Gaeta Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 13 hours ago, SleeplessinFlorida said: Is it me or is finding someone to love you the way you love them just so hard? It's like you have a better chance of spotting a unicorn. Where did you meet the last woman you had a good relationship with?
Author SleeplessinFlorida Posted January 14, 2022 Author Posted January 14, 2022 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: Do you have any game/skillz?? Honestly, I do just fine if I wanna find some fling but I'm talking about the real deal relationship love where game or skills shouldn't be needed. You get to a point where meaningless sex doesn't really tickle your fancy anymore atleast I did or am.
Happy Lemming Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 16 minutes ago, poppyfields said: We caught each other's eye, he smiled, I smiled, he gave me a nice compliment, I was flattered (I think I blushed lol), we chatted for a bit... This is exactly what I was talking about... you sent non-verbal communication he smiled, then you smiled - this is exactly the type of thing I was talking about with actions, mannerisms, etc. At that point, he took a chance became a MAN and talked to you - offering a compliment - perfect!! He showed confidence and made the attempt. You "blushing" (again - non-verbal clue - told him) that it was OK to continue the conversation. And he was rewarded for his efforts... he's been given a chance. Now he needs to "strike while the iron is hot" and email you with some more information about himself, ask a few light questions and close with a nice compliment - I'd go with "pretty eyes" or something along those lines. After you return the email, hopefully with some light & fun chit-chat, he should attempt to ask you out on a date (hopefully getting your phone number in the process) Men attempting to meet women (in real life) isn't rocket science and you just proved it happens everyday and can happen anywhere.
Author SleeplessinFlorida Posted January 14, 2022 Author Posted January 14, 2022 8 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Where did you meet the last woman you had a good relationship with? Bar. And yes I put my head down as I typed this 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 2 minutes ago, SleeplessinFlorida said: Honestly, I do just fine if I wanna find some fling but I'm talking about the real deal relationship love where game or skills shouldn't be needed. You get to a point where meaningless sex doesn't really tickle your fancy anymore atleast I did or am. I'm the last person to ask about long term relationships. I've had very few in my life, but I've led a very happy and nomadic life (at least in my youth). But being nomadic, all of my relationships were short term - up to my present one which has lasted for 10 years - but I'm now retired and settled, so that kind of makes sense (for me). Can you expand upon why none of your encounters seemed to go the distance into a long term relationship??
Alpacalia Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 45 minutes ago, SleeplessinFlorida said: Bar. And yes I put my head down as I typed this Hey there's nothing wrong with that. A couple I know met that way they've been happily married with children for years. They're super cool too! 1
Author SleeplessinFlorida Posted January 14, 2022 Author Posted January 14, 2022 That's cool. Never know where you'll meet the one right? Least that what they say. 1
Author SleeplessinFlorida Posted January 14, 2022 Author Posted January 14, 2022 50 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I'm the last person to ask about long term relationships. I've had very few in my life, but I've led a very happy and nomadic life (at least in my youth). But being nomadic, all of my relationships were short term - up to my present one which has lasted for 10 years - but I'm now retired and settled, so that kind of makes sense (for me). Can you expand upon why none of your encounters seemed to go the distance into a long term relationship?? Honestly I don't know maybe being young and dumb. Maybe realizing what I wanted wasn't what I needed a little to late. Could be any one of those.
