Got matched to a friend of a friend

[Gaeta]

5 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

He must have been aware of your age if you belong to the same group of friends?

Basically, you already told him you do not like his age (or rather, that you're uncomfortable with it), and then you said to your mutual friend that he was out of your league, which perhaps has already circled back to him.

It's your right to not want to date someone younger, but what he might have perceived this as was that you were uncertain of yourself.

 

He did not know my age. I don't go out with Rob and his friends. We've been friends for quite a few years but we don't mix. 

Rob has not heard from this guy since he put us in contact. Actually Rob was surprised l got a Happy New Year message and he didn't. 

[flitzanu]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

When my friend says he's a good man I beleive my friend considers him a good man. But what makes a good man/friend is not necessarely the same as what makes a man a good boyfriend/partner. It is not the first time family or friends are playing match makers with me and often what they consider a good man/friend is not good boyfriend material. 

fair point.  a person may be great, just not great at dating.  at least you're aware

[Alpacalia]

44 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He did not know my age. I don't go out with Rob and his friends. We've been friends for quite a few years but we don't mix. 

Rob has not heard from this guy since he put us in contact. Actually Rob was surprised l got a Happy New Year message and he didn't. 

I see. Thank you.

It was just a thought that struck me.

But what is up with that "humble servant" comment he made.

Like how does one respond to that? 

"oh ye dear sir I shall meet you at the shanty at 12 noon for tea" 

Edited January 11, 2022 by Alpaca

[divegrl]

He said he would call you everyday…and then never called. That would be a flag for me. 
 

Other than that, I used to love dating younger guys… it was so fun and the chemistry was amazing. It did make me feel self conscious though. 
 

Back to dating guys my age, and for me it’s better. We are just at the same stages so understand each other more. 
 

But go for it! It will be fun!

[Gaeta]

11 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

"oh ye dear sir I shall meet you at the shanty at 12 noon for tea" 

Hahaha aaww!! Thanks for the laugh!

[Gaeta]

3 hours ago, Uruktopi said:

 the Single Friend International Day and organize some kind of  indoor / home event (if lock down there allows  it)?

Love that idea

But no, we are not allowed to visitors during the lock down, we have a curfew as well. It's the perfect time to take a break from dating.

Edited January 11, 2022 by Gaeta

[Dis]

Okay so I realllllyyyyy don't like that he went in hard about the, "I'll call you every day" yada yada

 

And then? Doesn't keep in touch for quite a few days. THAT is a big red flag. In the very beginning when both parties are supposed to put their best foot forward, when best first impressions are being made and the guy doesn't follow through with something he says he's going to do, something simple like a phone call and doesn't even follow up to explain? That's a problem. 

 

For me it's a big turn off and sets off alarm bell for sure. It's an indicator of a flake or maybe that you're on a back burner and he has plenty of other options

 

And why did he even say that? That he'd call every day. That's a little much considering you guys haven't meet yet. I've learned when guys lay it on thick like that, it's all talk and they fade out. Works like that almost every time. Can't be debunked. Slow and steady wins the race most of the time so when guys come in hot and heavy it's just not sustainable and poof...the whole thing is gone. 

 

But, I do think you should meet him. I know I've learned my lessons with dating but I think the most important thing I've learned while developing all this red flag awareness is, don't play by rules. Just flow and try it out. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. At least you tried. 

Edited January 11, 2022 by Dis

[Gaeta]

So I decided to give him a call back at 21h and he didn't pick up. I waited 30 mins and went to bed. When I woke up this morning he had tried to call and left a message saying he would like to see me tomorrow, he has something to give me as a peace offering to symbolize his apology. 

 

Edited January 11, 2022 by Gaeta

[Wiseman2]

53 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

he would like to see me tomorrow

Ok, just get it over with and meet him, so you can tell your friend, who's trying to assist you in finding someone, that at least you made an effort. Even though it's lockdown and people are bored, it's unwise to carry on when you've never met.

[Alpacalia]

Agree.

Try not to get stuck in trying to decipher what this, or that means before not having even gone on a date that may or may not even work out.

[poppyfields]

Gaeta, taking into account everything this guy has said (borderline lovebombing  about your hair, etc) and done (and NOT done after saying he would), I get the very strong sense he's playing you. 

Who is this "friend" who set you up?  Have you confirmed with him the guy's pics were legit?

Something sounds very very off about this...it's either nothing at all from him for days and days or too over the top. One extreme to the other.  And now he has a gift to make it up to you?  

Don't be taken in by the faux occasional flattery.  It sounds disingenuous to me after considering everything else.

If me, I wouldn't bother meeting him, not my cup of tea even if he IS legit, which again I have the strong sense he may not be.

But good luck whatever you decide to do. 

Edited January 11, 2022 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

and left a message saying he would like to see me tomorrow...

 

I don't think the guy is dangerous or will hurt you, but I also don't see this as anything long term.  He sounds a bit "quirky" and you have previously stated you didn't want a "project" guy.

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

 ...he has something to give me as a peace offering to symbolize his apology.

