Strange feeling about my new date

[Free Butterfly]

I googled, read ... etc. Still don´t know what to think.

Since my last relationship was abusive, I clearly don´t know how to identify red flags but have become more aware of them. I started ´dating´ this guy from a dating app. Honestly, I do not like them, but still decided to give it a try.

So, we´ve known each other for a month and met a couple of times. Last time we saw each other we had a ´sleepover´. I wasn´t ready to be physical and I told him that I am afraid to move too quickly. He said that his philosophy is ´if it feels good, then why not.´ He didn´t stop and almost pressured me in to it. This was last weekend. Now I can see that he changed his communication. We only communicate by texts. He only talks about himself, doesn´t ask about my day, etc ... and sometimes only replies with emojis. No offence, but I am a bit too old to communicate in symbols. So I just don´t reply when he responds this way.

Secondly, I believe it is normal to ask about past relationships (not into details, but at least how long ago it ended). I asked him that and he was very reluctant to answer. His face basically froze when I asked this question. Then he said that he started dating a girl during the pandemic and that it ended 5-6 months ago. He said that ´things got weird´. I have no idea what he meant by that. He is also not open about what he expects, what is he looking for, etc. I asked him that when we met, but he literally froze as well. I have made it clear that I am not a ONS or FWB type of a person.

Also, while I was there and we were talking he turned around his phone in a way I wouldn´t see what he did. But I did. I also noticed that later he put it on do not disturb. I could understand that as a sign of respect, however I have strong doubts about that.

I am completely lost here and it frustrates me because I know that if I ask him he will most probably freeze again.

Any thoughts?

[Maldives]

Maybe just slow down a bit and just get to know him a little more your questions could appear to him to be a Lil intrusive so early on 

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Free Butterfly said:

 Last time we saw each other we had a ´sleepover´.

Don't let a guy "sleepover" unless you are ready to have sex with him.

[Gaeta]

Do not lay in a bed with a man unless you are ready to have sex. 

if it feels good, then why not:  Said every player trying to convince someone to have sex with them.

You met 1 month ago and only met twice so I get you had sex on your 2nd meeting, communication is minimal, he's not trying to connect with you, this guy is not looking for anything serious with you. 

Online is full of those guys. You need to date smart, meet them often out of your home, don't take half-hearted attitude toward you, etc. 

 

[Estes]

2 hours ago, Free Butterfly said:

Also, while I was there and we were talking he turned around his phone in a way I wouldn´t see what he did. But I did. I also noticed that later he put it on do not disturb. I could understand that as a sign of respect

I admire your optimism.

[glows]

3 hours ago, Free Butterfly said:

I googled, read ... etc. Still don´t know what to think.

Since my last relationship was abusive, I clearly don´t know how to identify red flags but have become more aware of them. I started ´dating´ this guy from a dating app. Honestly, I do not like them, but still decided to give it a try.

So, we´ve known each other for a month and met a couple of times. Last time we saw each other we had a ´sleepover´. I wasn´t ready to be physical and I told him that I am afraid to move too quickly. He said that his philosophy is ´if it feels good, then why not.´ He didn´t stop and almost pressured me in to it. This was last weekend. Now I can see that he changed his communication. We only communicate by texts. He only talks about himself, doesn´t ask about my day, etc ... and sometimes only replies with emojis. No offence, but I am a bit too old to communicate in symbols. So I just don´t reply when he responds this way.

Secondly, I believe it is normal to ask about past relationships (not into details, but at least how long ago it ended). I asked him that and he was very reluctant to answer. His face basically froze when I asked this question. Then he said that he started dating a girl during the pandemic and that it ended 5-6 months ago. He said that ´things got weird´. I have no idea what he meant by that. He is also not open about what he expects, what is he looking for, etc. I asked him that when we met, but he literally froze as well. I have made it clear that I am not a ONS or FWB type of a person.

Also, while I was there and we were talking he turned around his phone in a way I wouldn´t see what he did. But I did. I also noticed that later he put it on do not disturb. I could understand that as a sign of respect, however I have strong doubts about that.

I am completely lost here and it frustrates me because I know that if I ask him he will most probably freeze again.

Any thoughts?

OP, go back to the basics. You've only met twice in one month and half of that was a sleepover.

Is he asking you out on dates consistently or showing interest in your life? If the answer is no, he is not interested in knowing you. 

Do not ask personal questions about past relationships when you can see someone isn't interested. It's inappropriate and you're more likely to create more unease than get any closer. 

[babybrowns]

Been there and it’s so obvious that this guy is just after sex from you. Well done for declining the offer when you stayed round- he’ll soon realise that the one thing he wants from you he’s not getting and he’ll soon make an excuse to “end it” which’ll be the absolute proof it was all he was in it for.

[smackie9]

Red flag on your behavior and his. I agree sleepovers are for kids. You invite a man to spend the night, sex is on the table. Him he almost didn't take no for an answer...boot him to the curb.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Free Butterfly said:

e´ve known each other for a month and met a couple of times. Last time we saw each other we had a ´sleepover´. I wasn´t ready to be physical and I told him that I am afraid to move too quickly. He said that his philosophy is ´if it feels good, then why not.´ He didn´t stop and almost pressured me in to it.

Sorry this is happening. Clearly he was just looking for hookups.

There is no point in sexless sleep overs. It's a mixed message. If you want in-house dates this early on, eat watch a movie and go home.

Sexless sleepovers are much more of a red flag than emojis. Retune your radar for red flags.

It doesn't matter what happened in his past or "what he's looking for". Every guy in town can say "relationship" but it's how you conduct yourself that determines whether it will be hookups, FWB or exclusive dating. 

Obviously get up and leave immediately if someone is "pressuring you" into sex. This is why you should avoid sleepovers.

[ShyViolet]

If you aren't ready to be physical, then you shouldn't be having "sleepovers."

With that said, this guy sounds like a creep.  A lot of red flags here.  I wouldn't continue seeing him if I were you.

[Dis]

I agree with the above advice

 

@Gaetais right. The guy needs to take you out, make a concerted effort over time and build trust before he gets the invite to come back to your place. If you abide by that policy you'll weed out the guys who just want sex

 

His secretive behavior would set off my alarm bells for me too and the fact that he clams up when you ask him run of the mill 'what are you looking for' questions means he's either taken or up to something fishy which would require him to lie if he answered. 

 

I'd definitely toss this one back asap 

 

So sorry  Sending ((((hugs)))

[Free Butterfly]

You are all right. I just want to correct myself, it was 3rd date last time. I knew I should trust my gut feeling. I am not even disappointed because this meant nothing. Another lesson learned though.