Happy Lemming Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 28 minutes ago, SleeplessinFlorida said: Honestly I don't know maybe being young and dumb. Maybe realizing what I wanted wasn't what I needed a little to late. Could be any one of those. Just keep trying to date... at some point someone will "stick" and she'll be the one. 1
dramafreezone Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 (edited) 15 hours ago, SleeplessinFlorida said: Is it me or is finding someone to love you the way you love them just so hard? It's like you have a better chance of spotting a unicorn. The premise here is problematic though. Love in the way you're describing is the natural progression of respect and admiration for someone. Respect comes first though. Love is impossible without respect. Respect grows into admiration, grows into love. First, look for someone you respect, and look for someone that respects you. That means this person actually values your time, makes you feel better about yourself, and who makes you want to be better. I think that's a great place to start. I see you said you met your last SO in a bar, so think about that. Can you really establish respect in that setting? You may find them sexually attractive but that doesn't have anything to do with respecting this person. What about meeting people during your hobbies, if you play tennis, and you meet someone else that you fancy who plays tennis, there's already a mutual respect to build upon there, just an example. Edited January 14, 2022 by dramafreezone 3
FMW Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 I'm a 56 year old woman, divorced 5 1/2 years. I've never done online dating. I've met a few men, IRL, since my divorce that I felt a connection with. All were while participating in my favorite pastime, live music venues. The guy I've been with exclusively for over 2 years now is an amazing guy, the best man I've ever known other than my father. I went with a friend to hear his band 2 and a half years ago and during a break he sat down at our table to talk. We were drawn to each other immediately, but took our time to get to know each other. When he talked about getting together he took immediate action to make it happen. Meeting someone you connect with IRL isn't unusual. I think usually it happens when you're doing something you enjoy. I've met guys while just out running errands, but those never went anywhere. 2
vla1120 Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 4 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: Just a few months ago, I did an experiment where I talked to a woman at a dog park. I could have very easily gotten her number and took her out on a date. I didn't because I'm in a long term relationship, but it is still possible for men to meet women in "real life" scenarios/venues. Ummm. What? What's my problem then? I mean...it could be the fact that I'm an introvert and give off serious "Do NOT speak to me" vibes when I am in public, I guess. Back in the spring, we had someone from the township come to our house to check out our public water connection because there was confusion about something (I don't remember what.) He was very nice and asked me for my number so he could follow up with me directly. Instead, I asked him for his business card and told him I would follow up with him. When he left, my daughter jokingly clipped me in the back of the head and told me "He was TOTALLY flirting with you!" @Happy Lemming, you should give lessons, or start a website, or something. 1
mark clemson Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 (edited) 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: Do you wonder at times why you're the ONLY one on here thinking meeting in real is easy? and you have not been single in what? 10 years? Interestingly, he's not the only one, but I"m ALSO in a 10+ year relationship (20+ actually). Still it does seem easy. I was speaking with a cashier a few weeks ago and she ended the conversation with "...it'd be a nice day to Netflix and ... relax." I then said goodbye. This is with my wedding ring on and literally the 2nd time I'd spoken to this woman. If you look like what women want - attractive, mature, well-adjusted partner material, then strike up conversations with them. Friendly conversations, not pushy/overly suggestive or awkward/"clingy" ones. Just regular, friendly conversations. They will bite and start dropping hints IF they're looking for someone and you come across as someone they'd want to be with. Finding "love" on your own terms - the kind "you want" may be a tougher ask, as everyone is ultimately unique. Edited January 14, 2022 by mark clemson 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 40 minutes ago, vla1120 said: @Happy Lemming, you should give lessons, or start a website, or something. In my youth, I just watched how guys at the bars/pubs and other social venues interacted with women. Initially, I just did what they did, then I developed my own game/skillz. I learned to use the circumstances around me to start a conversation. If the woman seemed receptive (smiled, etc.) I continued, if it seemed I was bothering her, then I backed off. You do have to have the ability to think quick on your feet, but that comes with practice. 46 minutes ago, vla1120 said: Ummm. What? What's my problem then? I mean...it could be the fact that I'm an introvert and give off serious "Do NOT speak to me" vibes when I am in public, I guess. Maybe smile more, make eye contact... It's OK to say "hi" to people... 49 minutes ago, vla1120 said: Back in the spring, we had someone from the township come to our house to check out our public water connection because there was confusion about something (I don't remember what.) He was very nice and asked me for my number so he could follow up with me directly. Instead, I asked him for his business card and told him I would follow up with him. When he left, my daughter jokingly clipped me in the back of the head and told me "He was TOTALLY flirting with you!" Yes... sometimes we miss signals. I know I've done it. Sometimes we are caught up in the task at hand, that we miss something right in front of us. Long story, short... I was helping a neighbor (single woman) out with some baseboards she wanted replaced, it was a quick 30 minute job. She was flirting the whole time and I missed it. She invited me back that evening for dinner as a "Thank you". After dinner she questioned why I was ignoring her flirting/attempts to get my attention. Plain and simple, I just missed her signals. I was focused on the task at hand and just missed her flirting.