Again, more quirkiness... First you don't buy an apology or peace offering gift for someone you've never met.  And you certainly don't announce it in advance.   

[Gaeta]

The whole thing just turn me off. 

I can't get any input from my friend either. His favorite sentence is : don't talk to me talk to him. 

[Happy Lemming]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The whole thing just turn me off.

I think that is your "gut feeling" telling you something isn't right.

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I can't get any input from my friend either. His favorite sentence is : don't talk to me talk to him. 

Your friend (Rob) is trying to stay neutral.  He did the introduction, but doesn't want to take sides.  I imagine he wants to maintain a friendship with both of you, should this not work out.

Do you think this guy pressured "Rob" to make this introduction?? Where this guy was asking "Rob" to fix him up with someone, as he was having difficulty meeting people on his own??  Or do you think "Rob" just came up with this idea on his own??

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The whole thing just turn me off. 

I can't get any input from my friend either. His favorite sentence is : don't talk to me talk to him. 

As it should imo.  As I said, something sounds seriously off.  Even your friend's response sounds off to me.

You've got so much going for you G, plenty more fish in the sea to bother with this one.

 

 

 

[Alpacalia]

33 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The whole thing just turn me off. 

I can't get any input from my friend either. His favorite sentence is : don't talk to me talk to him. 

Then stop talking to him.

[Gaeta]

31 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Do you think this guy pressured "Rob" to make this introduction?? Where this guy was asking "Rob" to fix him up with someone, as he was having difficulty meeting people on his own??  Or do you think "Rob" just came up with this idea on his own??

Rob was telling his friend about women he knows as friends or just acquaintances. His friend said gee why can't I meet quality women like you do...can't you put me in touch with one of your lady friends that is single. 

[Gaeta]

19 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Then stop talking to him.

No, I will not ignore him. I can't do that to Rob's childhood friend. I will meet him or I will send him a message to politely decline his invitation. 

[Happy Lemming]

12 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

...can't you put me in touch with one of your lady friends that is single. 

OK... yes, that is what I kind of thought.  This guy either has no game/skillz or is unwilling to put in the effort (himself) to attempt to date.

In my youth, I had friends try to set me up, but I always declined. 

Let me ask you a hypothetical question... Let's say "Rob" throws a party (at his place) 20-25 people, you meet this guy at that party and he started being "quirky/over the top", would you still accept a date from him??

[dramafreezone]

21 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Not experiencing the dopamine rush. His good looks and age make me insecure and it's not a feeling I'm used to. If he were my age I'd probably give him a pass because of the holidays. The fear of being taken for a fool, again, keeps me guarded. 

I have to say this is the first time I've seen you behave like you're infatuated.  It's a bit weird.

If you feel insecure then that means you really like the person.  I'd say try to make this happen given the effect that this guy has on you, this doesn't come along every day.  If nothing comes of it, your ego may take a hit but you won't harbor any regrets.

What's wrong with being taken for a fool?  That's the risk for finding something special.  If you're not willing to look foolish (which is a figment of our imagination, foolish to whom?) then the odds are against finding something life changing.  Feelings heal over time.

Edited January 11, 2022 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

3 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I have to say this is the first time I've seen you behave like you're infatuated.  It's a bit weird.

You must not have read her thread about Romeo...

With HIM, she did feel the 'dopamine rush' and then some!  

She does not feel it with this guy and combined with his ambiguous and questionable behavior, it's a next. 

Insecurity and that "off" feeling isn't always infatuation.  It's often our gut screaming that something is just not right with the situation and the person. 

 

 

Edited January 11, 2022 by poppyfields

[glows]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

So I decided to give him a call back at 21h and he didn't pick up. I waited 30 mins and went to bed. When I woke up this morning he had tried to call and left a message saying he would like to see me tomorrow, he has something to give me as a peace offering to symbolize his apology. 

 

This is quite ridiculous, Gaeta. He lacks communication to the nth level. I'm starting to think he's got a cognitive block of some kind or was ingrained to believe that he has to send peace offerings or supplicate as a humble servant the moment he feels he messes up with a woman. 

After you sent the message, he might have sent a straightforward, "I'm sorry I missed your call and it would be great to meet tomorrow. I'm free at 2 pm and after. Would you like to meet at x?" 

 

Edited January 11, 2022 by glows

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

You must not have read her thread about Romeo. 

 

I was gonna mention that lol.

I am not infatuated with this current man. I was infatuated with Romeo and fully aware of it. 

[Gaeta]

27 minutes ago, glows said:

He lacks communication to the nth level. I'm starting to think he's got a cognitive block of some kind or was ingrained to believe that he has to send peace offerings or supplicate as a humble servant the moment he feels he messes up with a woman. 

As @ClearEyes-FullHeart mentionned he may be well read, maybe quirky, or maybe he enjoys words. I don't take what he says litteraly. If he'd call me the Venus of his Sunset (remember that one) then I'd be gone. 

[Gaeta]

I've reached a decision. 

My friend Rob is always hitting me on the head for not trying to meet men off dating sites so I will trust he knows something good about this guy that I don't know yet. 

I wrote this man a message that I am available to meet him tomorrow.