ironpony Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 I have a gf who is 16 years younger than me and people tell me that it comes off as predatory and saying that it's one thing if it were just casual sex, but it's worse than I am in a relationship. But I wonder, how is a relationship more predatory compared to people saying casual sex is less so, unless I am missing something? Thanks for any advice on this! I really appreciate it!
ExpatInItaly Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 Who is telling you it's predatory? You're both consenting adults, and I if I recall, she's in her 20s. I don't see anything predatory about it.
Author ironpony Posted January 12, 2022 Author Posted January 12, 2022 (edited) Just some people I asked about their opinions on the relationships after some people I know seem to give some shocked reactions to it. Edited January 12, 2022 by ironpony
Dis Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 Maybe they're referring more to the age gap But I don't think it's a problem either
Wiseman2 Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, ironpony said: people tell me that it comes off as predatory Who is telling you that? Take it up with those people or wherever you got this. Only you know who said this and why so ask them point blank what they mean by that remark. The main problem is you have so many complaints about her and how much anxiety and problems she supposedly causes you. And you frequently blame her for many of your work, sexual, anxiety and psychiatric dilemmas and issues. Edited January 12, 2022 by Wiseman2
Blind-Sided Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 4 hours ago, ironpony said: Just some people I asked about their opinions on the relationships ..... Stop asking people. You get answers you don't like, and then you worry. STOP WORRYING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE !!!!!!! My GF is 20 years younger. If someone doesn't like it... I tell them to pi$$ off. LOL. 2
spiritedaway2003 Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 I have a significant age gap with the guy I am seeing. Just like people don’t know what goes on in a marriage, they don’t know what goes on in a relationship. People will assume what they want to assume (eg. Is he a predator or having a mid life crisis wanting a younger girlfriend; or is she a gold digger) You are both consenting adults. Are you, yourself, bothered by the age difference? 1
Foxhall Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 I actually think the younger girlfriend situation is a good one for you, again dont take this as a criticism, but I get the sense you are not as streetwise as a lot of people your age, (nothing wrong with that) in that way I dont think you would gel quite so well with a "mature" 30 something. this younger girl is happy with you being yourself and it is a good dynamic. 1
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 And what do you reply to those criticism? Do you feel you have to explain yourself? Don't. It's part of your duty to protect your relationship from outside criticisms. Politely tell people their opinion on your personal life is not desired. 1
Ami1uwant Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 11 hours ago, ironpony said: I have a gf who is 16 years younger than me and people tell me that it comes off as predatory and saying that it's one thing if it were just casual sex, but it's worse than I am in a relationship. But I wonder, how is a relationship more predatory compared to people saying casual sex is less so, unless I am missing something? Thanks for any advice on this! I really appreciate it! What are your ages? A mid 30s dating early 20s is an issue while mid 60s dating early 40s isn’t.
dramafreezone Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 Someone mentioned it above, the problem with these type of questions is invaribly you're going to get a *yes* to your question. There are 7 billion people in the world, and wide variations of values/opinions on interpersonal relationships. All that matters is if the two *or more* people in the relationship consent to the nature of the relationship (assuming it's legal). I wouldn't care if she was 20 and you were 60. As long as both know that they're getting out of the deal and both are happy with the arrangement then more power to them. 1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said: What are your ages? A mid 30s dating early 20s is an issue while mid 60s dating early 40s isn’t. What is the issue with the first scenario?
Ami1uwant Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 6 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Someone mentioned it above, the problem with these type of questions is invaribly you're going to get a *yes* to your question. There are 7 billion people in the world, and wide variations of values/opinions on interpersonal relationships. All that matters is if the two *or more* people in the relationship consent to the nature of the relationship (assuming it's legal). I wouldn't care if she was 20 and you were 60. As long as both know that they're getting out of the deal and both are happy with the arrangement then more power to them. What is the issue with the first scenario? so sone mid 30s going out with college age peop,e is robbing the cradle/ cougar. There are big difference in someone early 30s to when they are estly 30s in what they want. those late 30s on are generally well defined on who they are and what they want.