Gaeta Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 41 minutes ago, mark clemson said: I was speaking with a cashier a few weeks ago and she ended the conversation with "...it'd be a nice day to Netflix and ... relax." I then said goodbye. But that means nothing It's not because someone is chatty that it means they're hitting on you. I strike conversation with people all the time, I will make jokes, and I have no desire to get to date them. Example: This man rang at my door by accident. Throught he glass he was a copy of my brother so I opened sponteneously. We both looked at each other surprised, he apologized and I said he's a striking image of my brother. He said your brother must be handsome! and I replied You bet he is! and winked. If he had offered me his phone number I would have said I'm not single. I had 0 interest in him but both our surprised expression was too funny to not joke about it. 2
basil67 Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 I agree @Gaeta I chat with strangers all the time. But a good connection with a stranger or a bit of flirty banter does not mean that a person is in like Flynn. I mean, sure, if the person is interested then the banter and connection is required, but as a rule, it does not automatically follow that a person who has a good random convo is open to giving their number or going on a date. 1
Alpacalia Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, FMW said: Meeting someone you connect with IRL isn't unusual. I think usually it happens when you're doing something you enjoy. I've met guys while just out running errands, but those never went anywhere. Indeed. It doesn't have anything special or unique about it. Especially if you're involved in a variety of activities, hobbies, and interests where you're interacting with others (Granted, it may be more difficult for some if he or she has social anxieties or other difficulties). To the OP's point, it's about finding that special someone with whom you connect. Edited January 14, 2022 by Alpaca
poppyfields Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: But that means nothing It's not because someone is chatty that it means they're hitting on you. I strike conversation with people all the time, I will make jokes, and I have no desire to get to date them. I agree but just like with on line, it's a numbers game. The more people you're open to talking with IRL, the greater chances of finding someone you click with. If you (generic you) walk around stone faced or closed, with that "don't bother me" look, as I have heard some men describe it, you will never meet anyone let alone someone you click with. I am open to chatting with just about anyone, men AND women, NOT with the intention of getting a date, just because I enjoy meeting new people. And I'm more an introvert than extrovert!! It's very rare when a date comes from it, even the man last night, I gave him my email, who knows if he will message or if he does, if there will be enough mutual interest to set a date. Edited January 14, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Alpacalia Posted January 14, 2022 Posted January 14, 2022 5 hours ago, SleeplessinFlorida said: Honestly I don't know maybe being young and dumb. Maybe realizing what I wanted wasn't what I needed a little to late. Could be any one of those. Initially, you asked "Is it just me or is finding someone who will love you like you love them so hard?" Putting that much pressure on another individual or believing this all can exist in one is quite difficult. Don't you think? 1
Author SleeplessinFlorida Posted January 14, 2022 Author Posted January 14, 2022 1 minute ago, Alpaca said: Initially, you asked "Is it just me or is finding someone who will love you like you love them so hard?" Putting that much pressure on another individual or believing this all can exist in one is quite difficult. Don't you think? Yes very true.
mark clemson Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Gaeta said: But that means nothing It wasn't nothing, though. It was at least suggestive flirting. You've heard the expression "Netflix and chill", which is a euphemism for sex - it was a play on that. Does it mean she would date me if I followed up? Maybe, maybe not. With both the phrasing and intonation it WAS very much an "opening" for at least further conversation/consideration, and a quite flirty one at that. Perhaps she's just a "tease" type and little would have come of it, that is always possible. So an opportunity for potential follow up into a dating (or perhaps ONS) scenario was all it was. But that's the point and all I'm really talking about here anyhow. It wasn't nothing, it was an offer for (at least) further interaction. Maybe more, maybe not - there are never guarantees with that. But a man doesn't have to wait for a woman to literally throw herself at him physically and/or "make a move" to know there's potential for something to happen (and I've had essentially that happen, too). Edited January 15, 2022 by mark clemson 1
Ami1uwant Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 13 hours ago, Gaeta said: It is really hard but what's the alternative? give up? Personally I don't beleive in stop looking and you'll find. That's something people in relationships love telling us. Don’t know where it started or where it might end. Turn to a stranger looking for a friend. 1
chillii Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 (edited) On 1/14/2022 at 1:52 PM, SleeplessinFlorida said: Is it me or is finding someone to love you the way you love them just so hard? It's like you have a better chance of spotting a unicorn. lt is spotting a unicorn , so focus on her or you'll miss her. Edited January 15, 2022 by chillii 1
Alpacalia Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 I'm guilty of the "don't bother me" look that was mentioned. I think some refer to that as "resting b***h face." While out doing errands or things in the past, I was focusing on the errands and not meeting anyone. The guy at the gym who helped me with my TRX straps was the opposite. That was thoughtful and made me curious.
Author SleeplessinFlorida Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 27 minutes ago, Alpaca said: I'm guilty of the "don't bother me" look that was mentioned. I think some refer to that as "resting b***h face." While out doing errands or things in the past, I was focusing on the errands and not meeting anyone. The guy at the gym who helped me with my TRX straps was the opposite. That was thoughtful and made me curious. Think that's everyone's face when they are focused on something lol 1
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