thing 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 6 minutes ago, Dis said: Being chatty doesn't really guarantee anything You are correct, but you miss 100% of the shots you never take.
Dis Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 9 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: You are correct, but you miss 100% of the shots you never take. Totally agree
Wiseman2 Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 (edited) It's not about whether OLD vs meeting in person is better. You need both in your dating portfolio. Diversify. That's the key. Get a good profile and pics (no selfies etc) on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women for a low-key coffee. Join some groups, clubs, sports, volunteer, get a side hustle, etc. Be approachable. Smile be polite and friendly. Picking up women in bars, clubs or gyms is a bad idea if you are looking for long term. Edited January 16, 2022 by Wiseman2
Alpacalia Posted January 16, 2022 Posted January 16, 2022 I disagree with Wiseman2 that you cannot find long term prospects at some of the places he mentioned. Couple I'm friends with married for 20 years met at a bar. Another couple met at the gym married for 17 years. Maybe the odds are not favorable but I don't think you have to be so rigid in your approach. 1
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