dramafreezone Posted January 12, 2022 Posted January 12, 2022 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: so sone mid 30s going out with college age peop,e is robbing the cradle/ cougar. There are big difference in someone early 30s to when they are estly 30s in what they want. those late 30s on are generally well defined on who they are and what they want. Yes I'm aware of this assumption. I guess my counter-argument is what's wrong with that? I think even in those cases, life lessons with regard to people to date or not to date are valuable and part of growth. That said, there are 20 year olds that are well beyond their years with regard to maturity and 30+ year olds that are as lost as they were in their early teens. Many times the younger/older dynamic can actually be the perfect fit. There are so many variables that I think it's not fair to assume that the older party is taking advantage of the younger one. Edited January 12, 2022 by dramafreezone
ShyViolet Posted January 13, 2022 Posted January 13, 2022 As long as both people in the relationship are consenting adults, then no it's not predatory, and it's nobody's business. You don't need to listen to the dumb opinions of everyone who wants to judge you and your life. 1
AngryGromit Posted January 13, 2022 Posted January 13, 2022 (edited) Interesting enough, is some societies it's perfectly acceptance, even encouraged by there families for younger women to date older men. The logic behind this is older men tend to be more established in there careers, more wealthy, be able to provide a better life for women. In some Latin america countries older foreign women are thrilled they get the attention from so many young men when visiting, it's not because they are into older women, but because if they don't any wealth of there own, they can't get the time of day from women there own age for the most part. Edited January 13, 2022 by AngryGromit
Brian1223 Posted January 13, 2022 Posted January 13, 2022 (edited) Who actually cares... she is of consenting adult age. My closest friend has just turned 29 and her partner is 46. Sure there may have been some judgement, but that is no one else's business. They are happy and if you are too then you need to start living your life for you, not for what anyone else thinks. Own it. Unfortunately your whole relationship sounds very draining on all aspects, and you seem quite inexperienced yourself. I wish you well. Edited January 13, 2022 by Brian1223 1
Yosemite Posted January 13, 2022 Posted January 13, 2022 I think that it's common for the younger person in a large age-gap relationship to defend them or not have anything negative to say about them until they get to be about 40 or 50 years old. It's at that point that they tend to express regret or simply not recommend a large age-gap relationship to a young person. 2
Author ironpony Posted January 14, 2022 Author Posted January 14, 2022 On 1/12/2022 at 1:50 PM, Ami1uwant said: so sone mid 30s going out with college age peop,e is robbing the cradle/ cougar. There are big difference in someone early 30s to when they are estly 30s in what they want. those late 30s on are generally well defined on who they are and what they want. When people say robbing the cradle, they just mean taking advantages of a young person's naivete?
basil67 Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 49 minutes ago, ironpony said: When people say robbing the cradle, they just mean taking advantages of a young person's naivete? No. It simply refers to dating someone who is comparatively a baby. We joked about my FIL 'robbing the cradle' when he was 70 and dating a 50yo
Author ironpony Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 6 hours ago, basil67 said: No. It simply refers to dating someone who is comparatively a baby. We joked about my FIL 'robbing the cradle' when he was 70 and dating a 50yo Oh okay. But Ami1uwant said robbing the cradle like it was a bad thing though. So if it doesn't refer to taking advantage of someone's naivety in anyway, then how is it bad then?
basil67 Posted January 15, 2022 Posted January 15, 2022 43 minutes ago, ironpony said: Oh okay. But Ami1uwant said robbing the cradle like it was a bad thing though. So if it doesn't refer to taking advantage of someone's naivety in anyway, then how is it bad then? You asked for an explanation of the phrase, so I gave a general explanation. However, if it sounds like a criticism, then it probably was a criticism. I can't tell you exactly what was in the mind of @Ami1uwant when they wrote that, but taking advantage of vulnerability could well be part of it. For instance, an older woman would likely not tolerate you telling her what to do in response to the various scenarios you've written about here.
Author ironpony Posted January 15, 2022 Author Posted January 15, 2022 Oh okay, thanks for your input. It's just that Am1uwant said that it's not okay, because it's robbing the cradle, so I assume that means he/she is thinking it's not okay, and therefore a criticism. As for an older woman being less tolerant of me, I would have think about that more before I could develop any response to it.
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